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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:[Edit: Note this is two years old... see below.]



OK... This is an all about me post. I know that there are some insightful people out there and hope that maybe I'll be able to get a different perspective on my predicament.



Firstly, my life is pretty damn good right now so I've certainly no reason to whine, and this isn't a whine by any means. Just a bit of a paradox which consistantly heckles my life. Enough preamble...





I seem to live in very distinct worlds that don't mix at all. I teach in a very rich conservative school and live in a neighborhood of New York that is the exact opposite. I wear a tie to work and spin fire on the weekends. I've got college friends and teacher friends and fire friends and they're never ever in the same place at the same time. You can certainly fill in the blanks as to the rest. Most people from any of my given 'worlds' look at me like I'm crazy for spending time in the other.



This sounds like a great deal. I'm having my cake and eating it too but lately it hasn't been working.



I've tried being optimistic... "Maybe some people from 'World A' would like to hang out in your other worlds?!" No, wrong, they wouldn't, I've tried. They're all happy in their own world. Most people are.



Lately I feel that I've been getting more and more spread thinly and this chamelion trick can't last forever. I don't want to comprimise my love of adventure, nor do I want to comprimise my love for stability. And honestly, doing both is getting really lonely. By lonely I mean that I look at someone in any aspect of my life and can honestly say: "You don't know 90% of me."



I think that what's also haunting me a bit is that as I get a bit older I'm seeing that people are getting even LESS likely to come out of their worlds venture into another.



I know that we've all got different 'worlds' but I actually think that mine is even more drastic (there's more that I'm not getting into... but this post is endless and whiney enough.)



I feel like I'm at a crossroads now. Either I can do the idealistic thing and say "I'm going to continue living my life in several different worlds no matter how lonely and paradoxical it is!" or ... I've got to choose a world. The former has been worked for a while but I don't know how much more I can pull it off... or want to.

EDITED_BY: NYC (1116258273)


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Kittytheravequeen
member
Location: down the bottom of the garden,...
Member Since: 8th Oct 2002
Total posts: 285
Posted:i totally sympathise with you NYC, i was in the same situation about a year ago, i desided to stick with the world i felt was the most stable for me as i was mentally going through a bit of a rough patch, i dont really regret my choice but i do miss all my other worlds. im afraid only you know what is the right choice for you, i know it may not seem that way but deep down inside your soul you will now how far you can spread yourself, and maybe my restricting yourself in one way you will be able to free yourself in another by allowing people to really get to know you. good luck, much love

i'll draw you a picture ill draw it with a twist ill draw it with a razorblade ill draw it on my wrist and if i do it right a red fountain will appear washing away my sorrow washing away my fear

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tattty
member
Location: crapy planet thanet
Member Since: 29th May 2002
Total posts: 158
Posted:hi! youre not the only one. I too am a teacher (well, ok, nearly, will be qualified in 3 wks)! I have 'teacher' friends, uni friends, poi friends and local smart (make me look like a tramp) friends. oh, and some surfer friends too. its really tough coz i can never decide what to do with my wkends but its good fun having all the options though.
Other groups of friends all seem to share interests and stick together always and seem to be really close. Its odd because i seem to just float between groups and styles of friends. I would love the idea of having one close nit group of pals but my friends tend not too mix much and like yours, they dont like leaving their worlds!
Sorry, im waffling loads now, but just to say i know what you mean if thats any help at all!
how long u been teaching for etc?
im teaching 4 yr olds at the mo, its madness!
take care.
big hugs


Make your own happiness by making others happy [Ikeda]

*they used to read me stories, as though my dreams were boring*

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PK_
PK_

Lambretta Fanatic

Member Since: 20th Dec 2001
Total posts: 4991
Posted:i eat sleep and breath poi right now, and to be honest mate, i'm past caring think your self lucky that you have the option to avoid it all, right now i dont.
i spin for a living, i hang out on homeofpoi cos i do not a great deal else, if i go outside or sit around, i'm doing somthing manipulative with objescts or somthing to do with said subject.
my gurl ****ing hates my life in her face right now cos its all i do and shes sick of it all cos its all poi and performing, i have no friends up here that are not in the fire comunity and i need to ****ing escape right out of here and i cant.
dont get me wrong i love what i do but theres a line and its been crossed and i am stuck.
i'm really trying to hold things in right now, but i'm scared that i'm gonna loose the one most important thing in my life and thats my gurl, it makes me sick. but then if i get a gig and i have to go away... like glastonbury in 4+weeks time and i have to leave her behind, thats a strain on our relationship, i'm the bit of tape in the middle of the rope in the tug of war match and i know i'm gonna get shat on and mucky.
but i gotta earn my living doing what i am good at and what i enjoy.
lifes a bag of shite for me but i'm glad your doing good bro. give ur gurl a squeeze too for me. you got your gurl thats all that should matter and you have options with friends, they all dont need to know each other and do the same things, that would be boring.


PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

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Flynt
Flynt

Intrepid Penguin

Member Since: 12th May 2002
Total posts: 5635
Posted:seems to me like you should be focussing on the things you love and the people you love.

Perhaps you'd be less spread thin, if you spent less time with the people that dont know you that well? what i'm trying to say here is, focus on the people that you LOVE! Take a day or two to evaluate the friendships and relationships you have. Ask some questions like, "why wont these ppl be a part of the other half of my life?" and decide which friendships you are most passionate about.

I know this probably seems harsh, but as we get older and have less time, we need to prioritise the sort of relationships that we put effort into. best of luck with it NYC xoxoxoxxo


Currently on the right side up of the world.

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:(I'm really appreciating all of the comments both on and off board. Unfortunately, I don't have a moment to respond right now but and touched and affected by most if not all of what's been said. Again... I DO know my life is great and am thankful for it daily.)

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Let's see, I have medical school, swimmer friends, and fire friends. Oh, and the random hippies in my co-op. I just find time for all my worlds. I guess I try not to sweat it when I have to be away from a world for a while. The worlds understand...

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Astar
member
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada.
Member Since: 8th Nov 2002
Total posts: 1591
Posted:You could also become completly honest with all your friends so they all get to know 100% of you.

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Dio
Dio

HoP Mechanical Engineer
Location: OK, USA
Member Since: 11th Jul 2002
Total posts: 729
Posted:From a situation I would consider similar in my own life...

I've had friends running the entire gamut from one end of the spectrum to the other. What I find among them is that they see a certain novelty in elements from the "other side."

Perfect examples could be my stoner metal band friends absolutely loving my computer geek side because I can download and print guitar tab for them. Or on the flip side, my slightly uppity friends seeing me do the fire dancing thing really strikes them as unique and artistic - too dangerous for them but now I'm suddenly some sort of extreme person living on the "wild side."

Neither side really sees a need to participate personally in the other activities, but they value my experience in them nonetheless. It's just a matter of finding ways to apply them to each other.

Besides, don't you see the rick conservative kids in their Abercrombie clothing, driving their brand new SUVs, blasting GANGSTA RAP? People like to dabble in the affairs of the other side to remind themselves why their personal lifestyle is better... it's a little sad I think but then again you have people like you and me (and several other people in this thread as well) who have the unique and wonderful opportunity to bridge these opposing areas... and though we tend to feel left out at times because we can't fit into a distinct label, in the end we can actually consider ourselves "Bridges" or "Windows" between our worlds. Personally, I wouldn't give that up for anything.

We open the minds of others - maybe not everyone, but definitely provide the opportunity for them. Good analogy for a teacher such as yourself?


What hits the fan is not evenly distributed.

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poiaholic22
member

Member Since: 22nd Dec 2002
Total posts: 531
Posted:I found it helped to make a distinction between friends and acquaintances.

Will talk more if I make it to NY this weekend.


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Valura
Valura

Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Member Since: 25th Apr 2002
Total posts: 6391
Posted:It sounds like being in the middle of two worlds isnt helping you become centre of your own world.
Maybe it is a time of contemplation for you...
Grab a nice relaxing incense (night queen is great for reflection) and take a night to yourself. Maybe sit infront of a fireplace (or a heater if you dont have a fireplace) and relax...
Feel what is right for you...Do you feel more emotionally furfilled when you are with your firey friends? Or when you are in your stable world? Do you feel happy when you step back from both and take some time for your self? Maybe have a rest from one for a while and see what is it that you miss from that lifestyle and then vice versa...that way you will let your heart speak to your mind about what makes you happiest...and that at the end of the day is what is important.
Speak to people you respect and trust, let them know how your feeling and ask what they see being outside of the situation, yet still close, so that they are able to give an insight of things that you may not be picking up on.
Get a massage. Look after yourself and try to step back from the hustle and bustle that you are experiencing at the moment and let your inner voice speak up to you...It will tell you what you need to hear.
Much love and respect to you and good luck buddy


TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

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JoKoPo
member
Location: Nottingham, England, UK
Member Since: 2nd May 2003
Total posts: 84
Posted:Y'know, as difficult as it can be sometimes, having different worlds can sometimes be an excellent thing.

