Forums > Social Discussion > My mum and cancer
Login/Join to ParticipateBRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
Hello everyone...
Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.
I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.
So then...
Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.
They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.
She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.
We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.
The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.
Our family is coping well, considering, so far.
(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).
At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.
My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).
Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that...
Anyways... I have posted this for a reason
The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.
She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway )
But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?
I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.
Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!
Does anyone here have any helpful hints?
Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.
Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx
Hello everyone...
Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.
I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.
So then...
Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.
They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.
She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.
We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.
The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.
Our family is coping well, considering, so far.
(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).
At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.
My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).
Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that...
Anyways... I have posted this for a reason
The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.
She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway
)But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?
I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.
Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!
Does anyone here have any helpful hints?
Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.
Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx
Getting to the other side 
Pooh-Bah
2,419 posts
Location: la-la land
2,419 posts
Location: la-la land
Posted:
if you want to come Clare, then do.. I don't know your reasons for not being able to come, nor do I want to but if they are to do with other people, then throw caution to the wind and just do what *you* want to do..
you are an incredabley strong lady and I'd love to meet you..
just ignore everyone and follow your heart.
if you want to come Clare, then do.. I don't know your reasons for not being able to come, nor do I want to but if they are to do with other people, then throw caution to the wind and just do what *you* want to do..
you are an incredabley strong lady and I'd love to meet you..
just ignore everyone and follow your heart.
I honour you as an aspect of myself..
You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
I have no intention of posting my reasons.
But they are justified and I'm really not as strong as you all think... I can't be put through anymore painful experiences right now... I think i'd probably collapse in a heap - and that's not fun for anyone.
but thanks xx
I have no intention of posting my reasons.
But they are justified and I'm really not as strong as you all think... I can't be put through anymore painful experiences right now... I think i'd probably collapse in a heap - and that's not fun for anyone.
but thanks xx
Getting to the other side
BRONZE Member
Classically British
5,689 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England
Classically British
5,689 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England
Posted:
I know the reasons, but I still think you should come (as you know )
But it's your choice, and you know what's best for you...
I know the reasons, but I still think you should come (as you know
)But it's your choice, and you know what's best for you...
Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude
SILVER Member
lapsed spinner
412 posts
Location: Dublin, Ireland
lapsed spinner
412 posts
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Posted:
Sorry we had to head off so early the other day, hope to see you soon. Call if you ever need to
Sorry we had to head off so early the other day, hope to see you soon. Call if you ever need to
Helen_of_Poi
EJC Ireland 2006 Organisational Team
Pooh-Bah
2,419 posts
Location: la-la land
2,419 posts
Location: la-la land
Posted:
re the not as strong as you think comment... I think you don't give yourself enough credit hunny but one thing at a time.. baby steps.
and the collapsing in a heap..? we all do this from time to time - I'm just picking myself up from stuff that happened to me during the first few months of the year and from what I've read there are plenty of people willing to catch you, soften your fall with you and roll around in the mud with you untill you smile again..
anyway - I shall butt out now as it's not really my position to try to influence you. As I said before 'follow your heart'
re the not as strong as you think comment... I think you don't give yourself enough credit hunny
but one thing at a time.. baby steps. and the collapsing in a heap..? we all do this from time to time - I'm just picking myself up from stuff that happened to me during the first few months of the year and from what I've read there are plenty of people willing to catch you, soften your fall with you and roll around in the mud with you untill you smile again..
anyway - I shall butt out now as it's not really my position to try to influence you. As I said before 'follow your heart'
I honour you as an aspect of myself..
You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
Durbs... I know you do... and thanks. But don't underestimate how massively fcked up I am right now...
Helen... I'm sorry I didn't make it back to the house in time to see you off.
It was really wonderful that you and Martin made the trip up to support us... and thank you for that.
It helped so much to see all my friends there at the church, and the crematorium. Don't know what I would have done without youse!
xx
Durbs... I know you do... and thanks. But don't underestimate how massively fcked up I am right now...
Helen... I'm sorry I didn't make it back to the house in time to see you off.
It was really wonderful that you and Martin made the trip up to support us... and thank you for that.
It helped so much to see all my friends there at the church, and the crematorium. Don't know what I would have done without youse!
xx
Getting to the other side
SILVER Member
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
Posted:
I think you're doing ok Clare, even though you say you're really fcked up, you've just been through one of the biggest hardships that life could possibly throw your way.
