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Forums > Social Chat > 16 Things that took me over 50 years to learn

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Domino
SILVER Member since May 2004

UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK

Total posts: 757
Posted:Friends of mine sent me this, thought I should share...

16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:


1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." weavesmiley wink
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter is not a nice person.
(This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.


Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.

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Rusto
BRONZE Member since Nov 2005

Rusto

member
Location: Gold Coast, Qld

Total posts: 47
Posted:Thanks heaps, just woke up and gone on line, thought would check HOP, great start to the day ubbrollsmile beerchug wave biggrin

Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
A bowl of soup with some one you love is better than steak with some one you hate. Proverbs 15, 17

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Fyre
BRONZE Member since Oct 2005

Fyre

enthusiast
Location: Finland

Total posts: 315
Posted:Thank you for this, i wouldn`t have wanted to experience No.7, now i am aware.
Great list!

Cheers


If we can`t live in peace then fu*k it, let`s die.
The owner of Chellybeans right arm!


Peace -Fyre-

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alien_oddity


alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees

Total posts: 7193
Posted:ubblol i love number 16

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Asena
GOLD Member since Aug 2005

Asena

What a Bummer
Location: Shatfield, Hertfordshire

Total posts: 3224
Posted:I think 3 applies to soooo many ppl on this site lol rolleyes

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:I have this printed out somewhere as well. It's one of those emails that surfaces every few years, and needs to. It not only is funny as hell, but it is full of great advice.

Not that doing #1 ever crossed my mind! lol ewwwwwwwwwww

And #13 and #15 are sooooooo true.

But not #12. I know alot of people who think they are shyte drivers, several here on HoP in fact (biting tongue to keep from naming names. wink ).


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Hairy Tait
BRONZE Member since Aug 2004

Hairy Tait

member
Location: Back in the Future

Total posts: 109
Posted:#15's Good.... makes me feel slightly better about myself.......!!!!

It's a very interesting story, Future Boy....!

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:ubblol

16 is... is... just great! ubblol

Tongue in cheek of course, I think a lot of guys have way too bruised egos to take actual stomping, but still could use some careful guidance, as it were....


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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The Misguided Oracle
GOLD Member since Aug 2005

The Misguided Oracle

the floor is a sea of tigers...
Location: Brisvegas

Total posts: 404
Posted:Written by: Domino

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.



I dunno, I've stopped bothering about my bday (infact i almost forgot about it this year) but people around me still make a big deal out of it (and they always seem far more entertained by the whole episode that I am)


"My body is a well tuned machine... It just needs a competent driver." - ?

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:As a waitress - #13 is SO TRUE!!!

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:In all fairness about #15, if the ark story is true, the chap did have the assistance of one omnipotent diety.

And that sort of help is right useful, really.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:yeah, I think that's cheating. Count out the Noah one!

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Lost83spy
BRONZE Member since Sep 2005

Lost83spy

Out! Out! You demons of stupidity!
Location: Somewhere, out there...

Total posts: 587
Posted:6, 14, 15 & 16 is cool!

ubblol


It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others

Founder and Official leader of the Curby Clan

*Owner of Brenn*

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DarkFyre
BRONZE Member since Nov 2005

DarkFyre

HoP mage and keeper of the fireballs
Location: Palmerston North

Total posts: 1965
Posted:12 is so true
so very true
bounce bounce2 bounce bounce2 bounce


May my balls of fire set your balls on fire devil

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artindoril


member


Total posts: 117
Posted:
Joined: 23 Nov 2005
Posts: 7
Location: I don't really know ... if you find out please let me know.

PostPosted: Wed Dec 07, 2005 12:24 am Post subject: Reply with quote Edit/Delete this post Delete this post
One's I've learnt in the last twenty years (or heard from those I know):

1. One for the guys: never argue with a woman, when it comes to it she's right and we're wrong ... full stop, no if's, no buts, no maybe's. Regardless of the situation.

2. There are two types of people who can nag you and get away with it, those you are related to and those you sleep with (that one comes from the landloard at the ravern).

3. Your parents are the biggest liers that you are probably likely to know ... come on who do you think was the tooth fairy and father christmas.

4. If you think that somethings gona go one way then it usually goes completely the opposite.

5. Never pay attention to any of the advice people give you over the net .... hold on, may be best to ignore that one.

6. Expect the worst and hope for the best, that way you are never deluded.

7. Life's never as bad as you may think ... always remember that there's some poor sod somewhere in a worse situation, or with gum stuck in their hair.

9. Alcohole is the cause of and solution to all of lifes problems.

10. Never get soo drunk that friends may get ideas that you can't stop happening.

11. If the world is falling down around you and all seems lost, then curl up into a small ball and cry ... or rember 7 and go listen to Pink Floyd.

12. You lose

13. Pay attention to numbering systems - anyone notice the lack of a number 8?

14. Be carefull what you tell to who ... unless you want things to get out.


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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:...number 12....mothe*&^%^*&^@*&^(*&#%$&*%*&^#@

mad


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Domino
SILVER Member since May 2004

UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK

Total posts: 757
Posted:Yah man. That was mean.





Wish I'd done it first wink tongue


Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.

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mykrme


mykrme

burning from inside
Location: anywhere but here

Total posts: 165
Posted:Written by:
7. Life's never as bad as you may think ... always remember that there's some poor sod somewhere in a worse situation, or with gum stuck in their hair.



well...i know a bit different version of this:
life's never so bad, that it can't get even worse...
and sadly, it seems to be true...


that's YOUR opinion...

from fire were born, to fire we return...

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