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Carpal \'Tunnel

Member Since: 17th Apr 2002
Total posts: 15414
Posted:thought these were quite funny. They were originally here.

"And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning
and it
was amazing!" (Pat Glenn - weightlifting commentator)

"Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Darryl Gibson comes inside of him."
Zealand rugby commentator)

"This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."
(Ted Walsh - horse racing commentator)

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."

"The black players at this club lend the side a lot of skill and
flair, but you also need white players to balance things up and give the team
some brains and common sense." (Crystal Palace chairman Ron Noades,
speaking in 1991)

"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it
which is
identical." (Murray Walker - F1 racing commentator)

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my father and mother." (Greg

"Sure, there have been deaths in boxing but none of them serious."
(Alan Minter)

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same
thing again."
(Terry Venables)

"I would not say that David Ginola is the best left winger in the
Premiership, but there are none better." (Ron Atkinson)

"Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge president is kissing
the cox of the Oxford crew." (Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge
boat race

"Morcelli has four fastest 1,500 m times ever. And all those times
1,500 m." (David Coleman)

"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on
field." (Metro Radio)

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seems to hang in the air
for even longer." (David Acfield)

"What will you do when you leave football, Jack. Will you stay in
football?" (Stuart Hall - Radio 5 live)

"And there goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs
and showing his class." (David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics)

"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is
before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.
Oh my God! What have I just said?!!!" (US PGA Commentator)

True story... a female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked "So Bob,
that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did he have to leave the set, but half the crew did too as
they were laughing so hard!

My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7.'
* David Beckham

'I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the
* Mark Viduka

'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.'
* Mark Draper

'We lost because we didn't win.'
* Ronaldo

'If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out
of bed at the end of the day.'
* Neville Southall

'I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier.'
* Ugo Ehiogu

'He's put on weight and I've lost it, and vice versa.'
* Ronnie Whelan

'I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.'
* Stuart Pearce

'Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level.
Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best
manager I've ever had.'
* David Beckham

'I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7
of which were disputable.'
* Paul Gascoigne

'I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and
hopefully after that as well.'
* Alan Shearer

'You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll
win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out.'
* Peter Shilton

'I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the
week, but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester.'
* Stan Collymore

'Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.'
* Ian Wright

'Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though
I live in Middlesborough.'
* Jonathan Woodgate

'I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my
* Lee Hendrie

I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign
* Ian Rush

'I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my
right sock.'
* Barry Venison

'All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed.'
* Mitchell Thomas

'The opening ceremony was good, although I missed it.'
* Graeme Le Saux

'One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my
* Alan Shearer

'I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd.'
* Johnny Giles

'I was surprised, but I always say nothing surprises me in
* Les Ferdinand

' There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in
* Gary Lineker

'Sometimes in football you have to score goals.'
Thierry Henry



All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...
Member Since: 10th Jan 2003
Total posts: 9831

those were great!

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.


Magical Sock Dancer
Location: Newfoundland, Canada
Member Since: 1st Jul 2003
Total posts: 255
Posted:ubbtickled That was great.


Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:Some of those remind me of Yogi Berra quotes. Yogi was a baseball coach in New York City. The beauty of Yogi Berra quotes is they sound stupid at first but once you think about them, they actually do make some sense... or vice versa. I think his most famous would be "It ain't over 'til it's over."

Check out more here:


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]


playing the days away
Location: The Middle lands
Member Since: 19th Aug 2003
Total posts: 7263
Posted:I remember a funny quote...it went something like

"Iraq do have weapon of mass destruction, and we will not stop until we find them"

and I think it was said by a Monkey but I can't be sure.

Let's relight this forum ubblove


Llamas are larger than frogs.
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Member Since: 28th Feb 2004
Total posts: 319
Posted:Now, what does this say about sports players?!
Please, don't get me started on Bush quotes...

"I know a good deal more than a boiled carrot."
"Fire!" "Where?" "Nowhere, I was just illustrating the misuse of free speech."


Location: High Wycombe, Bucks, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2004
Total posts: 19
Posted:Go on, Bush quotes!!!

Everyone likes to hear how stupid the most powerful man on earth is from time to time

I'll start you off... "We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end."
"Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better."
and "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' (I'm not making these up)

Not that I'm trying to help Trillian hijack this topic or anything.... ubbangel

Hello, My name's Tim and I'm a criminal
in the eyes of society I should be in jail,
for the choice of herbs I inhale


Llamas are larger than frogs.
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Member Since: 28th Feb 2004
Total posts: 319
Posted:Okay, but Lyra is the one with the "Bushisms" calendar...
"The real question is, is our children learning?"
(this one isn't exact, but...) The problem is first that there is not enough power plants, and then not enough power to power the power of the power generating plants."
They're best when you read them w/ a texan accent! I'l think of more soon... biggrin biggrin biggrin biggrin biggrin biggrin biggrin

"I know a good deal more than a boiled carrot."
"Fire!" "Where?" "Nowhere, I was just illustrating the misuse of free speech."

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