Forums > Social Chat > Either you're friends or you're not...
Login/Join to ParticipateNYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
I see this often in teaching.
Two kids always choosing to hang out together, always in the same lab groups, always spending every minute in the hallways.... and yet all they do is give the other person crap. Whether it's two guys constantly smacking each other, or two girls constantly putting each other down, or a guy and a girl constantly at odds, every single interaction between them is negative AND YET they insist on being together. When they complain to me "Johnny keeps bothering me" I respond with "You're either friends or you're not, but you can't be both." If they're friends then they work it out and don't whine to me, if they're not, then they shouldn't always chose to be in the same groups and shouldn't hang out with each other.
I know I've fallen into that trap as well. Sometimes it's easy to get addicted to the negative energy. Sometimes it is the only energy we know.
But then, if you're lucky, you break out of this cycle of negativity and competition and embrace hugs, and light, and warmth, and truth. And it feels a whole heck of a lot better. Playing a prank or unleashing the perfect insult feels good for a second, but a hug lasts longer and is honest.
I've committed to nurturing relationships that are centered on the positive. Which is tough for someone as sarcastic as myself sometimes. But I feel that there is a difference between sarcasm and harassment. The former has a substance that is true though sometimes dark, whereas the latter is purely destructive. If a friend says something sarcastic, there is an inner truth and message that can be appreciated. If a friend loses sight of that sarcasm and just starts plotting to piss you off, they've left the arena of friendship.
For those of y'all that have recently directed your energies upon "How can we piss off NYC today" please stop.
Either we're friends or we're not.
But you can't have both.
I see this often in teaching.
Two kids always choosing to hang out together, always in the same lab groups, always spending every minute in the hallways.... and yet all they do is give the other person crap. Whether it's two guys constantly smacking each other, or two girls constantly putting each other down, or a guy and a girl constantly at odds, every single interaction between them is negative AND YET they insist on being together. When they complain to me "Johnny keeps bothering me" I respond with "You're either friends or you're not, but you can't be both." If they're friends then they work it out and don't whine to me, if they're not, then they shouldn't always chose to be in the same groups and shouldn't hang out with each other.
I know I've fallen into that trap as well. Sometimes it's easy to get addicted to the negative energy. Sometimes it is the only energy we know.
But then, if you're lucky, you break out of this cycle of negativity and competition and embrace hugs, and light, and warmth, and truth. And it feels a whole heck of a lot better. Playing a prank or unleashing the perfect insult feels good for a second, but a hug lasts longer and is honest.
I've committed to nurturing relationships that are centered on the positive. Which is tough for someone as sarcastic as myself sometimes. But I feel that there is a difference between sarcasm and harassment. The former has a substance that is true though sometimes dark, whereas the latter is purely destructive. If a friend says something sarcastic, there is an inner truth and message that can be appreciated. If a friend loses sight of that sarcasm and just starts plotting to piss you off, they've left the arena of friendship.
For those of y'all that have recently directed your energies upon "How can we piss off NYC today" please stop.
Either we're friends or we're not.
But you can't have both.
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
SILVER Member
Tantamount to fatuity
15,966 posts
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom
Tantamount to fatuity
15,966 posts
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom
Posted:
wish granted
wish granted
Meh
BRONZE Member
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted:
Awww petal! Come hang out in the "can only take so much crap" room with me! 
I had a bit of a shocker yesterday, which was the result of about 2 months worth of built-up angst from HOP. I had my tantie, asked for some compassion/ respect and now all is well. Similar to what you are doing in this thread.
Much love to you NYC.
flash
PS - I was delighted to FINALLY see what you look like in a pic in pk's gallery!
Awww petal!
Come hang out in the "can only take so much crap" room with me! I had a bit of a shocker yesterday, which was the result of about 2 months worth of built-up angst from HOP. I had my tantie, asked for some compassion/ respect and now all is well. Similar to what you are doing in this thread.
Much love to you NYC.
flash
PS - I was delighted to FINALLY see what you look like in a pic in pk's gallery!
HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.
BRONZE Member
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted:
o - and my apologies for any contribution I made to you feeling a little "picked-on".
o - and my apologies for any contribution I made to you feeling a little "picked-on".
HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.
