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Forums > Social Discussion > What makes you hate someone?

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MiG
GOLD Member since Apr 2004

MiG

Self-Flagellation Expert
Location: Bogged at CG, Australia

Total posts: 3415
Posted:I know hate is a strong word, and i dont like using it much. anywho

I had a bit of an altercation with a guy at work today, and it's got me thinking. what causes someone to dislike/hate someone else?

sure there's the 'i hate them cos they're a (whatever)', but the specifics is what gets me. what makes them a (whatever)?

Me, i think there is a range of tolerances. if someone is too similar to you, you wont get along, like me and my father, on occasion. sometimes we are both too stubborn about something, we're both right, and we wont back down. this, usually, ends in some form of conflict/argument/whatever. i know why it happens, i know when its happening, and im sure he does too, but neither of us will back down.

There's also one thats too different. this, too, causes conflict, and usually seems like its the most often experienced. whether it is actually what is happening, or because we dont like thinking of ourselves as being the same as the one we're fighting with is another matter. but someone who adamantly claims that red is faster having a talk with someone who knows blue is faster will sometimes/often lead to conflict of some sort.

There are exceptions to those two, of course, in that a mate will often be either very similar, or very different, but thats half the fun, innit?

I dunno what im trying to say here. i'll come back one day and articulate further, but any comments/discussion in the meantime would rock smile


"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

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stickman


World Champ Procrastinator
Location: ||...lost...||

Total posts: 580
Posted:i cant say that i honestly hate anyone.. sur i say all the time "i hate that person because of bla" but i never mean it in the literal context
one thing i cant stand tho (no offense mig) is when a person isnt open for other ppls opinions.. when they think their opinion is correct and no one elses.. its not just stubbornness. it goes beyond that.. its more the idea of not willing to listen to other ppls thoughts or points of view..


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Rovo
GOLD Member since Jul 2003

Rovo

(the person actually known as Chris Bailey)
Location: Austin, TX, USA

Total posts: 544
Posted:Yeah I agree with you 100% stickman. I can't stand people who won't listen to your opinion and just assume they are right. The biggest problem I have is when I know I'm right about something but a person tells me I'm wrong and won't even give me a chance to tell them why I say these are the facts.It just gets me so mad. I can't help it. If they at least listened to what I had to say I wouldn't care. Oh and am I allowed to hate the guy that when I was spinning fire last night stood a few feet in front of me saying (in thug speak) "Yo, show me something I havn't seen son. Naw, come on boi show me something." He swore he's seen people spin dozens of times because of his stupid gangsta idea of having to keep a rep. Needless to say the people who I wanted to spin for got to see me spin. Then I left cause another requiremnt of being a homie to these guys is hitting on people's girlfriends so I went back to my friends apartment with a few cool friends and called it a night.

Peace, Love, Circles

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Lillie Frog


Lillie Frog

not a stranger
Location: wales

Total posts: 558
Posted:What I really, really hate is when I know 100% that I am right and some fool is telling me that I am wrong.
I hate that.

Mind you, I hate it even more when it turns out that I was wrong, and they were right.
That really does my head in. biggrin


Eat when you're hungry
Sleep where it's dry
No one is ever what they seem
Gabriel King - The Wild Road

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Astar


member
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada.

Total posts: 1591
Posted:I generally hate people who remind me of myself, or remind me of experiences I really don't like.

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Hanz


Hanz

veteran
Location: Bendigo, Vic, Australia

Total posts: 1328
Posted:I try not to use the word Hate... it is way too strong.

But I tend dislike people who are mean for no reason, pick fights over everything for no reason and things like that.
However, I usually dont hold grudges, so I usually go back to liking the person, until the next time they do something that isnt fair/nice.


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myco
BRONZE Member since Nov 2004

myco


Location: melbourne, victoria, australia

Total posts: 2084
Posted:I think Astar is right. I came to the conclusion recently that things that I hated about other people were things that I hated about myself. Things about me that I'm ashamed of. I hate the fact that those qualities/habits are a part of who I am, but it can be less damaging to my self concept to focus on how much I despise those things in others.

This deosn't necessarily need to be things that actually are part of who I am, but also things I'm fearful of becoming.

Maybe this is emotionally immature, I'm not sure, but it has options: by getting to a point of acceptance of these traits, or stopping them (if it's something damaging/unhealthy), that may mean that I'm less triggered by other peoples behaviour.

Not sure if this makes sense to anyone else, but this is what I find to be true for me.


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Eera
BRONZE Member since May 2003

old hand
Location: In a test pit, Mackay, Austral...

Total posts: 1107
Posted:I don't really hate, either. I get irrational dislikes for some people, I blame it on them having a dark aura, or something.

Constant negativity will stop me talking to someone; my best friend for nearly 10 years exhausted me with his "you can't do that because..." attitude. I no longer talk to him, I don't need the aggro.

I do hold grudges though. I seriously wish I could let stuff go but I've never been able to.


There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.

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_Aime_
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings, United Kingdom

Total posts: 4172
Posted:Written by: Hanz

But I tend dislike people who are mean for no reason, pick fights over everything for no reason and things like that.
However, I usually dont hold grudges, so I usually go back to liking the person, until the next time they do something that isnt fair/nice.


