Forums > Social Chat > reasons for my recent gooeyness

Posted: 3rd Dec 2002
Oh dear PK I am sorry to hear of the situation...
What a frustrating ordeal... If it makes you feel any better you arent alone... I am in a similar situation...

Just remember that abscence makes the heart grow fonder.

Love and big hugs darling,
Drome

JUGGLEwithyourmind!

Posted: 3rd Dec 2002
It's tricky but it's well worth it. Sticka t it PK. It'll all be good in the end

Meh

Posted: 3rd Dec 2002
yes drome i know i know, but you wil be moving to sheffield soon, probably just as we move away :shame:
was wicked to finaly meet you last friday, like you've been here for how many weeks and we didnt get to meet up.
hugs to you things will be kewl in the end.
Cantus this reminds me of when i first met nancy and she lived in derby.. its kewl but oh the heartache man.
i'm a loving sort of guy really, just dont look it, dont allways show it.

Posted: 3rd Dec 2002
Oh DEAR! Are you moving then?!

I hope to get to know you at some stage anyhow even if its not in Sheff...

Hope all is well

Drome

JUGGLEwithyourmind!

Posted: 3rd Dec 2002
wont be far away... only in matlock

Posted: 4th Dec 2002
PK - I know how you feel, believe me. And I don't know how I manage it half the time either...

I know everything is wonderful and happy and fantastic in the end but you can't help thinking that it would be so much better if you didn't have to deal with it.

If it makes you feel any better you should see how utterly beautiful the good things are that come out of it:

You learn how to communicate on so many different levels when you're far apartIt really does make you appreciate each other so much moreYou learn to talk. To really talk, fo hours and hours, in a way that many couples never do.You realize just how in love and lucky you areIt makes you work really hard to make each other happy and be the best partner you can. It sounds silly but the feeling of being loved is so important when you're together that you never want it to go away, so you never forget how to be giving and make him/her love you too.Sex is fantastic when you do manage to see each other again It's not for long, and when you're together permenantly you know just how right and special it is, and that feeling keeps everything just about bearable...Hope you're ok. I know how completely in love you two are so I have no coubt at all that everything will be fine Tough, but fine - and at least it's not 270 miles separating you
All my to you both xx

Geologists do it in the dirt................

Posted: 4th Dec 2002
heya PK..

I think your gooeyness is sweet, really! Ppl who know me well understand that my cynisism and pessimism (sp?) are only skin deep..

Plus its gonna be all that much more special spending time together having spent time apart.

Hell..I miss my sweet when I'm away for a weekend! And I do beat myself up over it occasionally.. but its always soooooo *GOOOD* to see them again!

Makes for *extra* tingly moments.. hmmm thinking of your predicament over here in oz - really hope it starts getting a little easier soon as possible.

Hey at least we have fire to our minds off it...

The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.- B.B.King

Posted: 4th Dec 2002
I spent all that time writing and he hasn't even read it yet. tsk tsk tsk!

Geologists do it in the dirt................

Posted: 4th Dec 2002
that we sure do splat.

FNF!!! Sex is fantastic when you do manage to see each other again i thought in the other secret thread we wernt gonna discuss ur naughty antics- look just have the camcorder K!! haha

well day 2, 1 more to go

Posted: 4th Dec 2002
huh! I spent so long pouring my heart out and getting all emotional and all you pick up on is the one reference to sex! HUH!

And there is NO WAY I want you camera now - not after I know what you and your girl get up to with it......

Shhh! about the 'secret thread' function - you'll have everyone trying to find it!

Geologists do it in the dirt................

Posted: 4th Dec 2002
FNF your post is amazing and inspiring! You really are a cutie angel! Hope all is well will be PMing you shortly...

Love and big hugs,
Drome

Oh and PK you naughty boy! Why did you have to pick that out?!

(secretly deep down drome does know why pk picked that statement out)
Dont worry PK some will never understand....

JUGGLEwithyourmind!

Posted: 4th Dec 2002
lol - some will NEVER understand

tee hee........

And thank you Drome. At least someone bothers to read the important bits. Not that that bit wasn't important too - cos it it - very important ...indeed......ummmmmm.......shuddup!

Geologists do it in the dirt................

Posted: 4th Dec 2002
aww you guys...

i did read your thread miss fluff and it made me happy. I picked that one out just simply to make a reference to the secret thread post we had going. and no we dont use the camera for that, all i have ever filmed with it is my kitties and fire.

