Page:
VampyricAcidSILVER Member
1,286 posts
Location: My House, United Kingdom


Posted:
Now we all reamember the horros of the other jokes thread, so lets not repeat that please, keep em clean and nice, but geeky jokes make me laugh and giggle, why cos they're funny and sometiems pretty clever, and a lot of people dont get em, if that makes me a geek then im embrace my geekishness, but i found this and thought i'd share cos its quite funny



Sung to Beatles "Let it Be":



When I find my code in tons of trouble,

Friends and colleagues come to me,

Speaking words of wisdom:

"Write in C."



As the deadline fast approaches,

And bugs are all that I can see,

Somewhere, someone whispers:

"Write in C."



Write in C, write in C,

Write in C, oh, write in C.

LISP is dead and buried,

Write in C.



I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,

For science it worked flawlessly.

Try using it for graphics!

Write in C.



If you've just spent nearly 30 hours

Debugging some assembly,

Soon you will be glad to

Write in C.



Write in C, write in C,

Write in C, yeah, write in C.

Only wimps use BASIC.

Write in C.



Write in C, write in C

Write in C, oh, write in C.

Pascal won't quite cut it.

Write in C.



Guitar Solo



Write in C, write in C,

Write in C, yeah, write in C.

Don't even mention COBOL.

Write in C.



And when the screen is fuzzy,

And the editor is bugging me.

I'm sick of ones and zeros,

Write in C.



A thousand people swear that T.P.

Seven is the one for me.

I hate the word PROCEDURE,



Write in C.

Write in C, write in C,

Write in C, yeah, write in C.

PL1 is 80s,



Write in C.

Write in C, write in C,

Write in C, yeah, write in C.

The government loves ADA,

Write in C.





heeheee

Now remember people, there are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't!

Proudly Owned By The BMVC

Are You Sniffing My Mitten?


yoniGOLD Member
3,099 posts
Location: Bideford and Bath, United Kingdom


Posted:
roses are #0000ff
violets are #ff0000
and all your base are belong to us


(i may have got the first bit slightly wrong haven't used it in ages)

UCOF "evolution: Poi -> stick -> hoops -> Devil Stick -> Juggling club -> Juggling Ball -> crayons."

Supergroovalsticprosifunkstication
In other words, it's the thumps bump


Fine_Rabid_DogInternet Hate Machine
10,530 posts
Location: They seek him here, they seek him there...


Posted:
Written by: yoni


scorates and descarts (sp?) are in a bar socrates say's "another drink" and descarts say's "i think not" then he dissapears




Descartes smile

And thats not a geek joke!

The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."


JonnyRokBRONZE Member
446 posts
Location: Sunny South Africa


Posted:
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When he is done he asks the bartender haow much he owes. The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

cue the groans
biggrin

Do what you want coz a pirate is free,
You are a pirate!
Yo ho fiddle dee dee, being a pirate is alright to be,
Do what you want coz a pirate is free,
You are a pirate!


MiGGOLD Member
3,415 posts
Location: Bogged at CG, Australia


Posted:
theres no place like 127.0.0.1,
theres no place like 127.0.0.1

"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie


HeadSwimGOLD Member
580 posts
Location: at my PC....obviously!, United Kingdom


Posted:
Think you have to be a techie for that one! biggrin I likes it wink

Nothing is easy.......until you can do it! biggrin


Kyrian 4,308 posts
Location: York, England


Posted:
smile

agreed....

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....


yoniGOLD Member
3,099 posts
Location: Bideford and Bath, United Kingdom


Posted:
smile i like that one

i'm glad no one got mine though coos it was a bit too geeky

UCOF "evolution: Poi -> stick -> hoops -> Devil Stick -> Juggling club -> Juggling Ball -> crayons."

Supergroovalsticprosifunkstication
In other words, it's the thumps bump


Tao Star 1,662 posts
Location: Bristol


Posted:
ha ha, yours made me laugh a lot. smile

you got the colours the worng way round though.

I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.


yoniGOLD Member
3,099 posts
Location: Bideford and Bath, United Kingdom


Posted:
dammit, well i did say i hadn't used that in ages

i'm glad someone else here understands "all your base are belong to us"

UCOF "evolution: Poi -> stick -> hoops -> Devil Stick -> Juggling club -> Juggling Ball -> crayons."

Supergroovalsticprosifunkstication
In other words, it's the thumps bump


Lemonkey 1,019 posts
Location: Huddersfield + Hull Uni... UK.


Posted:
Written by: JonnyRok


A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When he is done he asks the bartender haow much he owes. The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."




ubblol :groan:

Willy - is bad for your health...


JonnyRokBRONZE Member
446 posts
Location: Sunny South Africa


Posted:
Thanks for the groan. I was getting sad coz I hadnt gotten one yet tongue

'All your base are belong to us' = classic

Do what you want coz a pirate is free,
You are a pirate!
Yo ho fiddle dee dee, being a pirate is alright to be,
Do what you want coz a pirate is free,
You are a pirate!


