I wanted to let everyone who has emailed me know that I haven't been putting you off, I have been trying to figure out how to piece my life back together since my accident. Finally after a month of out of hospital recovery I have been okay'd to return to a semi-normal life, just not overly active for the next few months, which those who know me know this will be difficult. In my time in the hospital I lost my home, my job and owed $27 to someone who didn't know what happened so the person tried to have me arrested for it.
While life is still beautiful, it is hard (was it ever meant to be easy?). Things are slowly working themselves out. My health is getting better and I am moving on, literally and figuratively.
In all of this I have been very contemplative. I have wondered if performing is something I should continue to do. I have lost a few members of my crew due to lack of support since the accident. I have been asked to help create a Ren Faire for 2004, to manage a fellow performers career and write skits for another performer. I have been wondering if I should, or if I am misleading these people into a shaky and difficult exsistance. I have debated not spinning anymore lately. I think it is more fear that I have lost what semblence of skill I had over the past 10 or so weeks. I want to feel the resistance of the air, the smoothness of the handles, the flow of the motion but when I go to pick them up something clicks and I end up writing.
Then I was out with PWB while he was getting his hair cut and reading an article about picking up after being knocked on your arse and starting over. I wonder if I would be starting over or just starting from a more educated position. It's amazing how little gems of wisdom show up right when you need them.
And then I think of the many of you I have come to know over the past few years, and how without performing I would've never had that chance. I think of, though sometimes distant, how I enjoy what togetherness we have shared. My doubts and questions will most likely continue but I do not see how I could turn away from a world that has taught me so much about myself, and others. A world that has brought remarkable people into my life, joy abound and memories that will last a lifetime.
I guess I just needed to babble things out. Thanks for your support, patience, love and understanding.
Pele Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir "Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall "And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK
i hadda big crash one in melbourne, smahed the guys windscreen, totalled my front wheel.
I was a little nervouse about hitting the streets again, but i went for a fun ride when my hip and bike was repaired, and it was fine, im more carefull, stopped going through orange lights, but the flight i found again, just get back on the bike.
your a pro doll, do you know how lucky you are to be so? I and a lot of other peaple here would give thier eye teeth to do this for a full time living. unless you really dont want that, stick with it.
This is a post by tom, all spelling is deleberate -><- Kallisti
Sporadically Prodigal Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Total posts: 2758
How you doin hun? Email me sometime when you have the time and energy, yeah?
Re: your leading people astray into the difficult world of entertaining.... I don't think you can make those decisions for these people.
You can certainly share your experience: the good and the bad, but you know as well as I do that people will do what they want regardless, and the best thing for you to do is offer your support and knowledge; helping them do it the right way.
And, don't worry. Fire isn't going to go away and neither will your skills. I've lit up twice in the last 6 months... the first time my heart wasn't in it and it felt pretty average, but a couple of weekends ago I was spontaneously thrust a pair of blazing doubles and had a great time: It felt right and i reveled in that completeness and contentment that I sometimes find when I'm firedancing.
Don't know about you, but my spirit is all fire. I'm a Chinese Fire Snake, a sagittarian with sagittarian rising with four other fire signs in my chart. My birthstone is Topaz. Fire fire fire. When my spirits were low, as they had been for most of this year, my inclination to firedance was minimal. You get out what you put in, and if you can only put in a small amount then it's often just not worth it.
Take the time to recharge your mind, body and spirit. When everything comes back together, I'm sure the Fire Goddess within you will reawaken and once again demand your attention, and that of every single person privelaged enough to be your audience.
fear not. everything will work out, cos it has to!
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100 characters max... Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Total posts: 2996
Posted:Just cos you decide today not to spin, doesn't mean you can't change your mind tomorrow and take out the poi again. You won't really forget, although your muscles might find it tough finding the rhythms again immediately.
You don't have to make a final decision about this.
And as for leading people astray, managing someones career etc, trust me, you won't. I think everyone here knows you are someone who can be relied upon to give sound advice and treat with care the lives of those around you.
Take care and step sure and safe
It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.
What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...