Forums > Social Chat > Joke

Posted: 19th Apr 2004
... the little girl had a point

Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...

Posted: 19th Apr 2004
Well Barbie and Ken have officially broken it off so this would explain a few things hey......

cheers

Look to the moon, look to the stars, and if you still can't find happyness...find a bar!!!

Posted: 19th Apr 2004
Didnt i see on the news somewhere that Ken and Barbie have broken up?? i think she has a new man now. well either that or i really am mental.

does anyone know the truth behind Barbie and Ken??

O.B.E.S.E. Official Potato man.

Remeber kids.... Its all fun and games until someone loses a bol**ck!

Posted: 19th Apr 2004

Quote:

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does anyone know the truth behind Barbie and Ken??

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does anyone WANT to know the truth behind barbie and ken..? : o)

Smile.. It confuses people..:)

Wonders never cease as long as you never cease to wonder.

Posted: 19th Apr 2004
Not really, no... Seeing how my first parbie got it's head pulled off, and hair melted ti it's head... Oh, fun times!

~ Bobo

wie weit, wie weit noch?
fragst mich, wo wir gewesen sind...
du fehlst hier

Posted: 19th Apr 2004
ok so here are The Facts

They missed out the bit about ken walking in on barbie and action man in a "compromising" position!

lets hope everyone can be happy for barbie and ken and whatever they go on to do.

O.B.E.S.E. Official Potato man.

Remeber kids.... Its all fun and games until someone loses a bol**ck!

Posted: 21st Apr 2004
Ba dum pish

GI Joe out of the picture?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
--------------------------------------------------------
HEY, I COULD SPIN THAT!

Posted: 25th Aug 2005
heres some good funny lines. aparently they have been extracted from essays... i dunno but they are pretty darn funny.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of "Jeopardy!"

Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.

The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.) in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment of President William Jefferson Clinton.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Every minute without you feels like 60 seconds.

The horizon swallowed the setting sun like a dog sucking an egg, but not quite.

There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1,

"in most of our friends we're the hippies. but we have hippie friends of our own.. its like a dog having its own pet" - H. Sinoquet 19-03-2005

Posted: 25th Aug 2005
lets hope this thread doesn't house any distasteful jokes like the last one

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

Posted: 25th Aug 2005


I heard a bad joke the other day:

What do you call a cow with no legs?



Ground Beef...

*cue groans*

Empty your mind. Be formless, Shapeless, like Water.
Put Water into a cup, it becomes the cup, put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Water can flow, or it can Crash.
Be Water My Friend.

Posted: 25th Aug 2005
The only jokes I can remember are either racist or very, very cruel. None of which are appropriate to repeat to another human being.

Posted: 25th Aug 2005
and especially not on a family forum like this one. lets keep 'em clean hoppers, for deh kiddies.

cow with no legs , *sigh*

There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1,

"in most of our friends we're the hippies. but we have hippie friends of our own.. its like a dog having its own pet" - H. Sinoquet 19-03-2005

Posted: 25th Aug 2005

Written by: LilMissSmartyPants

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The only jokes I can remember are either racist or very, very cruel. None of which are appropriate to repeat to another human being.

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Same. I think it was my fault that the last thread got deleted. Sorry

*eats humble pie*

Have faith in what you can do and respect for what you can't

Posted: 25th Aug 2005
Satying on the com theme;

two cows were standing in a field when one turns to the other and asks "so what do you make of this mad cow disease then", "oh it doesn't effect me" replied the other. the first cow looking a bit startled asks "why not?" the other cow takes a second, sighs and says "cause i'm a helicopter!"

*watches as the tumbleweed slowly blows past*

Whatever happened to my green and pleasant land?

Posted: 25th Aug 2005
same two cows a few weeks later...
"mooooooooo!"
the other turns and with a look of disgust says,
"ye git, i was gonna say that!"


*as the tumbleweed drifts back for a second round*

Written by: One From Sputnik

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*eats humble pie*

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i think i can do with a bite or two for some of deh gags i made

There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1,

"in most of our friends we're the hippies. but we have hippie friends of our own.. its like a dog having its own pet" - H. Sinoquet 19-03-2005

Posted: 25th Aug 2005
LOL the mad cow joke is funny.

*cue laughter*

I think barbie and action man have seriously RUN OUT of things to do now lol.

Ide love to see childrens toys go in a new direction, something stylish and slick, something along the lines off...international jewel thief barbie. She beats the crap out of the security guards and zips down a bungy rope to the jewel in the middle of the museum (for the boys) then she goes home and buys a brand new pink porche with mounted missile launchers and vanity mirror (for the girls)

Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

Posted: 25th Aug 2005

Written by: Brit_Joe

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She... zips down a bungy rope to the jewel in the middle of the museum (for the boys) then she goes home and buys a brand new pink porche with mounted missile launchers and vanity mirror (for the girls)

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or boys, its the naughties, and were metro-sexual these days.

