Stig
SILVER Member since Oct 2005

member
Location: Scunthorpe, United Kingdom

Total posts: 110
Posted:hiya, iv been having this discussion/debate with many of my friends over the years and just wondered what all of your opinions on the subject was.

who comes first - your friends or your partners?

my personal opinion is friends because of my past (my friends have helped me through some really rough times)

let me know, im curious smile


How do paracetamol know where the pain is???

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Fine_Rabid_Dog


Internet Hate Machine
Location: They seek him here, they seek ...

Total posts: 10530
Posted:shrug

Not been in a proper enough relationship to find out yet...


The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

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Stig
SILVER Member since Oct 2005

member
Location: Scunthorpe, United Kingdom

Total posts: 110
Posted:what do you class as a proper enough relationship?

How do paracetamol know where the pain is???

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thelost
SILVER Member since Aug 2005

thelost

mmm...i feel all warm and fuzzy... 'no dude, that's your hair on fire'
Location: Birmingham, Australia

Total posts: 355
Posted:I also went for the 'friends' option just because of the fact that they were there for me when I needed to talk/share problems...bit of a tough decision though, since they are a bit of a grey area to me.

A partner is a friend who has progressed to the next step in a relationship...that's what I believe anyway.

If you meant 'partner' rather than partners, then I'm not too sure on that either. If you DID mean partners, then I dunno how some of your ex's would react when you need them there for you...

It's just a difficult decision because it's a bit like choosing between air or living...they're linked but still different shrug Maybe I'm just not seeing this as clear cut as I should be?


It's better to burn out than to fade away

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Stig
SILVER Member since Oct 2005

member
Location: Scunthorpe, United Kingdom

Total posts: 110
Posted:i meant the singular use of the word as in "at the time" ex' dont really count cos in my experiance most of them are still my friends anyway. thanks for the opinion though, valid points and interesting line of thought

How do paracetamol know where the pain is???

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:My partner comes first because thats the main reason why they're my partner. Everything else can still be had with a friend. A friend will never in fast have all of everything else or why are they still a friend??! but the thing which is special for my partner is that they are my first consideration. Of course, its realtive. I will totally ditch a date with my partner if my friends crying in a puddle. And my partner would understand (if I had one, currently i don't tongue)
But ultimately, I have to put them first, -unless i wind up having to put myself first. And possibly, break up with them.
I have actually had to make choices in such matters before. Usually because of some confusing social issues. But not many. Too many- and you're surely not looking after yourself!


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Stig
SILVER Member since Oct 2005

member
Location: Scunthorpe, United Kingdom

Total posts: 110
Posted:hmmm nobody has ever put that point across really, very interesting! *starts thinking*

you say your partner would understand, i dont want to sound like an arse, but how do you know this if you arent with anyone? you could end up with someone who is totally selfish and hates all your friends, just a possibility hope it doesnt turn out that way you seem cool and deserve someone who will treat you right!

thank you (i think) for putting that across and makin me think, damn you!lol


How do paracetamol know where the pain is???

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:I'm with Kyrian here. My partner should be my best friend, at least that is how I hope it would be. That isn't always the case, I understand.

But the entire thing is circumstantial.
I have completely ditched a weekend with my partner when one of my closest friends was having one of the biggest breakdowns I have seen. The partner stayed with Noah and I stayed with my friend.

But there have been times when I really wanted to not be with the partner and to spend time alone (which I did) or spend time with my friends and the partner won out there.

All relationships are a give and take and a series of compromises, or else they don't work. Friendships are that way, but we tend to be more forgiving in them than in partnerships so we don't really notice it as much I think. For me it is never all or nothing, one or the other, friends or partners, because there are too many variables.


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Boo_Bunny
BRONZE Member since Mar 2005

Boo_Bunny

Sparkely arty Mormon rainbow fairy
Location: infront of you, United Kingdom

Total posts: 933
Posted:i voted freinds.
ive never been in a 'proper' relationship either, but ive had freinds who ditched me for their boyfreinds. i know how it feels and wouldnt want to inflict it on anyone.
besides, if you want me you get my freinds, if you dont want my freinds you dont get me. we're a packege deal.