We have such a fantastic relationship, we both love the same things and some times say exactly what the other was thinking, just like the other day we were talking about moving away from sheffield cos i cant take it here any more and we both need a break and go live in the country again for a while, we both said [flat above the pub] we were both thinking about it for a while and it came out, so were going to do it but unfortunatly the flat has gone allready but thats kewl it gives us time to sort things out and get my work situation delt with and have some time to find some where to move in to.
i called her after work at 1 am ast night, and do you know that moment when you just ran out of things to tell each other but the silence is so special that you just cant hang up, just to hear her breathe down the phone was enough to make me happy and know how much we hate to seperated and how much she means to me, she is my soul mate and allways will be. The decison to get out of the dead end relationship of 3 and a half years with my ex to be with my best friend was the best thing that i have ever done so far in my life, things happen for a reason and we were meant for each other no doubt about that, i couldnt be happier with any one else.
And why is it that when you are apart you try to find any thing to do that can take your mind off of the situation, i have spent all afternoon, cleaning my room from top to bottom, go and do some shopping with kato, cook a nice meal for my self [chips,beans,sausages and eggs] ermmmm comfort food.
Its kewl though that i can come to HOP and know who my real friends are, my friends here dont really care and dont understand, they think of them selves most of the time.
Thank god that i have managed to get some money together to afford to go and see minero in edinburgh next week for a few days, get out of sheffield for a few days and hopfully get some real inspiration in my life and my spinning, i feel ike i'm in a rut with many options that are not falling quite into place right now, so i hope from my trip that i might be able to shed some light on my future, and be totally happy with my self but most of all be totally happy to be back home with nancy, for that big warm cuddle from my soul mate, my best friend. i hope she can read this when she gets home on friday. i really miss her. only one day to go now :shucks i have a tear in my eye.
:END:

Posted: 4th Dec 2002
I get to see Ros in less than 20 days I'm so excited.

Plus i get to spend christmas day and new years with her. Which is just plain fantastic.

Hope you get everything sorted and have a good break from Sheffield Mr Pk.

It's not good seeing you being sad.

Meh

Posted: 4th Dec 2002
Awh PK. *hands you candy* Sorry you're feeling down. But you'll get over it soon

Much hugs n' smiles, PK

Kinudin

Posted: 5th Dec 2002
who's a teary-eyed fairy reading one of the deepest posts she thinks she's ever seen? yep.....you gottit

I'm so happy for you two - you seem so right together. Isn't it weird how out of a whole world of people you somehow gravitate to the one that you can honestly want to share forever with? How out of so many people that you meet in your life you find the one you're meant to be with, to love, and who'll love you back.....

huge hugs to both of you. Check your PM's pk

C@ntus - You are the best christmas present I could ever hope for. Thank you for being mine.

Geologists do it in the dirt................

Posted: 5th Dec 2002
Oh shucks guys.. this is beautifull! You guys are really lucky to have each other - both couples! Whats EVEN better is the fact all 4 of you realise how special the feeings between you are!

Heres to many many years of fun and growing old together..

I only wish one day I will feel the same again.. my soul mate lost his soul to dirty drugs..

I honour you as an aspect of myself..

You are never to old to storm a bouncey castle..

Posted: 5th Dec 2002
so where is cantus?