I can relate to the numbness, and the random bouts of feeling angry or frustrated about things... not from bereavement in my case, but a form of post-traumatic stress disorder I went through. The numbness in particular... I used to have days where I just felt almost like I wasn't really there, I couldn't react or relate to anything at all... no joy, no excitement or curiosity, no interest in the world, even sadness became a kind of neutral state of being.
What everyone says is right though, eventually you will slowly start to get back to your normal self... even that feels a bit uncomfortable at first, because sometimes it just feels like what has happened is so big, so profound, that it should not be forgotten and things should not be able to just go back to normal...
In a way, things will never be quite the same again, but one day you'll find yourself smiling, or laughing, or feelings flooding back that you haven't felt for a long time... you'll grow in new ways and find new ways to be happy.
I think you're doing ok Clare, even though you say you're really fcked up, you've just been through one of the biggest hardships that life could possibly throw your way.
I can relate to the numbness, and the random bouts of feeling angry or frustrated about things... not from bereavement in my case, but a form of post-traumatic stress disorder I went through. The numbness in particular... I used to have days where I just felt almost like I wasn't really there, I couldn't react or relate to anything at all... no joy, no excitement or curiosity, no interest in the world, even sadness became a kind of neutral state of being.
What everyone says is right though, eventually you will slowly start to get back to your normal self... even that feels a bit uncomfortable at first, because sometimes it just feels like what has happened is so big, so profound, that it should not be forgotten and things should not be able to just go back to normal...
In a way, things will never be quite the same again, but one day you'll find yourself smiling, or laughing, or feelings flooding back that you haven't felt for a long time... you'll grow in new ways and find new ways to be happy.
Idolized by Aurinoko
Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....
Bob Dylan
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
Nodding my translucent head.
Thanks
Written by: The Tea Fairy
even that feels a bit uncomfortable at first, because sometimes it just feels like what has happened is so big, so profound, that it should not be forgotten and things should not be able to just go back to normal...
Nodding my translucent head.
Thanks
Getting to the other side
SILVER Member
Star Trekker
1,733 posts
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom
Star Trekker
1,733 posts
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom
Posted:
Clare, been following the thread , not posting but sending thoughts to you anyway
Don't come - it's too soon, you'll be too worried about other people worrying about you and you need all your reserves (energy and emotions) just to keep going. you're in a dark cave and that's the right place to be - the entrance is open, you know there's light and love and friendship and support there when you want or need it - the dark is not lonely it's comforting and soothing and allows you to rail and hit rock bottom without hurting yourself or others.
Sorry if I'm being controversial and absolutely no criticism of all your wondeful friends who only want the best for you but I've been through similar and know you'll soon be ready to move to the next step - just not yet.
Written by: _Clare_
I have no intention of posting my reasons.
But they are justified and I'm really not as strong as you all think... I can't be put through anymore painful experiences right now... I think i'd probably collapse in a heap - and that's not fun for anyone.
but thanks xx
Clare, been following the thread , not posting but sending thoughts to you anyway
Don't come - it's too soon, you'll be too worried about other people worrying about you and you need all your reserves (energy and emotions) just to keep going. you're in a dark cave and that's the right place to be - the entrance is open, you know there's light and love and friendship and support there when you want or need it - the dark is not lonely it's comforting and soothing and allows you to rail and hit rock bottom without hurting yourself or others.
Sorry if I'm being controversial and absolutely no criticism of all your wondeful friends who only want the best for you but I've been through similar and know you'll soon be ready to move to the next step - just not yet.
'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus
BRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
Posted:
*makes glowing trail through the dark places in the cave for Clare to follow out when ready*
*makes big bonfire in the clearing out front and sits down waiting for the circle to form*
*sends lots of strength and love into the cave so she doesn't feel alone*
whenever you're ready lovely lady...
I know you're stronger than you say you think you aren't - touch your nose.
*makes glowing trail through the dark places in the cave for Clare to follow out when ready*
*makes big bonfire in the clearing out front and sits down waiting for the circle to form*
*sends lots of strength and love into the cave so she doesn't feel alone*
whenever you're ready lovely lady...
I know you're stronger than you say you think you aren't - touch your nose.
Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread
I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it. 
GOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
Posted:
Definitely agree with Wild child (). Would love to see you again but she's right in you needing your space... 
