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Forums > Social Chat > FreMke3 born December 30, 2002

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FireMikeZ


FireMikeZ

Laguna dude
Location: Laguna, California, US

Total posts: 1438
Posted:January 6, 2003

all posts by FreMke3 throughout this thread are new

January 5, 2003

walking in unfamiliar corridors
shall i meet unfamiliar self
to meet unfamiliar friends

~ Mke

December 30, 2002

FireMike1 (good) & FireMike2 (evil) both declared dead. FireMike1 (good) was always sincere of heart, full of universal welcome, good ideas & ambitions, nurtured community, had some skillz, wit & charm, & loved to help people succeed. FireMike2 (evil) was a loud, pushy, heedless, obnoxious asshole. FireMike2 (evil) always used FireMike1 (good) as a cover for feeding his own narcissism, hurting people, & undoing all the good that FireMike1 achieved. he especially turned FireMike1's talent at broadening scopes and making wide connections into an excess wihch overstimulated people into short-circuit, way beyond an earlier point of positive benefit.

the pair of them are declared dead, not just FireMike2 (evil), as they had become massively intergrown. you, friend, with me, have to give up what you enjoyed of FireMike1 as well as what you despised of FireMike2.

new FreMke3, born just before New Year's, is an infant, even if we hope part of him may grow rapidly. other parts will take a long time. he draws on the same seed, but is cautious lest the old FireMike2 try subtly to grow back by lulling him into thinking he can adopt old roots and trunks wholesale, where evil FireMike2 is still entwined with good FireMike1. both old FireMikes 1 & 2 are still resisting for a while, reaching back from beyond their graves.

i am assured by sensitive advisors that it's not the name but the man who has needed rebirth.

but who is the newly emerging FreMke3?

[ 06. January 2003, 22:05: Message edited by: FreMke3 ]


molten cheers,

~ FireMike

FireMikeZ@yahoo.com (personal messages welcome, no promo spam, please!)
Laguna, California, US

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Rozi
SILVER Member since Jan 2002

100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 2996
Posted:FireMike, much respect. Much support in your time of change.

I have always enjoyed your conversational explosions, but will always warn you to be careful which cracks you stick the dynamite in, you don't always know where the fault lines run But you know me, always one to err on the side of caution. As a sculptor you get right in with the sledge hammer & welding equipment, whereas I... who knows. I am sometimes jealous of your audacity, cos I know when I do it I just come across as grouchy

But now is the time for an inward focus, not an outward. It is too easy to get caught up in others at the expense of yourself. And I suggest not using the dynamite in trying to reach your own revelations. Take some care with yourself.

Much respect, much support...


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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trintek


member
Location: San Antonio, TX

Total posts: 107
Posted:disrespectful, scary (only when ya write me the weird emails and pm's), probably demented, verbose, unrestrained, interruptive, too detailed, oblivious, stubborn, too assumptive, too apologetic, challenging. Those i agree with to a point

damn, ok, long post, so, going to just do this the simple way...

GUILTY OF EVIL
we all are, at least you're honest, which many people haven't been, at least to me (no not hop people, just in general) so... is it evil because someone disagrees? or is it just you being you? either way it gets people to think, and i have never seen anything bad about making people think, whether or not they like it.

BLOWIN UP
true, but once again, view matters, some of us take it as you mean it, even if we find it downright friggin embarassing

AN ASIDE ABOUT HoP AS OUR FORUM
agreed

HERE, CATCH: MOLTEN SPIKE-BALL
chaos is order, order is chaos... when you see that the functional difference is indifference, you're set people feel a need for order, when chaos reigns, and a need for chaos when order reigns.. unfortunately people also try to strive for balance... i strive for nothing, and just go with what happens... i guess thats a form of balance *shrugs*
the real question is, who are you? you want to make someone into something more than they are, but, those are your standards, and your beliefs... What happens when the person is happy with who and what they are? Take me for example as i don't presume to know what anyone else has gone through... my life was hell, but i had it good, my experiences were hellish and more varied than most ppl have had at my age, but, at the same time they were all tests in my mind.. I am me, i will never change for anyone, and i will never give in to anyone's expectations... i know what i want in life, and, it changes frequently.. chaos. the real question is (and yes i have had to ask myself this many many MANY times) why build up others when you could achieve more by forming a group or building up yourself?
much of life is healing, healing the scars and taking on new projects.... the rest is being yourself and being happy... you dont know how many dead people i know... and, i would feel sorry for them and try to help them become more, except, they chose that path...

