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Valura
SILVER Member since Apr 2002

Valura

Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 6391
Posted:In my spiritual path I meet all sorts of people who are in pain and who use and abuse other people. I am generally very open minded and realise that these people do these things because of the pain they are in, due to life experiences anger or even jealousy. Not becasue they want to really cause people pain or upset.

I usually help them as much as I can with healings and readings and then they go off on their path and learn more lessons... Due to what has happened lately I am unsure about people who appear nasty.. perhaps there ARE people who just want to be truley mean.

Recently I read for and befriended a girl who has had major issues in her life...I NEVER usually befriend my readings but I believed this girl was different. I naively thought that she may spare me from any backstabbing that she seemed to partake in because I really understood where the pain was coming from and accepted her as she was....

well what a lesson I was set up for!

Not to go into all the awfullness, her and I are no longer talking due to some very nasty things that she has done to me. She had very high expectations on the friendship and expected me to drop everything (including my son!) to run to her when she wanted something.

Now I realise I am sounding bitter... becasue I am... I was sucked dry and used and abused by this person and my feelings are deeply hurt, and I think due to this I want to stop giving to people. frown

this is very sad for me as I have been hurt WAY more in my life before, and I usually get up and dust myself off and walk away. I really dont know why Im so hurt by this.

I dont want to give this situation more energy, I really feel like Ive been treated horribly... we agreed to an exchange of energy and she took my energy and the things I did for her and then caused major [censored] in my life, and didnt follow through on any of her promises.

The thing I thing Im really struggling with is when I do things for people I do them becasue of the love in my heart and never expect things in return, and now I realise that I wanted her to care for me the way I cared for her and I was ripped to pieces. redface So there WERE expectations from me and I want to learn about how to get rid of them. Any suggestions?

Im also hoping you guys can help me with major protection for my computer becasue she is hacking into my journal and my computer. I feel this is a violation of my privacy.
She has done this to people before and then gloated by sending me emails of all thier personal stuff...(which I deleted and didnt read) eek


confused ubbidea Any help would be appreciated.


TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

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fNi
GOLD Member since Mar 2004

fNi

master of disaster
Location: New York, USA

Total posts: 3354
Posted:hug hug

I'm not really sure how to get rid of expectations from yourself, without making the blanket statement of never expect someone to do something for you shrug

as for the computer bit, might I suggest a firewall, zonealarm is a good (and free) one
ZA website


kyrian: I've felt your finger connect with me many times
lou kitten: sneaky little meatball..
ezz: please corrupt me more

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Sixth
SILVER Member since Oct 2005

Sixth

Devil May Cry
Location: Manchester / London, United Ki...

Total posts: 327
Posted:cool u do readings:D...i just have blurred premonitions (why didnt i catch the jam jar...i saw it happening a month ago) ....hmmm. To be honest I think you need to just forget about her. The fact that the problem lies not with you but with her. Im not a person to judge but I think she'll eventually forget about you so you just need to hang in there and persevere.

we have our ups and downs like waves...currently your at the bottom of the wave but soon you'll rise to the top again biggrin...just wait a little bit longer.

peace


I give hope to others but I keep none for myself.

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Valura
SILVER Member since Apr 2002

Valura

Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 6391
Posted:I think that part of it, is that I have some of the most loving, giving, understanding, amazing best friends in the world Moonpixie, Phaerie, Flynt, Gita, Skully, Gnor and so many others... that I think EVERYONE is this amazing now...
biggrin ubblove

I am downloading zone alarm now! thanks Fire nice.

frown I even feel bad about posting this, cause it shows Im maybe being nasty too. frown redface


TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

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jeffhigh
GOLD Member since Oct 2005

Member
Location: Caves Beach, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 89
Posted:Betrayal hurts.
A couple of suggestions.

First, express your anger. Go somewhere isolated , bush or beach with some space and yell and scream out your anger at her take plenty of time and be as expressive as you can.( crude language advisable) If you have a very trusted friend to support you then they can hold some pillows for you to punch. Really let go.

Decide to cut this woman from your life. Sever all contact. hang up without explanation, put her email in your banned senders list etc. This may sound hard but you are the important one here. Be free

Look for what lessons you can from this experience, you have already learned you need to keep your professional boundaries in your readings, what else can you learn and how can you grow from this. When you can, be thankful for what you have gained.

Don't stop giving, it is good for you and will bring you great joy during your life. But don't be a pushover,give what and when you choose.

