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Forums > Social Chat > darn that stupid shyness...

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LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-single


member
Location: beneath a cloak of self-tortur...

Total posts: 536
Posted:hi folks it's me..
just a quick poll..
how many of you when you were younger really like a person of the opposite sex and never had the courage to ask them out or to the movies or something?...
Coz i gotta tell you it sucks...
it's like that story about that king that was doomed for the rest of eternity to reach for food and drink and every time he made a move for it,.. it dissapeared...

it is really heartbreaking... this whole thing and i want it to be over...when i got to sleep at night, i think about her,...when i sit in class i think of her ...
and we have a class together and i have to sit with my back to keep from staring at her and not doing any work...
and thing is i'm so shy i can't even talk to her ...
it is really tearing me to shreds and i want it to stop ...
but, you know it kinda reminds me of that song by Ben folds Five..."The luckiest"
i feel i'm the luckiest just to be in her presence..
but let me shut up and let you post...

[ 19. March 2003, 19:53: Message edited by: LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan) ]


-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

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LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-single


member
Location: beneath a cloak of self-tortur...

Total posts: 536
Posted:If she is ever in trouble..
like life threatning trouble..gun point type of trouble...
if that ever happened i fairly certain i would take two slugs in the chest for her with honor....
and if she was there when i died, holding my hand telling me everything is going to be all right i wouldn't change anything...
i am so pathetic huh?...
if you ever saw me it would really throw you off..like wow,...he dosen't look like he can hold two thoughts at the same time...
but to tell you the truth right now....
there are only 2 thoughts in my head...
if she is safe and happy...
breathing, sleeping those can come later...
i know i sound like a stalker, but i would give up everything in my life to make her happy if she would let me...


-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

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DaiTenshi


member
Location: Stillwater, OK

Total posts: 104
Posted:Dude, just move on.

I wasted the last years of high school pining for the "love of my life" she got married during her freshman year of college. When I returned home over the summer after my first year of college I had about 6 different girls tell me how they had had the biggest crush on me in High school and how they would've loved to go out with me but I had spent all my time with that other girl......

Deffintly not worth it to pine my friend, trust me on this as a man who has wasted too much time brooding.


No one knows me like I do.

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LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-single


member
Location: beneath a cloak of self-tortur...

Total posts: 536
Posted:Dude you do not understand...
You had like "6" others girls pining after
you,...
i don't not even one...
it's just it makes me want to live,..
the fact that i know if i got to school and she is there my life isn't worthless...there is a point to my being...
her lovely face,...it's the crane pulling me from the murky waters of the river of hell...
ahe is my meaning of life...
she proly dosen't notice me but i know that if she moved or anything happened to her i wouldn't know what to do...


-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:you may not see it, but you aren't really giving her a chance. By not saying anything, sure you are protecting yourself from risk, but you are not opening yourself to the possibility that good stuff may happen.

If she is as special as you think, then maybe she will see the specialness in you. And if she doesn't, the world won't break, and there will be other people.


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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DaiTenshi


member
Location: Stillwater, OK

Total posts: 104
Posted:See, that's the thing man.... I had absolutly no idea they wanted me, at all.

I felt exactly the same way you are now, trust me. It physically hurt me to see her cry.

While you may think no one knows, trust me, other women know..... and if any of those other women know they're not gonna let you know AT ALL if they like you.

Just the way it is. Sit back, relax, and take a load off.

Let this girl know how you feel, and soon. If it doesn't work out, get your young tail moving. Your teen years are too damned short to waste! I SHOULD KNOW, MINE ARE GONE!!!!!!

/me cries a river


No one knows me like I do.

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LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-single


member
Location: beneath a cloak of self-tortur...

Total posts: 536
Posted:we're both kinda friends, even though she
punches me as i walk down the hall.
but every time i work enough stuff up, to hint that i want to do something together
(non-sexual)...
shes all ways to busy....
when i get home at night, after school...
where no one can here me or see me i cry...
it's so painfull...mentaly and physically...
my throat hurts and gets into a knot, my heart
physically hurts and i get a headache...
DAMN IT!!!
Was that why i was born to suk up pain from everyone around me...
everytime something bad happens to my family or me,...it hits me like a metal pipe...
why am i so...emotional?...i'm not gay, and i'm not a pansy kid that cries when a bone breaks,i suck it up and wait till i can get it fixed....
shouldn't shyness be derived from my sense of self....or something?


