Forums > Social Discussion > My nephew: R.I.P.
Login/Join to ParticipateHOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
On Saturday, my nephew lost a 5-year-long battle with drug addiction and depression and took his own life. He was 21.
The family is in shock, obviously. All deaths are sad, of course, but this death is beyond that: it's tragic. I haven't even seen my sister yet. She took to her bed yesterday and didn't want to be disturbed. Not even my me.
I've been back in Detroit since yesterday morning. I guess that as much as I try to shake this place, I keep coming back. I'm never in town for much more than 24 hours; why would I want to be? This place is like my umbilical cord. It sustained me and kept me alive for my formative years, but now it's nothing to me. Nobody important to me other than my sister lives here anymore. Michigan is the only state left in the U.S. that's still in a recession for the simple fact that nobody wants to live here anymore.
To me, it's nothing now. Except it's a place I remember well.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
veteran
1,247 posts
Location: lost, Canada
So sad. Sending a huge hug to your and your family...
"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."
Lambretta Fanatic
4,998 posts
Location: United Kingdom
:hugs:
If you need more electronical hugs please feel free to call on me.
My regards.
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)
Out of personal experience of seeing a relative battle addiction and mental problems and not being able to help, I'm so sorry to hear that your nephew has lost his fight
"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)
Owner of Dragosani's left half
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
suicide, no matter the surrounding circumstances, are so hard, so tragic.
I'm sorry that your family has to go through this, that you have to be back where you don't want to be, that one more memory will keep the place from redemption, and that your sister is blocking you out.
I have only my love to send and wishes for eventual healing, especially to your sister.
call if you wish to vent love.
:hugs:
Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA
to you and yours Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed
addict
567 posts
Location: USA
I'm real sorry to hear what happened. I you and your family will be in my prayers.
's to you and your family. "I don't know what you are talking about"
"Cardinal!!! Poke her... with the SOFT CUSIONS!!!!"
"Its not working my lord!"
"Have you got all of the stuffing on one end?!"
old hand
768 posts
Location: San Francisco, California, USA
Doc, I'm so sorry for your loss, especially under these circumstances. My condolences to you & your family.
taken out of context i must seem so strange
~ ani di franco
master of disaster
3,354 posts
Location: New York, USA
i'm so sorry doc
*hugs*
kyrian: I've felt your finger connect with me many times
lou kitten: sneaky little meatball..
ezz: please corrupt me more
All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
9,831 posts
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all around the world, USA
*hugs* if you need to talk, you know i'm here
I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
**giggles**
The Ministry of Manipulation
2,523 posts
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom
Mike,
So sorry to hear it.
:hugs:
Drew
Momma Bear
4,525 posts
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdom
Mike
I don't have any words.
Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
Are we there yet?
1,897 posts
Location: australia
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Well, the funeral is over.
I didn't know David very well these last five years. I've kind of been a crappy uncle to my nephews, I suppose. But I got to see them again. I hadn't seen any of them since my father died four years ago. They're all grown up now; the youngest is 17 and greeted me with a huge bear-hug...and then by lifting me clear off the floor.
The funeral was one of the most difficult and awkward experiences of my life. I didn't know most of the people. Many of the people were in their early 20's, not surprisingly. A funeral shouldn't be such a young crowd. It's not right. The service lasted less than 20 minutes; I don't think anyone could have taken much more. The Rabbi read everything; nobody else could give speeches for fear of breaking down. I might have tried -- I shed only a few tears -- but I didn't know the kid very well. And that's sad.
My nephew, Bobby, David's brother, was angry at David for having done this to everyone. It's an understandible sentiment towards a suicide. But I'm not angry at David; I'm angry at myself. I'm angry at myself that I didn't take the time to get to know David better. After all, he was the gay one. But I barely knew him.
So, if you'd asked me Saturday morning, I'd have told you I had eight nephews.
I'm down to seven. And it's my mission in life to get to know all of them as well as I can, to be there for them, and to be the best "young and cool" uncle I can be.
I'm at the airport right now. The day, cloudy and grey, concluded with a gorgeous purple-pink sunset. I can only think that it was David's way of saying good-bye to us. I hope he found my dad. I hope they're having dinner now. I was really looking forward to moving to California. He lived in LA and I thought he might need a positive gay role-model in his life. I guess I'll have a bit of a delay before I get to meet him now.
Godspeed, Dave. And thanks for the sunset.
-Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
water based
5,125 posts
Location: melbourne, Australia
thoughts are with you mike
"you know there are no trophys for doing silly things in real life yeah pete?" said ant "you wont get a 'listened to ride of the valkyries all the way to vietnam' trophy"
*proud owner of the very cute fire_spinning_angel, birgit and neon shaolin*
Will carpal your tunnel in a minute.
