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Forums > Social Discussion > Am I wrong in being pissed?

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M33k0
BRONZE Member since Jan 2007

member
Location: Denver, Colorado

Total posts: 78
Posted:So i have this friend, that I'm just about to stop talking to.

First off... we've known each other a while and things have always been rocky between us.

Last year she started to express interest in my best friend, who I also dated 2 years ago. I love him to death and have known him about 6 years. Well I got really upset when she confronted me at a party and said "Im dating him, you need to deal with it, I love him." But then tells other people that hes sexually unattractive and doesnt like to have sex with him. He broke up with her because I said he was getting treated like [censored] and doesnt deserve it. So she then gets pissed at me, and to this day blames me for them breaking up. He is now happy with a good friend of mine, he's an awesome dad, and he's doing much better without a girlfriend that calls him sexually unattractive. But she still calls me selfish for getting upset that she dated my ex, much less one that I loved a whole hell of a lot. He's my best friend and I did not want him hurt. So she thinks I'm hurting her by being protective of him.

Now onto the next ordeal.

My good friend from High School and I have been talking, and I casually showed her his myspace to show how much he's changed from high school. What does she do? She starts messaging him, making plans to meet up with him, and says he's so hot and how yummy he is. This is after I said that Ty and I are both single now, I want to go on a few dates, and wouldnt mind meeting up with him and see how we changed since high school. Him and I also dated in high school for a short time, and he was my band member... we were very close until I got pregnant. So now I expressed that I wanted to see if things sparked up, and here she goes and starts wanting to date him.

Every single [censored] person I'm interested in she goes after. Every guy friend that I am good friends with, she goes after. She sleeps around and has had an STD before because of some random guy not telling her he had chlymydia. She has gone through plastic surgery just to get smaller instead of dieting. She got a boob job. She now thinks that every single guy in the world wants her and that she is entitled to him. I am getting really sick of how she acts towards me (such as blaming me for her and my best friend breaking up) and how she says that she knows she can get any person she pleases... and nothing will stop her.

She does this to every girl she comes across. Her ex/my best friend has a girlfriend whom he loves, and what does she say? "He's only with her because he is settling for second best. I am better than her and he knows it, and since we broke up he is just settling for whatever girl comes along." WTF?!

Have any of you had a friend like this? Im about to stop talking to her cause im sick of her not backing off when I show her a guy, or her treating them like [censored], or she goes behind my back and acts like she is entitled to them.

Am I wrong for being just a bit pissed?


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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost

Total posts: 1247
Posted:That's a friend?! eek
redefine


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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squarefish
SILVER Member since Sep 2002

(...trusty steed of the rodeo midget...)
Location: the state of flux

Total posts: 403
Posted:those type of people are just pure poison,
leave her by the side of the road,
shake the dust off your heels and don't look back.


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pricklyleaf
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

pricklyleaf

with added berries
Location: Manchester

Total posts: 1365
Posted:From what you've said, it's clear that this person is not a very good friend. It sounds like she has incredibly low self-esteem, can't cope with other people close to her getting more attention, and the plastic surgery would also reflect this.



However, in this situation you have to decide whether it is fair to yourself to stay freinds with her, and presumably support her in some way or another (even if the support is unconcious, and just in the fact you are being a friend to her).



I used to be the kind of person who would stick by people, no matter what. I would see the reasons for people's behaviour, and therefore see an excuse, and let people basically use me. However, I got pretty badly bitten by this, but then, due to circumstances, that person exited my life, and I thank the day that happened, because I don't think I was strong enough to leave them then.



Now I realise that some people just can't be helped. At the end of the day, the only person who can change is themselves. Maybe one day that will happen, but until that day they will continue to bring thier destructive influence into the lives of the people around them.



You have to decide whether you're willing to let that person make your life miserable, or whether you can let go, and look after yourself. The only person this girl really cares about is herself, so do the best thing for YOU.



And try not to feel guilty about it! The girl in question will find a path, unfortunately it might involve going down, before she can go up, as things often do. You need to follow your path, and look after yourself too.


Live like there is no tomorrow,
dance like nobody is watching
and hula hoop like wiggling will save the world.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 4145
Posted:hmmmm... you say she does all that and things have been rocky for years. What do you get from hanging out with her? Surely if she's such a horrible person you'd not be her friend at all? Sorry if I don't hit into the same kerb as everyone else, I just can't see why you'd for example even tell her about that friend on myspace if you know that's what she's like all the time.



Though, on the other hand, she might just now be blogging something like "this friend M33k0 I have, with whom things have been rocky for years, is just slagging me off really badly on this public forum." You never know. For example, I'd say going on about that STD to all of us is quite bad style, too. Maybe you both should just have a good chat with each other, instead of living problems out on HoP and myspace? Good luck smile hug

EDITED_BY: Birgit (1173726016)


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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Stout
SILVER Member since May 2004

Stout

Pooh-Bah
Location: Canada

Total posts: 1872
Posted:It sounds like your "friend" has a histrionic and dissembelling personality, you may want to reassess the value of your relationship.