There are girls who like girls, and boys who like.....barbie!!



The only jokes i can think of are sick ones about the london bombings, 'through the roof' and 'arm and a leg' come into it.....urgh!!

You'll find me on the dance floor

Posted: 25th Aug 2005
Aaah very much like the palastinian sex doll joke back when I was in school. People say those are 'sick' jokes but they all laugh anyway lol

Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

Posted: 26th Aug 2005
Doctor Fandango - Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

This was definitely my favourite . . .

Posted: 26th Aug 2005

Written by: doctor_fandango

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same two cows a few weeks later...
"mooooooooo!"
the other turns and with a look of disgust says,
"ye git, i was gonna say that!"

---

Same two cows another couple of weeks on....
"so hows it going then?"
the other jumps and screams "oh my god!!! a talking cow"


I just can't help throwing those bad jokes out there!!!!

Whatever happened to my green and pleasant land?

Posted: 26th Aug 2005
got a good'n (or not)

hmmmm........

what do u call a fly with no wings?

a walk

*collapses to the floor in peals of laughter*

Posted: 26th Aug 2005
a rabbitt goes into a bar orders a mexican tomatoe sandwich. when he's finished it, he asks for another, and another.. after the 5th sandwich, he walks over to the door, suddenly feeling very ill. "whats the matter?" inquires the bartender.
"Oh GOD!" exclaims the poor rabbitt, "i think its mex-tomato-sis"


i am so sorry, i was at a free bar party lastnight and that was one of the gags that fell around the table!

There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1,

"in most of our friends we're the hippies. but we have hippie friends of our own.. its like a dog having its own pet" - H. Sinoquet 19-03-2005

Posted: 26th Aug 2005
i know that one differently i know it as:

a rabbit goes into a bar and orders a pint of beer and a cheese toastie, next day he comes in orders a ham toastiee and a pint of beer, next day comes in and orders a ham and cheese toastie and a pint of beer, next day he doesn't come in, next day he's still not there and the barman is getting worried, 3 days later he comes in looking terrible eyes all puffed up, and the barman says "whats been wrong with you?"
to which he replies "i been "mixin, my toasties""

UCOF "evolution: Poi -> stick -> hoops -> devil stick -> juggling club -> juggling ball -> crayons."

Supergroovalsticprosifunkstication
In other words, it's the thumps bump

Posted: 26th Aug 2005
Whats the definition of laughing stock?
Cattle with a sense of humour!

(Just keeping up with the theme...)

Do what you want coz a pirate is free,
You are a pirate!
Yo ho fiddle dee dee, being a pirate is alright to be,
Do what you want coz a pirate is free,
You are a pirate!

Posted: 26th Aug 2005
two donkey in a boat, one says eeaaww the other one turns round and goes $&%^ off yee ore!!

*waits for a slap*

Posted: 28th Aug 2005
what do you call a deer with no eyes?



no idea



What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?



still no idea.



*and the tumbleweed makes a third pass*

"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

Posted: 28th Aug 2005
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Lean Beef

*Wanders after the tumbleweed*

Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.

Posted: 16th Sep 2005
Ladies and Gentlemen, i present for your consideration the geekiest joke ever!
(for anyone that doesnt know , the symbol ^ means 'to the power of')
10^12 microphones = 1 megaphone
10^6 bicycles = 2 megacycles
500 millinaries = 1 seminary
2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
10 cards = 1 decacards
1/2 lavatory = 1 demijohn
10^-6 fish = 1 microfiche
454 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
10^12 pins = 1 terrapin
10^21 picolos = 10^9 los = 1 gigolo
10 rations = 1 decoration
100 rations = 1 C-ration
10 millipedes = 1 centipede
3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
10 monologs = 5 dialogues
5 dialogues = 1 decalogue
2 monograms = 1 diagram
8 nickels = 2 paradigms
2 snake eyes = 1 paradise
2 wharves = 1 paradox
10^-6 phones = 1 microphone
10^6 phones = 1 megaphone
10^-2 mental = 1 centimental
10^-1 mate = 1 decimate
10^12 bulls = 1 terabull
10^-12 boos = 1 picoboo
10^-15 bismol = 1 femtobismol

There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1,

"in most of our friends we're the hippies. but we have hippie friends of our own.. its like a dog having its own pet" - H. Sinoquet 19-03-2005

Posted: 16th Sep 2005
what do you call a fish with no eyes???????/



fshhhhhhhhhhhhhh



*god thats bad even for me

Posted: 16th Sep 2005
In a similarly aweful vein:

How do you spell "blind pig"?

BLND PG
If it had eyes it wouldn't be blind!
HAHAhahahhaaaaaaaaaohgod.....

Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.