BRONZE Member
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
3,289 posts
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
3,289 posts
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Posted:
as someone who has never contributed to heaping nastiness on you NYC, I guess I can only say that I appreciate your sarcasm (being a sarcastic bastard myself for a looong time helps tho
) and I hope that the actions of a few wont mess up your whole time. It seems to me that youve hit the nail on the head with the classroom behaviour - but honestly, can you say that it stops there? some ppl never really get to the good stuff.
Josh
as someone who has never contributed to heaping nastiness on you NYC, I guess I can only say that I appreciate your sarcasm (being a sarcastic bastard myself for a looong time helps tho
) and I hope that the actions of a few wont mess up your whole time. It seems to me that youve hit the nail on the head with the classroom behaviour - but honestly, can you say that it stops there? some ppl never really get to the good stuff.Josh
--
Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!
BRONZE Member
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
3,289 posts
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Returning to a unique state of Equilibrium
3,289 posts
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Posted:
PS can someone post a link to flash's tantie thread?
Josh
PS can someone post a link to flash's tantie thread?
Josh
--
Help! My personality got stuck in this signature machine and I cant get it out!
SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,899 posts
Location: Austin, Texas, USA
Posted:
it just means we like you...
it just means we like you...
-v-
Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!
GOLD Member
Pirate Ninja
3,882 posts
Location: Galway/Ireland
Pirate Ninja
3,882 posts
Location: Galway/Ireland
Posted:
i love your sarcasm nyc
its the thoughtful kind
so hugs and sorry for my contributions
i love your sarcasm nyc
its the thoughtful kind
so hugs and sorry for my contributions
Love is the law.
GOLD Member
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
4,437 posts
Location: Staines, United Kingdom
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
4,437 posts
Location: Staines, United Kingdom
Posted:
awww well as far as I'm aware i havent many contributions, but i'll apologise for all those meanies out there!, sorry
awww well as far as I'm aware i havent many contributions, but i'll apologise for all those meanies out there!, sorry
An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind
Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife
"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian
God's illgitament son
1,489 posts
Location: state of confusion
1,489 posts
Location: state of confusion
Posted:
yea NYC im sorry for my part as well wont happen again, i promise
<----bows with respect to th NYC
yea NYC im sorry for my part as well
wont happen again, i promise<----bows with respect to th NYC
You can't avoid pain by fencing yourself from it.
Some times you need the help of others more than anything else
But you have to let them close enough to help......
People want to be needed, I found that out too
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,009 posts
Location: Bristol, UK
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,009 posts
Location: Bristol, UK
Posted:
I know what you mean - years ago a few of my friends got into a cycle of always putting each other down. On the surface it was all just harmless jokes, but in reality it got to people. I really enjoy the occasional sarcastic quip, but there's no reason why jokes need to be at someone's expense. There's a false lift insecure people get from putting other people down - when everyone has thier own ladder to climb.
I came to the conclusion that this kind of behaviour is not only negative and harmful, but really lazy. It's very easy to make a joke at someone else's expense, but hard for most to truly say something positive and worth saying. Quite often people who sound overly negative are labelled pretentious and worse (for example Glittergirl's choice to be positive when under attack really seemed to get at some people).
So, I try to be original and not lazy. It's hard work, but I'm not here for only a few short years to be slack.
I know what you mean - years ago a few of my friends got into a cycle of always putting each other down. On the surface it was all just harmless jokes, but in reality it got to people. I really enjoy the occasional sarcastic quip, but there's no reason why jokes need to be at someone's expense. There's a false lift insecure people get from putting other people down - when everyone has thier own ladder to climb.
I came to the conclusion that this kind of behaviour is not only negative and harmful, but really lazy. It's very easy to make a joke at someone else's expense, but hard for most to truly say something positive and worth saying. Quite often people who sound overly negative are labelled pretentious and worse (for example Glittergirl's choice to be positive when under attack really seemed to get at some people).
So, I try to be original and not lazy. It's hard work, but I'm not here for only a few short years to be slack.
enthusiast
456 posts
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA
456 posts
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA
Posted:
As for the kids, I know boys bond that way - competing, putting each other down, smacking. I sympathize with your annoyance about this, however.
As for HOP, I hope I haven't ever been a party to the "piss off NYC today" thing. Anything I've said has been teasing, meant good-naturedly, and I hope taken that way. If not, or if I've crossed the line at any point, please let me know here or by private message. Sorry in advance if that's the case.
But anyway, I choose "we're friends."
