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Forums > Social Chat > Relationships or freedom?

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Page: 12345
PsychoTronic


stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens

Total posts: 80
Posted:hello I am PsyTron and I am clean ubbrollsmile
I was in relationship the last 5 years of my life(i am 23-24 now) with 3 different people.Normally I thought that there is not any other kind of relationship except serious ones.(when I say serious i do not mean marriage).I broke up with my last boyfriend one month ago.We were together for 2 years.We were practicaly living together.This relationship, i knew it was making me weak:( too much pressure.Here is a song that I like and I have never listened to the lyrics until now... and i think it sais a lot of what i want to say:
here's my life and here's my way
and here's my body here's my pain
meet my mother see my train
get on get on get on get on

walk with me in my strange life
I've no things to show and no things to hide
life is fair and this blooming game
will go on and on and on

this possession never was a question
a healer for this tension
tenderness and pressure
from my warnings all you got was your needs
all you did was promise
you were only fake

little by little touch by touch
our eyes grew cold our hands grew rough
little by little losing touch
hello hello hello hello

failed in trust got sunk in pain
obsessed with love and clouds and rain
lives collapse and this [censored] game
goes on and on and on



the last 4 lines are what i really know from my experience.
In this time of my life I do not want to have any relationship.I have someone that we talk and we sleep together but I do not want anything more.Enough is enough redface

so what do you think???


"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



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PsychoTronic


stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens

Total posts: 80
Posted:NYC you are such a romantic teddy bear ubblove
It is so nice that you think in that way but pet some logic in.I think that you pressure yourself without even know it... eek hug


"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



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PsychoTronic


stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens

Total posts: 80
Posted:hey nearly_all_gone
the fact that you do not feel complete when you are not in a relationship or you dont have a very close friendship seems like a weakness to me! biggrin


"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



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PsychoTronic


stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens

Total posts: 80
Posted:We people cannot stand being alone we think that we are too poor and we try to steal things from other ones in relationship.We are trying to get some feelings that we have out of ourselves.If we do not have that feelings we create them.We are trying so hard to keep our relationship well so we forget ourselves and mostly we forget the reason that we made it.We just wanted to express ourselves and to have fun,to have a good time.And when it ends we pick up our pieces and say: I am ready to love again.CAN'T you people SEE that??????It is just a f.... game and it hurts.

"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



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PK_
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

PK_

Lambretta Fanatic


Total posts: 4993
Posted:bang on with that one dude.

people change too, dont forget that!... i know i have over this past year.

now how to avoid my ex at my house this christmas day?? any help?


PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

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nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton

Total posts: 1626
Posted:Written by: PsychoTronic

hey nearly_all_gone
the fact that you do not feel complete when you are not in a relationship or you dont have a very close friendship seems like a weakness to me! biggrin



Good for you. Personally I see myself as a social, loving person, who has never had a very bad experience of relationships. I don't see that as particularly weak, just honest. I could very easily come on and say "I'm single, I'm proud, I'm strong and independant" but I'm not, and it doesn't cause me any problems.


What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

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PsychoTronic


stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens

Total posts: 80
Posted:I do not say to be single but if you do not feel complete when you are in a single situation it seems that you cannot feel complete with yourself ubbrollsmile
This does not mean that you are a person of a lesser God.I am much of a loving person myself but what I have seen from many many hours of thought and many experiences and a lot of pain is that we should try to love ourselves and try to feel complete.Not to love ourselves inside the others.I have seen that when I was in a relationship(strong one)I was finding and loving me and even look at myself from the eyes of my boyfriend.I have started to believe that I was who he believed I was.Which is totaly wrong.I was starting to behave like Vassia of Nick or Vassia of Helias and not like Vassia of Vassia.It is nice to be a loving person.I am totaly in love with all of people smile but trust me on this we must love ourselves first.Now I am figuring out who I am.I do things for me and I have started loving me.I have a lot of free time and I do things that I like.I do not have to worry about having time with anyone just to head along with my relationship.
Again I dont tell you that what you said is wrong I am just telling what I have discovered from what I have lived the past 5 years.I have put a lot of thought in these matters and I got out from that situation knowing some things even though my brains are burned ubbloco
kisses and have a good time


"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



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PsychoTronic


stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens

Total posts: 80
Posted:pk .... just tell her the truth! why not mate?

