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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:I really should know how to handle this sort of thing...but I don't.

So there's this guy at swimming. I like him (as a person) but he's much older than I am and I'm not very attracted to him. One day I jokingly flirted with him because he was taking names down for attendance at practice and I sidled up to him (in speedo) and put my hand on his jaw and said "is there room in here for me, big boy?"

And ever since he won't keep his paws off me.

Every time I run into him he's trying to touch me in some way.

Thing is he's a really nice guy and I like him and I don't want to make him angry or uncomfortable around me but still...

Is there a soft way to defuse this?


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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JayKitty
GOLD Member since Nov 2004

JayKitty

Mission: Ignition
Location: Central New Jersey

Total posts: 534
Posted:__ Well, this trick works both ways. I flirt with girls a lot, it's always joking, no real interest, it's all just fun. So when one of my playful antics comes and bites me in the ass(meaning she flirts back and wont go away) I pretend I'm gay.
__ Maybe this won't work, but pretend you're straight? hehe, if that doesn't work, or won't work, bring in a really pretty boy ^_^ someone sexy he knows is yours and that he knows he can't compete with. I've seen your pictures Doc, you shouldn't have any problem catching someone to fit the part.


Don't mind me, just passing through.

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JayKitty
GOLD Member since Nov 2004

JayKitty

Mission: Ignition
Location: Central New Jersey

Total posts: 534
Posted:The speedo thing didn't help your case either ~_^

Don't mind me, just passing through.

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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost

Total posts: 1247
Posted:Oh, dont take my advice too seriously, but I always just blurt things straight out, like

"ya know, I am sorry, but I must of given you the wrong impression with my general flirtatiousness. You are great, I like you, but I am not attracted to you sexually/romantically , and dont really like that much physical contact. It is making me uncomfortable. Can we tone it down a bit and still be friends? "

Try to be as gentle, and compassionate as you can, smile and stay relaxed so it does not make it into a big deal.

So thats what I would do.

But I am often told that I am blunt, and have been raised by wolves...

And be prepared for any reaction, some people can take it in stride, some can not.

Good luck!


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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FoxInDocs
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

FoxInDocs

Pooh-Bah
Location: Adelaide, SA

Total posts: 1848
Posted:*wanders in, fruit-fly hat in hand*

I agree with jaykitty. What you need for these sorts of situations my dear boy, is a hag... a hot one... like me tongue


"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie

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roarfire
SILVER Member since Jul 2004

roarfire

comfortably numb
Location: The countryside

Total posts: 2676
Posted:Just ignore him for a bit maybe? But I guess that's a bit rude...hmm..

.All things are beautiful if we take the time to look.

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Igirisujin
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

Igirisujin

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Preston

Total posts: 2666
Posted:OH oh walk in the pool holding another guys hand, he'll see this and think he better tone it down couse you have a boyfriend allready....that or be ready to go on meaningless dates and devestate him later at a firering range...oh have I been watching too much desperate housewives?

On second thoughts Go with the fake boyfriend option.


Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

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MiG
GOLD Member since Apr 2004

MiG

Self-Flagellation Expert
Location: Bogged at CG

Total posts: 3415
Posted:i'd go with anrealee's option, personally...

"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:I'd invent a fictional boyfriend, then you don't have to go to the hassle of finding someone to come in with you. From then on, every time the guy asks how you are, invent something about how great your new partner is, and eventually he'll go away/lose interest.

Or you could of course, get yourself another partner as suggested above... rolleyes biggrin


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost

Total posts: 1247
Posted:better idea- pretend you are stark raving mad, and instead of talking about an imaginary boyfriend whenever he is around, start talking TO your imaginary boyfriend!


he'll be so freaked out he is bound to give you lots of distance, and not want to touch you at all, in case insanity is catching...


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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animatEd
BRONZE Member since Aug 2004

animatEd

1 + 1 = 3
Location: Bristol UK

Total posts: 3540
Posted:I'm all for honesty, myself.