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M33k0
BRONZE Member since Jan 2007

member
Location: Denver, Colorado

Total posts: 78
Posted:I put it on this board because she doesnt come here... cause I need an outsiders view on what to do.

And why do her and I keep being friends? No idea. I think it was our friends death that makes us keep talking to each other. And then although she does [censored] up [censored], she can be a good friend (sometimes.) She will be really cool one day but say the most [censored] up [censored] the next day that makes everyone, not just me, shake their heads and go "WTF?!"

So I dunno. Im all grrr cause I am really sick of her stepping in and thinking that whoever I like/have dated is fair game, but god forbid I ever say I like someone she does.... shed kill me.

But I dont do that regardless.


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alien_oddity


alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees

Total posts: 7193
Posted:i'd stab her up big styleeee ubblol not really hug



she sounds desperate to me, DON'T loose your rag over this, talk to your mate and tell him how you feel about this point blank.





personally i'd drop this "so called" friend that intrdes on your life like a hot coal wink


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PK_
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

PK_

Lambretta Fanatic


Total posts: 4991
Posted:show her my myspace page... see if she starts messaging me too lol

I could do with a laugh.

www.myspace.com/international_smuggler

other than that [censored] her off.... ditch her in the curb like road kill, if what you say is true.

But have you actually talked to her about these things? one to one... or are you just making a one sided accusation/opinion/assumption or what ever.. as at the end of the day there are always two sides to every story.


PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:Other than that, what kind of "friend" is she? If not a very good one, then why is it even a question?

PK_ I agree that there are two sides to every story but if in the end, they don't meet up, then it isn't a story worth telling.
I've had a "friend" who pulled something very similar. She has a wonderful heart but a very destructive personality and I just couldn't stay friends with her. It went beyond blaming me for her failed relationships and more towards how she had no joy in her life and would try to drag people down with her. It's an overall picture rather than a case by case thing, I think.

I've known some completely wonderful people but we simply didn't see eye to eye and the friendship needed to end as we outgrew one another.

Some people are worth fighting to hang on to, some are not but it's a personal choice in the end.


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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M33k0
BRONZE Member since Jan 2007

member
Location: Denver, Colorado

Total posts: 78
Posted:I have talked to her, such as when she dated my best friend/ex. She said that she was in love, she was going to date him no matter what, and that he never felt the same about me anyways. Thats what hurt... cause my best friend and I are probably just as close as he is with his current girlfriend, we are extremely close and would never want to hurt each other. (after he dated her, he has never hurt me again, and doesnt even talk to her anymore.)

I have talked to her about who I like and she has told other people that she will get who she wants, no matter what I think. What she tells me is that she deserves to be happy as well, and she will be with whoever makes her happy. Yet, she has failed relationships after relationships because of the stuff she does while in a relationship, or what she says about other people that ultimatly turn guys off.

Like it might be me looking too far into it... but my ex that I dated last year, who I got very close to but pushed away for stupid reasons, got another girl pregnant. I swear to god it was like there was a mocking tone in her voice when she said "OMG Im so sorry! That sucks!" But the tone of her voice was just... off. It just sounded like she took pride in knowing that I was hurt because I [censored] up a relationship, then he got his next girlfriend pregnant.

Its like whoever I like, she instantly likes and tries to outdo me when it comes to guys. Those that know me here know I do not change myself for anyone, guy or girl. And that is what many like about me. But she will change to please anyone, even if thats to drastically change her appearance by surgery or wearing next to nothing (and it is not flattering.) So she will wear nothing just to attract attention when she knows that I refuse to change for any guy, and the hoodie/baggy pants/short hair thing has got to do with the guys I like cause I wont change it. It just seems messed up.


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M33k0
BRONZE Member since Jan 2007

member
Location: Denver, Colorado

Total posts: 78
Posted:BTW PK... you look so much like my tattoo artist its not even funny! lol, and your son is ADORABLE! Im going to request you as a friend on my myspace... so approve me if you would be so inclined wink

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PK_
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

PK_

Lambretta Fanatic


Total posts: 4991
Posted: Written by: M33k0


BTW PK... you look so much like my tattoo artist its not even funny! lol, and your son is ADORABLE! Im going to request you as a friend on my myspace... so approve me if you would be so inclined wink



No worries smile and thanks! hug wishing you luck with your friend.. or should i be wishing your friend luck with life, i think that she will need all the luck in the world.

I think loosing a friend is worse than loosing a partner.

