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_Aime_
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings, United Kingdom

Total posts: 4172
Posted:Ok, so I was thinking about this last night...
Are you scared of people you love dying?
At the moment my grandad is very ill, and has been transfered to a hospital in Brighton. He was admitted some time last week after my step-gran thought she could no longer look after him (but thats another story rolleyes)
He has 10% of his kidneys working, and yet none of this bothers me..at all really shrug
He was quite confused after the transfer, and told my 2 uncles that he didn't know what he had done but they had put him in prison for 2 days. I just laughed at that, because it sounds exactly like something my grandad would say ubblol
I've spoken to one of my cousins over msn and she says she been bawling her eyes out, but in reality I can't see what this solves? Ok my grandad is extremely ill, and is probably going to die within the next couple of weeks, he might pull through he might not.
Surely the best thing to do without getting to worked up is to look after him and make sure he has the best quality life if/when he does die?
Its makes me sound like a bit of a harsh b!tch really frown
I've always been brought up, especially from my dads influence that to be worried about something before it happens solves nothing.
We all just need to be happy until the time comes when grandad does die, and when he does I probably will cry loads then, but until then im worrying about how happy and comfortable he is

What are your thoguhts? People have different ways of dealing with death, how do you cope with it?


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Shu
BRONZE Member since Apr 2005

Shu

Retro Fyre Wizzard
Location: Pietermaritzburg (KZN), South ...

Total posts: 538
Posted:hug Sakura_moon hug

Regards hug

Shu
(Ice-E FyreStorm - Group Manager & Performer)

You know those people your parentals warned you about?... I'M ONE OF THEM! ubbloco
Yes, i do bite!!

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Posted:that's a tough break sakura. I lost my father to suicide when i was 12 and it really shattered me. i think the only reason it was so bad for me is because i wasn't really expecting it and when he was gone i was pretty upset.



If i can give you any help on how to handle yourself during this time.....tell him you love him everyday and do what makes you feel right. If he's a special person in your life then maybe you should let him know for your own piece of mind and for his also. I dont doubt that you do this already though.



I hope that you can find peace in what is happening and be able to be mindful of each moment that passes between you and your father. sharing that is something that you'll look upon as being so beautiful and you will have peace in your heart knowing that you've said all you have to say.



having said that... that should really be for everyone we love huh? amazing how fast some things can come and go. goes even faster with your eyes closed too. be open and receptive and just be there for him and i'm sure he'll appreciate it as much as you do. Peace be in your heart biggrin



hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug

EDITED_BY: inspired_by_fire (1115880053)


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Sir Nuggit


Sir Nuggit

....is a liability
Location: playing with traffic

Total posts: 899
Posted:I'm not scared of death itself, only of how I'm going to die - I don't want to die horribly or on my own.

Scared of the big rest? It'll be like a Sunday morning without the hangover and breakfast in bed ubbloco


Pull my pin out, roll me in to a room and see what happens ubbloco

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The Tea Fairy
SILVER Member since Jul 2004

The Tea Fairy

old hand
Location: Behind you...

Total posts: 853
Posted:I'm not afraid of dying myself, seems like a sweet release to me when it comes, but...

I do get really freaked out by the thought of people I love and care for dying, being afraid or in pain, or just not being there any more... the last one's probably more a selfish kind of fear though, more of a 'what will I do without them? How will I cope? What about me?' kind of fear.

The other thing that freaks me out is degenerative diseases like some cancers and neurological conditions, like Hodgkinsons disease, the ones that last for ages and make people less and less independent and able to live like they had before. I work in a Hospice, and I never know how to think or feel when you have a conversation with someone nice and then the next time you see them they can't physically talk any more. That sucks.

hug for all of you who are learning how to cope with these hardships.


Idolized by Aurinoko

Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....

Bob Dylan

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Sir Nuggit


Sir Nuggit

....is a liability
Location: playing with traffic

Total posts: 899
Posted:I really hope things work out for you Sakura.

You may not be able to make your dad better but you can improve his quality of life by being there for him as much as you can (physically and mentally).

Although it is your ol' man who is effected by illness, rememebr that you're not alone. You've got friends, family and even strangers who can help you (even if it's just to listen).

"Without death we would not value life." Possibly the best thing I've heard all day FS.

None of my (or anyone elses) words could possibly hope to console you and I wish good things for you.



Pull my pin out, roll me in to a room and see what happens ubbloco

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The Tea Fairy
SILVER Member since Jul 2004

The Tea Fairy

old hand
Location: Behind you...

Total posts: 853
Posted:I found out this weekend my cousin might have cancer. They've found a growth behind his eye, they'll be operating on him soon.

I still can't think straight about it, trying to keep positive until my family knows what's going on for sure. It sucks. He was teaching me how to surf last winter. He's only 22, he just finished his degree. ubbcrying


Idolized by Aurinoko

Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind....

Bob Dylan

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Skulduggery
GOLD Member since Aug 2004

Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales

Total posts: 8428
Posted:ok I haven't read all this thread so I'm not replying to anyone in particular more just the title.

I'm more scared of living too long rather than dying. What I mean by that is I don't want to go on living just for the sake of it. If I have no quality of life I don't want to carry on. I would hate to be one of those people that needed 24 hour care. I'm too independant for that. I've had an illness that left me all but bed ridden for 2 years but I still had quality of life because I had things to look forward to and there was prospects of me getting better.

If I had an illness where there was no hope and it was all down hill and all that was waiting for me was to be a vegetable I'd like to be able to say enough is enough and be allowed to die in a way of my choosing.

Death is an important stage in life. Without death life has no time scale and no meaning. However long or short a time a person lives does not define the quality of their life or how meaninful they were.


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

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the looney bean


member
Location: halifax uk

Total posts: 45
Posted:i don't fear death , i fear old age

those who are possessed by nothing possess everything

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Cyrus


Cyrus

newbie
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada

Total posts: 9
Posted:Do not fear death, fear dying.
You can make it through this... just be there for him as much as you can... Do not let him dwell on the sorrows of the past but on the good memories of life.


Though I could use many large words to describe our predicament, all I can say is... "We're screwed."

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squarexbear
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

squarexbear

....of doom!
Location: Hastings, UK

Total posts: 585
Posted:i'm far more worried about whats going to happen to me as medicine prolongs my life further than nature intended than i am aout actually dying. same goes for my parents - i'm more worried about something happening to destroy their mobility (which would drive them crazy) than i am about them dying.

we all die. theres not a lot we can do about it (other than being cryogenically frozen for 43205971089175835789369832 years).


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