Forums > Social Discussion > Gossipy Neighbours... How do you handle it?

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wonderloeyenthusiast
255 posts
Location: Melbourne - home of pirates


Posted:
I've just moved into a beautiful new apartment, right next to a big park and a creek. Its a lovely position, I'm absolutely wrapt with the building, and the area, and I'm really looking forward to living there.

Unfortunately, after only 1 1/2 weeks of living there, the neighbours seem to have taken a dislike to me. Well.. I say seem...

On Sunday, I was lucky enough to overhear a conversation of a few of the people in my apartment block discussing the new gay neighbour (me). My next door neighbour didn't sound at all happy about the fact that I am gay because "I've never lived next to a gay person before." There was some speculation about me, with one person chiming in, saying that I just seemed like a nice person trying to live her life.

Now my girlfriend helped me move in, and I introduced her to some of the neighbours as such. I have nothing to hide. I'm in love with her and I won't be told to pretend otherwise. I forsaw that being an issue, but I never saw it escalating like this.

I'm now hearing speculation about my sex life. They are gossiping that I'm cheating on my girlfriend with a friend of mine (now known as R). I've had one of my best mates over for a few nights (she works late and sometimes can't get home on public transport) and she's stayed in my bed. Apparenlty this means I'm a slut and am having a torrid affair.

My girlfriend doesn't have a problem with R sleeping over, she knows I love my R, but not in the same way as I love her, and I can't say I'm attracted to R in the slightest. She likes knowing someone's with me sometimes during the week, as I only see my partner on the weekends.

I've heard them talking in horror about my life, and discussing how they should behave towards me, as I'm obviously some kind of axe murderer. They were looking through my window to see if the lights are on.

The problem is, I think that I would really like these people and would get along really well with them if they could only bring themselves to get to know me. I don't want to get them offside, but they won't talk to me and I'm just feeling like I am not welcome in my own home.

Has anyone had anything similar occur to them? What do you think should I do?

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense..

"You've gone from Loey the Wonder Lesbian to everyone wondering if you are a lesbian." - Shadowman

Yesterday is yesterday. If we try to recapture it, we will only lose tomorrow.


SkulduggeryGOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales


Posted:
My advice to you is to just stay smiling and friendly to these people and ignore the back stabbing for a while. See if they get bored and give up. You are the newest thing to happen in their lives and they obviously have little else to do other than fabricate scenarios about strangers to spice up their dull lives. They'll get bored of it sooner or later, and as they get to know you more it will be harder and harder for them to fabricate rubbish about you.

We've all done it... speculated about the new person on the block or the newest employee at work. Try not to take it to heart. I'm sure with time most of it will pass and for those that don't bother to get to know you and still back stab and gossip... well they aren't worth knowing anyway.

As long as the people you love know the truth of what's going on, let the bored gossip mongers have their short lived fun, because truth will out in the end.

hug

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!


ado-pGOLD Member
Pirate Ninja
3,882 posts
Location: Galway/Ireland


Posted:
And if that fails. Start inviting over your friend and your lover at the same time and have a pillow fight...

That'l learn em... ubblol

Love is the law.


GothFrogetteBRONZE Member
grumpy poorly froggy
3,999 posts
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom


Posted:
ubblol always be polite, nice and smile. tis how i do it, even though my neighbours on one side hate me, the way i dress the fact that their kids are getting into the circus thing cause all they see are me and the kids... not just mine but loads from the neighbourhood doing it. They can think what they want and sure i wind them up every now and again by making little comments that make them do the whole "did she just say that?! what did she mean" double take look. hell i have to have my fun too. although i am not too sure what gets them the most, the fact that i am a 'freak' biggrin do circus skills in the street or am Pagan. But i am always very nice to every one, run neighbourhood watch and other community things. the main thing i get now off most people is shock at the fact that they had put me into a sterio type that has bad connotationsand i have proved them wrong.

i would go for the pillow fight too ubblol

Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows


FoxInDocsSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia


Posted:
yup, pillow fight.