I try to be honest. If I think someone is attractive, or has good qualities that I admire, I tell them. Of course, I am 100% faithful to my girlfriend. I like to boost people's egoes.

If I'm not interested in someone, and they are in me, I tell them: Sorry, I do like you, but not in *that* way. Not that it's happened as often as I'd like it to, mind... wink

At least that way, you both know where you stand.


Empty your mind. Be formless, Shapeless, like Water.
Put Water into a cup, it becomes the cup, put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Water can flow, or it can Crash.
Be Water My Friend.

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane

Total posts: 3044
Posted:ubblol err i have no real constructive suggestions - i just think its funny... kiss ubbrollsmile
EDITED_BY: Dentrassi (1127085067)


"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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Eera
BRONZE Member since May 2003

old hand
Location: In a test pit, Mackay

Total posts: 1107
Posted:Ignore him and hope he goes away.

Not very helpful is it? Doesn't work too well for me either but it's all I got.


There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.

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Valura
SILVER Member since Apr 2002

Valura

Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 6391
Posted:just tell him that his physical contact is making you feel a little uncomfertable and that he will need to tone it down. Tell honestly, look him straight in the eye and just say, "Im sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. I was being a joker...its what I do."

Then tell him you have a "thing" about people being in your personal space when you are in your speedos... get a facial twitch and flail around the pool for a bit...

worked for me.


TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

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maus
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

maus

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Sihanoukville, cambodia

Total posts: 4191
Posted:honesty hun....its the only way,however just be careful how you word it,you obviously like this guy enough as a friend to worry about hurting his feelings so....
just explain to him that somethings been concerning you about your friendship recently,and you just wanted to make sure he understood that the two of you were only good friends.Stress that you're sorry if you have given him the wrong impression,but explain that you do have flirtatious tendancies and these are only meant as harmless fun.say you really hope that its not going to ruin your friendship and perhaps go out for a drink and hopefully laugh at the whole situation together.
If he's a good friend he'll understand,not necessarily straight away,you have to realise if he is genuinely interested in you it will be a little embarrassing for him (and you i expect),but his maturity should make him realise that you enjoy his company enough as a friend to be honest with him.
don't lie,even if you think there's no way he'll ever find out,cos if he ever does it'll hurt a hell of a lot more.trust me.
good luck,hope it all works out for you and let us know how it goes! hug


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JtJ


JtJ

Check ya later
Location: Lower Shaw Farm

Total posts: 500
Posted:or, introduce him to HoP and he might accidently stumble accross this thread. that way he would get the message, but at the same time, he would know that you dont want to hurt his feelings.

a bit of a long-shot, but i like it biggrin

good luck, whatever you decide!


Jake the Juggler

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shen shui
SILVER Member since Jan 2005

shen shui

no excuses. no apologies.
Location: aotearoa

Total posts: 1799
Posted:yeah man just be strait up with him, dont bullshit him or make something up because then That'll come along later and bite your bum a bit.
tell him how it really went down, tell him your truth. what he does with that is up to him, so long as you are true to yourself.
heart


those that know, dont say. those that say, dont know.

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JauntyJames
SILVER Member since Dec 2004

JauntyJames

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hampshire College, MA, USA

Total posts: 3533
Posted:Disappear for a few days. When you come back, claim that you were abducted by aliens. Makes sure at this point you say that you met Elvis there. I wouldn't go into detail about anal probing, that would probably just encourage him.

-James

"How do you know if you're happy or sad without a mask? Or angry? Or ready for dessert?"

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JayKitty
GOLD Member since Nov 2004

JayKitty

Mission: Ignition
Location: Central New Jersey

Total posts: 534
Posted:The general concensus seems to be honesty ^_^ of course a few do agree with the made up boy-toy idea. There's the ones who suggest you go stark raving mad too. Ooo, who knows how to make a poll?

Don't mind me, just passing through.

