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Posted: I have just finished Year 12. Done my last exam. Sat in my last classroom. I have been wishing for this day for so many years but now that it is here, i feel a great anti-climax. The first few hours were weird, i didnt feel any different. Then i felt happy and light knowing that i had put so much time into this and i really did finish it. I thought that once year 12 was over i would have answers to many questions. But the truth is, i dont and im more scared about everything than i couldve imagined. I have been sitting up at night thinking. Many questions running through my mind:
- What am i meant to be doing?
Is there something that i should be doing with my life. Is it possible to actually screw up your own life by making one decision like 'what i want to do after i finish skool?'
- What is the meaning of life?
This question seems really deep but im sure at one point you must sit and ponder the answers available. Is there actually something that each of us are meant to achieve in our lifes? Or are we meant to wander aimlessly through our lives not understanding why we are actually here. Now this is not a depressing question, although sometimes it can pose that problem.
- Why are we sooo compelled to 'act'?
I see many people that 'act'......meaning they just play along with other people, not actually being ourselves. I see myself do it aswell and i cant help but question my own motives behind that. Are we so insecure as a society that we must 'act' a certain way so other people might like us or that one person will notice us more? I dont notice I'm actually doing it until afterwards when i look back and say 'that was not how i really am'. I like to think that most of the time i am completly honest and without guards. But again, not always.
These questions have been playing in my mind recently like a broken record. I know, many people would think, 'dont worry about all that stuff, just have fun'. I say that to others and myself alot of the time. But i cant help but think about it.
Sometimes i feel like i am looking for an answer where there are none. And other times i feel like i know the answer but its the question that i dont know.
I love reading and i am always looking out for books that offer different thoughts. Like the Celestein Prophercy. I read that last year and for a short time it changed my life. I read it again recently and i find myself contemplating life alot more. Does anyone know any good books or thesis's that are available? I would love to read them.
I believe that i, as many other people do, have the burden of knowledge. As a child, 5-10 years old, i really didnt know anything about life and think those were the happiest days of my life. Everything was a mystery to me. Now I have found answers to alot of the questions that i never knew as a kid. Now i think about it more, i will never get that mystery back, but while i am still asking questions i should find some more answers.
If this doesnt really make sense, i apologise. My mind is so scattered these days. It is speeding through the short highway that is life.
So many questions, some with answers some without. So many answers, some with questions some without.
Posted: I like this thread-brings back memories of graduating high school. As well, those same feelings come up again when you finish university-which seems like an abyss-something you'll never get out of. I'm finishing up grad school now after having worked a few years after uni, and am still evaluating life. I see nothing wrong with questioning life and yourself. Although, I feel like I'm always in one of two places. Either I'm bored and irritated with my situation, thus I start thinking of ways to get out of that... OR I do something about it, but then start stressing about life because I'm so busy I can never do things for me. I struggle with balance in life. I know I like to be challenged, but sometimes I put too much on my plate (ie. working full-time, going to teacher's college full-time, owning 5 pets, taking a correspondence course etc...).
I'm really interested in Into The Wild right now-I've seen the movie, and am reading the book. What a fellow that Alex Supertramp was.
I've been in London for over 5 years now, first 4 years I was at uni and it was a great experience, then when I finished I had to get a job straight away to pay rent, bills etc so I've been working in an office ever since. I really don't feel like I'm fulfilling my own potential, I want a more clearly defined career based on some kind of skill, that means something to me personally... I'm thinking about doing a PGCE and becoming a teacher but can't get my head around how to survive financially while studying again without taking on another big loan.
Me and my bf want to move back closer to our parents in Gloucestershire early next year too, my bf's dad is quite ill and we don't know for sure how much longer he'll be with us, so it's really important for my bf to spend some more time with his family and helping out his mum. I love the countryside and London never won me over completely, so I'm more than happy to go back somewhere rural, but I'm completely stuck for what jobs to go for back there... everything seems to pay peanuts compared to the wages you expect to get in London! Cost of living will be cheaper, but I don't know how much by...
I just feel really confused, eager to make the next move career-wise and go back to study more, eager to move out of London, but completely lost as to how to plan and afford and co-ordinate everything that's going on right now.
Idolized by Aurinoko
Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....