Forums > Social Chat > How does one figure out what to do with ones life?

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4,308 posts
Location: York, England

I know, I know, havn't posted in ages and then i come and ask a question..... but I'm askin' it.
How does one decide what to do with ones life? Cause I don't have much to do right now 'cept fret, and I need some advice..... so, let me know
I have a roof and food for the moment, what i do with my life should inculde a way to continue that.

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

falloutboySILVER Member
433 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia, Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Hiya Kyri!
I used to be an absolute hopeless case when it came to making any desicions, even when dealing with trivial little things i'd worry i was making the wrong one (when asked once if i wanted to eat in or take-away i replied "either way" ) - so 'life' desicions were almost impossible, and i ended up just floating along instead of guiding myself.
I've luckily past that stage, and i think i managed to do it by thinking about desicions from the perspective of the their eventual consequences - kind of a projected foresight from an unkown hindsight.
The future may look like the future now, but it all depends on where your looking from. It's almost deceiving - it appears to be the future, but it eventually becomes the present, and then takes shape as it's real form - the past. So, think of the future in terms of it being your past. Imagine you're an old grandma looking back on this period of your life, and try to think of what you'll wish you had done - create memories you will want to remember!
I don't think that makes any sense.. ah well, whatcanyado?

In any case, Good Luck in whatever you may choose!

-As angels debate chance and fate-
i was riding through melbourne on a midget giraffe, things were peachy.

KatBRONZE Member
2,211 posts
Location: London, Wales (UK)

Kyrian, I see you are a dreamer like me! Have you decided what your dream is, whether it be career or personally? Find a goal, something that you can plausibly reach and work to get it.

First of all, you need to find out what is making you dissatisfied and work on positively changing whatever it is that is making you fret. You say you don't have much to do except fret? Sitting around worrying about money / relationship / problems of the world is so negative, I'm not criticizing, I've been there - especially when I first came to London - majorly depressing moving here after living in my private paradise. Accentuate the positive and tackle the parts of your life that you are dissatisfied with. Dreaming won't make problems go away alas (although I find my winning the lotto daydreams very satisfactory ) Good luck

Come faeries, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.

- W B Yeats

telicI don't want a title.
940 posts

Step 1: Figure out what you enjoy doing, whatever it may be, no matter how useless it may seem.

Step 2: Find a way to make money off it.

Step 3: Enjoy life.

E pluribus unum, baby.

The_Pirate_Dyke_BoyHOP Lord of the Pirate Admiralty
1,079 posts
Location: Canterbury, UK

some wise oriental person said (with a hed full of opiates):

If you find a job you enjoy you'll never have to work for the rest of your life.

I say just go with the flow, you dont neccesarily need constant flow of cash (tho it is nice) switch jobs as many times as neccesary, geet a degree in something use less and do WHAT YOU ENJOY AND F*K ALL ELSE!

X x X x X

Ship off the starboard! sound general quarters! noise and light discipline! man the cannons! GET ME THE RUM!

Master of the Free Hug Program

1,591 posts
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada.

Go on a pilgramage. Seriously.

telicI don't want a title.
940 posts

Originally posted by Dyke Boy (formerly Lesbian Lover):
geet a degree in something use less and do WHAT YOU ENJOY AND F*K ALL ELSE!
Hells yeah. ::grin:: Useless degrees are the best. (Got me a philosophy degree.)

E pluribus unum, baby.

4,308 posts
Location: York, England

I'm trying the useless degree path, I just don't have the money for school. My bf is trying to pay for part of the money for me to take riding lessons this summer again, which is nice, but nothing I wnat to do makes money... can i be a professional volunteer? With no religious affiliation? (resisting jokes about how that's about what a social worker is given their rate of pay...) I dunno, it's just everything i want to do is either volunteer basis or horse related and costs money... *sighs* At least I have a good relationship
I just feel really really unproductive right now.

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

CharlesBRONZE Member
Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
3,989 posts
Location: Auckland, New Zealand


Take a good long look at yourself. See what things you enjoy and what things you don't.

Try to do more of the things you enjoy

Then, try to enjoy the things you don't a little bit more. If you don't like cabbage, try eating a little cabbage with some yummy food for a while, until you liek cabbage.

Any adult can teach themselves to like things they don't like at the start.

Then apply this to your life.

Enjoy the things you do, try to make plans and postive actions towards a goal you have set yourself.

Be aware that this goal might not be attainable, or that your goal could change soon.

But learn from the journey. Sometimes learning that a goal is unattainable, makes you less wistful and upset than if you had never tried and continue to blame yourself for never chasing it in the first place.

But, most of all, try not to do anything in your life you don't want everyone else in the world to know about.