"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



Delete

MiG
GOLD Member since Apr 2004

MiG

Self-Flagellation Expert
Location: Bogged at CG

Total posts: 3415
Posted:said by PT: your girl seems to screw other people

i dont have a girl at the moment. probably due to my views ubblol


"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

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PsychoTronic


stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens

Total posts: 80
Posted:It is just a conversation my friend.My english are tooooooo poor smile

"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



Delete

nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton

Total posts: 1626
Posted:Written by: PsychoTronic


I do not say to be single but if you do not feel complete when you are in a single situation it seems that you cannot feel complete with yourself ubbrollsmile





I don't agree - I just prefer being in a relationship to being single. That's all, I like having that intimacy with someone else as well as intimacy with myself. Interesting post though, makes a lot of sense!



btw - molly and pk, good on you guys biggrin

EDITED_BY: nearly_all_gone (1101993865)


What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

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PK_
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

PK_

Lambretta Fanatic


Total posts: 4993
Posted:i dont even feel it is intimacy that im looking for, i much prefer to be in a relationship too, but for companionship, some one that i can truely spend the rest of my life with and never have a dull moment, she doesnt have to be stunning, thin, fat, tall, short it doesnt matter as long as to me i find that one person in the world and were compatible in that way then i'd hope that would be it till death do us part and all that. But in the mean time it's time to carry on searching, ive done 7+years of relationships now, i dont mind being single what so ever, it scared me before but im over that now. time to look on and keep searching and having fun along the way.

PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

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MiG
GOLD Member since Apr 2004

MiG

Self-Flagellation Expert
Location: Bogged at CG

Total posts: 3415
Posted:perhaps, even, if one really loved a girl/guy, one's own views of that guy/girl would change. something like shallow hal. if you truly loved someone, it may not matter that they are fat/skinny/whatever, but would your own perception of that fatness/skinniness alter? would they literally become more beautiful, even if only in your eyes?

"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

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PK_
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

PK_

Lambretta Fanatic


Total posts: 4993
Posted:take a look in to some ones eyes there you will see love.



I feel that its whats inside that matters not how a person looks on the outside, if i found that love, i hold my head high and feel proud.

I love a girl with a bit of meat! i never seem to be attracted to skinny ones but thats only attraction.

My ex turned into a right fat bitch but i was still proud because i loved her in many ways but the otherways it just didnt work.


PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

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Wild Child
SILVER Member since Sep 2004

Wild Child

Star Trekker
Location: Cheshire

Total posts: 1733
Posted:I was a serial monogamist - from 16 when i met my future husband (3rd ever boyfriend) until the last 1 broke up 4 yrs ago (2nd November 12.30 - yes i remember it well).

But 4 yrs later I can see that most of those relationships I got into because a) the sex was good and b) I didn't want to be single. So to be honest it was no surprise they ended - I was trying to make myself fit their lifestyle and expectations.

Now the deep-seated yearning to be in a relationship is fading, the things I miss are the affection (hugs n kisses) and the quiet times when you don't speak just be - you don't get those from anyone else really. And just someone to be there when I don't feel as strong as everyone thinks I am - to catch me when I fall.

But I don't want those enough to compromise myself anymore - or is it I'm just too damn scared of getting hurt again and I've given up? I really don't know the answer to that one, but as there doesn't appear to be any likely candidates on the horizon it's a bit academic!

As for sex - well, at times I miss the joy & passion of knowing someone intimately & vice versa and other times I could just do with a no-ties shag!

Just wish I'd gone thru all this in my 20's - would've saved me and a few other people a lot of heartache n tears!

I'm single, happy and loving it - but when the right person's in your life it puts a glow on everything

e
x


'The last rays of crimson on the spindle tree as the cerise fruit splits and reveals its orange seeds in a gloriously clashing colour scheme no-one would ever dare to wear'
Euonymous Europeus

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Gayle......!
SILVER Member since Jul 2004

Pooh-Bah
Location: Bristol !!!!!!

Total posts: 2444
Posted:I'm sorry...I'm with the "Relationship" people. Never really done "single" - the thought of it scares me silly. Not the being alone part that's OK - just the "i like you, do you like me? shall we talk, i'll buy you a drink" etc...

The thought of "putting" myself out there scares the bejesus out of me. Most typical places where boys meet girls and vice versa are like cattle markets where only the tastiest slab of meat gets picked.

The relationship i have at the moment is great. I enjoy every minute we spend together but he also encourages me to do everything i've ever dreamed of. He also supports me and helps out wherever he can. I am encouraged to see my friends and he will also encourage me to see them on my own to catch up on the "girle" stuff. So, i get to be myself (v.v.v.independant) wihtout any agro, arguements, rules, jealousy and demands and all the crap that does happen in relationships. oh, and the sex is amazing wink


Gayle.....!