RESCUED BY DEMON
heh no offense, but, my day was hell (no sympathy, as i actually enjoyed the hell) so, i think i will leave that part, and post on the rest next time i hit the forum, sorry if this sounded bad, hellish, prickish, etc... but, its who i am

l8z and luv,
trin


We bleed the same blood, We cry the same tears, We have the same fears, We pass the same years, We see the same stars, Under the same skies, We pass the same time, We all live and die

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Valura
SILVER Member since Apr 2002

Valura

Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 6391
Posted:Embrace who you are ...Tis time for the battle with yourself to begin hun...but is it the battle with yourself or your preconcieved notions of who you are? You are beautiful Mike. I will send love energy to watch over you as you travel through the darkness back into the light...Our spiritual journey is one of intergration...with ourselves as well as all that is around us...the internal terrian can be as rocky as the physical plain that we live upon...knowing and honouring our light and our shadows makes us the whole being that we strive to be... embrace who you are ...all I have ever seen of you is the light of love. I am honestly shocked that you would ever speak the word evil as something that would describe you. I have seen your energy sweetie and I have been honoured to be associated with your healing ways.
EMBRACE WHO YOU ARE ....I love ya Mike.
Journey well my friend.


TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:Heavens, Mikey!

If you're not careful, people might start to think that you're flawed, imperfect, sub-godly.

They might even start to think that you're human!

Can't have that now, can we?


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Paddy


back from the dead...sort of
Location: 4341'N 7938'W

Total posts: 884
Posted:Mikie,

I think I must have missed whatever event brought your post on, because I simply have not and cannot see you embodying any of those qualities which you have listed. As I've told you before, you are a true inspiration for me.

No matter what happens, just remember you're a fantastic person and that things work out for fantastic people. And don't be so hard on yourself. MikeG is right, you are human.

Best of luck to you in sorting this out. You know I'm here for you.

Much love to you my friend,

Paddy


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Nyx


enthusiast
Location: NorCal

Total posts: 385
Posted:dear mike:
i have been largely absent from both HoP and the larger internet world as of late; i have been working an insane amount of hours and just don't have the time.
with that in mind, i just wanted to say that your wit, humor and intelligence has always been a joy to me and- being a fellow seeker of my highest self- i honor and applaud your journey. many people live their lives only half awake as it is easier to do so. living a fully conscious life takes courage and vision...here's to the journey!!


"Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals"

~Charles Baudelaire

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Malcolm
SAPPHIRE Member since Nov 2003

Malcolm

HOP admin
Location: HOP

Total posts: 1002
Posted:Mike,

Be strong. Without great risk nothing great will ever be achieved. Most importantly be nice to your self. And a favourite quote of mine from Pink Floyd, "Shine on you crazy diamond"

Take care my friend

Malcolm


"May your balls always burn"

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FireMikeZ


FireMikeZ

Laguna dude
Location: Laguna, California, US

Total posts: 1438
Posted:my dearest family,

whether you've been friend or foe or working associate, please help me raise FreMke3 up from his infancy.

please help me become one core of communion who can spawn cores in others, including those with greater & far more refined flame in them than is in me.

please help me become more than just a preacher with good ideas to throw in the wind. help me become an effective one who can bring our family, its love, & its passions to fruition, & attract others who can, without jealousy in any direction.

i am now vastly open to the deepest, most structural influences from all who can expand me into places where i am ragged yet, building new muscles where i have been dysfunctional for you. please forgive any left-over resistence from old selves just trying to reach back from beyond their graves. much has already shifted in large pieces; my advisors among you remind me that many smaller pieces will take a good bit of work yet over months to come. i will work hard to complete reconstruction, and to open new parts of myself. please help me as your heart permits you.

[ 06. January 2003, 22:17: Message edited by: FreMke3 ]


molten cheers,

~ FireMike

FireMikeZ@yahoo.com (personal messages welcome, no promo spam, please!)
Laguna, California, US

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dromepixie


dromepixie

veteran
Location: Florida

Total posts: 1463
Posted:May happy times fill your future steps. There is no time like the present.