If you are still thinking of having a meet in Ireland (understandable if you don't) when you thinking of doing it?
Clare :
Definitely agree with Wild child (
). Would love to see you again but she's right in you needing your space... If you are still thinking of having a meet in Ireland (understandable if you don't) when you thinking of doing it?
Clare :
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
PLATINUM Member
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
3,286 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
3,286 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posted:
My deepest condolences, Clare.
My deepest condolences, Clare.
ॐ
Owner of burningoftheclavey
Owned by Lost83spy
GOLD Member
member
165 posts
Location: Australia
member
165 posts
Location: Australia
Posted:
Hugs from a stranger... hope tomorrow is better then today... everyday.
Hugs from a stranger... hope tomorrow is better then today... everyday.
... simplify ...
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
Hey there m'lovelies...
Sorry I haven't been around much... just haven't felt like posting, or dealing with anything, really.
I'm not sad, exactly... (perhaps I dealt with all the sadness in April and May?) but just numb. A bit hollow...
So, then.
Just to complete this thread...
In the days after Mum's death, Dad, my brother and I spent alot of time making arrangements and dealing with the hundreds of calls and visitors.
Dad and Colin did most of the visitor thing - I wasn't really in the mood to be telling the story over and over again.
Dad kept himself very busy 'doing stuff'.
The funeral was on Tuesday 10th July.
It was a very religious, Presbyterian service (mum finally got to preach to us from beyond the grave!! ). She would have liked it... and there were many, many people there.
We had tea and buns before heading up to the crematorium.
I was blessed to have lots of my friends come to be with me. It was such a relief to have them there. Some travelled up from Dublin, and England and Germany!
After the crematorium the family went back to my parents house for more tea (I have actually started drinking tea for the first time!!). After that, I left Dad and my brother to go back to my house where all my friends were waiting.
We ate food and played giant frisbee at the back of my house til late. Twas good.
After the funeral some friends stayed for a bit... and Andy Haus is still here (thankfully )
We did a little fireburn for Maddi on Thursday night...
Mum hasn't really visited me again (although I thought I felt her with us on the beach on Monday night)... but I do feel that she is looking after and protecting Maddi.
We buried Mum's ashes under a tree in the local cemetary on Saturday morning. We all left some flowers... but Dad will be back up regularly to bring his gardening know-how to the base of the tree.
Mum is always in my mind, but I try not to think about the fact that she's actually gone... cos that comes by itself every now and again. You wouldn't believe the huge amount of references to death, cancer and mums that go on in everyday life!
I'm sad (of course) when I think about her... and when it comes to the 'death' part, it changes to panic, so I start thinking about something else instead. It's ok, for now.
Ronan came up to visit us on Monday (visited the beach on Monday night), and we took a trip to the Giant's Causeway yesterday to see one of the most beautiful sunsets ever. Twas a nice day.
And so now I am back in work... trying to get money to pay rent... trying to figure out my many, many different thoughts about Play and trying to rebuild my business.
I don't have any real feelings for anything as such.
Every day I seem to be reminded that we must all deal with life's adventures alone.
The process of removing my reliance/expectation/hope/dependence on anyone but myself continues... it's rather bitter... but I'm sure some good will come of it in the end.
Andy has been very good, amazing actually, helping me clean my parent's house... cook good food for me... and has dealt really well with the one emotion that has manifested most often - anger.
Sometimes I get feelings of intense anger... I want to hurt things... physically. I don't, of course, and won't... but I'm just trying to find a way to get the anger and pain out of me. It's very frustrating.
So... I'm just going to keep bimbling along... and hopefully, one day, things will be ok again.
I am constantly worried about Dad... wondering how he will cope in the coming days, weeks and months. I can only do so much, call round so often. He needs to deal with it himself... and I hope he'll be ok.
So then... one day I'll put together a wee list of things I've learned from the last year about dealing with death, and particularly, cancer and the death of your mum. Might be helpful?
In the meantime... massive amounts of love and hugs to those who have radiated warmth and feeling towards me and my family.
Looking back over the lovely things people have said in recent weeks will keep me going for months... and I thank you very much for it.
With respect
Clare xx
Btw, Play festival is something that has been in my mind lots.
