Forums > Social Chat > Why?.... why do people do this?

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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted:I just don't understand...

A week or two ago when we were shopping my housemate/ex (I'm moving out next week!) begged to buy bacon. I was realy upset/worried about it because it makes me nauseous in a way few other things do, just the smell in the air. But he was all like "no, no, I won't cook it when you're around, don't worry...."
Anyway, today he decided to cook it (cleverly, starting when I grabbed some money from the bank, so I couldn't stop him from doing it.... <very short trip, less than 20 minutes> So thats what greated me when I got home. Its 1C, and I'm really sick..... not good weather to be spending a lot of time outside and after about three-four minutes in here I'm so nauseous I can't really move anyway....
I asked him why he had to do it and he said "because I need to eat"... because somehow there was no other option... he *had* to eat bacon, here...
And then he started yelling at me and ran off when we were trying to decide about getting other food, or even toilet paper or any such....
Because I can't really afford to keep paying for both of us... I've been doing it for 10 months now and I'm getting near to flat broke.... He has a $600 check I gave him (he's had it for weeks) and thousands of dollars in paychecks he hasn't picked up... he could offer to pay me back or somesuch, instead he insists on leaving and "making me take care of everything" cause thats my job somehow even tho I get yelled at if I do as well....
I have one paycheck left to pick up in addition to the money I have in my wallet, (and some british money and suchlike set aside for the trip) and its only for about $100 at best... you'd think....
the rest of the money in my bank account is needed to pay off all the bills for us on tuesday....

ubbcrying

This is so useles... why is he like this... what... what the ... what did i do wrong? why is it too much to ask that i'm not nauseated, even...


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Sethis
Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University
Member Since: 16th May 2005
Total posts: 1762
Posted:C'mon Kyri, you *know* how that isn't your fault. He's a complete fu*k and I'm sorry you've been forced into living with him. He's screwed in the head and it's got nothing to do with you. You tried helping and he doesn't want it.



There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's your guy holding a torch and he's looking for you. hug



Only a few more days. Then you'll be able to relax, rest and do whatever you want and it won't be your problem.



I'll be online in a bit, and I'll talk to you more then.



Take Care. smile hug


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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TinklePants
TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2005
Total posts: 4217
Posted:tie him up outside, naked, smear some raw ground beef on him and leave him for the nocturnal hunters.
muhahahahaha


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted:But surely I must be doing something wrong if he's doing such ridiculous things?

ANd he can still mess stuff up for me. So somehow I have to figure out how to get thru the next week....
I need him for rides several places, and there's still paperwork to sign, and I'm absolutly no good at this kind of thing... I don't even know how to make him not-angry! Or to calm down and not drive off and ignore things...


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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TinklePants
TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2005
Total posts: 4217
Posted:I wish i had something constructive to say, alas i dont.
I'd just club him to death with his own leg ubblol


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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MiG
MiG

Self-Flagellation Expert
Location: Bogged at CG
Member Since: 16th Apr 2004
Total posts: 3415
Posted:*gives you big hugs*

it's nothing you've done wrong. I don't know about your situation much/at all, but there are some people who are just like that. You give them an inch, and they take a mile. You do the right thing and try to help them out, and they start expecting/demanding the same thing.

I'd be as nice as i could, grit your teeth, and call him whatever helps you feel better when he's not around. Appease him as best you can, then get out of dodge when everything's sorted.

*gives more hugs*


"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

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Charles
Charles

Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
Location: Auckland
Member Since: 27th Jun 2001
Total posts: 3989
Posted:Ditto with what others have said.

No person acts in this way because of something their partner did. This sounds like either serious emotional issues that began at home, a chemical imbalance in the brain (which can be caused by the first suggestion) or actual physical trauma such as a head injury.

But it's not your job to fix it or even to forgive him. It's your job to look after yourself first, and make sure you are in a healthy headspace. People like this need help from detached medical professionals, and not from anyone who has had any type of relationship with them.

The only thing that is likely useful, is once the break is made and you haven't seen each other for a while, try to forgive his actions, but don't forget them or think you can change them.

Of course, this only my opinion...


HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

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burningoftheclavey
burningoftheclavey

lurking like a ninja with no camouflage..
Location: over yonder
Member Since: 22nd Jul 2005
Total posts: 926
Posted:hug man thats real harsh.... i have a brother like that, question him on something hes done wrong or ask him to do something he either walks off or gets angry..cos like he knows hes in the wrong for not helping out around the house or whatever hes done thats got everyone upset, so he gets on the defensive...probably not quite the same situation and i dont knowmuch about whats goin on... but i think, ya know, even if hes yelling at you and youre getting mad too, dont raise your voice or anything just keep giving your side of the argument. and that you know how he feels about it or you dont mean to get on at him(even if youre not....) it does work sometimes.. smile and you probably already know and use this advice but thats all i can think of, hope you dont get too stressed man *sends out good happy vibes*

on spam robots - "Burn the robot! Melt him down, and then we can make lots and lots of money from his shiiiny juices!"

Owned by Brenn smile

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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted:Its almost exactly that situstion.... except for some power issues....

thanks for hugs guys... and advice... i'm just hoping he doens't do anything worse iin th next week, as he's insinuated he might...


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Suibom
Suibom

addict
Location: Oregon, USA
Member Since: 2nd Sep 2005
Total posts: 577
Posted:Yes.. be careful.. make sure you're constantly talking with friends until the situation clears. Folks that are unstable tend to get more so when confronted with situations like that. Get papers signed and things of that nature out of the way as soon as possible. And constantly talk with friends, they are the best support when dealing with stuff like this. They don't have to necessarily understand the situation, or even know the entirety of what's going on, just let them know you need company, a hug and a smile through it.