Sos feliz. Triunfaras contra la corriente y tambien prodas subir hasta las nubes o donde sea que quieras si lo dejas. Yo pase lo mismo y estoy viva y feliz lentamente aprendiendo a volar.



[edit]
el demonio lo tienes que enfrentar. En cuanto lo enfrentes tus problemas seran resueltos y tu mundo effectivamente cambiado. Tienes que ser fuerte,apreciar todo; aprender a acceptar lo que te rodea.
En cuanto caigas en pensamiento todo cambia. Es como un 'gray area' que teneis que crusar para poder caminar hacia la luz.
Te deseo felicidad y fuersa.

times of conflict are followed by nessecary resting periods. embrace the situation for the better within yourself that need to shine through.

love and hugs
drome

[ 20. December 2002, 14:01: Message edited by: dromepixie ]


JUGGLEwithyourmind!

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trintek


member
Location: San Antonio, TX

Total posts: 107
Posted:quote: so this is about becoming someone who wants to be liked & workable & inspiring damn, so i really am the evil twin for once! yes!



seriously though, i probably wouldve got it if i had read the whole post, i pretty much stopped at the point i stopped responded had a busy night, with teaching alex to do deep tissue piercings, and trying to actually trust him enough to pop a curved 14g needle through my upper arm... feel like a guinea pig for piercers lately


We bleed the same blood, We cry the same tears, We have the same fears, We pass the same years, We see the same stars, Under the same skies, We pass the same time, We all live and die

Delete

NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:Mike,
I certainly do not understand your words, nor the context in which they are written. Perhaps I am lucky to have no involvement with the situation.

You certainly have my sympathy for the emotions that are within them.

There will always be good within the world that is yet to be done. You have the ability to do it.

Don't do it for the redemption of your soul. Don't do it for forgiveness of others. Do it because it is the right thing to do.

Perhaps one needs to step back from the situation and find good within one's self that is unrelated or undiscovered.

There is still large amounts good to be done.

By you.

But you already know that.


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Traveling Kyri


member


Total posts: 28
Posted:I suspect a lot of this is aimed at me, and i know a few (or even all) of teh others it's aimed at. I didn't read it all, ur language is, as i have said, often challenging to me, but i promise to give it more time when i haev a chance... quick redress of a few points:

(1) WE ARE DESIGNING AN HONEST, HEART-GIVING PUBLIC OFFICIAL
(2) SOME SPECIFIC EVILS I COMMMIT
I belive in ur cause, and most of ur means. That doesn't excuse out and out lack of courtesy to others not just their feelings, but their safety, especially when this lack of safety comes as a surprise to them. (artblock). Difference in vibe? I suppose there's a lot. Diversity is not the same as vibe. very diverse and very different cultures can still be antithetical to certain bounces. I think perhaps ur thoughts pertaining to one party are still correct, but that doesn't adequatly explain other reactions, from people who are of teh same cloth in one sense, at least.

(3) WHEN I MAKE YOU DO EVIL, I AM AN EVIL INFLUENCE: SOME CASES (should i be more explicit now?)
I have thoughts with this, but don't think any of it is directly related to me? If it is, please pm me about it.
(4) WITH WHAT TONE CAN I DELIVER RESPONSIBILITY & INTEGRITY BETTER IN GEN Y CULTURE?
First thought- take responsibilty. Not just for some things, but for - at teh very least- teh more important things. safety, respect. respect doesn't mean repression per se, taht's not the style of respect i'm talking about. i'm talking about, say, respect for what people are and arn't comfortab;e with with fire (can name three violations of this one right off teh top of my head).

Anyway, I'll come back to this later, but peace and goodwill to you meantime, and i'm sorry i didn't get a chance to say goodbye right before i left, we didn't want to interrupt the other girl.

peace - and i mean that truly- k.


Situations defined as real are real in their consequences.

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dromepixie


dromepixie

veteran
Location: Florida

Total posts: 1463
Posted:quote:Originally posted by NYC:
There will always be good within the world that is yet to be done. You have the ability to do it.

Don't do it for the redemption of your soul. Don't do it for forgiveness of others. Do it because it is the right thing to do.