This is the single one philosophy that changed my outlook on life forever. sure, I still do things that I'm not so proud of, but they are getting less less every year.

anyway, enoguh of my waffle, and, the obligatory


HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

telicI don't want a title.
940 posts

Kyrian, if you like things that are horse-related, why not work at a stable? Teach riding? Breed horses? Lodge and care for or train others' horses? Be one of those horse-riding cops? ...there are options open to you.

E pluribus unum, baby.

34 posts
Location: Wageningen, NL

first some d n'ts:
* don't follow our advise if you do not believe in it.
* don't continue with that degree if you are not motivated, (whatever your mom thinks of it ).

then some d 's:
* If you want to (see don't #1) go look around some country for a year if you can, or two months if that is better possible. If you cannot afford it try getting odd jobs, maybe on farms with horses (codeword WOOFF if you like organic farming). Earn some money with poiing on the streets.
* If that sounds terrible consider something else, more fitting to you, to not be floating in the maelstrom, but get a grip on your life.
* try to write down that impossible dream you are afraid to tell us about, and talk with flex friends to find out how it can be achieved anyway.

DentrassiGOLD Member
3,044 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia

ive been in a similar situation myself, where although life wasnt particularly bad, it wasnt the best either.
i heard a song lyric which really struck a chord with me.
"in a den of quitters and a hall of hosts/ between worn out waltzes and wedding toasts/ i heard a man confess that what he struggles with most/ is the freedom/ for so long/ without a strong voice to tell him whats wrong/ without a will/ without a prayer/ without a passionate song to sing/" (glenn richards - melbourne based band 'augie march ')

although my situation wasnt quite as dire as the lyric, i realise i needed 'a passionate song to sing,' something i could feel passionate about. i rearranged my priorities and isolated what i do feel passionate about - im now studying engineering, which is not every ones idea of a passion, but i LOVE it!
my main point is - as soon as a found something to be optimistic about, it started to change my life. i began to not care what people thought of my, did crazy things in public places for FUN , and discovered further 'passions' - such as juggling & firearts.
as soon as i found 'how' to be enthusiastic about something, my life just accelerated.
the final point - trust your friends and those around you for help and advice - they know you better that a bunch of random psycho-hippy-pyros tapping on keyboards across the other side of the globe.
ill stop now before i further offend the entire 5000 odd HoPers

"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA

I have a really fantastic life. Not to brag certainly as others who would be forced to live it I'm sure would hate it... but I really like it.

I have simple goals and have tremendous stability, both of which make my life really happy. I have a job which I love that I think makes a difference, I make more than I spend (as I spend next to nothing) and I really really like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, which fortunately are plentiful and cheap where I live.

I was chatting with my mom recently as I was worried about the fact that I don't have the same 'long term goals' as most people my age. I don't know where I'll be in 10 years. I don't want a big house or expensive cars. I just want to be able to explore the world. My mom, in her wisdom said "Well, that' your long term goal. In 10, 20, 30 years you want to be able to look back and see what you've experienced"... and she was perfectly right.

Money can be a tool to getting what you want, but it doesn't have to be.

Find out what fundamental things really matter to you. And be good to yourself. If that means being crazy and silly then go for it. If that means settling down and buying a house with a patio and a gas grill, then go for it.

Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

birdgirlBRONZE Member
48 posts
Location: scotland

I have to agree with NYC,life doesnt have to be about huge success unless its succesfully being happy,find out what makes you really happy,maybee working with horses is it,theres a great deal of satisfaction and peace comes from working with animals.Do whwt you love,ditch what you dont.I dont think you need to be fabulously wealthy to be happy,i make enough to get by with a wee bit left over im not rich at all,i dont know where ill be in 10 years time but im as happy as larry beacause i do what i love for a living and i dont need the luxury house and the bentley!!!(i do want a ducati though!,damn so maybee im a little material minded)

spig--------Its not big and its not clever.

4,308 posts
Location: York, England

I want to clear up taht my money worry is finding enough to buy groceries adn mabbe sleep inside a house altho in CA i guess that's optional *grins*

i dunno, i've been looking around at what will make me enough money for school (which is the secondary money worry) and the problem is transportation! (And people getting very nervous about me running around L.A> aalone in teh middle of the night, for which i guess they have a point).

I do want to do my useless degree, but when i have to work constantly to be allowed to go to school, there's not much time left! Sort of an annoying thing about teh american educational system.....

I discovered taht in Britian people pay well for some of teh damndest things (i live in the wrong country, i just know it!) and i figure mebbe i'll figure out what i'm doing eventually?

Bunches of fire-twirling hippies are full of good advice btw... my younger friends are well enough provided for not to have to worry yet, and my older friends don't seem to suffer from lack of direction. Which leaves me more or less adviceless at the moment save you guys! (Most of my younger friends have a lot of direction too..... it's almost annoying!)