I agree very much with the cave image Wild Child suggested (although Andy thinks it's more like the well from The Ring
)
Pros:
Seeing everyone again
Lots of cool workshops
Being 'at Play'
Seeing everyone again
Spinning in a field for 5 days
Cons:
Having to get MUCH stuff organised and sorted in just a few days
(and what that will mean missing out on, ie. time with Dad, learning to cook etc)
Missing more time at work (hard to pay rent)
Being in massive amounts of company when all I might want is silence (because it's not possible to avoid people at these things )
Being relatively angry in company that doesn't need to deal with it.
Feeling guilty for enjoying myself so soon after (inevitable)
Hmmm.
EDITED_BY: _Clare_ (1184785000)
Hey there m'lovelies...
Sorry I haven't been around much... just haven't felt like posting, or dealing with anything, really.
I'm not sad, exactly... (perhaps I dealt with all the sadness in April and May?) but just numb. A bit hollow...
So, then.
Just to complete this thread...
In the days after Mum's death, Dad, my brother and I spent alot of time making arrangements and dealing with the hundreds of calls and visitors.
Dad and Colin did most of the visitor thing - I wasn't really in the mood to be telling the story over and over again.
Dad kept himself very busy 'doing stuff'.
The funeral was on Tuesday 10th July.
It was a very religious, Presbyterian service (mum finally got to preach to us from beyond the grave!!
). She would have liked it... and there were many, many people there.We had tea and buns before heading up to the crematorium.
I was blessed to have lots of my friends come to be with me. It was such a relief to have them there. Some travelled up from Dublin, and England and Germany!
After the crematorium the family went back to my parents house for more tea (I have actually started drinking tea for the first time!!). After that, I left Dad and my brother to go back to my house where all my friends were waiting.
We ate food and played giant frisbee at the back of my house til late. Twas good.
After the funeral some friends stayed for a bit... and Andy Haus is still here (thankfully
)We did a little fireburn for Maddi on Thursday night...
Mum hasn't really visited me again (although I thought I felt her with us on the beach on Monday night)... but I do feel that she is looking after and protecting Maddi.
We buried Mum's ashes under a tree in the local cemetary on Saturday morning. We all left some flowers... but Dad will be back up regularly to bring his gardening know-how to the base of the tree.
Mum is always in my mind, but I try not to think about the fact that she's actually gone... cos that comes by itself every now and again. You wouldn't believe the huge amount of references to death, cancer and mums that go on in everyday life!
I'm sad (of course) when I think about her... and when it comes to the 'death' part, it changes to panic, so I start thinking about something else instead. It's ok, for now.
Ronan came up to visit us on Monday (visited the beach on Monday night), and we took a trip to the Giant's Causeway yesterday to see one of the most beautiful sunsets ever. Twas a nice day.
And so now I am back in work... trying to get money to pay rent... trying to figure out my many, many different thoughts about Play and trying to rebuild my business.
I don't have any real feelings for anything as such.
Every day I seem to be reminded that we must all deal with life's adventures alone.
The process of removing my reliance/expectation/hope/dependence on anyone but myself continues... it's rather bitter... but I'm sure some good will come of it in the end.
Andy has been very good, amazing actually, helping me clean my parent's house... cook good food for me... and has dealt really well with the one emotion that has manifested most often - anger.
Sometimes I get feelings of intense anger... I want to hurt things... physically. I don't, of course, and won't... but I'm just trying to find a way to get the anger and pain out of me. It's very frustrating.
So... I'm just going to keep bimbling along... and hopefully, one day, things will be ok again.
I am constantly worried about Dad... wondering how he will cope in the coming days, weeks and months. I can only do so much, call round so often. He needs to deal with it himself... and I hope he'll be ok.
So then... one day I'll put together a wee list of things I've learned from the last year about dealing with death, and particularly, cancer and the death of your mum. Might be helpful?
In the meantime... massive amounts of love and hugs to those who have radiated warmth and feeling towards me and my family.
Looking back over the lovely things people have said in recent weeks will keep me going for months... and I thank you very much for it.
With respect
Clare xx
Btw, Play festival is something that has been in my mind lots.
I agree very much with the cave image Wild Child suggested (although Andy thinks it's more like the well from The Ring
)Pros:
Seeing everyone again
Lots of cool workshops
Being 'at Play'
Seeing everyone again
Spinning in a field for 5 days
Cons:
Having to get MUCH stuff organised and sorted in just a few days
(and what that will mean missing out on, ie. time with Dad, learning to cook etc)
Missing more time at work (hard to pay rent)
Being in massive amounts of company when all I might want is silence (because it's not possible to avoid people at these things
)Being relatively angry in company that doesn't need to deal with it.