"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie


Neon_ShaolinGOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam


Posted:
Or have a different couple combination come in and out of your house on different nights...



You and GF

You and R

R and GF



Then on the forth night come in arms round each other singing songs and giggling inanely... And perhaps kiss each other, not full-on tongues and spit-trails but enough to be construded as 'overly familiar'... wink



That might do more harm than good but at least it'll stop the 'she's cheating on her girlfriend' rumours. The likelyhood they'll be replaced by 'she's running a lesbian commune!!!' is mostly irrelevant... biggrin

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock


mcpPLATINUM Member
Flying Water Muppet
5,276 posts
Location: Edin-borrow., United Kingdom


Posted:
Sounds like you have a cool life. And that you need cooler neighbours.

Invite more of your friends over, ignore your neighbours with politeness.

People talking about you, makes you more interesting than them. It's not like you've been gossiping about their sex lives have you? wink

"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade

I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.


EeraBRONZE Member
old hand
1,107 posts
Location: In a test pit, Mackay, Australia


Posted:
Personally I'd wander around with fake blood on your hands and say "morning" like it's completely normal. Next time dress in PVC and have a whip, the time after be gothed up, you get the idea. If they want to talk, give 'em something to talk about.

(I used to tell mine I was prospecting for uranium down the beach).

There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.


FoxInDocsSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia


Posted:
bahahaha! prospecting for uranium... teehee, that's execellent smile

"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie


Groovy_DreamSILVER Member
addict
449 posts
Location: Australia


Posted:
How often do you see them? And how long do you plan to stay there? I mean you'll probably hardly ever see them anyway, the only time you'll see them is when you're coming and going. I guess its more of a problem if you bought the apartment and plan to live there for ages.

ValuraSILVER Member
Mumma Hen
6,391 posts
Location: Brisbane, Australia


Posted:
I would personally confront it front on.

perhaps to neighbour X who stood up for you " thank you for sticking up for me the other day when people were discussing my personal business. It meant a lot to me."

Then neighbour X will be stoked that you have acknowledged their support. I would then say to the other neighbours nice and gently and quietly,
" I overheard you discussing me the other day when you thought I wasnt around. What you said has upset me a little. It would be really beneficial to our friendship that if you had any questions you wanted to ask that you could ask me and I will tell you. Just out of respect for my privacy. "

Then watch them squirm. The thing is if you point out behaviour that people know is nasty or wrong they get embrassed and tend not to repeat the behaviour. They will also apologise. (usually) Plus your letting them know that gossip isnt cool with you....

If all else fails.... go the pillowfight.

hug hug hug

Hang in there and if you need to talk just PM hun, I know how unfounded gossip can hurt, its happened to me plenty of times. hug

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"


wonderloeyenthusiast
255 posts
Location: Melbourne - home of pirates


Posted:
I'm going to be living there for at least 12 months, its a block of one bedroom apartments so most of the people talk to each other quite a bit.

All in pillow brawl! AWESOME!

Its actually really odd, because my nextdoor neighbour is really friendly, and also fits into the "freak" category (does fire performance, multicoloured dreads, etc.) and they all like her just fine..

Thanks guys, I'm feeling heaps better about it all.. Its such a stupid thing to do.. The only thing I can do is be my normal cheery self, and if they can look past their prejudices they'll get to know me.

"You've gone from Loey the Wonder Lesbian to everyone wondering if you are a lesbian." - Shadowman

Yesterday is yesterday. If we try to recapture it, we will only lose tomorrow.