Property of Fine_Rabid_Dog

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Stig
SILVER Member since Oct 2005

member
Location: Scunthorpe, United Kingdom

Total posts: 110
Posted:i completely agree boo (hope you dont mind me callin you boo)

unfortunately pele iv never had a "meaningful relationship" either so i cant truely relate to what you are saying although i can see where you are coming from, hopefully one day ill be able to experiance it.


How do paracetamol know where the pain is???

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:Heh, well, if they don't understand i need to not be with them! I've had partners, who did understand. And even the ^%&^%(& arses understood that much. I'm not a total loser in picking people out, just mostly.

Basically, if they don't, they won't be my partner anymore.

Pele said things well too i think.


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Fine_Rabid_Dog


Internet Hate Machine
Location: They seek him here, they seek ...

Total posts: 10530
Posted:Written by: kickin_pigeons

what do you class as a proper enough relationship?



Well, I'm only 16.

I don't reckon 16 year olds can ever connect on a deep relationship level. What with all those hormones flying about the place and stuff.


The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

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Eera
BRONZE Member since May 2003

old hand
Location: In a test pit, Mackay, Austral...

Total posts: 1107
Posted:My partner comes first. I feel that the man with whom I intend spending the rest of my life deserves a little more attention than the people who have lives not as directly connected to my own.

Just as I would be reluctant to have a relationship with someone who demanded all of my time, I would have equal issues with a friend who wanted to be put first every time too.


There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.

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Bender_the_Offender
GOLD Member since Nov 2001

Bender_the_Offender

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 6979
Posted:perhaps the poll should be phrased 'your partner or your other friends'
perhaps the two shouldn't be compared,
i love my friends in the platonic sense, while my partner is a special friend with whom the love takes on an extra sexual, monogamistic, intimate dimension.

the special friend takes special precendence, however as with all things in life, there is a balance to be struck.

this is where having an identical twin would be handy. ubbangel


Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:Written by: bender


i love my friends in the platonic sense, while my partner is a special friend with whom the love takes on an extra sexual, monogamistic, intimate dimension.

the special friend takes special precendence, however as with all things in life, there is a balance to be struck.



perhaps i should just shut up and let bender say everything for me cause he's so good at it! But I know he wouldn't want that.

Anyway I have an edit this time tongue. Specifically the word monogamistic. As I'm not relly sure 100% monogamy is right for me, and as such...

smile

But in any event, your partner should always be your good friend as well... and should never be your only good friend!


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since May 2005

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University, United Kingdo...

Total posts: 1762
Posted:I said partner... I've never really had any particularly good friends. I've had groups of people who I hung around with, but broke up with them after 4 years or so.

I have a partner I'd break apart the earth for now. So "Partner" definately comes first.


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Tao Star


Tao Star

Pooh-Bah
Location: Bristol

Total posts: 1662
Posted:i didin't vote...i'd like to think i treat them all equally. i love my friends *as much* as my partner, just in a different way smile

i also spend more time with my partenr, of course i do, but i would just as quickly drop everything and run off to any of them that needed me...every case is judged on its own merits!

i guess it's helpful at the moment because adam is in the same social circles as a lot of my friends, but when my partner hasn't been in that situation i would like to think i would still treat them all the same.


I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.

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Tao Star


Tao Star

Pooh-Bah
Location: Bristol

Total posts: 1662
Posted:Written by: FRD
I don't reckon 16 year olds can ever connect on a deep relationship level. What with all those hormones flying about the place and stuff.



i dunno, i was in a relationship at 16, and although it was maybe not quote as mature as living with my b/f age 20....i still think 16 yr olds are capable of connecting with someone in that way. don't put yourself down! i've met 16 yr olds with a huge amount of emotional maturity.


I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.

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VampyricAcid
SILVER Member since Jun 2005

VampyricAcid

veteran
Location: My House, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1286
Posted:to be honest im with sethis, i'd say i have 4/5 great friends, and the rest are people of the moment, i may sound mean, but its true, in 20 years i know that those 4/5 will still be there, and the otehrs im not too sure about. but when it comes to partners and friends it depends what you mean, if its going out, i'd prefere to share the time with both, but obviously have more alone time with the partner, if it is an arguement, i'll steer clear, and let them sort it out cos i dont wanna choose.