-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

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Durbs
BRONZE Member since Sep 2001

Durbs

Classically British
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England

Total posts: 5688
Posted:Before I give any advice can I just say that Ben Folds (Five) is (were) awesome! Such beautiful songwriting - huge fan but have to say I've never heard leard "Luckiest" - a quick KaZaa job methinks. "Evaporated" always gives me a lump in my throat. Aaaaaaaaaaanyway:

I'd say you have to at least try something, ask her out, start a conversation, perhaps just "happen" to be spinning when she's around - it's a great conversation point, and you'll be more relaxed doing something you enjoy. There's nothing worse than trying to start up a "cold" conversation.
Even if she says "No" or whatever, at least you'll know and can think about moving on...


Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude

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_Stix_


_Stix_

Pooh-Bah
Location: la-la land

Total posts: 2419
Posted:quote:Originally posted by LuNcHbOx:
..
how many of you when you were younger really like a person of the opposite sex and never had the courage to ask them out or to the movies or something?...
hey Nathan.. you think it changes when you get older? me still shy - me still having problems.. but I reckon one day it'll all happen for me.. but there is some good advice up there.. so keep a smile on your face, but also remember you should not take on too much of other peoples problems.. you need to conserve your own energy..

BIG hunny.. just keep smiling.


I honour you as an aspect of myself..

You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..

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SmallBoy - x


SmallBoy - x

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London

Total posts: 2737
Posted:(*Looky looky a SmallBoy post in social*)

Awwwwww - crushes......... are you by any chance about 15-17-ish - lol.........sounds hormonal

Definitely ask her out, although if you've got to the point of being friends you might be better off leaving it there.

Oh and yep, you're starting to sound like a stalker. There's not much unhealthier than pining after a girl you're not going to ask out, it's not fair to her and it's not fair to your head.

We've all been there though, and we'll all do it again........I think it's part of life.

Skin up & Go burn something -


Small Lardy Person In Disguise

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Kat
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Kat

Pooh-Bah
Location: London, Wales (UK)

Total posts: 2211
Posted:quote: why am i so...emotional?...Teenager - hormones!

Sucks but yep, teenagers feel the pain of the world pressing down on em!

Of course shyness is derived from a sense of self. Shyness is a form of self-hatred. I suffered from crippling shyness as a teenager, it is something that you can overcome with practice though

Some words for you from his holiness the Dalai Lama which I hope will give you some insights.

The whole concept of self-hatred does not mean that a person does not love him or herself..at the root of self-hatred there must be too much self-cherishing or too much attachment to oneself. One's expectation of oneslef is so high that when that is not met there is intense frustration which sets up a negative dynamic.

We should deliberately try to implemet the things that cause happiness, and whatever causes suffering we should deliberately try to overcome.

No matter how importnat an individual person may be, and no matter how unimportant, in a worldy sense, others may be, so far as the basic fact of wishing to be happy and overcome suffering is concerned, there is absolute equality.

We nurture within ourselves a whole complex of self-cherishing thoughts. We belive in something that we hold very dear and we regard as precious, something that is like the core of our being; and this is accompanied by a powerful belief in our existence as an individual being with an independent reality. The belief that there is a substantially real self, and the cherishing of one's own interest at the expense of others, are the two main thoughts and emotions we have nurtured within us throughout our many lives.

But what is the result of this? What benefit does it bring? We are continually suffering, we are continually experiencing negative thoughts and emotions, so our self-cherishing hasn't really got us very far.

If we shift our focus from ourselves to others and to the wider world, all the difficulties nad the sufferings and so on, we will see that many of these problems are direct or indirect consequences of negative states of mind. And were do these come from? From this powerful combination of self-centredness and the belief in the independent existence. By shifting our attention to the wider world in this way, we can begin to appreciate the immensely destructive consequences of such thinking.

If you shift your focus from yourself to others, extend your concern to others, and cultivate the thought of caring for the well being of others, then this will have the immediate effect of opening up your life and helping you reach out

quote: The source of all misery in the world lies in thinking of oneself; The source of all happiness lies in thinking of others
Shantideva

Nobody is born to suck up pain from those around them my dear. Suffering is a part of life and we have to try and move to a more positive state. Thinking of others does not mean our family or friends. Rather we need to look to the world as a whole. Your enemy in this life could be the girl you enamoured of in the next.


