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Forums > Social Chat > The "no :censored: rule"

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Total posts: 6650
Posted:Now the title may be deceiving, but the PG-rating of this valued bb doesn't allow the repetition of the real-life-title...

Mr. Robert Sutton turned away from a few publishers, simply because they didn't want him to use this straightforward and "hitting the nails head" title...

Now a few rules how to spot the suspect:

 Written by: Guy Kawasaki

The first step is to recognize who is an

Suttons blog cites one method. Its called the "Starbucks Test" It goes like this: If you hear someone at Starbucks order a decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n-Low and one NutraSweet, youre in the presence of an Its unlikely that this petty combination is necessarythe person ordering is trying to flex her power because shes an

A second method is to use Suttonss dirty-dozen list of everyday actions:

1. Personal insults

2. Invading ones personal territory

3. Uninvited personal contact

4. Threats and intimidation, verbal and non-verbal

5. Sarcastic jokes and teasing used as insult delivery systems

6. Withering email flames

7. Status slaps intended to humiliate their victims

8. Public shaming or status degradation rituals

9. Rude interruptions

10. Two-faced attacks

11. Dirty looks

12. Treating people as if they are invisible

Well, as if that wasn't enough, he did a Google search, combining his name and the term " censored " - the search returned with surprising results wink

[edited due to misinterpretation]

 Written by: Guy Kawasaki

How To Avoid Being an

The first $64,000 question is, How does one avoid being an ? No big surprise, but Ive compiled a top-ten list to summarize what Sutton says:

1. Face your past. The past is a very good predictor of future behavior. For example, were you a bully in school? If your parents and siblings were , you may have caught the disease. Knowing that youre an is first step towards change.

2. Do not make people feel oppressed, humiliated, de-energized, or belittled. If you find yourself having these effects, its time to change your behavior no matter what you think of yourself.

3. Do not mistreat people who are less powerful than you. One of the sure signs of an is treating people like clerks, flight attendants, and waiters in a degrading manner.

4. Resist holics from the start. The easiest time to avoid becoming an is at the very beginning. Dont think that you can do what you have to to fit in and can change later. It wont happen.

5. Walk away and stay away. Dont be afraid to leave a bad situation. Its unlikely youll change the into good people; its much more likely that youll descend to their level.

6. View acting like an as a communicable disease. If you have any sense of decency, when youre sick, you avoid contact to prevent spreading the disease. So if you act like an , youre not just impacting yourself; youre also teaching other people that its okay to be an .

7. Focus on win-win. Children (young and old) think that the world is a zero-sum game. If another kid is playing with the fire truck, you cant. As people get older they should realize that life doesnt have to be a win-lose proposition--unless, that is, youre an .

8. Focus on ways you are no better or even worse than others. Thinking that youre smarter, faster, better looking, funnier, whatever than others turns people into . Thinking that youre no better or even worse keeps you humble.

9. Focus on ways you are similar to people, not different. If you concentrate on how you and others have similar goals, desires, and passions, youre bound to be less of an . How can you treat people that are similar to you with disdain?

10. Tell yourself, I have enough stuff (money, toys, friends, cars, whatever). Discontentment and envy is a major factor in becoming an . If youre happy, theres no reason to stomp on others.

How to Deal With

Lets say that youre not an , but you have to cope with . What can you do? Thats the second $64,000 question that Sutton answers.

1. Hope for the best, but expect the worst. One of the most frustrating aspects of dealing with is that they disappoint you--making you wonder the very value of humans. Lowering your expectations can help reduce disappointment. Dont solely lower your expectations, though, or you will slip into cynicism (and possibly turn into an too.) Continue to hope for the best.

2. Develop indifference and emotional detachment. Sutton may be the only author who has the insight and courage to recommend that being indifferent and detached may be a good thing in work environments. If it permits you to survive, then it is. In other words, dont let the jerks get to you.

3. Look for small wins. Small victories can keep you going. Most pride themselves in total control and absolute domination. Any victory, no matter how small, can keep you going. Rest assured that small victories can lead to winning the war.

