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Forums > Social Discussion > On Long Distances and Special People

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:We won't even go into in general how my friends tend to be at all corners of america and europe and not anywhere near me. Which gets a little lonely, altho i love them dearly. But it tends to be a bit harder when someone you particuarly fancy is on the far side of an ocean from you...

Now, we're not in a relationship. Because there's an ocean. and some other problems of that type. But its near enough- we spend hours of the day talking, and we quite care about and fancy each other. I was wondering what kind of suggestions people had to ease the time we're apart- we're planning when we'll see each other next, and such, but just wondering what people do....

-Kyri


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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animatEd
BRONZE Member since Aug 2004

animatEd

1 + 1 = 3
Location: Bristol UK

Total posts: 3540
Posted:What I do is I find it very hard...



Sorry, not very helpful...



Talking on the phone is really expensive, especially when you spend hours on the phone... MSN is *OK* but things said tend to get taken wrongly... Writing letters... I'm not a letter writer. I suck at putting things down on paper...

EDITED_BY: Loves the Circus (1123266632)


Empty your mind. Be formless, Shapeless, like Water.
Put Water into a cup, it becomes the cup, put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Water can flow, or it can Crash.
Be Water My Friend.

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rowanlee


member
Location: west coast

Total posts: 99
Posted:move
hug


wherever you go, there you are

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:Well, planning on moving, actually. (Altho only getting myself within half-an-hour). But some thing need to be sorted before then- I'd figure about a year maybe a little more.

-K.


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:Umm. Tricky. I'm in a relationship with a girl 88 miles away and it's difficult and hurts enough to see her about once every 3 weeks, nevermind being an ocean apart...

Internet is good, have you looked into getting webcams? then you can actually talk to each other. Not sure how much that'll cost though.

Sorry, that's not really helpful. Good Luck to finding something! hug


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Seye
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

Seye

Geek
Location: Manchester, UK

Total posts: 1261
Posted:Skype - Free voice calls using the net smile

Webcams are good too - you can get them for next to nothing now. (a lot of digital camera's can now function as one too).

Skype is the one though - if you both have broadband then there is no better way of staying in touch.

smile


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Sethis
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:You know I might just be a little paranoid here, but how can they run their business? Free talking? Free messaging? Are you sure there's no spyware or anything in that?

I'm not trying to insult you, or doubt you or anything, it just seems slightly too good to be true. (plus the "It's like a big group hug" attitude is a bit eerie umm )


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:fascinating. my computer is far too unstable at the moment, but i'm gonna switch to fedora core 4 as soon as I have a place to back my stuff up.

the thing is tho, we're both pretty busy, we just happen to both use the internet for a fair amount of things and be good at multitasking. straight up interaction is necessairly limited- altho we do tend to leave cute messages occasioanlly


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:well I was 600 miles away from the guy I loved. so I moved biggrin

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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animatEd
BRONZE Member since Aug 2004

animatEd

1 + 1 = 3
Location: Bristol UK

Total posts: 3540
Posted:Written by: Sethis

You know I might just be a little paranoid here, but how can they run their business? Free talking? Free messaging? Are you sure there's no spyware or anything in that?

I'm not trying to insult you, or doubt you or anything, it just seems slightly too good to be true. (plus the "It's like a big group hug" attitude is a bit eerie umm )



I'm the same...

I heard something about being able to tell when people have actually blocked you, rather than just having people appearing as offline... Isn't that an invasion of privacy? Being able to see that ?

I'm not too convinced by SKYPE either.


Empty your mind. Be formless, Shapeless, like Water.
Put Water into a cup, it becomes the cup, put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot.
Water can flow, or it can Crash.
Be Water My Friend.

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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 4145
Posted:Hey Kyri smile

I've had 2 across-the-sea-relationships even though the sea in question was just the North Sea... we used to make cheap calls, as with calling cards. An hour only came down to about a dollar or 1.50, but still that does add up at the end of the month wink


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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newgabe
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali

Total posts: 4030
Posted:Written by: Loves the Circus




Talking on the phone is really expensive, especially when you spend hours on the phone... MSN is *OK* but things said tend to get taken wrongly...





Yep, skype.



www.skype.com



If you have a computer and the other person has a computer you can talk for free. It works. Talking is important, keeping communication going. It also helps things stay real so you dont end up relating more to the fantasy/memory in your heads.



Written by: Sethis


You know I might just be a little paranoid here, but how can they run their business?





How they make their money is that if you want to, you can buy 'skype credit' and talk cheaply to any landline or mobile. The other person does not have to be connected with Skype at all. The connection isn't always perfect but the money saving is fantastic. And you can use it from internet cafes as well, if they have it loaded.

There's also Skype text chat ( which sometimes has its own charms...)



My 'absent ones' are my kids, and Skype's been great for us ... sometimes free talk, sometimes paid Skype calls, plus MSN, text, whatever we can!