Come faeries, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.

- W B Yeats

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Dom
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK

Total posts: 3009
Posted:Felt like replying to this, but its hard to know what to write without it sounding a bit unintentionally patronising. And I know that in this situation you've most probably got a big input filter in place that'll affect what you hear about the situation. Hmmmm, that made no sense! Ok.... I don't think I can give you advice, only a couple of thoughts.

I can tell you that this happens a LOT, so you're never alone. And as you grow up it will probably keep on happening. I know that as a potentially shy person myself the dreaded shyness affects me, but during my evolution I've learnt to overcome the shyness unless I'm in one of those odd moods and, as a dear friend would say in a cute french accent, need somebody to "kick my butt" to get me out of it

During my evolution I've learnt how to overcome, and part of the process is unfortunately going through the pain and trying to learn and live through it. A baptism of fire if you like.

The me of today knows that to become so obsessed does not lay a path to the desired goal. Restraint and appearing less like a stalker are probably good ways to begin your approach to this lass. Approach as a friend, not someone madly in love, as that so often scares people away, and understandably so. Also approach as an equal, do not put her on such a high pedestal.

And understand that I'm not trying to devalue your feelings, but how well do you actually know this girl? It seems to me you describe an intense infatuation with a girl that you don't really know. Beware of this, because it's very easy to fall completely in love with your 'version' of somebody, basing your love on attributes you assume them to have that you've imagined them to have because that's what you want them to be like. So you fall in love, and exagerate your love around an idealised image of somebody, not the real person.

Did any of that babbling make sense? hmmm, it is very late o'clock.


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Dio


Dio

HoP Mechanical Engineer
Location: OK, USA

Total posts: 729
Posted:Time to play Bad Cop, cuz I been there and I know what I would have needed in that situation. I went through this same dilemma with no less than 4 girls in high school, and fortunately I learned to pull my head out of my ass after I got to college... been completely happy ever since.

quote: it's just it makes me want to live,..
the fact that i know if i got to school and she is there my life isn't worthless...there is a point to my being...
her lovely face,...it's the crane pulling me from the murky waters of the river of hell...
ahe is my meaning of life...
This is a load of CRAP. You might be familiar with this girl, but to dump on her the responsibility for your own personal happiness and validation is entirely selfish and unfair to her. What if she does come around and decide to date you, you think the things that make the rest of your life suck will just go away?

WRONG. You'll just end up imposing them on her, because you expect her to make things alright for you and when the inevitable time would come that she can't, you'd end up resenting her and go right back to where you started, likely ending up with a lot of regrets. Step out of your shell for a minute and consider, what if a girl was in the same desperate situation and saw you as the answer to her life's problems?

No one can be happy with you unless you're happy with yourself. No one will respect you if you live your life in a hole of self-pity. You're not ready to have someone else in your life until your own life is stable, otherwise the relationship is doomed to failure. I say find happiness in your own life, in your talents, in your abilities, in your friends and family. The things that really matter in the end.

Especially in high school, an old adage from my friend holds very true: "Always remember, girlfriends will come and girlfriends will go. But homies are forever." High school is possibly the biggest illusion us kids are forced to go through. We think it's real life, with all the cliques, stereotypes, labeling and expectations. Once you're out, you look back and realize it was nowhere near to real life. I'm gathering from your situation that you're struggling for some kind of acceptance, the way most of us had to. And to that I say be yourself regardless of what people would have you be for their own enjoyment.

That girl may be quite the looker, may be quite the sweetheart, may be the greatest thing on 2 legs.... but she ain't necessary, and you have to realize that.


What hits the fan is not evenly distributed.

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LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-single


member
Location: beneath a cloak of self-tortur...

Total posts: 536
Posted:your right it is a huge load of crap...
and i thank you, but...
i keep my feeling hid and it makes me feel better...
i'm sorry that i was so "filtered" last night...
i was just really sad...
i'm sorry for posting like that...
i know it is selfish to feel that way and everything, but...
her happiness is what live for...
i just really like her and i was just wondering what i could do to stop the mental stigma and get on with life...It is really annoying..
and having that been said i would just like to say this...
She is attractive, but thats not why i like her..
we have mutual outlooks on our crappy lifes...
she worst than me...she even cut her own wrist, but it wasn't deep enough to do anyharm
but that is why i like her...
She is really, uh..how do you say this...
pissed off at happy people just like me...
Now i use to just have the physical in mind
whenever i looked at girls...now i know better...
pretty faces and all of that crap, but when i became friends with them, i learned that they were really bitchy, and self-centered (Prep)
but that is all in the past thanks Dio!


