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Forums > Social Chat > A helping hand on matters of the heart...

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SNOOPoi


SNOOPoi

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: At the bottom of the garden wi...

Total posts: 3380
Posted:hey... guys i've been in hiding but i'm back with a dilemma... can anyone help...?

i'm falling for this guy who i really like, who also likes me, but he has a 'girlfriend'. things have happened between me and this guy but he keeps dropping me when she clicks her fingers...

what do i do...? do i carry waiting and hoping that one day i will have him all to myself... or do i move on and let it go...?

i have tried to forget him but whenever she lets him down for anything he rings me... and i guess i like the fact that he needs me, i'm just sick of being his back up plan...

i do all the important things for him... like when he had to go to court i went with him... i went to his dads for his dads birthday with him... his family love me but hate her...

my head is so muddled right now... i haven't felt these feelings for a guy for a year...

ubblove ubblove Snoop ubblove ubblove


THWACK!!!!
Liz_Ard: Ouch!
SNOOPoi: Thats just not the sound of someone doing it right!

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:hug Awww - this can be really heart taring... It's complicated and I would not want to advocate any "solution" to you...

I wish that he will make up his mind (for you) soon...

Good luck

ubblove and ubbidea


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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FireByNite
SILVER Member since Dec 2004

FireByNite

Are you up for it??
Location: Auckland

Total posts: 349
Posted:Written by: SNOOPoi




i have tried to forget him but whenever she lets him down for anything he rings me... and i guess i like the fact that he needs me, i'm just sick of being his back up plan...





tough situation..... shrug

On one hand....

Going on above quote, I'd suggest next time he rings you, meet up with him & talk to him, tell him straight that you're "sick of being his back up plan" & to make up his mind - you or her.

O fcourse don't be as blunt as what I've said, if he's okay & easy to talk to you should be able to say that sort of thing to him.

He's counting on you being there for him when she's not... why should he have his cake & eat it too..



On the other... it's very hard to give up a guy in a situation like this when you really like him (taken from personal experience) so the alternative is to take it for what it is.... abit of fun every now & then, but that means keeping your feelings back a bit.



Honestly, only you can choose whether to wait or not. Good luck hug


Are you up for it?
wink;)

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Hanz


Hanz

veteran
Location: Bendigo, Vic, Australia

Total posts: 1328
Posted:you have said that stuff has happened between the two of you, please correct me if I am wrong here, but what says that if he has cheated (?) on her, he wont do it to you (once again, please correct me if I took things out of context)

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pounce
SILVER Member since Jan 2003

pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...

Total posts: 9831
Posted:i think what it comes down to is your own well-being. if he's as good as a guy to you, he will understand if you tell him how you feel. and there's nothing to say you can't keep your heart at a distance while still keeping a great friendship. just tell him he needs to make a choice, cause it's not fair to you, and in the meantime, just keep the friendship as is

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

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alien_oddity


alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees

Total posts: 7193
Posted:i'm with hanz on this one sorry snoop hughug

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Spanner
BRONZE Member since Feb 2003

Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere...

Total posts: 2790
Posted:By "girlfriend", do you mean an actual partner or a close friend?

If she's just a close friend and he's giving her priority over you by dropping you, he needs to consider how much of a friend she is to him, especially as it seems as if she needs him more than he needs her.

If she's his partner and you've been his partner inbetween, then if you do end up together without her, it's likely that there'll be a be a job vacancy for the position you used to hold.

I'd recommend that you don't give him the ultimatum of choosing between you and her, not only because he could prolong the decision for as long as he (or she) thinks he can get away with, but also, most importantly, because this isn't about what he wants to do, but what you want to do.

In any case, he needs to know that it's not right to treat anyone like that, inadvertantly or not. It sounds as if not only is his "girlfriend" getting the best of him, but he's also getting the best of both worlds, leaving you with only half. You deserve better than that.

hug


"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:My advice - don't mess about with someone who is attached - even if they want to start something. It will get messy.
If they didn't want to be with that person then they should have broken it off.

The words "pot, kettle and black" may pop into your mind as I say that but I'm staying for the sake of the kids....

hug


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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Nephtys


Nephtys

resident fridge magnet
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands

Total posts: 835
Posted:Snoopoi, hon, this is not a good situation for any of you - except for the boy in question who is getting whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He's using you, if he really wanted to be with you he'd break up with her to be with you. Even if he does end up dumping her for you, you already know he's a cheater. How long before he finds someone else on the side when he's with you?

Besides which, you should simply never get involved with someone who has a partner, no matter how unhappy they claim to be with that partner. It's simply wrong. Imagine how you'd feel if someone were chasing after your boyfriend! At your age, cheating is incredibly hurtful to the one who is betrayed. Later in life, it's the kind of thing that rips families apart.

please take care!


everyone's unique except me

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Oh, and here I thought you had a cardiology question...

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Fine_Rabid_Dog


Internet Hate Machine
Location: They seek him here, they seek ...

Total posts: 10530
Posted:Asking for relationship help on any kind of internet forum, especailly HoP, is only asing for trouble...

The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

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jeff(fake)


jeff(fake)

Scientist of Fortune
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 1189
Posted:I'm p**sed on whisky at the moment and I agree with Fine Rabid Dog but I'll chip in too...

Sounds like you're being used. There will be other men and other loves who won't just see you as a back up plan. It'll be difficult but you should move on as quickly as possible. It'll probably one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do but I think you already know what to do already but just feel insecure about it.

That's just my opinion though... shrug


According to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle of Quantum Dynamics, we may already be making love right now...

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SNOOPoi


SNOOPoi

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: At the bottom of the garden wi...

Total posts: 3380
Posted:well guys... you are all right... and i have been trying something... i haven't spoken to him, rang him, or even txt him... an he hasn't even talked to me... so we are well and truly over... i don't have the time for heart breakers!

i am doing some life cleansing at the minute an i have decided anyone who is not good for me will not be in my life... a few people are gonna get some bitter good-byes!

thank you all for giving me your help, i respect all of your opinions even if i disagree with them!

ubbloveubblove snoopoi ubbloveubblove


THWACK!!!!
Liz_Ard: Ouch!
SNOOPoi: Thats just not the sound of someone doing it right!

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:Better lare than NEVER....

hug hug hug hug
ALL MEN ARE censored

EXCEPT A selct few wink

hug hug hug hug


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