Posted: 5th Dec 2002
I like this thread, very useful. Thank you FNF & PK

Posted: 5th Dec 2002
hey mis stix, i know where your coming from Dirty Drugs , ok now dont get me wrong most of my friends smoke a lot of weed, do a lot of hard drugs, man we work with drug feinds at the weekend and do shows for drug fueled crowds, that is kewl.
now heres a story [EDIT:] that got longer than i thought...
But i spent 3 and a half years in my last relationship, and ended it because of several reasons to be honest, the main being i cant hack living and being with a coke addict, the love was lost after 2 and a half years, the arguments started over the smallest of things that seem silly to argue over but they were there and they were consistant, and buiding up to boiling point and past means of repair. I told her that i was leaving last christmas to go traveling in the states but decided to stay and try and work things out... but time passed and every thing turned around again and went to shite, even further beyond repair. I was so lucky to have a good friend at hand that i met in a chat room on yahoo, we both shared so many things in life that we were passionate about and she became a fellow spinner too, she woud travel to come and visit and stay for a few days most weeks, go party and she came with us to a mad weekend in cardiff and eeds doing some gigs and was offered a job to come and perform with us, which was cool for a while, i was still with my ex at this point, and she was doing more and more coke and pills at work and going out clubbing with her friends, i used to hate sundays, she would get in from work at stupid o'clock off her face and i would get up around 9am just to get away from her, i would clean house and do odd jobs, sit on the net for a few hours talking to my best mate then as soon as i heard a stir upstairs i would go outside and spend 6 hours spinning and learning new moves just so i didnt have to be around her, but every time i ventured back in the house there she'd be looking like iguana shite and coming down from the night before and try and start an argument. in the end it reached that point were you just cant take it any more and one night she was leaving for work and she decided to wake me up after i'd done 10 hours hard graft at work to ask me the most stupidest question, so i fliped and told her to fuck off, i'm leaving, and she carried on out of the door and went to work.
The hardest part about that night was my brother and his gurl staying for the weekend, i sort of felt sorry for them but they never had any idea about the coke addiction, they thought the sun shone out of her like she was a queen, they were wrong, my life was a missery i was an alcoholic i'd spend my nights drinking a 70 of neat whiskey feeling down and depressed and not knowing wether or not to stick it out. I thought the drink would help. my mate leigh was no use, all he'd ever say was, well look at what youve got around you man, you have every thing. he was wrong too, yes i may have been financially well off, living in a large 4 bed house with nice furniture every where, i had my mainecoons and my cats that i loved so much but i had no love, that had vanished for good and made me wonder why i even moved away from all my friends and familly that i miss so much just to be with her, but there was somthing there for a year or so.
In the end i took a look at my life and where it was going.. no where if i stayed like that, so on that night while she was at work i packed up my things and moved them to the attic room as my brother was in the other spare room, i wrote my feelings down for her on several sheets of paper because i couldnt face her any more. we talked after that and said that we could still live together as friends but not for long, my best mate carried on coming to stay and on one visit myself and her, noona and pete decided to go into the city and put on our stilts and costumes and go shopping, we had this filmed and it was such a scream to do, we were in stitches all afternoon and it got us all some more work teaching children circus skills for the NSPCC. After we had done we decided to go for a drink and chil out before going home and were all sat round several tables including my ex at this time. We stayed a while after she had left with one of my good friends chris. Me and my best mate we mucking around on the way back to the van to go home and we bumped into chris and my ex and nothing was said. that was until she arrived back home, slamming the door behind her, running upstairs and storming around with a suitcase, shouting and screaming at me. She was upset at me because i had suposedly put it in her face that me and my best mate were together now and she didnt like it, yeah i can say we were together but not in here face, i'm not one for rubbing salt into wounds, so after this one of us had to go and that was most certainy going to be me. But litterally two days after this i woke to goto work at 6 am and i noticed a pair of trainer shoes under the lounge table, didnt think any thing of it, didnt mention it at all i wasnt bothered i knew they wernt hers, i just wanted her to be happy but that wasnt going to happen with me thats for sure. the following morning it was the same, same trainers under the table but this time she decides to call me up at work and tell me that shes now shagging her coke dealer and their getting some viagra for a laugh, turns out i allready knew, and had been for a while i think, not that it bothered me. so a few days had past and i was running round packing the rest of my belongings ready to move in to a new house with kato and milly. so i was running around packing and came downstairs with a load of belongings and there an behold he was stood there in the kitchen with her looking like shite, he thought and i was told that he was at that point shitting himself for some reason that i was gonna knock him out, but all i did was walk up to him and shake his hand and say sup man, hows things. i think that shocked him for weeks after. i hope they are happy together still.
but not as happy as me because i came out on top, i made the best decissions i could ever make 1: leave her and the house and 2: be with my best mate [nancy if ur reading this i love you], there is only one thing that makes me sad about the whole situation and that is to loose my mainecoons and my cats, the night i had moved my stuff out i had to go back for my bed, i was sat in an empty house with nothing but all her stuff lying around. this was probably the most sadest time of my life, just sat there for 2 hours on the sofa with my cats crying my eyes out in complete silence, cos i couldnt take them with me. Its sad that the only attachment that i have with my life these past 4 years is the bad momories and the love that i had with my cats and coons. i cant remember many good times they certainly dont match up to much, i think even big bird from sessamy street could count the good time of my life with her on one hand, how sad is that.
I am happy now, i just got off the phone after talking with nancy and she's bouncing and itching for the bus home she cant wait till 9 am wants to come home now, i wish she was here i cant sleep all that well, at least i know shes safe but you know when you get that feeling when the person you love so much isnt near you you just hope that they are safe and nothing bad will happen, at least when she is here with me i feel safe, safe as the boy in the bubble.
I think this thread is becoming my little diary, normally any one that knows me will tell you that i am probably one of the most bluntest person, allways short and too the point, no holding back, arashi knows he got some the other week, but hes kewl hes a good kid i like him. i never really have a lot to say but i think this is helping me to deal with things right now and share things with you guys, i'm with malcolm right now some times men need to show emotion. some one that i get very emotional over is Glass, man i love him to death i hope he knows it but he's a good friend, i had a tear in my eyes when Dom left to go traveling the same when i saw Cass off after she was here. Maybe i'm getting in touch with my feminine side?. who knows.. my life, my journey and i'm gonna make it what i want it to be and thats a happy pace where i can cuddle up with nancy and hide from all you guys.