I have three different worlds, and the people in those worlds are so f*cking different it's scary.

They all dislike each other's worlds, and don't understand why I want to do these things.

But sometimes you want to let loose and you can't do that with your work mates - so you go and have a wild night with your spinner friends/students/etc. cos they know how to party.

But sometimes you need a bit of peace and good intelligent conversation (but that I'm hinting all your friends apart from teacher friends are stupid, but you know what I mean) so you go chill with that group.

Sometimes being a chameleon is great, because you have such a diverse friendship group, you're never gonna feel out of place.

Your friends may in time learn to respect all the other things you get up to.

Maybe the solution is enjoying all the wonderful people you know...

xxxxxx


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*Meet me in outer space... I will hold you close if you're afraid of heights...xXxXx

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sunbeam
sunbeam

old hand
Location: Madrid
Member Since: 20th Nov 2001
Total posts: 1032
Posted:i like Dio's advice about being a bridge/window

don't limit yourself to labels

big empathy to you NYC - I work in the city and am doing the whole 9-5 bit but if I was really doing what I wanted to do I'd be out in a field somewhere talking to the birds and the trees and twirling stuff.

Unfortunately it's really hard to opt out of society unless you go off to alaska and try to live on berries, but I've found that as long as you have confidence and believe in what you're doing people don't have a problem.

It's when people sense your self-doubt that they pick up on it and start to doubt you. So whatever you do; do it wholeheartedly - or just don't do it.

That's my advice

No regrets

sunbeam


"I don't take drugs. I am drugs" - Salvador Dali

sunny

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Cassandra
Cassandra

Froggie ... Ribbit !!!
Location: Back in Paris... for now !
Member Since: 8th Jun 2001
Total posts: 4224
Posted:I am so sorry cause this is going to be the least interesting post of this thread and off topic too and all that but

MY KNUCKLEAHD ... guess what ???? I will be flying from tampa to NYC on the 11th till the 15th of July

ah ah ah ah ah you and your princess and everyone get ready for some massage and cooking and smiling and dancing all together

I AM SO HAPPY

AND ... for some reason I cannot send you PM or email ???? you blocking me ? ;P

YAY

shine on
with sooo much love and respect for you buddy
Cass


"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"

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PK_
PK_

Lambretta Fanatic

Member Since: 20th Dec 2001
Total posts: 4991
Posted:quote:Originally posted by Cassandra:
ah ah ah ah ah you and your princess and everyone get ready for some massage and cooking and smiling and dancing all together
right i'm off, i'm gonna join the masses flocking to NYC's house for good cooking and massage's oh hugs and dancing too.... and SPHONGLE. oOoOoOo dis intno rave mon, tis a dancehall.


PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

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Cassandra
Cassandra

Froggie ... Ribbit !!!
Location: Back in Paris... for now !
Member Since: 8th Jun 2001
Total posts: 4224
Posted:PK, you do not have to make it NY, you can just come to EJC and I promise you a big massage and many giggles...

sorry for being so off topic... where is NYC anyway ???? buddy ??? I miss you

shine on
Cass


"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:(Off topic... dunno why you haven't heard back Ms. Cass... I've replied to every email and PM. And don't go talking any PKs out of coming to New York... we've got a darn lack of quality spinners out here...)

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Charles
Charles

Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
Location: Auckland
Member Since: 27th Jun 2001
Total posts: 3989
Posted:(back on topic)

NYC, I know exactly how you feel. At most points of my life i ahve had the same sort of issues with groups of friends, to the point where I had two seperate 21st's at University and one quiet one at home.

One was for my pisshead/boy racer friends, the other was for my 'academic' friends. Both groups were fine whenever I as with them but they coudln't stand each other.

It was exhausting! Trying to keep them apart and keep up with seeing everyone and I finally found a partial solution.

Don't call or organise anything with anyone for a month or so. See who calls you, or asks you to go with them.

Suddenly, you go from about 30 - 40 high maintenance friends and groups to about a dozen.