If and when you can, try to forgive because you don't want the anger to stay in you it is too destructive. But never let this woman back in your life, she would just do it again.

Anyhow these are a just a few things I have learned, see if they fit for you.
love to you
Jeff


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Pogo69
SILVER Member since Apr 2006

Pogo69

there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
Location: limbo, Australia

Total posts: 3764
Posted:geeze... you've had a run of bad luck lately, valura... frown

but that's gotta mean that a whole world of good karma is coming your way... I've only met you once, but that's more than enough to know that you're about due for the good stuff... biggrin hug

zonealarm is good... there's free virus protection tools out there too, if you've not already got it covered... won't help against a hacker, but it's another thing you should have covered, if you don't already

apart from that... I like jeff's suggestions... do what you can to put her behind you, but don't let it prevent you from continuing to share yourself with people


--pogo (pat) [forever and always]

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Stone
GOLD Member since Jun 2001

Stream Entrant
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 2830
Posted:Hi Valura,

I dont know anything about healings and readings, but perhaps this girl is suffering from a major psychological illness, and may need specialised medical treatment.

Perhaps, some of the learning is in realising you had expectations that you didnt realise you had. Now that you realise that you have had hidden expectations, you can look out for them in the future, and be honest about them. Hope that helps.

Cheers smile


If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Thich Nhat Hanh

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newgabe
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali, Australia

Total posts: 4030
Posted:hug hug hug hug hug to you babe
Something in the air lately. I also have done what I can to help a friend and ended up feeling abused. Financially for sure, and energetically... though I have to take some responsibility for that. In wanting to be
'a good person' I was not assertive enought about protecting myself. (that is not saying anything about you by the way!)

Hacking your computer!!! That is seriously malicious!!! Good luck with firewalls on every level....

and some more of these hug hug hug hug hug


.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

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Gnor
BRONZE Member since Mar 2003

Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth, Australia

Total posts: 5814
Posted:How can we do protective against this while still helping people. Valura you suggested at CG to be careful to protect ourselves. How can we do this in the most effective manner. Not that it would have helped you as the leech got so far inside and was meant to be helping you. Bloody hell,

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:It does sound like she has a serious problem. And you are perfectly right to distance yourself from her, and make clear certain circumstances to people you know who may also be affected. Protect yourself.



I have no idea if she is truly nasty, or even if there is such a thing in the world. All I know is that whatever the reason she is behaving in a way that is going to hurt you. That is all you really need to consider. You can even still love her, and think of her with kindness (I know wink sounds weird and altruistic). Its just that her behaviour makes it impossible for you to bring her energy into your life.


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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maus
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

maus

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Sihanoukville, cambodia

Total posts: 4191
Posted: Written by: Valura


frown I even feel bad about posting this, cause it shows Im maybe being nasty too. frown redface



No way!

Seriously,by the sounds of it you don't have a nasty bone in your body.

I have no advice to give thats different to whats already been said,but i hope things level out soon.

Its hard to see bad things happening to good people,i just hope that she will learn from the pain she has caused you at some point.

Love,energy,hugs and general positive thoughts being sent across the ocean for you!

heart sunny hug meditate biggrin ubblove


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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, Unit...

Total posts: 4217
Posted:Valura, my dear, I know how you feel. I aint read tarot for ages now, but thats another story.

Some people are psychic Vampires, they drain ppl and feed off their energy.

I too befriended someone i felt sorry for a few months ago. I told her some stuff about me that happened in the past etc. She too expected me to drop everything including my kids. We argued a little, she saying she was my bit on the side ubblol
Anyway, I hadnt spoken to her for a while then all of a sudden, she signs up to HOP, and starts posting here! I guessed it was her though and she admitted it. That thread got deleted but i've saved a text version on my pc for reference lol She said I was a stalker and accused me of stuff and that she was so hard done by.

Now I'm not a nasty person, but when I'm threatened or someone I love is threatened, be it family or friends, I stick up for them. I put my so called friend in her place, bluntly. in a post on here lol Yes I was harsh but what I said was the truth. No one lies about me and gets away with it!

women shrug wink

hug if she's hacking, change passwords to ones with numbers in, like pass35word734 or 36password90 or p2a2s2s2w2o2r2d2 or... you get the idea ubblol


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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Gnor
BRONZE Member since Mar 2003

Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth, Australia

Total posts: 5814
Posted:pyschic vampire is a very apt term

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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DeepSoulSheep
GOLD Member since Sep 2002

DeepSoulSheep

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Berlin, Ireland

Total posts: 2617
Posted:We learn the most from the difficult people. What have you learnt? Perhaps you can help some people more without readings and healings but through tough love and negative reinforcement.