3,286 posts
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Condolences
ॐ
Owner of burningoftheclavey 
Owned by Lost83spy
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam
It's definitely a sad thing that this has happened...
My thoughts go out to you and to your sister and her children.
Don't beat yourself up about it mate. He made his choice. Chances are he might not have listened to his 'Golden Boy Gay Jewish Uncle' anyway. Unless you were actually there stopping him there's nothing you could've done.
But you seemed to have gleamed some positivity out of it. Most of us are usually so wrapped up in our own lives that usually takes some tragedy or another to make us realise what we're missing out on. That you decided to get to know your remaining nephews before it's too late is a good thing. Imagine the posibilities of the 'Gay-Jewish-Uncle-who-IS-a-doctor' jokes that could come up
Do what feels natural but don't force it too much. If Detriot and Michigan in general is as bad as you say it is (I've heard the jokes) could you convince your sister to move? Then again, no matter how bad it is, you don't want to uproot them as they have undoubted built up a life for themselves where they live.
The sunset sounded lovely... Peace be with you mate
"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock
nut.
756 posts
Location: Bouncing off the walls., England (UK)
There's not much I can add to what everyone's already said.. but.. yeah.. my thoughts go out to you all.
At least you can get some good out of a tragedy, if it brings you closer together..
When my aunt took her own life a few years ago, I lost what little contact I had with her kids as well, my (half) cousins as well, as she was the only one who wanted any contact with my side of the family... still wonder how they are..
EDITED_BY: hamamelis (1193192505)
THE MEEK WILL INHERIT THE EARTH!
If that's okay with you?
6,650 posts
Doc - first
and condolences, second: If that is the conclusion that you are drawing from this tragedy, then it's not for nothing. It has a purpose, as everything in life. He clearly got a message and one that (young) people need to understand: If you mess with drugs and struggle more and more, seek assistance, as much and as soon as you can. If you love life and what it has to offer (which IMO an addiction indicates) then search alternative ways for "natural highs".Life has so much more to offer and drugs are not worth to "loose it".
You're a great guy, Doc - you will be a great uncle.
the best smiles are the ones you lead to 
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
3,289 posts
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
My thoughts are with you Mike.
I can only speak for myself when I say thankyou for sharing this with me and reminding me about the important things in life.
Josh
--
Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
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hello!
1,034 posts
Location: Amsterdam, Netherlands
my impression is, that if someone wants to kill himself/herself, he or she will just do it. There's not much you can do about it. it's something about the state of mind or philosophy of life, and you can't change that that easily. It's just harder to mess with someone's head than to influence his or her momentary emotions or to keep an eye on him/her 24/7. apart from the fact that such a surveilance-behaviour also drags you down.
When a friend of mine committed suicide, of course I wasn't enthousiastic. However, she was a wonderful and intelligent person and I do respect this act as her decision. It was just her way of life.
This is of course easier with a suicide than when somebody dies in an accident (a classmate of mine when I was still at school) or when somebody is killed (example: Maiuki).
I'll cut out the rest of the possible discussion, I guess this helps more:
a swapped test-playboy, set free by NOn, idolizing the tea fairy; Dragosani spiritual freedom agreement reached 18th Sept 2006
old hand
853 posts
Location: Behind you...
It's always hard. My cousin took his own life about 20 odd years ago very unexpectedly. My aunt never really came to terms with it, she just won't talk about it as it's so painful for her. I think she still blames herself a lot even though it wasn't anyone's fault. for your sister too... she will really need you to be there for her over the next few months doc. Idolized by Aurinoko
Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....
Bob Dylan
I'm sorry to hear about that Doc. *hugs*
Carpal \'Tunnel
2,895 posts
Location: Cambridge UK
Because ActiveAngel sounds like a feminine deodorant
Like sex, I'm much more interesting in real life than online.
'Be the change you want to see in the world around you' - Ghandi
Carpal \'Tunnel
5,814 posts
Location: Perth, Australia
Is it the Truth?
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Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu
Mistress of Pink...Multicoloured
6,140 posts
Location: Over There, United Kingdom
You know we're all here for you should you need anything.
Thank you for sharing this with us too, made me realise i should spend more time with my family than i do, whilst i have the chance.
Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)
Getting to the other side
Sacrebleu
377 posts
Location: At the quiet limit, United Kingdom
I'd like to offer you a one time only offer of
from all hoppers everywhere. effective immediately.Peace&love
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- part owner of Wooktastic™ ©
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
4,437 posts
Location: Staines, United Kingdom
Hi Mike,
Hope your sister is doing well, sorry to hear of your loss
An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind
Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife
"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian
Pooh-Bah
1,872 posts
Location: Canada
I'm sorry to hear that Mike
I'm sure a lot of us have family that we only see at births, weddings and funerals, don't beat yourself up over it.
David
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