YakumoSILVER Member
veteran
1,237 posts
Location: Oxfordshire, United Kingdom


Posted:
sounds rather nasty :-/



much as neon made me chuckle I think valura's got the answer, you need to talk to them, mix the two though smile



my first thought on "I think that I would really like these people and would get along really well with them if they could only bring themselves to get to know me. " was you don't need those bigots, but I guess they're just reacting the only way they know how to something a bit different to their norm, and sounds like they're doing it out of concern for your girlfriend from what you've said, and that's actually a nice thing.



let them see you all together, as really good friends, and they'll either figure it out or maybe think you're a 3some, so you should just need to do a little correcting smile

Blinded by Hyperlights, please donate generously grin


SpannerBRONZE Member
remembers when it was all fields round here
2,790 posts
Location: in the works... somewhere..., United Kingdom


Posted:
 Written by: wonderlooey

On Sunday, I was lucky enough to overhear a conversation of a few of the people in my apartment block discussing the new gay neighbour (me). My next door neighbour didn't sound at all happy about the fact that I am gay because "I've never lived next to a gay person before."



Was this the friendly multicoloured dreadlocked fire spinning next door neighbour? Or was she the one who said you just seem like a nice person trying to live your life? I would have thought that she would be the one to stand up for you (hark at me also jumping to conclusions about people rolleyes )

However, whoever said this: it's merely factual and maybe not meant to be negative, though I can understand how it sounds to you and how it has upset you.
I don't think I've ever lived next to a gay person before but even if I had, I wouldn't know: I lived in a detached property for most of my childhood and have therefore never really gotten into the habit of knowing my neighbours.

Your neighbours, however, have, and your "freak" next door neighbour has shown that they can all together alongside each other in some kind of harmony, so I'm sure they'll settle down.
Neighbours are just another cross section of society: just like HoPers and we all know what they're like for gossip wink

hug

"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"


alien_oddityCarpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees


Posted:
petrol bomb the other tennants.......................failing that lay on a nice sized party and invite them all along to it so everyone can get to know each other and so they can see you won't infect them with your gay-ness ubblol


some people can be really weird about gay people, personally i've never had a problem with them and some are even the most comical people i've met.

to me it just sounds like small town nerves

(ooooh next doors gay *gasp shock horror* they might rape me in my bed etc) ubblol

GothFrogetteBRONZE Member
grumpy poorly froggy
3,999 posts
Location: Nuneaton, United Kingdom


Posted:
you could do the sound system, lol that should get some attention eek ubblol

Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows


FoxInDocsSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia


Posted:
mildly off topic... but... why is it that people have to qualify with "some gay people are some of the (insert positive descriptor here) people i know"?

being gay has just as much to do with being smart, funny, generous or whatever as does being black or female or blonde or a lawyer...

"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie


Dangerousmind66Member
90 posts

Posted:
I would suppose that rather than refuting a generality with a specific instance, its seems to be more effective to refute a generality with another generality, without realizing that they do the same things.

alien_oddityCarpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees


Posted:
 Written by: FoxInDocs


mildly off topic... but... why is it that people have to qualify with "some gay people are some of the (insert positive descriptor here) people i know"?

being gay has just as much to do with being smart, funny, generous or whatever as does being black or female or blonde or a lawyer...



simmer down ye violence............... i mean well..... but cant always structure my statements in a PC way 100% of the time. i mean nothing by my statement about the gay people i know etc. please don't get all pollicicaly correct on me, i hate that [censored] weavesmiley

FoxInDocsSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia


Posted:
wasn't directed specifically at you rave, i just notice heaps of people do it and i wondered why.



i'm anti all that PC crap aswell, i avoid qualifying anything i say. I know lots of gay guys and some lesbians too. some of them are bitches, some of them are complete arrogant assholes and some of them are just nice normal people, and i just don't think being gay as anything to do with that, so why say it?