You want to stop giving because she has sucked you dry. This will pass but as gnor says you need to protect yourself. ** hands Valura an invisible shield **

Learning to be somewhat "selfish" (more like self preserving) is an important lesson. If we don't, we don't have enough energy to care for ourselves and the others around us.

Over extending ourselves leaves us vulnerable and I suspect your expectations came from necessity.

As for the lady in question.... Someone loves her! She's hurting herself! It will be a significant spiritual spurt when you forgive her and heal up after all this!

Easy for me to say not knowing the story eh? I hope you heal up fast my friend! hug


I live in a world of infinite possibilities.

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops, United Kingdo...

Total posts: 4525
Posted:Hey Valura, I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you hug it must have been a real shock.
To be honest, I dont think you had expectations of this person, I think you were just expecting to be treated with honesty, respect and love, as we all do with friendships. I dont think there is anything wrong with that. hug
I think the lesson is Discernment, it's wonderful you have such a huge heart to spread your love to people who want and need it, but remember you need to protect yourself too. smile
I really dont know what to say about the computery side of stuff, but I'm sure Sym will!! much love and light to you sunny ubblove hug biggrin


Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)

Total posts: 4145
Posted:There's a UK comedy called "coupling"... one of the characters is a usually obnoxious and self-obsessed girl called Jane, who insists she can't go to dinner with her ex and his new girlfriend, so she nags her psychiatrist into coming along and pretending to be her friend... all went horribly wrong!

I think it's difficult to mix the advisor and the friend role up, it works well from the "friend" site, giving advice to a friend in trouble, but from the other side it's dangerous... but since you know that and don't usually do that, I don't really think you need that advice.

The only thing I can say is that if you deal with people who as you say have major issues always keep that in mind. Don't expect them to be nasty just because they have problems, but keep in mind that they don't react to their environment like you or I would. Apart from that, we live in a society where interaction with people is essential, and there are certain sets of expectations you have, like friends help each other, strangers don't just go and punch you in the face without reason, but every now and then someone crosses those lines. Still, if you can't expect mutual respect from a friend, your life will be very miserable, so please don't throw those expectations away smile


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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faith enfire
BRONZE Member since Jan 2006

faith enfire

wandering thru the woods of WI
Location: Wisconsin, USA

Total posts: 3556
Posted:Some people need so much help that they suck us dry instead of finding their own strength. For anyone to say that I need your support or that you complete me (Jerry Maguire what a bunch of crap) is for them to say I am going to use your strength and energy because I cant find my own.
One woman brought my bf home when he got sick and then the next day I found out she stole my debit card. Thankfully, she knew how much we are struggling and she only went to Walgreens for 14 dollars. My bf is upset, but his health is worth 14 bucks
Now he on the otherhand is struggling with a bunch of demons. They weigh him down so much that his back his bent. He has leaned on my so much that I am drained and turned nasty to him and worse, because sometimes I feel he has done little on the positive side of the relationship and then complains I do not do enough. I dont know if this is a fair evaluation or not. I think I just may be angry, but others have said naive
Some people are so caught up in their world that they cannot see or care about the pain they cause to others. Vampires and succubus are right labels for some of these, but the others are so desperate and are trying so hard to cling to a life that they remind me of my grandfather who is suffering from dementia.


Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed

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newgabe
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali, Australia

Total posts: 4030
Posted:Scuse me has anyone seen Dentrassi in a furry batman costume?? He said he was off somewhere round here spreading ubblove and stuff...

.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost, Canada

Total posts: 1247
Posted:I think maybe I am really hard hearted these days. I do work to help/heal people, in many ways, but rarely chose to interact with emotionally dysfunctional people, particularly in relationships that cross the borders into friendship . I used to do quite a lot of that, supporting the depressed dysfunctional and mentally ill. Not now.



I got tired out, so now I screen my interactions, avoiding some people all together. Especially if they have an obvious emotional dysfunction. With expereince I have learned that they dont actually necessarily have the control over their behaviour that we think they do, to discriminate between who/how they hurt... Or maybe they do have the control, but not the desire to apply it. So to think they wont hurt you, because you are their friend-- when you have seen examples of them hurting others, is in my opinion, an unreasonable expectation. The best way to predict what someone will do is to look at what they have done.