It even served a purpose i hadn't considered. some of my friends from different groups do get on together, but only when they are OUT OF THEIR groups.

So Pisshead one and science boy one will actually get together and talk about playstation games for an hour or two while we drive to get the pizza.

But they don't get on when their friends are around, maybe because they are trying to keep their images up?

Anyway, I really recommend just lying low for a while and see who are real friends and who just happen to hang around in the same groups. It helps to know this anyway for future situations too!

hope it's helped a little


HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

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Fire Mama
member
Location: West coast gal,Canada
Member Since: 1st May 2003
Total posts: 53
Posted:Hey bro...
Maybe you're going thru Saturn return. Happens anywhere from age 27 to 33 or so. Basically it's an intense time of change and personal growth and realizations.(I'm there...just a thought)
Too bad that folks won't come out of their comfort zones...we gotta just love them for who they are and respect them as souls walkin this plane and chosing their routes (physicaly, mentally, and creatively). Folks in world A are equally important to you as folks in world B..as well as anyone who has left and imprint on your life. No need to abandon one for the other...it's not your issue that they can't all understand eachother. Just be true to yourself and encompass all the people who are walking the same path as you, be it fellow spinners, teachers, whatever.
You are 100 % you every moment...whether it be with the spinners or the teachers.
I think it's blessing to be a worldbridger.


Thru meditation I program my heart to beat break beats and hum bass lines on exhilation....

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musashii
musashii

starring Skippy the green llama
Location: Seattle, WA
Member Since: 14th Dec 2002
Total posts: 1148
Posted:On the same note, you end up opening up more people's minds by bridging worlds. I used to think I had to choose between work and play, but in reality I couldn't be one without the other. They are simply two parts of the whole, a larger field of vision that you definitely seem capable of NYC The teachers I know are some of the most open-minded inspirational people I know, n they have usually a wide range of interests, and wouldn't be the people they were without them.

Much sympathy PK, I know that would be torture for me right now. You could say follow your heart, but what if your heart is in two places? Ever hear the old cheezy metaphor about juggling 5 balls? All are rubber(work,recreation, etc) except one, n the one glass ball is your family and friends. Believe it, you don't get second chances at love.


First intention, then enlightenment..
Ars Pyronomica

" Life is programmed. Whether death is programmed or not is yet to be determined."

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DeepSoulSheep
DeepSoulSheep

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Berlin
Member Since: 25th Sep 2002
Total posts: 2617
Posted:I know what you mean. I have 2 distinct groups of friends that just don't mix at all.

I have my bestest friends that work with me in a financial institution that chow creatine and go to the gym, love Mcdonalds, drive big fast cars, couldn't care less except for what affects them....don't think outside the box at all.

Then I've my friends who I go drumming with, organise free parties, beach parties, fire, vegetarian, HATE Mcdonalds, care for the environment.

They just don't see eye to eye and neither have interest in the other. I understand the loneliness cause I feel that. I feel neither is getting all of me and all I seem to do is spend time alone moving between the 2.

On one hand I'm a deepsoul and on the other just another sheep. I can only offer sympathy and support though, I don't really know what else to say cause I haven't my head round it either yet.


I like Charles' suggestion of not calling anyone though.


I live in a world of infinite possibilities.

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:There are some really awesome points in this thread. And since its such a relevant topic all the points were really that much more relevant to me.

I know most of us have different worlds. And even more of US- that is, anyone crazy enough to juggle fire has got to be open minded enough to accept other things in their lives.

I really appreciated kitty's comments about chosing those that were the most stable. Long term investments are certainly the best way to go about making life decisions.

I know that I've always been a person to accept all kinds of people and ideas (offline anyway). Sometimes I get frustrated when others' lives seem so small and unwilling to embrace new experiences.

I also realize that I do have a lovely menu to chose from each weekend. Hrmmm... do I feel like the Thai food with Firespinners tonight? Or the Baked Chicken with College friends? Sometimes I even call around to get 'bids' from different groups and then decide.

I guess in a way a good portion of us long for those arbitrary friend groups we made in High School. What a random group of kids I used to hang out with. I know if I met them today we'd never be able to get the group of us in the same place at the same time. Even they've split into different worlds...


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Katinca
Katinca

See my vest.... see my vest...
Location: Adelaide - South Australia
Member Since: 9th May 2001
Total posts: 693
Posted:Dis is Josh.