"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie


Meeko_KiddoSILVER Member
journeyman
84 posts
Location: USA


Posted:
Ugh, sorry you are in the situation you are in, especially close-minded people who cant accept gays for whatever reason or another. Mad props to you for not hiding anything smile

Id act as nice as can be, just like my mom said to me growing up.... kill them with kindness! Hopefully they can realize they are being jackasses and move onto other things that actually matter.

robnunchucksBRONZE Member
enthusiast
363 posts
Location: manchester uk


Posted:
My bet is its because your neighbours lead relitively boring lives and as a result the highlight of there day has become talking about the goings on with you. mainly because you and your girlfirend are the most unusaly hence most intresting thats goes on in there daily lives. for them its like a soap opera and like a soap opera they want it to be as intresting as posable so when they dont know whats happening they fill in the gaps with the wildist storys posable (and if you ever watched soap opera you know the sort of things people find intresting).



i recon the best bet would be contiue to be nice and make an effort to approach and talk to them if they dont try and bridge the gap you do it for them. where ever posable fill in the gaps talk to them about R etc, rather than leting them speculate widly about whats going on. invite them round for a drink one nite maby even while R is there, ask them about there lives and the sort of things they do if you get to know them better they will likely ask you about your life as well the more they get to know you the less room for speculation there will be. also you dont need to get to know all of them ether as anything you tell one of them will likely be spread to the others. maby start with the one you heard defend you as you get to know them start to talk to others and so on.



of course theres always the spinners trump card have a spin fire is preferable someware near the flats when your neabors will see and use it to brake the ice talk to them about it ask them if they wanta learn offer to teach them to do it them selfs etc.



good luck with it i hope it all works out for you smile



at worst you know your neighbours on hop love you hug
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alien_oddityCarpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees


Posted:
seems to me like most "normal" people lead such dull sheltered lives they feel the need to gossip and come to conclusions made rumours and conjecture.

even i get "the look" from "normal" people simply because i have dreads, i'm a bit of a hippie and i'm not ashamed to admit i smoke marijuana but i do enjoy the shock they get when they find out i'm well spoken and not a drugged out zombie ubblol even thought i may seem it sometimes wink

it dosent really bother me if someones more aurther than martha or is greedy and likes to go both ways wink...............their actions dont affect me so it's not something that i waste my time worrying about. i've even been chatted up[ by a few gay blokes (although flattered i was so mashed up it didn't register until the morning what they where on about)

it seems to me your new neighbours are just being typical "norms" and finding anything they can chat Shi-t about ubblol

FoxInDocsSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia


Posted:
i still think you should go the pillow fight tongue

"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie


faith enfireBRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA


Posted:
you know after the past year, all i want is to be one of those normal people
and how is this thread any better than what the neighbors are doing...y'all are gossiping about the normals wink

Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed


FoxInDocsSILVER Member
Pooh-Bah
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia


Posted:
gossip's what i do best, why do you think i spend so much time on HoP?

"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie


alien_oddityCarpal \'Tunnel
7,193 posts
Location: in the trees


Posted:
bouncebounce2 PETROL BOMB, PETROL BOMBbounce2bounce

wonderloeyenthusiast
255 posts
Location: Melbourne - home of pirates


Posted:
 Written by: faithinfire


you know after the past year, all i want is to be one of those normal people
and how is this thread any better than what the neighbors are doing...y'all are gossiping about the normals wink



I can't say I've gossiped about the people in my flats..

All I've done is gone about my business in my normal manner. I haven't looked in their windows. I haven't watched who comes and goes, and i certainly haven't speculated about their lives.

All I ask is the same from them.

Petrol bombing is looking like a good idea atm, apparently now having friends come to visit (and even I'll admit I've had waay too many people through my place in the past week - its been that kind of week) is now pi$$ing them off. Mind you, i've been very concerned about noise levels, including relocating people to the park over the road so we don't disturb my neighbours.

I've come to the honest conclusion that I'm not going to change a thing. These people seem to believe I'm some kind of freak (over my whole life, not just the gay thing, although that probably started this stupid "us vs them" vibe) and I don't believe that I have any chance of changing their minds. I'd love to think that they'd come in for a drink, but somehow I just don't think they'd be able to overlook their prejudice at this point. I'm not going to spend my time trying to make people like me.

"You've gone from Loey the Wonder Lesbian to everyone wondering if you are a lesbian." - Shadowman

Yesterday is yesterday. If we try to recapture it, we will only lose tomorrow.


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