Forums > Social Discussion > A lesson about hiding things

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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted:So I think I've learned something. At least I hope I have. Basically... when you are hiding things from people because you know they'll get mad and interfere "for your safety" .. well... thats not really a very good reason. And even when things are mostly wrapped up and statements are made and everything is moving on... well.. sometimes you wouldn't be doing too badly to get people to help you out.



The actual discussion... well... does anyone have any reason they think you shouldn't? Cos its very messy when lots of people get involved trying to fix a broken situation, but... but...



It might have been better. It might BE better.



I'm not entirely coherent now. Still feeling a bit dumbfounded over everything that happened here today, and over the surprising amounts of helpless an individual person can be in an individual situation....

***********************************************************************************************************

EDIT: What I'm trying to say is when you hide things from people because you fear they are going to try and protect you and make things complicated, thats a pretty good sign that you should extricate yourself from the situation you are in. WIth or without their help. And not just keep hiding it from them. I think... but then, surely people know of situations where overzealous people have cause harm?



So... the question is... what can you use as an outside metric to let you know if you're being cautious for a good reason or cautious for a bad reason?

EDITED_BY: Kyrian (1134764079)


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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coza
coza

-Why-
Location: uk, Newcastle / Chester
Member Since: 2nd Jul 2003
Total posts: 126
Posted:i dont know if its my mine, but still not quite sure what youre saying.

If money is the root of all evil, then why do people sell Bibles?

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Bubbles_
Bubbles_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: mancunian
Member Since: 25th Nov 2004
Total posts: 3383
Posted:do you mean the acceptance of help from others in a personal situation?

hope your ok k hug


Disclaimer:im not responsible for what i say or do whether it be before,during and after drinking alcoholic substances (owned by BMVC).
Creater of Jenisms(TM)
Virginity like bubble,one prick all gone.

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Psycho_lemming
Psycho_lemming

Running hippy spinning lemming
Location: Scotland
Member Since: 16th Jul 2004
Total posts: 15
Posted:<hugs>

hiding things, people finding out, accepting help... its all confusing and crazy...

take care...
pm on its way...
<hugs>
hug
xxx


Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering...

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spritie
spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX
Member Since: 9th Sep 2001
Total posts: 2014
Posted:hmmm...your post is still a little cryptic, but basically I think you are trying to figure out when it is ok to hide things from people because you are worried about how they will react to either the news or the situation.

If that's correct, it's been my experience that hiding things is rarely a good idea. It has never caused me and several others anything other than lots of greif. I've found it is much better to just be myself and possibly explain the situation if necessary. If the other person/people can't deal with it, and it is something that is near and dear to me, then I know that they really can't accept who I am, and I need to re-evaluate their role in my life. Of course, I'm the type of person that does what I say I will, and there usually isn't much reading between the lines in my actions. I like things to be upfront and out in the open, so when I'm hiding something, I'm actually hiding a part of myself, and that hurts everyone.

hugs to you because I know you can't be in an easy situation.


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Devilsarmy
Devilsarmy

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 14th Oct 2005
Total posts: 2984
Posted:well i can safely say......i dont get it

Actually back on HoP guys ...

Owned By MiG
Owns Fyre and Mods_Stole_My_Name

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Mint Sauce
veteran
Location: Lancs England
Member Since: 7th Sep 2003
Total posts: 1453
Posted:i do

humm this is a dificult one

if you are saying what i think you are saying. then yes i agree with you if you feel you have to keep this informtion from them then there is a slight sence of insecurity and a strong sence of wanting to deal with it your way and not be mollycoddled.

i dont think you should hide but tell them and at the same time but your hand up and say back of i want to deal with this my way not yours.

harch but needed?????



hope im on the right lines


before i met those lot i thought they'd be a bunch of dreadlocked hippies that smoked, set things on fire ,and drank a lot of tea but then when i met them....oh wait (PyroWill)

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Birgit
Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh
Member Since: 27th Jan 2005
Total posts: 4145
Posted:I don't get it either... if you want to send through a pm I'll try and help though, or at least give you some hugs smile

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:Too
Much
Drama

I tend to structure my life such that immature drama like this hasn't happened since high school. If you communicate openly and honestly from the beginning WITH PEOPLE who can do the same, this isn't a problem. If you're interacting with people who you withhold information because they are not mature enough to deal with it, then you're on your own...