Yes, they ultimately have the ability to change, and often will, but many people may get hurt in the process and attempts to change their behaviour. I am sorry you were one. I hope you pull all the lessons from it you can, without the bitterness, and feel good knowing that there are lots of loving people out there who will support you, and never do anything to betray you ro take you down...



Do take the time to protect yourself, computer wise and otherwise. So your mind can be peaceful, regardless of whether this person is likely to attempt any further trouble or not. You never know. Careful is wise, but no need for fearful...



lately, I was thinking about the expression - lie with dogs, and you will get fleas. I think I get it now, more than ever. Some people, drag you down. Some people bring you up, make you strive to be the best version of yourself,challenge teach inspire and support you in your highest being. Those are the people to allow closest to your heart, I think.



Learning to distinguish which are which is certainly an interesting process!



Good luck, huge hug your way,

Andrea


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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Neon_Shaolin
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

Neon_Shaolin

hehe, 'Member' huhuh
Location: Behind you. With Jam

Total posts: 6120
Posted:And Valura - remember to not feel bad because you did EVERYTHING you could for this person. Not matter how it turned out, you tired your best.

A lot of people would after something like this build up a wall around themselves to protect from people like this. I only hope that this doesn't put you off helping others.

'If nothing you do matters, then all that matters is what you do...'
(God I sound preachy...)


"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock

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pop_n_fresh


member
Location: Scotland

Total posts: 48
Posted:im sorry to hear about your troubles, it might feel so much worse because you were doing readings. when i do regular readings for a friend we get so much closer and start existing as one, kinda. which is awesome cos shes amazin.



but anyway sorry to hear about you getting burnt.the main thing to remember is that she is an evil/mean person. you didnt bring it out in her, and you didnt make her evil/mean. and there seems to be alot of love for you from other people on this forum.



as for your password try not only using letters and numbers but symbols too. eg. ~#@abcPASSWORDabc@#~


Just call me Pop.

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Gnor
BRONZE Member since Mar 2003

Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth, Australia

Total posts: 5814
Posted:follows Gabe with a bunch od flowers missing the flower bit

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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Arnwyn
SILVER Member since Oct 2005

Arnwyn

old hand
Location: Adelaide, Australia

Total posts: 1065
Posted:Valura, just wanted to give you a couple of these hug hug hug
You are an amazing person with a very beautiful soul, and you have been handed a wonderful gift. I truely hope that you are able to move away from this 'vampire' as I am sure you are so much stronger than she is. Although I did not formally meet you in Adelaide at CG last year, I know from other ppls experience with you, and your meditation on the sat am, that you are extremely connected and I can understand that this would be so very hurtful for you. I am sorry to hear that someone has abused you, but you know that karma works both ways. Dont you try and 'wear' this as a fault of your own, because it is not in anyway yours!
May you have more luck now and be able to step fowards into better experiences with the people you do reads for.
hug


L&L
The Fairy God Mother
~*~

" i just now need some other unsuspecting suckers to say something... " ~Rouge Dragon

"that wink was a nice one not a im going to thrust at you wink" ~Brettstar

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Mojojo
GOLD Member since Mar 2005

Mojojo

wandering dingo
Location: Aussie in London, Australia

Total posts: 167
Posted:
Somewhat stubbornly, I too refuse to believe that people can be truly nasty, and that it is likely due to external factors affecting them that makes them temporarily so. I really do hope we are not wrong.

I think maybe a large part of of your hurt it could be that YOU believed that she was different, and that you shared an equal friendship, and that maybe it is difficult to accept that your judgement was a little skew-iff. I know if it were me, and I truly believed in her as much as you seem to have, that I would feel like giving up on it all if I could not trust my own judgement. If you can't trust your own heart then... well then what? I guess you just have to keep listening to it.

Or you really did not believe it quite as much as you thought you did but were being a little stubborn with yourself about her?

Or perhaps that despite your best efforts to help her, that you feel you have failed herself, and perhaps yourself. This is her life lesson that she is taking, and by the sounds of it you have really given her SO much spiritually to help her along, and this has not helped her right now. It is her choice. But you have NOT failed her, nor anyone else.

Either way, please don't throw in the towel. Give it a shake out and keep on doing what you do. You are so loved and respected by so many, and your work is so very very precious to the world.

hug


Only three things are certain: Death, Taxes, and that England will not win back the Ashes in this lifetime.

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