4. Limit your exposure. You can do what you can to avoid meetings and interactions with . This involves finding or building pockets of safety, support, and sanity, to use Suttons words. He cites an example of a nurses lounge as a refuge from an doctor.

5. Expose them. In Suttons blog he mentions Marges Management Metric. This refers to four-point system from 0 to 3. Marge, the boss, would point to people who were behaving like and hold up one, two, or three fingers according to this code:

*1 = You are a normal person who can occasionally assert yourself on an issue you are passionate about, but you handle yourself in a non-confrontational way in nearly all occasions.

*2 = You can consistently assert yourself in a non-confrontational way and are occasionally an , but you feel horrible about it afterwards, and you may or may not apologize (but you probably will have to confess your remorse to someone).

*3 = You can consistently be an censored and you either do not recognize this or you simply enjoy it.

By the way, 0 in her system means this:

You are a very nice person, and very passive. No one can say a word against you and would never think to call you an .

If you are safe in your position, then calling censored out is a good way to deal with them.

6. De-escalate and re-educate. This strategy requires that the youre dealing with isnt a chronic, certified, and flagrant . It means meeting behavior with calmness (instead of either similar behavior or fear) and trying to re-educate the person about how hes behaving.

7. Stand up to them. Funny thing about : Standing up to them shouldnt necessarily scare you. While I was an Apple employee, I was in a meeting with a highly placed Apple exec and Apples ad agency. The ad agency person showed the new television spots and said hed give a copy to the Apple exec and me. The Apple exec told the agency person not to give one to me. I spoke up: Are you saying you dont trust me? The Apple exec answered: Yes. To which I replied, Thats okay because I dont trust you either. You know what? The sun rose the next day, and my family still loved me.

[edited for clarity]

When putting this together I was on painkillers, not drunk - but this said, shalt not serve as an excuse. I think it's brave to address issues and especially one that is applicable to a high percentage of todays population (not excl. myself of course)

I am behaving in such censored way on and off and I shake my head about myself, whilst others in my surrounding usually identify me as Mr. Nice Guy.

The "no censored rule" is a book. A guidebook about how to deal with ones-self and with those elements in our surrounding/ society, which are - unnecessarily or even to satisfy themselves - giving others more than a hard time...

EDITED_BY: FireTom (1174208095)

the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...

Total posts: 13215
Posted:I don't get it

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


Mr Majestik
SILVER Member since Mar 2004

Mr Majestik

coming to a country near you
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear,...

Total posts: 4693
Posted:confused were you drunk when you put this together tom?

"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley


Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...

Total posts: 13215
Posted:It wasn't even st pats day when he posted it! ubblol

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...


SILVER Member since Jan 2004


Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings, United Kingdom

Total posts: 4172
Posted: Written by: Rouge Dragon

I don't get it

Glad somebody else said it first ubblol


GOLD Member since Aug 2004


HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
Location: Staines, United Kingdom

Total posts: 4437
Posted:Made absolutely no sense to me either, Tom was either drunk or a dog was using his HoP account

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian


SILVER Member since Sep 2004


Pasta of Muppets
Location: in the interwebs..., United Ki...

Total posts: 2719
Posted:This might shed some light on the situation...






HOP Lord of the Pirate Admiralty
Location: Canterbury, UK

Total posts: 1079
Posted:man what?
what the hell?
my brain hurts... frown

X x X x X

Ship off the starboard! sound general quarters! noise and light discipline! man the cannons! GET ME THE RUM!

Master of the Free Hug Program




Location: Brisbane

Total posts: 2303
Posted:I'm with them *points up* umm

:admires giant wooden aeroplane: Its about time trees were good for something, instead of just standing their like jerks!!! ubblol ubbtickled

Homer rocks!!!! ubblol ubbrollsmile


SILVER Member since Oct 2003


.:*distracted by shiny things*:.
Location: brizvegas, Australia

Total posts: 3776
Posted:confused my brain hurts...

do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good to eat!

if at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished!

smile! grin it confuses people!




Total posts: 6650

The original text might clarify?

the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink


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