Of course, all bets are off when I'm dealing with all you drama queen fire spinners but that's only my "NYC" life. wink


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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BansheeCat
veteran
Location: lost
Member Since: 29th Jul 2005
Total posts: 1247
Posted:Kyrian, basically, you if you are hiding something because you know it is wrong, a bit dangerous, stupid or unethical, and thus dont want to have to try to defend an undefendable position when people find out what you are up to-( eg explain that it is really all okay, and a smart choice, when really, you have your own doubts about your behaviour,) well, it is obvious, stop it. Dont stop hiding it, stop doing it.

If whatever you are doing is a true thing that is in line with who you are, who you want to be, respecting your values and beliefs, and then no matter how strange or dangerous it comes across to others you should not be hiding it.

Show your true self.

That way others of like mind can support you , and others can challenge you, and both are useful expereinces in developing character.

If you are doing something crazy, for no good reason at all,against your own better judgement, as sometimes we all do, I would still have it out in the open, and respond to people concerns with simply that statement- "yeah, I know it is crazy, but I am doing it anyways and will accept the consequences. Thank you for your concern..."

Hiding things usually just hurts people, seriously.

I beleive you already answered your own question... Good luck with your dilemma,

smiles,
Andrea
* shuts off the computer now to go out and follow her own advice.. ;-))*


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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Gnarly Cranium
Gnarly Cranium

member
Location: San Francisco
Member Since: 16th Feb 2005
Total posts: 186
Posted:Written by: andrealee

Kyrian, basically, you if you are hiding something because you know it is wrong, a bit dangerous, stupid or unethical, and thus dont want to have to try to defend an undefendable position when people find out what you are up to-( eg explain that it is really all okay, and a smart choice, when really, you have your own doubts about your behaviour,) well, it is obvious, stop it. Dont stop hiding it, stop doing it.

If whatever you are doing is a true thing that is in line with who you are, who you want to be, respecting your values and beliefs, and then no matter how strange or dangerous it comes across to others you should not be hiding it.

Show your true self.

That way others of like mind can support you , and others can challenge you, and both are useful expereinces in developing character.

If you are doing something crazy, for no good reason at all,against your own better judgement, as sometimes we all do, I would still have it out in the open, and respond to people concerns with simply that statement- "yeah, I know it is crazy, but I am doing it anyways and will accept the consequences. Thank you for your concern..."

Hiding things usually just hurts people, seriously.

I beleive you already answered your own question... Good luck with your dilemma,

smiles,
Andrea
* shuts off the computer now to go out and follow her own advice.. ;-))*


Amen!! And then some!!

There's this bizarre trend in my life where everyone I'm close to ends up not telling me about or outright lying about very important things-- like... abusive stepparents, becoming sexually active, pregnancy, miscarriages, drug use, relationships, relationships gone bad, depression, self-mutilation, drinking, smoking, online cheating, online stalkers, moving, illness, name, gender.......... just to start the list. I've never been able to imagine why, or what I did to deserve being shut out.

Without truth, there can be no love. Without love, we're all alone. The stuff that's difficult/embarassing/scary/painful/etc to talk about IS THE IMPORTANT STUFF. Friendship is about being able to see and show the ugly parts in life and share support. Anybody can get along when everything's bunnies and sparkles-- it's when things get nasty that it really, really counts.

To hide yourself or lie to the people who love you is to deny them the -ability- to love you, without even giving them any say or choice in the matter, without them ever knowing their heart is dedicated to a lie. It's an insult. It's disrespect, plain and simple. Abuse of trust. Betrayal. I can't bear to even think about treating people like that. These days I go through life doing my damndest to be as honest to everyone as I can, whether they really want to hear it or not. (maybe one of these days I'll run into some people who are actually willing to return the goddamn favor. Living in a world of masks and lies gets very, very, very old. I don't know how many times I've been in bad straits and would have given anything for someone to actually give a crap and WANT to know and WANT to help me. Like -hell- I'm going to turn them down if they ever show up!!)

*cough* ummm personal ranting aside.. Sure, you can't exactly tell everybody about everything-- it all depends on the level of trust that's been established. Think of how you would feel if the situation were reversed, whatever it is.. if it would hurt for a particular person to not tell -you- about it, then they're someone you should talk to, no matter how hard it is.


"Ours is not to question The Head; it is enough to revel in the ubiquitous inanity of The Head, the unwanted proximity of The Head, the unrelenting HellPresence of The Head, indeed the very UNYIELDING IRRELEVANCE of The Head!" --Revelation X

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