Feeling guilty for enjoying myself so soon after (inevitable)
Hmmm.
EDITED_BY: _Clare_ (1184785000)
Getting to the other side
GOLD Member
Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
197 posts
Location: The sea, United Kingdom
Rock is dead, long live paper and scissors
197 posts
Location: The sea, United Kingdom
Posted:
Massive for clare
Massive
for clare Eagles may soar but weasles don't get sucked into jet engines.
Telepath wanted, you know where to apply.
GOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales
Posted:
Anger is something I went through too It's kind of hard at the time to realise it's ok to be angry. I now look back on that anger and laugh at how I ended up expressing it.
My dad hated piercings, so because I was so mad at him for dying I went and got my ears pierced
How silly can you get, but the anger at the time made me do it.
The anger will pass hun, and until it does, don't worry too much about it. Just remember not to do anything too rash in the name of anger. Just do something silly like I did.
Much love still coming your way from Jon and I
Anger is something I went through too
It's kind of hard at the time to realise it's ok to be angry. I now look back on that anger and laugh at how I ended up expressing it. My dad hated piercings, so because I was so mad at him for dying I went and got my ears pierced
How silly can you get, but the anger at the time made me do it.The anger will pass hun,
and until it does, don't worry too much about it. Just remember not to do anything too rash in the name of anger. Just do something silly like I did. Much love still coming your way from Jon and I
Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!
BRONZE Member
Classically British
5,689 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England
Classically British
5,689 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England
Posted:
Right, let's get these out the way
~Having to get MUCH stuff organised and sorted in just a few days
Tent? Check. Toys? Check. Routine (You're still on the billing ). Check...ish. Meh, blag it
~Missing more time at work (hard to pay rent)
Work sucks, Play doesn't.
Being in massive amounts of company when all I might want is silence (because it's not possible to avoid people at these things )
~ Yes it is, it's the countryside. Or just don't wash, people will avoid you after a few days...
~Being relatively angry in company that doesn't need to deal with it.
Anger isn't actually allowed at Play. Repeat offenders will be evicted
~ Feeling guilty for enjoying myself so soon after
Why should you feel guilty? You've got to start enjoying yourself sooner or later. Surely sooner is better...
Right, let's get these out the way
~Having to get MUCH stuff organised and sorted in just a few days
Tent? Check. Toys? Check. Routine (You're still on the billing
). Check...ish. Meh, blag it ~Missing more time at work (hard to pay rent)
Work sucks, Play doesn't.
Being in massive amounts of company when all I might want is silence (because it's not possible to avoid people at these things )
~ Yes it is, it's the countryside. Or just don't wash, people will avoid you after a few days...
~Being relatively angry in company that doesn't need to deal with it.
Anger isn't actually allowed at Play. Repeat offenders will be evicted
~ Feeling guilty for enjoying myself so soon after
Why should you feel guilty? You've got to start enjoying yourself sooner or later. Surely sooner is better...
Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude
BRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
Posted:
what Durbs said!!
No guilt Clare.
Life is too short to spend any time thinking you need to be sad and being guilty because you're having fun. Surely the best way to honour your mum is to have as full and as happy a life as you can?? Would she have wanted you to feel sad for ever/at all? Didn't she tell you something like that? You don't have to "stop" to remember your Mum - as you say, she is always there. And what's the bet - the more you have fun, the more you will remember the good times with her. What better way to remember her?
(always sending you )
what Durbs said!! No guilt Clare.
Life is too short to spend any time thinking you need to be sad and being guilty because you're having fun. Surely the best way to honour your mum is to have as full and as happy a life as you can?? Would she have wanted you to feel sad for ever/at all? Didn't she tell you something like that? You don't have to "stop" to remember your Mum - as you say, she is always there. And what's the bet - the more you have fun, the more you will remember the good times with her. What better way to remember her? (always sending you ) Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread
I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
Hmmm..
Skully... we're going to come up with some kindof way to get rid of the anger... I know it's there... just don't know how to do it. Breaking stuff will only result in stuff being broken... doesn't really fix anything. Might try screaming.