Perhaps one needs to step back from the situation and find good within one's self that is unrelated or undiscovered.Respect to this man!
NYC you are amazing and intelligent please keep walking (I am sure you will ) Lately though is seems like you are running!

love and hugs
drome


JUGGLEwithyourmind!

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Raymund Phule (Fireproof)


Raymund Phule (Fireproof)

Enter a "Title" here:
Location: San Diego California

Total posts: 2905
Posted:Hmm, let me tell you a story, this is a very true story indeed.

Well, on the eve that Nix was to come down to SoCal for a little mid week get together, I met an amazing guy. This man, though quite insaine to say the least, was a ball of energy. He energised me and scared me at the same time. He pulled out these two glowstick sized double staffs hehe, I guess that is what you could call them. He proceded to try his hands (quite literally) at liquid with fire. He even got up in my face with them as if I were on E or acid, though having never been on either of those two I really didnt see the point but it looked cool none the less. He had this feeky eye thing going on and it made it really hard for me to look past the flame, though I look back on it all and it was probably the effect he was going for. All in all it was a good show, high props.

Firemike, is an amazing guy, I have yet to meet someone who cares about someone as he does. He spreads love no matter where he goes and tries to do so even on his worst of days. He is chivilrus in his ways, a trait lacking in the majority of men today.

I know he is not perfect since none of us are, but every time I have been around him I could feel the happiness bursting from him. I am not an avid believer in Karma but this guy has got the highest positive Karma I have ever seen.

FireMike, my friend, good days come and they go as do bad and even soso days. Do not fret if someone gets upset with you but continue to love them as you always have and they will come around.

You are a wise man, far wiser than I. I respect you as a friend and love you as a brother.


Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"

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Nyx


enthusiast
Location: NorCal

Total posts: 385
Posted:Hey Ray, are you talking about when i came down to visit? You said Nix so i wasn't sure if you meant Nix? or me, Nyx that's always a confusing one!
Anyway, if you're talking about the night i was there i would have to totally agree...Mike had some amazing energy which i felt was all positive and i usually have a good instinct for such things. I cannot believe he would intentionally cause harm to anyone or knowingly put anyone in a situation where they would feel insulted or uncomfortable. And if he unknowingly did so, I think all that person would have to do would be speak up and Mike would surely go to great lengths to correct whatever harm was done. Anyway, that's just my opinion and the only reason i'm voicing it is because i don't want to see his beautiful energy squelched in any way; we need more FireMike's in the world!!
~Nyx~


"Dancing can reveal all the mystery that music conceals"

~Charles Baudelaire

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Traveling Kyri


member


Total posts: 28
Posted:I sincerely hope no one (firemike himself included!) thinks i'm actually mad at him or anything. I am a little bit cautious, i think, after some incidents (not relating directly to me) but there is reason in that.

i have met a lot of wonderful people with hearts of gold who would never intentionally harm anyone, or at least seldom would.

they're fucking dangerous.

Mike has wonderful ideals and energy, and resources to put them into use which exceed that of some others. Personally i wish him all the best.... i hope others do too.

i don't want to disparage someone who is so commited and has such vast potential to do good in the community, and i really think, from skimming the writing, that you are not only being too hard on yourself, but contradicting urself a bit. again- anything ur aiming at me personally, i'd be happy to take up by pm. as to any other parties, i'll let them come forward on their own, either privately or publicly.

just to clear anyone else's confusion, at least most of these were personal events, and not all of the people involved are even HoP'ers.

i'll try and sift through the rest of this later, and i hope ur doing ok hun.

peace & love, k.


Situations defined as real are real in their consequences.

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Raphael96
SILVER Member since Sep 2002

old hand
Location: New York City

Total posts: 899
Posted:Mike,

Periods of transition are never easy. You are strong enough of character to make it through yours I am sure.

Speak with you soon,

Raph


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FireMikeZ


FireMikeZ

Laguna dude
Location: Laguna, California, US

Total posts: 1438
Posted:thank you who help me, who generously welcome me in transition and beyond, forgiving my slippages along the way. thank you who let me love you so deeply, it's the only thing which will make me change what bio-family, friends & lovers could not move.

for those who give me your love, unreasonable, unmistakable, unshaken or stirred, you break my heart so it too, at my core, can be reconstructed.