Good luck.


Definition of poi- A Hawaiian food made from the tuber of the taro that is cooked, pounded to a paste, and fermented.

Ahnold discussing poi - "It is naht a toober!"

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alien_oddity
alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees
Member Since: 31st Dec 2004
Total posts: 7193
Posted:sorry (very british term) but the guy sounds like a complete twat!!!!!


kick his butt into shape!!!!



and have a hug


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spindizzy
spindizzy

Member

Member Since: 4th Oct 2005
Total posts: 5
Posted:Dont buy anything for him anymore, buy food as and when you want to eat and keep the bog roll in your room.

Fuck an acid tab I'll strap the whole sheet to my forehead
Wait until it absorbs in and fall to the floor dead

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Birgit
Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh
Member Since: 27th Jan 2005
Total posts: 4145
Posted:hug

Since when do ex-boyfriends (or ex-girlfriends at that) have reasons when they do annoying things?

It's really not your fault!!


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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the_poier
the 1337 poier
Location: england
Member Since: 7th Jul 2005
Total posts: 346
Posted:awww hug
just pull your socks up and ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIIDE OF LIFE *whistles* hehe and then buy a voodo doll and have immense pleasure in ripping off his limbs one by one then sending them to a bacon factory...that`ll teach him...ermm uh yeh...


ive got a fuzzbox and im not afraid to use it
R.I.P. gayfest

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alien_oddity
alien_oddity

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: in the trees
Member Since: 31st Dec 2004
Total posts: 7193
Posted:or just put tiger balm in his boxers



wink


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Igirisujin
Igirisujin

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Preston
Member Since: 10th Jul 2005
Total posts: 2666
Posted:*skips down without reading the rest of the posts*

Honney honney, its ok your moving out soon you'll be gone in like less than a week, and his annoying habbits wont matter anymore.


Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

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JonnyRok
JonnyRok

Look! I'm Darth Bunny!
Location: Sunny South Africa
Member Since: 2nd May 2005
Total posts: 446
Posted:Written by: TinklePants

tie him up outside, naked, smear some raw ground beef on him and leave him for the nocturnal hunters.
muhahahahaha



I second that!


Do what you want coz a pirate is free,
You are a pirate!
Yo ho fiddle dee dee, being a pirate is alright to be,
Do what you want coz a pirate is free,
You are a pirate!

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Lost83spy
Lost83spy

Out! Out! You demons of stupidity!
Location: Somewhere, out there...
Member Since: 14th Sep 2005
Total posts: 587
Posted:Written by: JonnyRok

Written by: TinklePants

tie him up outside, naked, smear some raw ground beef on him and leave him for the nocturnal hunters.
muhahahahaha



I second that!



Me too!

ubbrollsmile


It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others

Founder and Official leader of the Curby Clan

*Owner of Brenn*

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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted:Guys, the goal is to NOT get in trouble ubblol

Doctors appointment down, and its only 4 days till I leave now... *crosses fingers* Its my hope that we went thru the worst of it on the weekend. But you never know, he might freak out cause i'm leaving :/


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Birgit
Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh
Member Since: 27th Jan 2005
Total posts: 4145
Posted:he probably will, but if you're prepared for it that's half the trouble dealt with smile

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted:*sigh*

less than 72 hours to go. but why is he doing things just because he knows they'll hurt me?
I wouldn't do that to anyone.... ubbcrying


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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FireByNite
FireByNite

Are you up for it??
Location: Auckland
Member Since: 8th Dec 2004
Total posts: 349
Posted:Written by: Kyrian

but why is he doing things just because he knows they'll hurt me?



The above being the point of doing it. He's trying to hurt you. Best thing to do is try not to let it bother you for the "less than 72 hours" & if it does, don't let him know that it does
hug & good luck


Are you up for it?
wink;)

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Birgit
Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh
Member Since: 27th Jan 2005
Total posts: 4145
Posted:when I had to kick my ex out, I used to put on loud music that I knew would annoy him and sing along just to block him and his neverending complaints out. My favourite was "turning Japanese" (it's about wanking, and I thought it was fitting for his future), and "Mr. Pleasant" for whenever he'd get really nasty. Not sure it made him any calmer, but as I said, it blocked him out perfectly smile (it was a 1-room-apartment, so I couldn't really go anywhere and lock the door...)

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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LMSP
LMSP

veteran

Member Since: 23rd Aug 2005
Total posts: 1588
Posted:Written by: JonnyRok

Written by: TinklePants

tie him up outside, naked, smear some raw ground beef on him and leave him for the nocturnal hunters.
muhahahahaha



I second that!


I third it! All those in favour raise your hand and say aye!


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Gnor
Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth
Member Since: 31st Mar 2003
Total posts: 5814
Posted:He seems dependent on you and sounds like he treats you like parent/teenager setup. Looking for buttons to press and finding them. He needs to grow up.
You are getting right out which sounds like the answer for your sanity. Maybe look at this as a learning situation and avoid this in the future.
Some people once they realise they cant get what they want anymore no longer treat people well.


Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted:Too true gnor. I leave in a bit over 24 hours at this point.... he's not been TOO bad lately. Most things are squared away at this point, just have to sign papers tommorow mostly. And my mum's helping him a bit still, which I think will ease the transition. I'm still not sure where *I'm* going precisly, after york, but all things in good time. I can absolutly feel something building up, so the trick is just to be ready when it gets here.

And as for this boy, I've done my best. I hope he manages to learn something and not keep doing the same [censored] forever....

Also hope he doesn't explode in the last bit! ^_^


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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