Durbs... evict me? Really? 
You know very well how much stuff would need arranging... And until you actually get me some work, mister, I have to keep doing crap jobs to pay rent
George Yep, I know... thanks x
Hmmm..
Skully... we're going to come up with some kindof way to get rid of the anger... I know it's there... just don't know how to do it. Breaking stuff will only result in stuff being broken... doesn't really fix anything. Might try screaming.
Durbs
... evict me? Really? You know very well how much stuff would need arranging... And until you actually get me some work, mister, I have to keep doing crap jobs to pay rent
George
Yep, I know... thanks x Getting to the other side
BRONZE Member
Classically British
5,689 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England
Classically British
5,689 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England
Posted:
"You know very well how much stuff would need arranging"
Not if we can convince you into the Toast way of performing
"You know very well how much stuff would need arranging"
Not if we can convince you into the Toast way of performing
Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude
BRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Posted:
What, like, running around on meadows and flirting with cows?
Find out what's best for you, Clare. If it is more stress to hang around people and pretend to be happier than you are, even if you know you don't have put up the smiley face for your friends, and if it's more stress to come back to debts and other things that need sorting out, look after that first. PLAY will be back next year (along with many other festivals). We'd all love to see you there, but if you think it's not the right time for you, then I'm with wild child.
It's your life, and you come first in it, so do what you feel is right - only one thing, if you WANT to enjoy yourself, there's no need whatsoever to feel guilty about it.
You could of course come over for the weekend only and work during the week and make some money, and you wouldn't have to spend all that much time with all the PLAY people, but still get to see them...
Written by: Durbs
Not if we can convince you into the Toast way of performing
What, like, running around on meadows and flirting with cows?
Find out what's best for you, Clare. If it is more stress to hang around people and pretend to be happier than you are, even if you know you don't have put up the smiley face for your friends, and if it's more stress to come back to debts and other things that need sorting out, look after that first. PLAY will be back next year (along with many other festivals). We'd all love to see you there, but if you think it's not the right time for you, then I'm with wild child.
It's your life, and you come first in it, so do what you feel is right - only one thing, if you WANT to enjoy yourself, there's no need whatsoever to feel guilty about it.
You could of course come over for the weekend only and work during the week and make some money, and you wouldn't have to spend all that much time with all the PLAY people, but still get to see them...
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Posted:
Was thinking that Birgit...
And Durbs... Lol, yeah, but I'm not good enough for Toast, am I?!... it's all that organising and non-drug-taking-before-a-show I keep doing...
Was thinking that Birgit...
And Durbs... Lol, yeah, but I'm not good enough for Toast, am I?!... it's all that organising and non-drug-taking-before-a-show I keep doing...
Getting to the other side
BRONZE Member
Classically British
5,689 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England
Classically British
5,689 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England
Posted:
there's always time to change
there's always time to change
Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude
DIAMOND Member
The Ministry of Manipulation
2,523 posts
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom
The Ministry of Manipulation
2,523 posts
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom
Posted:
Clare I read your list of Cons: and none of them seemed very important...
and I saw that there were only 5 on the list,
which means that there isn't a 6th reason any more... so that's good too.
I guess that means you're booking your ticket. :hugs:
Drew
Clare I read your list of Cons: and none of them seemed very important...
and I saw that there were only 5 on the list,
which means that there isn't a 6th reason any more... so that's good too.
I guess that means you're booking your ticket. :hugs:
Drew
BRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posted:
anger can be good, it's a motivator, you know when you're angry you want to do *blamk*-like get your ears pierced
I thought of it as a sorting mechanism after I got through that stage of grief
so big :hugs: and perhaps you'll use that anger/frustration to discover a new jedi type poi move
anger can be good, it's a motivator, you know when you're angry you want to do *blamk*-like get your ears pierced
I thought of it as a sorting mechanism after I got through that stage of grief
so big :hugs: and perhaps you'll use that anger/frustration to discover a new jedi type poi move
Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
BRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
Posted:
oooooh yes, a new move!! Pleeeasee...
A lot of passion in anger and I always saw the passion in your dance - maybe a new firedance is jsut the ticket for you.
Written by: faithinfire
so big :hugs: and perhaps you'll use that anger/frustration to discover a new jedi type poi move
oooooh yes, a new move!! Pleeeasee...
