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Raymund Phule (Fireproof)
Raymund Phule (Fireproof)

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Location: San Diego California
Member Since: 31st Dec 2001
Total posts: 2905
Posted:I found out last night that one of my close friends and a guy I work with died this weekend.

I am having an odd time dealing with it. I mean I have known people who have died in the past, but this is just odd. It has never been someone that I have been this close to.

How does one deal with this?

Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"

back from the dead...sort of
Location: 4341'N 7938'W
Member Since: 23rd Feb 2002
Total posts: 884
Posted:I am extraodinarily lucky in this regard...nobody I am close to, even grandparents, has died during my lifetime (though this may change soon as my grandpa is very ill).

Thusly, I can't give specific advice, but I can tell you that you have many good friends here who would do all they can to support you however you may find you need to be supported.

Hang in there, we're all here for you.

Location: crapy planet thanet
Member Since: 29th May 2002
Total posts: 158
Posted:Hi, everyone deals with death in different ways.
I've been unfortunate and have lost many people very close to my heart, including my mum not so long ago.
I still dont think it has sunk in, it feels like shes gone away on a long holiday and deep down it hasnt sunk in that she wont be coming back.
Death isnt something u can get over, its just something you just learn to live with.
Every day i feel like a huge piece of my life is missing and my heart hurts in an unexplainable way everytime i think of my mum, but now i try to look at the memories with happiness and hold on to them with fondness rather than pushing them away through fear of pain.
The only advice i can give is dont worry about how to deal with it, your body and emotions will react in whatever way they choose.
I really feel for you and send you huge hugs xxxxxxxxx

(P.S. also dont worry if u dont feel like talking about it to anyone and dont let people try and persuade you to!)

Those that have fallen asleep for ever will always be with us through our hearts and our memories.

Take care and keep smiling.

Make your own happiness by making others happy [Ikeda]

*they used to read me stories, as though my dreams were boring*


Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"
Member Since: 9th Jun 2003
Total posts: 6207
Posted:i lost my fiance who i a few years ago, and itsstill hurt, belive me!

i cant tell you a secret cure for the pain, but i can say that at some point you will feel better about talking to some one about it, i talked to her dig (weird i know, but it listened, and made me feel batter)

i have been unlucky many of my friends have died and i have delt with each onedifferently asthey each affected me in a different way,just take your time...

there is little more i can say excpt i am sorry!

Step (el-nombrie)

Mistress Aurora
Mistress Aurora

Hot Schtuff
Location: Stillwater,OK/Wichita Falls,TX
Member Since: 19th Jan 2003
Total posts: 1032
Posted:Hope that helps you out

So sorry to hear about your loss

RISK: Do not follow the common path; Go where there is no path and leave a trail.


Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: "In your ear"
Member Since: 9th Jun 2003
Total posts: 6207
Posted:i find thispoem usefull, as a way to help releace the pain...

Death is nothing at all

Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you,
whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference in your tone,
wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow,
laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Pray smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort,
without the trace of a shadow in it.
Life means all that it ever meant,
it is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity,
why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you
somewhere very near
just around the corner.
All is well.

Henry Scott Holland 1847-1918
Canon of St Paul's Cathedral

Step (el-nombrie)


Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
Location: Auckland
Member Since: 27th Jun 2001
Total posts: 3989
Posted:You are already starting to Deal with it, Ray. You are talking about it with others, here on HoP and hopefully other people who knew the person as well.

My father died when I was 14, and while at the time it really really sucked, I found it easier to think that he could have gone in much worse ways than he did, involving more pain for him and us and everyone who knew him.

But time and not bottling the feelings up is the main thing from what I have experienced with others.

But there is a big difference between bottling it up and keeping busy, the less time you have to ponder, the better.

In my opinion...

HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?


HoP Mechanical Engineer
Location: OK, USA
Member Since: 11th Jul 2002
Total posts: 729
Posted:One good way to help yourself deal is to remember to think about the good times you've shared with that person, and what positive things they've done for yourself and others. Celebration of life is just as important as mourning death, and I would imagine your friend would want you to keep the happy times in mind.

It's how I got through the death of my Grandmother... remembering what a feisty old lady she was, and her somewhat awkward but very playful and innocent sense of humor. And I remember I made her happy by going out to her lonely old farm and visiting her. Remembering how you made that person's alloted time here on Earth more fulfilling is also a good thing to keep in mind.

Hope these thoughts help a bit amigo.

What hits the fan is not evenly distributed.