I've made several mistakes in my life with girlfriends, I've always regretted walking out of one particular relationship 4/5 years ago now.. i still find it hard to deal with why i decided to mess that up.. picking and picking etc me doing most of the picking too i might add and it was me that tossed it all away for some stupid bint who flashed her bits and i went crawling.
After another 2 years my relationship with this new girl was over.. my ex girlfriend and i were still strong on our feelings about each other, she even asked me not to move to Italy, we drank and we cried together but we parted because i felt that i still had to walk away, in a way i wish i hadn't but i had to do some thing that was on my mind to get done, looking back i should have stayed, i could still go back... but i wouldn't want to leave another girl broken hearted and a child with out a farther... i love both my girlfriend and my son, we've all had a rough 2006 and pulled through (only just)... but all this in mind.

I think loosing a friend is worse, friends can be your enemies, your loved ones, your partner in crime, when Jo Derry decided to cut contact with me, that hurt, hurt real bad, my best friend never emails never texts and never calls and that hurts too, hurts so much more than making a mistake and walking out on an ex girlfriend and having to live with the regret.

The only thing that i can imagine worse is the thought of my son growing up without his mum or dad.
I have learnt that family comes first.. [censored] friends, it hurts to loose them but I'd rather loose them all... than to loose my family.


PK.

"To be an angel, one need not have wings.
In giving love there is an equal grace.
Nor need one seek the aura in the face,
As love unveils the beauty of all things."

*Francois Couperin.

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faith enfire
BRONZE Member since Jan 2006

faith enfire

wandering thru the woods of WI
Location: Wisconsin

Total posts: 3556
Posted:pk: what nice simple myspace, adorable child

if you have talked to this friend about it and she still does these sorts of things, then you should probably cut her lose. it sounds like you know this this, but don't want to. it's not healthy, and it seems as though she has low self esteem. she looks up to you in the relationship department and to be able to "get" the guy you're interested in shows to her that she has self worth. a guy who wants you wants her. that's just how i see it. i could be completely wrong


Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost

Total posts: 1247
Posted:It is so simple when you look at it from outside.

You don't have healthy interactions with this person. You are responsible for your choices, so choose to be healthy. You can not change her behaviour, but you can your own. Stop the drama, get real and stay there. If she can come around and join you in a place of integrity, great. Revisit your decision if/when that happens. If not say goodbye- you can love people from a distance, without participating in games and interacting in their story.

No one can "take" someone else from you. People make their own choices about who they want to be with. Even if she attempts such a thing, it is only possible if all of you play that game together. Otherwise, true friends and lovers just communicate about their feelings, sharing perspectives and emotions and acting on them. If necessary , work on recognizing and acknowledging any falsehoods and manipulation, and learn when to let go.

I agree with Faithinfire, what you are describing is not healthy!


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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M33k0
BRONZE Member since Jan 2007

member
Location: Denver, Colorado

Total posts: 78
Posted:I've decided that I just need to let her go... I dont want someone in my life that is going to barge in on every single thing I do.

I mean, if we both know a guy, and he wants her, then so be it. But messaging my high school friend to hang out... and not even tell me... and they really dont have much in common... I mean thats just messed up.

Right now Im really happy in my life... and I am not going to let anyone stop that. I have been through a lot in the past year, and its about time to look forward with people who wont hold me back. smile


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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost

Total posts: 1247
Posted:yay! hug ubbrollsmile

"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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The Tea Fairy
SILVER Member since Jul 2004

The Tea Fairy

old hand
Location: Behind you...

Total posts: 853
Posted:hug I think you're doing the right thing. I was in a similar situation once, it escalated quite badly to the point where my so-called 'friend' was found to be stalking one of my other male friends! (calling then hanging up, hanging around his house watching him, the full works). We went our seperate ways several years ago and I've been much happier without her.

Bansheecat, what you said about loving people from a distance withut acting in their story, I really love the way you put that! I have a whole load of friends where this is the way things have to be now because they were all so destructive and I was getting dragged down with it.


Idolized by Aurinoko

Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....

Bob Dylan

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The_Pirate_Dyke_Boy


The_Pirate_Dyke_Boy

HOP Lord of the Pirate Admiralty
Location: Canterbury, UK

Total posts: 1079
Posted:no friend should ever ask you to handle such emotions in the first place. its unfair on all involved.

i losta lot of good friends because of that exact situation, an ex and a mate decided to hook up without telling me, it all went very nasty.
the end result of which was i cut them out of my life because of the mental nightmare it was giving me.

you have more than enough right to be pissed at them. for every second you worried about it and every moment you couldnt sleep, they owe you.

can you really trust this person? thats the true measure of friendship.


D.B.
X x X x X

Ship off the starboard! sound general quarters! noise and light discipline! man the cannons! GET ME THE RUM!

Master of the Free Hug Program

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The_Pirate_Dyke_Boy


The_Pirate_Dyke_Boy

HOP Lord of the Pirate Admiralty
Location: Canterbury, UK

Total posts: 1079
Posted:sorry that was a really harsh and bitter post...

D.B.
X x X x X

Ship off the starboard! sound general quarters! noise and light discipline! man the cannons! GET ME THE RUM!

Master of the Free Hug Program

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