Kyrian 4,308 posts
Location: York, England


Posted:
I've heard that about a half a million times, but I'm afraid I don't know what that one means :/

I did wonder if those colours were the wrong way tho, but figured i misremember things a bit!

Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....


MiGGOLD Member
3,415 posts
Location: Bogged at CG, Australia


Posted:
html colour code - #rrggbb each pair goes from 00-ff, representing a range of between 0 and 255. (from memory)

'all your base are belong to us' is from a really old console(i think?) game, made in japan, and really dodgily translated to english. I've got a swf file somewhere here that has it in it. Then it goes into a techno remix ubblol

Windows: A 64-bit revamping of a 32-bit extension and graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition.

"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie


IgirisujinSILVER Member
2,666 posts
Location: Preston, United Kingdom


Posted:
Written by: MiG



Windows: A 64-bit revamping of a 32-bit extension and graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition.




I wanna go back to school and tell that one to my IT teacher mrs ormisher! biggrin

Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?


Lemonkey 1,019 posts
Location: Huddersfield + Hull Uni... UK.


Posted:

Non-Https Image Link

Willy - is bad for your health...


doctor_fandangoGOLD Member
761 posts
Location: in the corner beside the filing cabinets, 2nd floo...


Posted:
You know, great names in science come and go...
but Ampere will always be current!

There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1,

"in most of our friends we're the hippies. but we have hippie friends of our own.. its like a dog having its own pet" - H. Sinoquet 19-03-2005


FoxInDocsSILVER Member
1,848 posts
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia


Posted:
Written by: doctor_fandango


You know, great names in science come and go...
but Ampere will always be current!




*groan*

"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie


JonnyRokBRONZE Member
446 posts
Location: Sunny South Africa


Posted:
*groan* x2 biggrin

Do what you want coz a pirate is free,
You are a pirate!
Yo ho fiddle dee dee, being a pirate is alright to be,
Do what you want coz a pirate is free,
You are a pirate!


thelostSILVER Member
355 posts
Location: Birmingham, Australia


Posted:
Oh my god...I was never very good at physics and stuff and I wouldn't consider myself a geek...but I actually understood some of the jokes?! eek

The horror!!!

and *groan* x3

It's better to burn out than to fade away


VampyricAcidSILVER Member
1,286 posts
Location: My House, United Kingdom


Posted:
https://www.sc-clan.org/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=1712



Fo Shizzle
EDITED_BY: Vampyricacid (1130258058)

Proudly Owned By The BMVC

Are You Sniffing My Mitten?


ImbalanceGOLD Member
not different, just not the same
263 posts
Location: Charlotte, NC, USA


Posted:
aahhhhhhhhhh ha ha ha ha ha. that i like. now theres something inventive.

I once learned every move that there was,
Every style, Every technique.
Then I woke up, and forgot it all,
So now I struggle to dream.


doctor_fandangoGOLD Member
761 posts
Location: in the corner beside the filing cabinets, 2nd floo...


Posted:
just remembered this message ive had a few times.. i love the reasoning of the pc.

*KEYBOARD FAILURE , PRESS ANY KEY TO CONTINUE*



AND THERES A FEW OF THESE FLOATING AROUND IM SURE SOMEONE WILL HAVE MORE FROM WOMEWHERE...

1 million microphones = 1 megaphone

2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds

10 cards = 1 decacards

1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

10 rations = 1 decoration

100 rations = 1 C-ration

10 millipedes = 1 centipede

3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent

2 monograms = 1 diagram

8 nickels = 2 paradigms

2 wharves = 1 paradox

Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram

Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

365.25 days of drinking low calorie beer = 1 Lite year

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon

1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis - 1 hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two jokes - a straight line

1 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

365.25 days = 1 unicycle

52 cards = 1 deckacard

1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 fig Newton

1000 grams of wet socks = 1 literhosen

1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League
EDITED_BY: doctor_fandango (1130426804)

There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1,

"in most of our friends we're the hippies. but we have hippie friends of our own.. its like a dog having its own pet" - H. Sinoquet 19-03-2005


polaritySILVER Member
1,228 posts
Location: on the wrong planet, United Kingdom


Posted:
Jerry Sanders of AMD, Andy Grove of Intel, and Bill Gates were in a high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussions, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Jerry is sitting.
Jerry says, "Oh, thats my emergency beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I really need to take this call." So Jerry lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie.
After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him. Jerry explains, "Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way, I can a take a call anywhere."

Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping.
He also states, "Oh, that is my emergency beeper. Excuse me, gentlemen, this must be an important call." So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air.
When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, "I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth. Isnt that neat?" The others nod, and the meeting continues.

Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Bill emits a thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and says, "Uhh, somebody get me a piece of paper Im receiving a fax."

You aren't thinking or really existing unless you're willing to risk even your own sanity in the judgment of your existence.

Green peppers, lime pickle and whole-grain mustard = best sandwich filling.


linden rathenGOLD Member
6,942 posts
Location: London, UK


Posted:
oh dear ....

back


Fine_Rabid_DogInternet Hate Machine
10,530 posts
Location: They seek him here, they seek him there...


Posted:
Hehehehe....

Thats a good un...

That and the Microsoft word one may actually be the two funny jokes on this entire thread.

Kudos smile

The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."


HavokistBRONZE Member

2,530 posts
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom


Posted:
If at first you don't succeed; call it version 1.0 tongue

We are the music makers, We are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams;
We are the movers and shakers of the world for ever, it seems.


linden rathenGOLD Member
6,942 posts
Location: London, UK


Posted:
lol smile

if at first you dont succeed order another pizza

back


doctor_fandangoGOLD Member
761 posts
Location: in the corner beside the filing cabinets, 2nd floo...


Posted:
if at first you dont succeed , suck something else
*self groan*

There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1, There's no place like 127.0.0.1,

"in most of our friends we're the hippies. but we have hippie friends of our own.. its like a dog having its own pet" - H. Sinoquet 19-03-2005


matt_the_pyro 3 posts

Posted:
Written by: matt


ubblol i got it to

Written by: yoni


ubblol

Written by: Vampyricacid



Now remember people, there are 10 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who don't!




that used to be my sig

i have some good geek jokes but can't remeber many now, i'll be back

for now i science joke


2 hydrogen atoms walk into a bar
1 says "oh no i think i've lost an electron"
the other says "are you sure"
the first say's "yeah i'm positive"

now whats worse the joke or the fact i find it soo funny and understnd it



matt_the_pyro 3 posts

Posted:
Written by: phazza


Let there be DOS
A bit dated now, but still clever in its inception.

In the beginning, there was nothing but Apple. And the PC was without form and void, and the darkness was on the face of its hard drive. And Bill said, Let there be DOS: And there was DOS. And Bill looked upon it, and it was good, and with it the PC slew the Apple. And DOS grew and grew, until its number was legion if you counted the decimal points, and still it was good.

And Bill grew large with ambition, and he decreed there should be a processor of words; and lo, there was Word. And Bill sayeth, Let there be a thingy for the crunching of numbers, and lo, there was Excel, and did his kingdom grow apace.

But there had arisen in the land the thing called Macintosh, sprung from the intransigent Apple-men, and Bill looked upon it, and it was better.

Rapidly did he decree that Word should be made to run upon it, and after that Excel, and then all the other fruits of his efforts, but still he was wrathful.

So Bill did order his minions to come forth with Windows, and when they did, he looked upon it, and it was bad.

So he sent them back to try again, assuring all the world they would get it right this time, yet they did not.

Unrelenting, Bill forced yet a third mighty blow, and when it came forth, Bill did order his trumpets to blow, and his chorus to sing, and his criers to cry, until the din could be heard throughout the land; and when he looked upon this third version of Windows, he saw it was not all that great, but like hotcakes did it sell.

And thus did Bill gloat, for the world proclaimed he had matched the lowly Macintosh, and his praises were sung throughout the land.

And so he ordered another, mightier, more magnificent version made, and his henchmen and henchwomen did labour hard.

Still it was not forthcoming in the year promised, nor the year promised next, and rumours did abound, and magazines did overflow with secret peeks, and columnists did heap their scorn upon it. And came the minions of the Justice Department, bent upon proving Bill monopolous, yet before his wrath did they quail, and proclaim him innocent, mostly.
------------------------------------------------------------
Written by: matt


i yawned so widley i nearly dislocated my jaw
-------------------------------------------------------------

And that which was once called Chicago became known as Windows 95, and the suspense built throughout the land, and Bill, remembering what had gone before, set about building a great Hype.

Into his Hype he put the greatest mouths of the land, and scattered the fruits of his profits so heavily that he bought hosts of angels to sing, and Rolling Stones songs, and trumpets and horns and drums without number. As the time of birthing grew nigh, he purchased television time without end, and appeared thereon himself, and bought entire editions of newspapers to give away unto the faithful, and travelling circuses to visit each great city.

And so when Windows 95 was born did hysteria rule the land, as the choirs sang and the trumpets and horns did blare and the televisions and the newspapers charge their followers to go forth and buy.

Heeding this, the populace did rush to the marketplace at the stroke of midnight, when even the cock doth sleep, and did push and shove and come even to blows the better to secure their own copies lest they be thought ignorant, or uncool, or hamsters in the eyes of Bill.

And Bill looked upon what he had wrought, and he giggled, and rubbeth his hands together, and even in the moment of his triumph, began to think of Next Time.



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