A few personal thank yous i'd like to make here before i post this and thats to miss fluff, your special and cantus too.
Drome were gonna be friends K ur krazy in dat coconut
Splat ur on my wave lenght ResPeKt~
Kinudin: i like candy wanna share some with me?
Dom in what way is this thread useful? lol hope ur travels are happy ones.. i know stuff wink wink have fun man we miss you so much be happy i hope you get this hug thats waiting for you when you get back, and we decided that theres no way that the wedding is going on until you and Cass are back home... oh every one is gonna have to be on stilts when we get married but we make exceptions for you .
Well i'm typed out for one night, this must be the biggest post i have done in my life, even my essays at schol were not this long, maybe i should go back to holding feelings back from others and being blunt again.
love and hugs to you all.

Posted: 6th Dec 2002
woah - that was the longest post in the whole wide world ever....

I printed it out and saved it as 'PK's Autobiography' - is that ok?

Thank you


The bit about losing your cats made me all sad But I get a vid today so I'm all happy again It'd better have your return address on it..........

Geologists do it in the dirt................

Posted: 6th Dec 2002
blimey this pulls on the old heart strings eh chaps hee hee awww my little sweetheart p i love u dude u know i do soooo soooooooooooo glad to be home now gonna treat him to a bit of nancy lurve ha ha p your my best mate my soulmate and my complete other half if there wasnt you id have a giant pk shaped hole in my heart and id wonder about dribbling and talking to pigeons while eating salt sachets gross! anyways im off to jump in the bath thankyou for loving so much my little smuggler love u always ros by the way your a pip kiss kiss kiss kiss

Who are you? Who slips into my robot body and whispers to my ghost?

Posted: 7th Dec 2002
argh.... can this day get any more ******* ***** ****** **** ********* **** worse?, i dont know.
Dont ask. long story. no sleep can see me sleeping till tomorrow yet!.. laters.

Posted: 18th Dec 2002
well 2 more days until i finally get to see my gurl again, its been an interesting 2 weeks trying to cope finding things to occupy ones self with, my trip up to edinburgh to see Te Pooka [minero, tree and everyone else ] was fantastic very inspireing indeed much cantact staffage to be getting on with, i have decided nix? is a total head case and his ginger afro is bigger on col3 than real life but he's a wicked bloke and his moms real nice too. so after 4 days of madness scottish style i got to see nancy fer like i dunno not long enough, clem decided that there was too much shit going on in the troups and split us all p for saturday nights gig, so nancy ended up in colchester and i ended up in london yet again so we got to see each other loads.. whoopeee that added to my sorrows not!
erm so my mom decided to cheer me up and give me some cash to come stay with her for a week before christmas, which i am slowly starting to look forwad to a little more, but i still hate the whole christmas thing. got to see some of my extra large family that i havnt seen in years and most of my cousins all have kids now and made me real boody and miss nancy even more.
so yeah its been kewl to come back home after so long see a few old friends, but it was so good to goto leicester and meet flaming chalice, sypher, newborn and draco and the rest of those crazy bunch, all i can say is keep draco of those E numbers, he's a loon, maybe he shold have his own tv show he'd be pure entertainment i'm sure.
so sleep is not in my vocabulary right now, does anybody get that when u miss your loved one that you just cant sleep with out them being there?, its driving me insane, maybe if i shut my eyes i might be able to sleep afterall it is nigh on 3am and i have to visit my elders tommorow that i really can be doing with out believe me.

right i need a job too, do you think santa would employ me to get his raindeer ready for him?

Posted: 19th Dec 2002
Maybe if you offered to dose him!

love and hugs,
drome

JUGGLEwithyourmind!

Posted: 19th Dec 2002
I can't sleep.

I made a hot water bottle last night and put it in a little case and everything and went to sleep snuggled with that. But during the night it got cold and I must've thought it was C@ntus cos when it was cold I suddenly woke up wondering why he had got out of bed

eep!

It's not all bad though - he'll be safe in my arms for Christmas

Geologists do it in the dirt................

Posted: 19th Dec 2002
Well misstix and pk you arent alone...

A lot of the problems with my ex (spent 2 yrs together...) were caused by his stupid drug habits... Dont get me wrong I do my fair share but its not all that exists in this pixie's life... He wouldnt do anything unless he had smoke and if he was looking for smoke he couldn't go out until he found some.. Sad indeed... I dont think thats why we broke up but his habits were part of me being unhappy... I always felt like I didnt matter because he was more concerned with the next gram or eigth or the next party that weekend...
I was in love but it was the first so I had to bid him adieu in hope that one day he will think more about life and what it entails rather than trying to get away from it within substance abuse and/or substance missuse.

PK: you are crazy in the cocconut too! I hope we can have some crazy times... Will be down to meet the misses soon...

Love and big hugs to all,
drome

JUGGLEwithyourmind!

Posted: 20th Dec 2002
well i'm gonna disapear, nancy is home dont even know why i'm sat here posting but i am and now i am leaving, erm i wish it was christmas today so i can get it over and done with, its over rated dont you think.