As for the kids, I know boys bond that way - competing, putting each other down, smacking. I sympathize with your annoyance about this, however.
As for HOP, I hope I haven't ever been a party to the "piss off NYC today" thing. Anything I've said has been teasing, meant good-naturedly, and I hope taken that way. If not, or if I've crossed the line at any point, please let me know here or by private message. Sorry in advance if that's the case.
But anyway, I choose "we're friends."
"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
BUMP.
Two months later.
Wish still not granted.
BUMP.
Two months later.
Wish still not granted.
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
BRONZE Member
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Sporadically Prodigal
2,758 posts
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted:
Do the two of you need a mediator or something?
Are we finally going to have to enforce some rules of interaction between the two of you so that you don't even have the opportunity to aggravate each other lest you get banned? This has gone on long enough, and it makes me sick to the stomach to see two valuable members of our community disrespecting each other.
Please contact me if you would like to take the matter further. Otherwise, be nice to each other, or, ignore each other entirely.
No more pot-shots. I mean it.
Do the two of you need a mediator or something?
Are we finally going to have to enforce some rules of interaction between the two of you so that you don't even have the opportunity to aggravate each other lest you get banned? This has gone on long enough, and it makes me sick to the stomach to see two valuable members of our community disrespecting each other.
Please contact me if you would like to take the matter further. Otherwise, be nice to each other, or, ignore each other entirely.
No more pot-shots. I mean it.
HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.
BRONZE Member
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
the henna lady
6,193 posts
Location: WNY, USA
Posted:
Okay, so I am not as active as in the past and have no clue but I will say this....
You're sarcastic NYC? Hmph, I must have missed it in my sarcasm
Why post this here? Why not come for help to us if it involved HoP?
Anyway, it sounds like the same thing I tell my son all the time when he fights with his "friends", but I also point out it is two way street (which I know you know, NYC, I am just saying...)
Hope all works out and in the end, we're here to help.
Hugs and love!
Okay, so I am not as active as in the past and have no clue but I will say this....
You're sarcastic NYC? Hmph, I must have missed it in my sarcasm
Why post this here? Why not come for help to us if it involved HoP?
Anyway, it sounds like the same thing I tell my son all the time when he fights with his "friends", but I also point out it is two way street (which I know you know, NYC, I am just saying...)
Hope all works out and in the end, we're here to help.
Hugs and love!
Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK
BRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
.... im sending you a hug.
.... im sending you a hug.
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
Wow, I'm flattered by all the Mod attention.
I'm confused cuz I think that this PALES in comparison with some of the other things that have happened on HoP without response.
But I guess when you're dealing with such HoP celebrities as Cantus and me, you'd expect a larger law enforcement and paparazzi presence.
The situation is not out of control, thanks, and we've taken it to PM since my attempts to resolve it in public have not been sucessful. I only had to bump this up to get the URL as I couldn't get it while doing a search.
Thank you for your intimidatingly overwhelming moderator and administrative concern.
Written by: flash fire
Do the two of you need a mediator or something?
Are we finally going to have to enforce some rules of interaction between the two of you so that you don't even have the opportunity to aggravate each other lest you get banned? This has gone on long enough, and it makes me sick to the stomach to see two valuable members of our community disrespecting each other.
Please contact me if you would like to take the matter further. Otherwise, be nice to each other, or, ignore each other entirely.
No more pot-shots. I mean it.
Wow, I'm flattered by all the Mod attention.
I'm confused cuz I think that this PALES in comparison with some of the other things that have happened on HoP without response.
But I guess when you're dealing with such HoP celebrities as Cantus and me, you'd expect a larger law enforcement and paparazzi presence.
The situation is not out of control, thanks, and we've taken it to PM since my attempts to resolve it in public have not been sucessful. I only had to bump this up to get the URL as I couldn't get it while doing a search.
Thank you for your intimidatingly overwhelming moderator and administrative concern.
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
AnonymousPLATINUM Member
Posted:
Written by: NYC
Thank you for your intimidatingly overwhelming moderator and administrative concern.
BRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
in who's eyes?
Written by: NYC
But I guess when you're dealing with such HoP celebrities as Cantus and me, you'd expect a larger law enforcement and paparazzi presence.
in who's eyes?
BRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,136 posts
Location: Warwickshire, United Kingdom
Carpal \'Tunnel
3,136 posts
Location: Warwickshire, United Kingdom
Posted:
I don't normally make smilie only posts, but here's 2, just for you:
I don't normally make smilie only posts, but here's 2, just for you:
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
I'm clueless. This doesn't have anything to do with me, does it?
I sure hope not. I mean, yes I make sure I remind NYC that he's a mediocre, second-rate version of me all the time, but I don't mean it in a nasty way. I just need to remind him of the truth.
(Luv ya, bro
)
I'm clueless. This doesn't have anything to do with me, does it?
I sure hope not. I mean, yes I make sure I remind NYC that he's a mediocre, second-rate version of me all the time, but I don't mean it in a nasty way. I just need to remind him of the truth.
(Luv ya, bro
) -Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
Except for the fact that I'M NOT GAY.
(Not that there's anything WRONG with that. )
And no Mr. Vain, this song is not about you.
Except for the fact that I'M NOT GAY.
(Not that there's anything WRONG with that.
)And no Mr. Vain, this song is not about you.
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
BRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
not aimed at me is that?... you do remember my log in name here on hop totally different to the displayed one.
Written by: NYC
And no Mr. Vain, this song is not about you.
not aimed at me is that?... you do remember my log in name here on hop
totally different to the displayed one. NYC
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
9,232 posts
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Posted:
Oh my gosh you guys are too much.
My reference was to the Carly Simon song:
"You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you."
But I do find it humorous and ironic that you thought it was about you.
No, I'm not talking about you PK. I'm not talking about Lightning. My reference was to Cantus. But don't worry, we've taken it to PM of sorts. I won't bog down the boards again.
I've never in my entire life gotten this much attention over anything. Not when I had knee surgery. Not when I broke my collar bone. Not when I graduated college, twice. For the past 4 weeks, I've had a really bad cough and nobody even offered a lozenge.
But Cantus goes and gets me in a tizzy and I'm getting bouquets of flowers from around the world. I've never gotten so many PMs and emails and IMs from Mods, Admins, Friends and People I've Never Met or spoken to in my life.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN AND SUPPORT. I AM OK. I will try my best not to start any further conversations on this matter and will keep my responses brief. I will notify the administration if I need any further assistance or support.
Thank you for your all of your overwhelming concern and support,
NYC
Oh my gosh you guys are too much.
My reference was to the Carly Simon song:
"You're so vain, you probably think this song is about you."
But I do find it humorous and ironic that you thought it was about you.
No, I'm not talking about you PK. I'm not talking about Lightning. My reference was to Cantus. But don't worry, we've taken it to PM of sorts. I won't bog down the boards again.
I've never in my entire life gotten this much attention over anything. Not when I had knee surgery. Not when I broke my collar bone. Not when I graduated college, twice. For the past 4 weeks, I've had a really bad cough and nobody even offered a lozenge.
But Cantus goes and gets me in a tizzy and I'm getting bouquets of flowers from around the world. I've never gotten so many PMs and emails and IMs from Mods, Admins, Friends and People I've Never Met or spoken to in my life.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONCERN AND SUPPORT. I AM OK. I will try my best not to start any further conversations on this matter and will keep my responses brief. I will notify the administration if I need any further assistance or support.
Thank you for your all of your overwhelming concern and support,
NYC
Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]
GOLD Member
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
HOP Mad Doctor
13,925 posts
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Posted:
Like I said: A mediocre, second-rate version of me.
Yes, and an extra helping of abuse from me. See? I do love ya, amigo. (Don't worry...not that way. )
(It's love. It's love lost, but it's love nonetheless. )
Written by: NYC
Except for the fact that I'M NOT GAY.
Like I said: A mediocre, second-rate version of me.
Written by: NYC
But Cantus goes and gets me in a tizzy and I'm getting bouquets of flowers from around the world. I've never gotten so many PMs and emails and IMs from Mods, Admins, Friends and People I've Never Met or spoken to in my life.
Yes, and an extra helping of abuse from me. See? I do love ya, amigo.
(Don't worry...not that way. )(It's love. It's love lost, but it's love nonetheless.
) -Mike
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella
A buckuht n a hooze! -Valura
BRONZE Member
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Lambretta Fanatic
4,997 posts
Location: United Kingdom
Posted:
good because i dont like being talked about.
Written by: NYC
No, I'm not talking about you PK.
good because i dont like being talked about.
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