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Spiderbaby
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

Spiderbaby

c",
Location: , Ireland

Total posts: 199
Posted:My brother showed me this list earlier, i thought it was funny. Hopefully this hasnt already been posted but i did a search and nothing came up so . . . .



These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Web site.



Obviously the answers came from an Aussie Customer Service rep. with a real sense of humour.



1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: Actually, we import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.



2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking



3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...



4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: So its true what they say about Swedes.



5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.



6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What exactly did your last slave die of?



7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.



8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and well send the rest of the directions.



9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.



10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.



11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No, WE don't stink.



12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.



13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?



14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population

is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.



15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.



16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)

A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.



17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.



18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make excellent pets.



19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them, although you personally should be safe enough. If you are still worried you can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.



20. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to pay her by the hour, just like last time.



21. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.


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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:ubblol at #21

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 3044
Posted:ubblol thats fantastic!

ive gotta see this hippo racing next tuesday...


"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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Gidg
BRONZE Member since Apr 2003

Gidg

Super Gidg!!!!
Location: Portland Oregon USA

Total posts: 8506
Posted:Remember Dentrassi ... naked. wink

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.

Gidg

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Posted:Had an american lady ask me if Australia has air-conditioning.

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FoxInDocs
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

FoxInDocs

Pooh-Bah
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia

Total posts: 1848
Posted:
i've seen that before. it still makes me sad.


"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie

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Dut
SILVER Member since Mar 2002

lurker
Location: Nashville, TN, USA

Total posts: 380
Posted:omg. i finally get to ask my one (sort of) serious stupid american question!!

I've been drunk in the US and EU and the room always spins counter-clockwise. When you get piss drunk, which direction does the room spin in? Is it opposite in the southern hemisphere?!

but i'm lucky everyone on HOP was previously warned about the vengeful, deadly drop bears. smile

-- dut


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Medusa
BRONZE Member since Nov 2003

Medusa

veteran
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Per...

Total posts: 1433
Posted:Patrick, well depends on which part of Australia you go to cause with Western Power not coping in summer with the electricity demands some of the time Western Australia doesn't have air conditioning.....

wink


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newgabe
SILVER Member since Mar 2005

newgabe

what goes around comes around. unless you're into stalls.
Location: Bali, Australia

Total posts: 4030
Posted:omigod ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol ubblol
That one I really DID laugh out loud!!


.....Can't juggle balls but I sure as hell can juggle details....

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Posted:When the woman asked me if Australia has air-conditioning, I was tempted to say, "Yes, but we're waiting for the importation of electricity."

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:7 and 10 are my favorate. ubblol

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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Domino
SILVER Member since May 2004

UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK

Total posts: 757
Posted:I love these. There's a couple new ones from the last time I saw it - I wonder if they're true...

Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.

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Neser
GOLD Member since Dec 2005

Neser

member
Location: North Queensland, Australia

Total posts: 63
Posted:lol, that's great. tongue

Love that!

Im surprised "Can you ride on a kangaroo?" isnt on there. I've been asked that a few times before, oddly enough. rofl.

~ Neser


Fuel your fascination, burn your desire and dance with flames

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