A lot of passion in anger and I always saw the passion in your dance - maybe a new firedance is jsut the ticket for you.
Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread
I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
PLATINUM Member
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom
Posted:
come to play / don't come to play
whatever you choose, MAKE it a good decision.
come to play / don't come to play
whatever you choose, MAKE it a good decision.
"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade
I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.
Stargazer
6,650 posts
6,650 posts
Posted:
Humunguous for Clare. Ppl who know you, do understand where your moods do come from. Certainly it's not "have to", but I'm certain they will be happy to help a friend out.
Missing a days work.... money is not relevant and I guess only rock cold ppl would not understand and not give you time.
"it's all that organising and non-drug-taking-before-a-show I keep doing..." This one I can't quite interpret... however, all you need is yourself - the rest (I am again certain) your friends will be happy to provide for you.
Enjoying yourself after such little time only... hmm, this is the tricky one. Missing time with your dad... same.
My 0.2 dollars: These are your parents. They love you. In a few periods of time they loved you more than their own lives. They care for you and they care for your well-being more than for their own. They do know that you love them, that you respect them and they do know that you love and respect them many many years after they have already left for other worlds. They live on through you and I guess one thing more difficult for your mum is that she was not to see and hold your child before she went.
Everyone has to take a break some times as everyone has a breaking point and can only take that much. Only because you will smile and maybe a laugh escapes your heart, doesn't mean that you disrespect, or don't love your parents a tiny bit less.
They love you with every beat of their hearts and they would want you to cope the way you can cope with life. I am certain that (any which decision you make) they would want you to take your own decisions now and move on the way you want to.
If your heart tells you to go to Play - why restrain it?
If your heart tells you to stay away - don't keep busy with this thought.
Keep your emotions inside, or let them out - up to you. But there is nothing, and I mean no thing that you would have to feel guilty for, as you have a right to live this life and anything that it holds for you on the entire spectrum of infinite possibilities............. you pick.
maybe even take your dad with you... (excuse me)
Humunguous
for Clare. Ppl who know you, do understand where your moods do come from. Certainly it's not "have to", but I'm certain they will be happy to help a friend out.Missing a days work.... money is not relevant and I guess only rock cold ppl would not understand and not give you time.
"it's all that organising and non-drug-taking-before-a-show I keep doing..." This one I can't quite interpret... however, all you need is yourself - the rest (I am again certain) your friends will be happy to provide for you.
Enjoying yourself after such little time only... hmm, this is the tricky one. Missing time with your dad... same.
My 0.2 dollars: These are your parents. They love you. In a few periods of time they loved you more than their own lives. They care for you and they care for your well-being more than for their own. They do know that you love them, that you respect them and they do know that you love and respect them many many years after they have already left for other worlds. They live on through you and I guess one thing more difficult for your mum is that she was not to see and hold your child before she went.
Everyone has to take a break some times as everyone has a breaking point and can only take that much. Only because you will smile and maybe a laugh escapes your heart, doesn't mean that you disrespect, or don't love your parents a tiny bit less.
They love you with every beat of their hearts and they would want you to cope the way you can cope with life. I am certain that (any which decision you make) they would want you to take your own decisions now and move on the way you want to.
If your heart tells you to go to Play - why restrain it?
If your heart tells you to stay away - don't keep busy with this thought.
Keep your emotions inside, or let them out - up to you. But there is nothing, and I mean no thing that you would have to feel guilty for, as you have a right to live this life and anything that it holds for you on the entire spectrum of infinite possibilities............. you pick.
maybe even take your dad with you... (excuse me) the best smiles are the ones you lead to 
SILVER Member
Star Trekker
1,733 posts
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom
Star Trekker
1,733 posts
Location: Cheshire, United Kingdom
Posted:
Excellent idea - something that takes you through all the different emotions, something you can pour all the passion into. Much better if it's non-verbal becasue yu don't have to explain it, to yourself or anyone else
Excellent idea - something that takes you through all the different emotions, something you can pour all the passion into. Much better if it's non-verbal becasue yu don't have to explain it, to yourself or anyone else
'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus
SILVER Member
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
Posted:
Hi Clare
Just wondered how you're doing, still sending out the 's. I hope things are as ok as they can be.
Hi Clare
Just wondered how you're doing, still sending out the
's. I hope things are as ok as they can be. Idolized by Aurinoko
Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....
Bob Dylan
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