Crazy Nutter stuck in Farmidale...
Location: Newcastle, Australia
Member Since: 4th Jan 2003
Total posts: 264
Posted:Everyone honestly deals with things like this differently - But the one main thing is definitely to keep yourself surrounded by people who can help you, or even just listen o be a shoulder when things get particularly hard or crazy...
13 people have died from my year 10 class in high school - And it's only been 6 years since year ten...So I know sort of how you're feeling at the moment.
I also lost a really close friend of mine at college last year, his fav quote is the one I use for my signature and I urge you to remember it - I still miss Jimmy every single day and I still cry about not having him around, but more and more I find myself smiling and the crazy things we used to get up to rather than crying so much. I miss him unbelievably, but the pain has eased a bit and continues to ease - It just gets easier eventually to smile! Your mates can definitely help you with that!
Thanks for your post - I wish you every happiness in the world!
Chin up Tiger!

We all take different paths in life, but no matter which path we take, we take a little of each other everywhere...


Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Member Since: 25th Apr 2002
Total posts: 6391
Posted:Im so sorry that your hurting like this. Take comfort in your beleifs at the moment Ray and know that we love you and are here for you.

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

King Of Bongo
King Of Bongo

Location: Berlin
Member Since: 25th Dec 2002
Total posts: 522
Posted:very sorry to hear about it. My sypmathies go with you my friend. I lost a good friend skydiving last month. I found the way to deal with it was to take on part of her view of life and try and do things that I wouldn't normally do that I know she would have liked. I guess I'm trying to keep her memory alive in that way. Sounds strange, but it makes me smile when I do something and think "oh, leo would have liked that"...
hope it helps.
i know its hard, but try and keep smiling.

Your life is ending one minute at a time...
So live it.


Super Gidg!!!!
Location: Portland Oregon USA
Member Since: 11th Apr 2003
Total posts: 8506
Posted:I have lost several people in the last fifteen years. My Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Step Father, three of them within a two-year time span.

All I can suggest is to take it one day at a time and keep remembering. I think remember is the most important thing. Remember the good times that was spent with the person and sharing those memories with other people that knew the person.

I remember my Grandma and Dad. The family does the remember when thing, we laugh so hard and it gives me the feeling that, even they are no longer physically here, they are still with us. Im comforted.

I have lost contact with side of the family of my Grandpa and my Step Fathers family lives in Texas. I dont have anyone to play remember when so when I think of them I feel sad because their memory is fading.

If you arent around people that knew the deceased, surround yourself with your own friends. They wont be able to share the memories, but they will help ground you. Give you the support that you will need. Sometimes it just takes a willing ear.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.


Location: Berlin, Germany
Member Since: 29th Apr 2002
Total posts: 577
Sorry to hear about your loss. All I can say is that you just have to feel your way through it.

Beauty is the conscious sum of all our perversions.-Salvador DaliHope without action is hopeless.

Raymund Phule (Fireproof)
Raymund Phule (Fireproof)

Enter a "Title" here:
Location: San Diego California
Member Since: 31st Dec 2001
Total posts: 2905
Posted:The memorial service is today, later tonight we are giving our own good bye. Lighting up and pooring one out.

This isnt going to be a good day

Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"


Intrepid Penguin

Member Since: 12th May 2002
Total posts: 5635
Posted:hang in there honey, remember the good times, celebrate what you loved about your friend. xoxoxxoxo

Currently on the right side up of the world.

Location: BC, Canada
Member Since: 1st Jan 2002
Total posts: 106
Posted:I lost my mom a few years ago. Very tramatic because she was my only family. I have no brothers or sisters and my extended family live in a different country and haven't seen them in 20 years. She died in a hospital from cancer and her last month in pain (not good). I went through a lot of emotions and it still hurts a lot because I miss her. At the same time I have grown up, learn so much about myself, life, found 2 of the closest friends who help me through some dark times that I know her death was not in vain. My way of dealing with it is remembering her and talking about her and trying to be the good person that she can be proud off.


Location: Brisbane
Member Since: 9th Apr 2003
Total posts: 3044
Posted:hope the service runs well.

take care.

"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

Raymund Phule (Fireproof)
Raymund Phule (Fireproof)

Enter a "Title" here:
Location: San Diego California
Member Since: 31st Dec 2001
Total posts: 2905
Posted:We had a memorial service yesterday for Bryce, like I thought the service was... well... impersonal. So last night his closer friends got together and did a spin and just had our own memorial service.

We even spoke to his parents, a very good thing to beable to do. It offerd alot of closure.

Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"

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