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:Ha, at least he doens't have a boyfriend!... who knows you....

but i digress. i think valura had the most practical idea, altho both valuras and andrealee's second ideas are also the funniest

in any event, nip it in the damn bud (butt? have i read too much opus?) or it'l get a lot worse quickly....


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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ben-ja-men
GOLD Member since Jun 2003

ben-ja-men

just lost .... evil init
Location: Adelaide

Total posts: 2474
Posted:ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol

im going to have to buck the trend and say forget all this talking stuff, u should stop wearing a speedo and start wearing board shorts, nothing says touch me up more than a speedo or back of more than boardies. let your choice of attire speak for you, words are soooooo last year body language is the new speach
smile

*strikes a thoughtful yet slightly suggestive pose*

see?
confused
oh just shag him and be done with it


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?

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ben-ja-men
GOLD Member since Jun 2003

ben-ja-men

just lost .... evil init
Location: Adelaide

Total posts: 2474
Posted:ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol

im going to have to buck the trend and say forget all this talking stuff, u should stop wearing a speedo and start wearing board shorts, nothing says touch me up more than a speedo or back of more than boardies. let your choice of attire speak for you, words are soooooo last year body language is the new speach
smile

*strikes a thoughtful yet slightly suggestive pose*

see?
confused
oh just shag him and be done with it tongue


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Written by: ben-ja-men

ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol

im going to have to buck the trend and say forget all this talking stuff, u should stop wearing a speedo and start wearing board shorts, nothing says touch me up more than a speedo or back of more than boardies. let your choice of attire speak for you, words are soooooo last year body language is the new speach
smile



Um...competitive swimmers do not wear board shorts.
Written by:

*strikes a thoughtful yet slightly suggestive pose*



*oggles you* biggrin

Written by:

oh just shag him and be done with it



If I did that, I'd *never* get rid of him. I mean, if I'm going to shag someone, I'm going to do it to the best of my ability, and...if I must say so...the best of my ability is pretty damned good.

I am a competitive swimmer and all... I have endurance like you wouldn't believe... biggrin


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Parafinfairy
SILVER Member since Sep 2003

Parafinfairy

old hand
Location: Adelaide

Total posts: 845
Posted:So Ben you like your men in speedos???

Slicing the Loaf as we speak.

I need it..... Trust me!

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Ben claims he's straight, but really he's just afraid to sleep with me because he doesn't want me to humiliate him by wearing him out. ubbrollsmile

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:You have readily accessible endurance like people wouldn't belive...

(Im guessing, i hardly know, but i'll take your word... tongue)

But i've found guys to have quite impressive endurance when sufficiently motivated.... biggrin


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Igirisujin
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

Igirisujin

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Preston

Total posts: 2666
Posted:So doc, what did you choose to do in the end?

Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

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JerryD
SILVER Member since Aug 2005

JerryD

member
Location: Maryland

Total posts: 136
Posted:Written by: Brit_Joe

So doc, what did you choose to do in the end?



Probably not the best turn of phrase to use in this case...

I vote for the suggestion of straight out telling him that he misjudged your original joking and that you would appreciate him backing off on the physical stuff. It seems as if a lot of gay guys think that they have free reign to manhandle any other gay guy and I know that I certainly don't think that way or appreciate it.


I was touched by His Noodly Appendage

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:I haven't seen him all week.

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Igirisujin
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

Igirisujin

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Preston

Total posts: 2666
Posted:Aah you lucked out, i doubt hell do anything by the time hes back. he prob got a boyfriend so he dosent need to cruize in the pool anymore wink

Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

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FoxInDocs
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

FoxInDocs

Pooh-Bah
Location: Adelaide, SA

Total posts: 1848
Posted:Written by: JerryD

It seems as if a lot of gay guys think that they have free reign to manhandle any other gay guy and I know that I certainly don't think that way or appreciate it.




*raises an eyebrow slightly* do you need to go visit the great big coming out party that is gazzabee's thread?


"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie

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