Your Other worlds will wait, and mortgages and long term investments (be they property or of the soul) hardly ever make good stories to tell grandkids.

Live your life, there is always time for stability..entropy is not an option.

I know how you feel. I felt that way a while back, and just pressed on with the fire wierdness. Dunno...tis a bit like leaving school, suddenly you have a far smaller group, but of really good friends...but isnt that what its all about? Id rather have a handful of people that know me through and through than a bunch that dont know me at all.

Josh

PS PK you are a dude - sorry to seeyou down, and I hope you sort things out quick. Thanks for looking after us, and I'd return the favour in an instant.


Love and Light

~*~ Katinca ~*~

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PK_
PK_

Lambretta Fanatic

Member Since: 20th Dec 2001
Total posts: 4991
Posted:love to you guys, its been fantastic having you guys around and we only played once too
thanks for all you help too josh [mailform isnt sending to email address though dont ask me]

i had probably the best chat with a real good and true friend yesterday [hugs to you pele ], my head is feeling so much lighter right now after just that chat, there rest of the day just flowed nicly and no hicups, i thnk now that i have spoken with friends and got advise, and started dealing with my problems myself, i feel so much better. thanks to flynt too, your a star

hugs to every one and thank you.

one for NYC too, move here you wont want any other friends other than me, i'll keep you locked in the cupboard for safe keeping.


PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

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Kittytheravequeen
member
Location: down the bottom of the garden,...
Member Since: 8th Oct 2002
Total posts: 285
Posted:your welcome NYC everyone cares bout you soooo much here, good luck and take care hunni

i'll draw you a picture ill draw it with a twist ill draw it with a razorblade ill draw it on my wrist and if i do it right a red fountain will appear washing away my sorrow washing away my fear

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:Written by: pk ....:


think your self lucky that you have the option to avoid it all, right now i dont.

i spin for a living, i hang out on homeofpoi cos i do not a great deal else, if i go outside or sit around, i'm doing somthing manipulative with objescts or somthing to do with said subject.







Bumping this up because PKs advice and observations totally changed the way I look at my own life. I really was whiney about it til I looked at the other option. This was two years ago and I still do count myself lucky.



I'm glad I can get away from work to my poi friends, and get away from my poi friends to my nonpoi friends, and get away from my friends by visiting my family, and get away from them all by going to work.



And there are a very few people that travel between my worlds, and they're even more sacred to me. ubblove



Not much has changed with respects to my worlds being different, except my outlook on it.



I really do think PKs comment tow years ago made me appreciate my life more.



I know he probably won't even read this cuz he's off in Italian Bliss.



I guess that's his good Karma coming full circle. hug


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Sethis
Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University
Member Since: 16th May 2005
Total posts: 1762
Posted:I think it would be a wonderful idea to lay low for a coupla weeks, but what happens if NO-ONE calls you? How depressed would you get?

I'm personally floating free at the mo, cos I'm about to go off to uni and make dozens of new friends! (Well, maybe not dozens...) I had a beautiful last day at school because I realised that all these people are going to disappear forever and I don't care, except for about 6 of them. Maybe it's different when you're grown up, but I think it's good if you occassionally shake up your social circles. It hurts at the time, but finding new people is always worth it.


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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The Tea Fairy
The Tea Fairy

old hand
Location: Behind you...
Member Since: 2nd Jul 2004
Total posts: 853
Posted:It's still fun when you're a grown-up Sethis, I can't wait til I leave this job and don't have to see any of these fuckwits again.

'I think it would be a wonderful idea to lay low for a coupla weeks, but what happens if NO-ONE calls you? How depressed would you get?'

Been there, done it. It's not that depressing (well, a bit depressing), you just learn to like your own company more.

I'm just coming out of the [censored]-end of uni at the moment. Make the most of it! It does really change your life, being away from home among all these new people, getting new interests and stuff. Lots happens in 3 years.

Uni will really be what you make of it, it's not always easy... the uni I went to was nothing like what I expected it to be, led to some pretty bad social isolation for a bit. I was expecting to be surrounded by people with similar interests to me who I'd get on with, but it didn't quite happen like that. I've got some good mates now though, but the old ones are long gone. I still miss them sometimes, but now is a new chapter in my life so I'm not looking back.


Idolized by Aurinoko

Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....

Bob Dylan

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