I'm not worried about beind succesful, and if i want to be respected, it's at what i do, not by the general public. But I don't like being a leech on people, and if i can't find a job i can stand down here, i become.... a leech! here me roar. agh, i'm making nooooooo sense.

The point being, I wnat to be able to afford a roof and food for myself whilst still pursueing what i want to, and at teh moment I have this pipe dream of going to school since i think school is fun.... *sighs*
But I also want time to work on horse stuff.... an' play myuzic n' stuff...

The big trick, kat, with dreams is the word plausible. Especially since most of the things i wanted to do when i was younger, I do or have done. So now I'm working with half-finished dreams for the most part, and they all require money I don't have..... Or else abandoning anything else i want to do and focusing on one tiny thing,and that's not my style.

My degree isn't totally useless, btw.... Linguistics, esp with some psych, and the computer skills i'm learning, actually has jobs if i really wanted them, even jobs in cali, even non-academic jobs. but, no idea if i'd be happy at said jobs, so i'll keep thinking of it as useless.

Falloutboy... great story man. And I already try to live my life so i get god stories and good memories (the two are not nesc the same) and i have at least a supportive if confused bf... but that's about it where i am!

Charles... I kinda like your cabbage analogy i've used it subconciously a few times before... and oddly i used it on cabbage, too! Also on simpler things like cleaning kitchens! (*sighs*) I have been taking a lookm at what i like, and also i got a strange idea from the person i am staying with, which was to pick up some odd jobs doing filing or data entry etc. at houses where my bf does tech support. it'll keep me from being zero income at least.

horse related options that inculde food for me... at this age, not much besides grooming full -time, and i would have to leave the country to do that. I still plan too, just, not this year, and not permanetnly. And anything else ... requires both money and connections lacking! *sighs*

As far as being enthusiastic.... the only things i can be really enthusiastic about are horses right now. Other things are fun, but i want other people to work with... and tutoring my bf in math is fun enough but gradually driving me batty! i would be fine if he didn't cram everything into a six hour session..... *laughs* i wish i could do more things that helped people but i feel like all the pressure right now is to work so i don't become a street bum, and that sort of precludes a lot of what i'd like to do...

If anyone has any more advice or thoughts on the novel i just wrote, i'd love to hearthem!

Kyri<- is a little verbose

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

TheBovrilMonkeySILVER Member
Liquid Cow
2,629 posts
Location: High Wycombe, England

I'm also currently trying to work out what I want to be doing with my life at the moment.

Unfortunately, until I get hit with some inspiration and work something out, I have to stay in my job

I've decided that for now, I'm going to live it one thing at a time, doing whatever I feel like at any given time and seeing where I end up - thinking about it too much doesn't work for me, I end up dropping back into what I know I can do, instead of new things that may well work out better.

But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.

67 posts
Location: St. Louis, MO

Well, considering just two days ago I figured out what I want to do with my life, I figured I would just say this...or something like it

Just know there's nothing wrong with not knowing what to do. Because at this stage you can choose to do anything. It's when you know what (you want) to do, and don't do anything about it that you are in trouble. IMHO, Remember that over anything else that gets mentioned hereafter.

And also, I don't know about anyone else, but it seems to me that things cross your path when they need to, I just hope we all get better at perceiving those opportunities when they come...and taking them.

I have a million interests and I'm passionate about each of them. I've been wandering around aimlessly for 4 years attempting to chase each one, and have fretted the whole time (A LOT). It wasn't until I moved away from home that I actually started to get serious about my future career and what not. And even then, it still has taken almost a year of mulling over different avenues I could take before I centered on something. For me, planning around what kind of life I want to provide for my future family was the biggest thing. Also being able to travel and have lots of time off was another. I have decided that learning and hopefully teaching history will allow me to study all the things I'm interested in, because everything I love will eventually become "history" (if it's not already). For me, it finally sunk in. So, if you can find anything that can encompass a large proportion of your likings, then you might begin to see a path in front of you.

And you must always consider if are you willing to make whatever sacrifices it takes to achieve what you set out to do. Is it worth it? One of my fellow high school graduate's senior quote was, "Only those who risk going too far will find out how far they can go." If you always give your best effort with what's in front of you, when you come across doing something you love, it will feel right.

I don't want to bore you with a million and one anecdotes, cuz in the end, it's all what you decide to do. Just know, if you decide on something, you'll have support of your friends here of course, and in the end just do what you love.

Hope it helps in some way,


Amateurs practice something until they get it right; professionals practice until they can't get it wrong.

67 posts
Location: St. Louis, MO

Oh yeah, and re-reading all the posts made me think of something. Any of you remember in Fight Club and the scene with Raymond K. Hessel? Something like that might have caused me to get my shit together quicker...but I'll save my thoughts for a new topic.


Amateurs practice something until they get it right; professionals practice until they can't get it wrong.

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