[ 06. January 2003, 22:15: Message edited by: FreMke3 ]


molten cheers,

~ FireMike

FireMikeZ@yahoo.com (personal messages welcome, no promo spam, please!)
Laguna, California, US

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Raymund Phule (Fireproof)


Raymund Phule (Fireproof)

Enter a "Title" here:
Location: San Diego California

Total posts: 2905
Posted:Sorry Nyx my misspelling.

Mike you are loved, that is by far a better thing that alot of people can say.


Some Jarhead last night: "this dumb a$$ thinks hes fireproof"

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dromepixie


dromepixie

veteran
Location: Florida

Total posts: 1463
Posted:Sigue en tu transformation. Si necesitas alguna ayuda sabes que estoy aqui. Sigue creciendo amando y buscando tu verdad.

con respeto y admiracion
drome


JUGGLEwithyourmind!

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FireMikeZ


FireMikeZ

Laguna dude
Location: Laguna, California, US

Total posts: 1438
Posted:for a good while, i'm likely to be unsure about many things.

i'm under experienced advice to spend some time:

(1) living without identities, roles, & stances at all, neither good nor bad
(2) rediscovering wonder & gratitude, first in nature outside humanity
(3) being charmed by people without trying to charm them about myself
(4) seeking permissions & accepting refusals instead of being run by former narcissism
(5) skipping preambles, contextualization & qualifying clauses in my language, accepting simpler messages & concepts
(6) seeking to incline people to offer of themselves through their own practice of friendship

advising myself, i'm:

(7) restricting the gadfly instinct to healthily small, positive doses to people, stopping before overwhelming them into short-circuit
(8) redirecting part of my intensity into the discipline of skill-building, so that intensity acquires form which others naturally enjoy
(9) continuing to find those who enjoy raw intensity, those who relax into increasing complexity, those with a widely associative sense of humor. finding them so those instinctive tastes of mine can have their play, while being careful not to insist on such pleasures from those who don't share a taste for them.


molten cheers,

~ FireMike

FireMikeZ@yahoo.com (personal messages welcome, no promo spam, please!)
Laguna, California, US

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Raphael96
SILVER Member since Sep 2002

old hand
Location: New York City

Total posts: 899
Posted:"An evil petting zoo?"
-Dr. Evil



Raph


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Bram....


member
Location: the arms of the Ganja Goddess

Total posts: 1551
Posted:ummmmm.... wow I really don't know what to say so I will say this. You are one of the most caring people I have met so far, you are always there for a friend. That aside I will continue to do what I always do on serious threads like this, stand in the shadows and watch

You. Its whats for dinner!

As time passes, you realise all the mistakes you amde and the ones you wish you never did make.

The wave crashing on the beach

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FireMikeZ


FireMikeZ

Laguna dude
Location: Laguna, California, US

Total posts: 1438
Posted:beloved family (especially Raph & Bram face 2 face right now),

i'd love to purrrrrr......

(*unkinking stre-e-e-e-tch, feeling stre-e-e-e-tch, glowing smile, tears, welling sensations*)

may it be so

with deepest love,

~ Mikie


molten cheers,

~ FireMike

FireMikeZ@yahoo.com (personal messages welcome, no promo spam, please!)
Laguna, California, US

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Flynt
SILVER Member since May 2002

Flynt

Intrepid Penguin


Total posts: 5635
Posted:Silver
Refined by fire
Melted to rid impurity
Layered to increase depth
Beaten to incorporate strength
Twisted for flexibility
Polished for shine....

Mischka, more precious than silver!


Currently on the right side up of the world.

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Valura
SILVER Member since Apr 2002

Valura

Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 6391
Posted:The transistion stands completed...You were finished before you had begun Mike...
When I think of you I envision a butterfly emerging from a cacoon in the form it originally went into the cacoon...as a breathtaking butterfly. I acknowledge the self discovery that you have just been through...Tis the most difficult thing to look inside ourselves and honour all that is... but it is a task that you have undertaken with an amazingly honest outlook ...now tis your task to realise the beauty that I, as well as others see.. It was always there Fire Mike...always.
I love you.


TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

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dromepixie


dromepixie

veteran
Location: Florida

Total posts: 1463
Posted:

JUGGLEwithyourmind!

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