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Durbs
BRONZE Member since Sep 2001

Durbs

Classically British
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England

Total posts: 5688
Posted:Well, being *counts on fingers, toes, elbows and noses* 24, and having been in a relationship for *counts belly-buttons* 6 years... I probably don't have the best experience when it comes to being single.

But being in a relationship is great. Often it's a case of the "grass being greener on the other side" - but the warmth and security (not to mention regular bed action wink ) you get from a close, loving relationship is wicked.

I firmly believe that every relationship has it's ups and downs, highs and lows, arguements, make-ups and that every relationship lives a life of it's own - lives for as long as it wants to and dies when it needs to.

And if anyone says true relationships shouldn't require work is lying smile


Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude

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teejay_blue


teejay_blue

mikes bitch
Location: manchester/northampton/where t...

Total posts: 387
Posted:Written by: BristolPoi (Gayle)

I'm sorry...I'm with the "Relationship" people. Never really done "single" - the thought of it scares me silly. Not the being alone part that's OK - just the "i like you, do you like me? shall we talk, i'll buy you a drink" etc...

The thought of "putting" myself out there scares the bejesus out of me. Most typical places where boys meet girls and vice versa are like cattle markets where only the tastiest slab of meat gets picked.






i completely agree with that, i dont think that its impossible to meet a soul mate in a club or wotever but wen i go out, i go out to have a laugh to my mates n stuff i never go out with the intention to pull in clubs but if i do meet someone there then ill take there phone number n get to know them from there, etc





The relationship i have at the moment is great. I enjoy every minute we spend together but he also encourages me to do everything i've ever dreamed of. He also supports me and helps out wherever he can. I am encouraged to see my friends and he will also encourage me to see them on my own to catch up on the "girle" stuff. So, i get to be myself (v.v.v.independant) wihtout any agro, arguements, rules, jealousy and demands and all the crap that does happen in relationships. oh, and the sex is amazing wink







as for the encouragement part - thats really cool - dont get me wrong, im single n genuinely lovin it but its refreshin to hear something like that!!

good for u girl! biggrin


Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music - angela monet.

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My hairs on fire


My hairs on fire

If its got pistons or boobs, its gonna be expensive...
Location: Cyprus

Total posts: 515
Posted:ok promised myself ide keep shtum on this thread but ah well....
Relationships an stuff huuummm.

Well to be honest ide like nothing more than to be with someone who completed me an made me feel whole. i love all the luvy dovey stuff (hugs an kisses an stuff) an tend to foolishly jump into things a lil too fast. Had nuthin but heart break in every relationship ive ever been in an i dont tottaly know why.
Im single at the moment and am trying to figure myself out an see what i reali want....
Ive got sooo much i wanna do in my life befor i get boring and get a mortgage but ide love to ave a special person to do them all with. Unfortunatly i either avent found ''her'' yet or ive got a personality traite that needs sorting pronto.
Its not just that i want to feel loved, i wanna have someone i can share ebverything with an not ave to wori about how they c me if i break down or whatever.

Soooo im single wanna be in a relationship but cant bring myself to do it at the moment, cant take the heart ache.

Life goes on if were single jus as it does when ur in a relationship.
I jus hope that i can figure myself out soon lol


Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...

ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:Durbs... I agree with you sunshine.

For a relationship to work it requires effort. But that applies to any friendship also. The problems occur when either party doesn't want to put in that effort anymore.

I like being in a relationship... the sex, the connectedness, the sharing. Some of my happiest, most contented times have been shared with someone else.

But then, being single is great too. Thoughts are deeper, you feel a deeper sense of self and wanting to develop and I love the peace of being alone. Some of my best times travelling were sitting alone in the middle of nowhere feeling overwhelmed by it all. (admittedly, it's harder to find that peace now that I'm back in smelly Ireland biggrin)

My hairs on fire - don't rush things mate... just cos everyone else is doing it doesn't mean you have to. Sometimes I rush into relationships which are obviously unsuitable for me just because I want to be hugged - it never works out. And everyone has their issues - you just have to find someone compatible.


Getting to the other side smile

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teejay_blue


teejay_blue

mikes bitch
Location: manchester/northampton/where t...

Total posts: 387
Posted:god, listening to this is makin me feel all lonely n stuff!


no i like bein single n didnt miss bein in a relationship till about 3 minutes ago.... hmmm....


Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music - angela monet.