.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:I agree with phone cards for those where the other person doesn't have broadband. Sometimes the connection is wonky but yeah, they are *wonderful*. In the past I've set up times once a week or so where we could talk for whatever the amount of time on the card is. It takes work, but it is sooooooo nice to be able to chat and hear his/her voice.

You can also keep a little "journal". Just get a notebook and write anything in it that you want to say to the person, about your day, when you thought of him/her and what made you do it, etc. When it's full you can send it off in a little care package. Before my friend Kristin married her husband in Holland, they did the long distance thing for 6 years, and a relative of mine married a guy in Australia but long distanced him for a couple years. And I've used it on my ld's and it does help.
Those two would also get things like a sweatshirt he wore (not all sweaty or anything) or put his cologne on and I know Kristin would sleep with it till the smell wore off, wash it, wear it and send it back. She said it was comforting. I don't know what Judy did with hers come to think of it! umm

LD is completely doable...it's just tough and takes alot of effort. All relationships do but if s/he is worth it, then the "work" is not so bad.

Best of luck to both of you!


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:The clothing thing particuarly amuses me at the moment considering we are really just about the same size.

Its really interesting what triggers memories.... smell is such a big one and its not something we ever think about..... *momentary memory bliss*

I really like the ideas! thank you smile


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Seye
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

Seye

Geek
Location: Manchester, UK

Total posts: 1261
Posted:Written by: newgabe

Written by: Sethis

You know I might just be a little paranoid here, but how can they run their business?



How they make their money is that if you want to, you can buy 'skype credit' and talk cheaply to any landline or mobile. The other person does not have to be connected with Skype at all. The connection isn't always perfect but the money saving is fantastic. And you can use it from internet cafes as well, if they have it loaded.
There's also Skype text chat ( which sometimes has its own charms...)


Newgabe knows the score smile

Calling landlines is sometimes a bit crackly and quiet but a hell of a lot cheaper than making the same call through a normal network.

They make their money by having minimal running costs. They actually provice very little themselves other than the software that runs calls over the internet. Obviously calling to landlines is a bit different.

If you do use Skype i'd advise getting headsets - its just too wiered talking to your microphone while the other persons voice comes out of the speakers.


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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:I have to say anything VOIP like isn't gonna do very well by me. I'm thinking about going to TTY for my landline, so anything that fecks up what i'm hearing more is just about useless to me.... i've actually been getting along ok with most mobiles, but its a little iffy- echoes and static are gonna be too hard on me.

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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VampyricAcid
SILVER Member since Jun 2005

VampyricAcid

veteran
Location: My House

Total posts: 1286
Posted:ive never had any problem with skype, except my mic was a little quiet, so i had to buy a USB handset, but its much easier than haveing a mic and speakers anyway. im in a similar situation, ive just met someone and she is all the way in connecticut (see i know how to spell it biggrin biggrin biggrin), which is a bit of a swim from cambridge lol

Proudly Owned By The BMVC

Are You Sniffing My Mitten?

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Lavatwilight
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Lavatwilight

old hand
Location: Wellington somerset, UK

Total posts: 834
Posted:it is damned difficult, my fair lady is living in paris at the mo, and has been for ever, but is moving in less than a month thank you uni biggrin
infact more than a huge smile more of a :goingcrazywithanticipationandjoy: type thing

hours on the phone, epensive tho it is is the best we have, msn is nice but you just cant talk to some one on msn it lacks lots but then....
letter writing is nice on the occastion, wonderful suppurise to come down check the mail and there be something that isnt trying to sell yo something or take your money.

how to cope...with difficulity, but it is most deffinalty worth it, if you can long distance you can do anything


Drawings by chalk minds, strech between the stars

Kyle Mclean-
Contact without dance is like sex without wiggling.
A) it does feel as good
B) it does not look as good on film

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Bekar
PLATINUM Member since May 2005

Bekar

Best fire theatre of BY, PL and UA in 2007, Bychyna competition
Location: Minsk, Belarus

Total posts: 54
Posted:... My lady is living in Moskow... I'm in Minsk... It takes only 700 km to got to Moskow... But in Belarus the average month salary is about $70... And a cheapest ticket costs $40...

Only the hitch-hiking helps me...


Best Regards, Aliaksej <span style="font-weight: bold">"Bekar"</span> Burnosenka,<br />Fire and Medieval Theatre <span style="font-weight: bold"> "DiGrease's Buffoon Theatre"</span> <br /> <br />e-mail: bekar@tut.by<br />phone: +375 29 5076263<br />Minsk, Belarus

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rowanlee


member
Location: west coast

Total posts: 99
Posted:My favorite long distance love has just dicovered the telephone! Very exciting! ;-)
( if you are reading this,hi sweet one-- just teasing....)
hug


wherever you go, there you are

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:glad to know i'm not the only one ... tongue here's to hoping it comes out well for all involved !

beerchug

-Kyri smile


PS, more suggestions are good- loved journal idea particuarly, and clothing!