I think overall the partner would get more of me, time wise (and otherwise wink) but thats cos we're partners


Proudly Owned By The BMVC

Are You Sniffing My Mitten?

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Firetramp


Firetramp

old hand
Location: Binstead, Isle of Wight

Total posts: 896
Posted:I voted friends 'cause that should include your partner anyway. If your partner is not also a friend, then u have a problem. But (sorry for doom thinking), if a nasty accident had happened and both a friend and my partner ended in hospital, I of course would be by my partner's side.

Ask a question and be a fool for a minute...don't ask and be a fool your whole life.

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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 197
Posted:My partners have always normally been my friends first (apart from one). Friends all the way. 'Partners' come and go, now if you were talking husband/wife vs friends, that would be a different story.

"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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thegreatBJ


Woman! Not gay Man!
Location: Hull...ish

Total posts: 332
Posted:see my attitude on this is odd.... i think a promise is more important than freinds of a partner, so if I'd made a promise to a friend i wouldn't drop that for my partner and vice versa....

however if a friend did seriously need me (as in has had a breakdown or something cos i have some emotionally unstable friends) I would drop my plans for them... but I'd do that if my partner really needed me...

i guess I work more by how much I'm needed and I guess if someone loves you then you cant be needed more than that


I AM NOT A GAY MAN!

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thegreatBJ


Woman! Not gay Man!
Location: Hull...ish

Total posts: 332
Posted:ohh and I count a proper relationship as one thats with the person you think is/could be "the one"
EDITED_BY: thegreatBJ (1129978753)


I AM NOT A GAY MAN!

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, Unit...

Total posts: 4217
Posted:oooh I have my two cents...
I always fall for people's personalities.
Sometimes I'm drawn to their strength of character, others I sympathise with their weaknesses (which are usually similar to my own.)
If I use looks to base a relationship on I usually scare them off when I come out of my shyness cocoon and turn into a raving lunatic (but hell thats me)
So these days its friends first, partners later, at least then they know all my kooks and know whether i'm battery driven or clockwork (i.e. what makes me tick)


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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plonka63


Member


Total posts: 6
Posted:there is an ancient chinese proverb that when translated into english roughly says it takes100 lifetimes to share a boat but 1000 aeons to share a pillow. which I suppose means you have more of a spirirual connection with a partner. I know many people with whom I would share a boat but only 1 with whom I would share a pillow. Therefore my partner is the most important person to me.Having said that my children always come first

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DragonFury
BRONZE Member since Mar 2005

Draco Iracundia
Location: Adelaide, Australia

Total posts: 784
Posted:I've found that relatioships based on a friendship work better as your have knowledge of the person and know how they are.
I wouldn't be able to vote on either. For me, there is a point where a relatioship becomes strong enough that i put my partner before friends, but i always try and balance it out. There is also the fact that i have only a few good friends who know that i'll be there for them no matter what, even if i spend more time with my partner. Its almost impossible to make everyone happy, but as was said before, compromise.


Do we sleep when we die?

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linden rathen
GOLD Member since Mar 2005

linden rathen

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London, UK

Total posts: 6942
Posted:im with the balance/promise people

if ive promised someone that ill meet them i will - short of something serious

having had a partner whos not part of my group of friends i tried to intergrate the two and i think to an extent this is best

its true that a good partner is someone you can talk to above all else - thats the same as my friends

so to me a partner is 'just' a friend upgraded smile


back

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr, Unit...

Total posts: 4217
Posted:hmmmm I always wondered why they're called "boy"friends and "girl"friends...
ubblol


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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Stig
SILVER Member since Oct 2005

member
Location: Scunthorpe, United Kingdom

Total posts: 110
Posted:WOW im so impressed with the responce! i struggled to get a word out of my mates most of the time (could be due to the fact they are always stoned) usually makes a good convo but this is amazing! thanks everyone

How do paracetamol know where the pain is???

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