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vanize
SILVER Member since Aug 2001

vanize

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas

Total posts: 3899
Posted:Written by: Firepoise

I like being in a relationship... the sex



well, you got a damned fine point there! wink ubbangel


-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:ubblol

Getting to the other side smile

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PsychoTronic


stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens

Total posts: 80
Posted:Written by: Firepoise

My hairs on fire - don't rush things mate... just cos everyone else is doing it doesn't mean you have to. Sometimes I rush into relationships which are obviously unsuitable for me just because I want to be hugged - it never works out. And everyone has their issues - you just have to find someone compatible.



I like u friend hug


"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



Delete

PsychoTronic


stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens

Total posts: 80
Posted:I think Firepoise
that the reason that all relation....ships sink is the fact that there is no way to find someone compatible that easy and most of us do or didnt until now have any other idea except from the mature relationships.There are other kinds of relationships people!!!You do not have to break your heart and burn your brains.......
I Feel Like I Do Not Want To Feel Again frown


"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



Delete

_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:hug

Getting to the other side smile

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jemima (jem)
SILVER Member since Dec 2002

jemima (jem)

Pooh-Bah
Location: london

Total posts: 1750
Posted:ummm .......um.............er..........single........no.....yeah no

hmm both have good and bad, unless there is such a thing as perfect lol


Never assume
Always Acknowledge

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PsychoTronic


stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens

Total posts: 80
Posted:Oh! There is perfect.....
When I look myself in the mirror I say .... "Perfect" ..... ubbloco

just kidding.... lolsign


"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



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My hairs on fire


My hairs on fire

If its got pistons or boobs, its gonna be expensive...
Location: Cyprus

Total posts: 515
Posted:Ide like to be able to get into a non serious relationship, thing is i cant help myself but fall for people that i spend that much time wiv in that way if that makes any sence at all i dont no tho!?

Well at least i realise im a head case lol, ah well!


Henry Hill - 'One day the kids from the neighbourhood carried my mothers groceries all the way home, you know why? It was out of respect'...

ahmet_20valve_ahmet(at)hotmail(dot)com
Hope all is well : )

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PsychoTronic


stranger
Location: Greece-Samos-Athens

Total posts: 80
Posted:hey file apo kypro e?kali fasi:)))) loipon etsi paei stin arxi einai mi sovaro kai meta katantas na trexeis pisw apo ton allo kai na min antexeis makria tou:) meta anakalupteis oti den itan kai tipota spoudaio telika afou vevaia exeis kratisei polu omorfes anamniseis:) I am so happy that other people feel like I do sometimes wave hug

"For once there was an unknown land, full of strange flowers and subtle perfumes,
a land of which it is joy of all joys to dream, a land where all things are perfect and poisonous."
"Put out the torches! Hide the moon! Hide the stars!"



Delete

stickman


World Champ Procrastinator
Location: ||...lost...||

Total posts: 580
Posted:psycho tronic, i can completely relate to your story and experiences (unfortunately frown) but for me its about time i got into a 'serious' relationship again.. ive had those infamous flings of one or two months just a little too often recently (and yes firepoise, i agree sex is important tongue, but its not everything)

right now im in a little bit of a dilemma.. the thing is there is this gorgeous girl (uh-oh, this is how all those problem stories start wink) who is one of my best friends.. i have only known her for about 3 or 4 months cuz i just moved to this cold and flat country.. id like to say she is almost my soulmate cuz when we first met each other it was like we had known each other for years.. we just simply understand each other without having to say anything..
anyways, she got together with this guy, a nice guy, i can get along with him well and i know him, but i wouldnt call us close.. it went well for a while, but after 1.5 months or so she started coming to me saying she was unhappy and lonely.. she said she really liked this guy but when she talked about him all i heard was negative things.. so i told her that i wasnt gonna tell her what to do (oh man, i felt/feel so sorry for her and i really wanna help her eek confused) but that it seems like she needs to choose between unhappiness (staying together with him) or a short period of feeling crappy and then freedom (breaking up)..
Eventually she broke up with him about a week ago, but (and this is the point, i said i had a dilemma and youre all thinking, "so what the hell, whats your problem?" biggrin) in the meantime i think i have fallen for her.. i know its not a good idea to try to start a relationship with her since she jsut got out of one that wasnt exactly enjoyable for her, but i want more than just friendship.. the thing is im worried that it might ruin the friendship in the end, and i dont want that to happen.. if i know that will happen then its an easy choice to make..
confused confused confusedadvice?? help


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