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost

Total posts: 1247
Posted:What we did:
- every couple of weeks, we would send each other tapes or cds of favorite music, each song on the compilations selected and ordered to say something about what was going on in our lives, the relationship , or general feelings... It was fun putting them together, and fun interpreting the meaning when you received one. Music captures so much of a shared expereince. He was a musician, so they would get intersperesed with samples of his own current projects. Beautiful.

- we made personal crossword puzzles for each other with hidden messages

- since he did not like to write letters, he would copy or send poems he thought I might enjoy, then we would talk about them on the phone. Or we would read books at the same time, so we could debate their content etc. It sort of kept us on the same page, 'scuse the pun.

- because we did not see each other for loooong stretches, tempatation in the form of other bodacious beings would rear its ugly head. I would suggest being very clear about the boundaries of your relationship,is it strictly monogomous or not, and in what way? Because sometimes, concrete needs- being touched, and loved and laughed with, in the immediate sense, will be a huge draw. So work out what is acceptable and what is not, communicate bravely and clearly, and dont fool yourself about what you can manage( and what you can not!)

- we did do the clothes thing, I still have a shirt that somehow, still smells of him!

- all good men send chocolate or other treats to their long distance love . Make sure he knows this. You , of course, reciprocate with whatever does that same euphoria for him...

* sorry to assume male gender, it is just for ease of writing. Same goes for women!

So much more, but you will just find out what works for you as you go along, and I do wish you luck. I have seen the long distance relationships work, and also not work, there is not guarantee either way.Individuals determine their own fate in this. ( and to a degree, customs and immigration. But that is another story I will share at a later point...)

I would just be sure that you are enjoying it, at all stages, rather than holding out thinking it will get better at some future mythological point!

good luck and best wishes, ~A


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:Written by:
I would just be sure that you are enjoying it, at all stages, rather than holding out thinking it will get better at some future mythological point!



god how true this is! This is not just for long distance people! Not to say you should run at the first sign of trouble, but... but that is a statement most ignore to their detriment.

I'm gonna have to end this here, midthought, because i have to go help a friend...


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

Delete

Lavatwilight
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Lavatwilight

old hand
Location: Wellington somerset, UK

Total posts: 834
Posted:grrr today "she" goes away for two weeks, further away than normal with no phone, with her parents, and since because of long stories, of many things i am on the "banned" list of people to be contacted.

it is perfectly survivable, but very difficult.

ah well uni is soon, then for actually being togeather again.
ubblove

I will agree with the enjoying it at all stages,
can be a strange thing to enjoy missing some one so much, and yet quite a comforting thing for both i occasionly notice. smile

for things to keep us on the same page,
both of us are physicists, both going to university to study it,
and draw as much plesure from it as from most things,
gives good ground, for discussion ideas contemlation.
and clothes that still smell of eachother *sigh* mmm
ok look at me i turn to a mush.

well you get the ideas.

smile


Drawings by chalk minds, strech between the stars

Kyle Mclean-
Contact without dance is like sex without wiggling.
A) it does feel as good
B) it does not look as good on film

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:thank you so much for wonderful suggestions andrea! i had a more coherent reply earlier, but a lot has happened today! so just accept thanks ubbrollsmile

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

Delete

Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:Tea is something you can send internationally, so I like to send tea with books I am into, and I make notes in the margin. (I do this anyway but....) Sometimes private messages just for the person, sometimes notes about the story...let's him get into my head a bit.

Create art...draw pictures of one another and share them. A friend and I did this for months and it made us laugh each time we did it. It doesn't matter if you can draw or not, it is the fun of it.

My friend did something I hadn't thought of...a photo journal type of thing (for those who don't like to write). She took photos of favorite places, herself, etc and such, and made them into puzzles before she sent them. How fun? I was thinking it might be nice to do it also in a where's Waldo thing as well, only something important to you in each photo and s/he has to find it.

I agree with the music thing too. It can be sooooo comforting and wonderful, and depending on the music...damn racey!

You can also tape your voice. Take the person for a ride in your car with you with a mini-tape recorder. I've done it a few times and it has always been so nice to get one in return.

Things need not be inconveniencing or uber-artistic to mean something. I think I felt the most close to someone when I was creating something with him/her in mind, or spending time trying to figure something s/he sent me out. It was fun *and* made me feel like I was giving that person time they deserved...does that make sense?


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Mynci
BRONZE Member since Apr 2005

Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free...

Total posts: 8737
Posted:I feel ya sethis my lovelly lady is 120 miles away but i drive there twice a week if i can. for the weekend and 1 night a week. like tonight. biggrin
I go without so i can afford petrol to go see her and she is taking her test so we can split the costs


A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:thank you so much people!!! Is so wonderful...

The internet gets so limited... the worst part to me is I can't possibly do an effective job of comforting someone without being in the same room :/ frown


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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