-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

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Mtn. Girl


member
Location: Santa Cruz, California

Total posts: 65
Posted:Just a couple words for you, brother, GO GET A TATTOO or a BODY PIERCING.... works wonders when you need to escape the mental pain .... let your mind go and concentrate on the physical pain.... releases alot of built up frustrations, emotions, anger, confusion...... got my appointment on Saturday...it works!

The experience of learning is living.

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LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-single


member
Location: beneath a cloak of self-tortur...

Total posts: 536
Posted:you know that just might work...
*reaches into pocket...and feels a hole*
Doh!,...
i'm broke as a mofo...
i'm an idiot though used to i would just stay in my room and staple my self...
one time i had 15 staples in my arm,...
i was going to keep going but my sister walked in and told my mom...
she got p*ssed and grounded me...
corse it all my falt but whatever it dosen't hurt as much as you would think...


-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

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_Stix_


_Stix_

Pooh-Bah
Location: la-la land

Total posts: 2419
Posted:aww man - self harm doesn't do any one any good!
I know its a 'good release' but at the end of the day - release can be found in a way that doesn't leave scars..


I honour you as an aspect of myself..

You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..

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BlackFireJack


member
Location: Bergen , Norway

Total posts: 167
Posted:quote:Originally posted by LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan):
you know that just might work...
*reaches into pocket...and feels a hole*
Doh!,...
i'm broke as a mofo...
i'm an idiot though used to i would just stay in my room and staple my self...
one time i had 15 staples in my arm,...
i was going to keep going but my sister walked in and told my mom...
she got p*ssed and grounded me...
corse it all my falt but whatever it dosen't hurt as much as you would think...
That brilliantly written.....I fell on the floor laughing....


I like Fire.. :)

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.Morph.
SILVER Member since Mar 2002

.Morph.

addict
Location: Lancashire, UK

Total posts: 669
Posted:All the advice you need has already been said in the wise words above.

When you need a release pick up your poi & if pain takes your mind off it, buy yourself a set of beamers - you'll be wishing you still had the stapler. Taking your mind off it is a great way to get some distance and check your perspective, so go play.



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LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-single


member
Location: beneath a cloak of self-tortur...

Total posts: 536
Posted:what makes those things so dangerous?


-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

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.Morph.
SILVER Member since Mar 2002

.Morph.

addict
Location: Lancashire, UK

Total posts: 669
Posted:To look at they aren't dangerous, it's the moment they're spinning they become hazourdous. If they hit you it's like having bricks on the end of your chains!! I've only ever suffered mild concussion and bruises, but others have broken noses from their love of beamers. Definitley a love/hate thing.

Happy spinning


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LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-single


member
Location: beneath a cloak of self-tortur...

Total posts: 536
Posted:then why do they still buy them? ...

-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

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.Morph.
SILVER Member since Mar 2002

.Morph.

addict
Location: Lancashire, UK

Total posts: 669
Posted:why? why do you spin? Coz it's fun, it's a rush, & it's more exciting than slapping a polar bear with a salmon.

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LuNcHbOx...(Aka. Nathan)-un-single


member
Location: beneath a cloak of self-tortur...

Total posts: 536
Posted:yeah i spin,...
it's just if you hurt then why would you buy them?...


-LuNcHbOx, Aka. Nathan...Give a man to fish, and that man knows where to come for more fish...Teach a man to fish and you have just destroyed your market base...

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.Morph.
SILVER Member since Mar 2002

.Morph.

addict
Location: Lancashire, UK

Total posts: 669
Posted:For me spinning is about having fun , excitment, adrenaline, learning: co-ordination & balance, dexterity, focus, control & letting go, variation & repatition, expression & much, much more.
Spinning heavy, hurty beamers amplifies all these sensations. The reward is equally as great as the danger, with focus, flowing control and skill the danger can be contained-ish. But, think about that polar bear just once and


Edit: Off topic traverse, apologies

[ 20. March 2003, 17:52: Message edited by: FireMorph ]


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