Im the same.
I know I hate some people, but i can't really say who umm not sure how to explain it.


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Konsti


Konsti

lovable smart-ass
Location: vineyards, Vienna, Austria

Total posts: 785
Posted:i must say that i have no problem with hate.
its an emotion/ feeling whatever you want to call it, and if it comes up i see no reason why you should subdue it.

example: some bloody nazi b@startds, beat the crap out of a kid cos he has dreads, baggie clothing, and is "on their turf".
i see no reason why i shouldnt hate them.

A cop is picking on me cos i look foreign, calling me a monkey, even tho i havent done anything out of order.
I will most definetly hate him....


"is optimism in austria just a lack of information?"
-Alfred Dorfer

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)

Total posts: 5967
Posted:I find hate much too draining - kinda like love, but without the good bits.

There's a couple of people in this world who I would probably be justified in hating - but I don't (much to the surprise and concern of friends and family smile ), simply because I feel if I focus so much energy on hating that person then they are taking more from me.

Sometimes I turn alot of feelings of negativity for others back on myself - which is an incredibly bad idea, but someday I'll get that one sorted (all thoughts and advice on a postcard please biggrin)

I go through periods of disliking people, but that tends to fade if I put myself in their position and try to imagine the situation from their point of view... most of the time I can understand why that person has done what they have - and when you understand it, it's harder to hate/dislike them for it.


Getting to the other side smile

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stickman


World Champ Procrastinator
Location: ||...lost...||

Total posts: 580
Posted:Written by: the badger with a troubled past and nothing left to lose /Konsti


example: some bloody nazi b@startds, beat the crap out of a kid cos he has dreads, baggie clothing, and is "on their turf".
i see no reason why i shouldnt hate them.

A cop is picking on me cos i look foreign, calling me a monkey, even tho i havent done anything out of order.
I will most definetly hate him....



word b..
i agree with that, if someone is blind enough to hate other for what they are, and not for what they have done, then i begin to hate them too. as they say with such good intention in holland "ik ben tegen zinloos geweld" meaning "i am against pointless violence"


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Klowny
BRONZE Member since Nov 2004

Klowny

Disco Inferno
Location: Remote Western Australia Karra...

Total posts: 160
Posted:I think it comes down to emotional empathy you can feel certain emotions from the way you read actions and things like that, also, how you have been brought up, may affect how you react to the way some people act and such, you might feel hatred against them because you have been brought up to dislike what a said person may do. i dont know whether that makes much sense, but i heard it. hate is not an emotion many people are willing to express because it is very dangerous. funny isnt it? emotions being considered dangerous, but really its not so much the emotion thats dangerous but what it can lead people that feel it to do.

"Only fools are positive! are you sure? Im POSITIVE"

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Stone
GOLD Member since Jun 2001

Stream Entrant
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 2830
Posted:Ok MiG,

Ive have a go at this, because its an important issue.

Ive been at the receiving end of a lot of hate recently, and I could not understand why, and I was stressing. I suppose the first rule is not to blame yourself, and second is talk to friends/family. Talking to friends really helped me.

Some possible causes:

First, it could be caused by Bullying. Dont laugh, Bullying is more common than you think, and it is a serious offence. In Australia, there have been a number of laws introduced recently to reduce work place bullying.

This is a great resource on Bullying from James Cook University.

Second, it could be caused by a Psychiatric Disorder of which there are many. In my situation, the hate was caused by what they call a Partial Personality Disorders or Borderline Personality Disorder.

Borderline personality disorder is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. People often have highly unstable patterns of social relationships. While they can develop intense but stormy attachments, their attitudes towards family, friends, and loved ones may suddenly shift from idealization (great admiration and love) to devaluation (intense anger and dislike) and hate.

Ok, hope that helps

smile


If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Thich Nhat Hanh

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Looper
GOLD Member since Feb 2004

Looper

grasshopper in training
Location: , Australia

Total posts: 124
Posted:Written by:
This is a great resource on Bullying from James Cook University.



Harrah! Thats where i work biggrin


There is a world made of air, one of earth and one of water.
And there is one made of fire, and all of them fight for supremacy. They are fighting now, in my head.

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Stone
GOLD Member since Jun 2001

Stream Entrant
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 2830
Posted:cool

If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Thich Nhat Hanh

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MiG
GOLD Member since Apr 2004

MiG

Self-Flagellation Expert
Location: Bogged at CG, Australia

Total posts: 3415
Posted:i know there are lots of laws, and bylaws, and rules, and social conditions, and all that crap with bullying. undergone a workplace induction recently?

*insert cheesy shot of guy in suit downplaying some guy in shorts and a t-sirts' office skills, then a voice over saying 'sure, tim may not have any computer skills, can't even turn one on, but to tell him that to his face is bullying, which is an offence that can lead to burning at the stake'. cut to scene with suit guy hanging by his toenails getting beaten with pine cones*

but yeah, i know bullying sux0rs. been there, been picked on because my last name was that of a car company which wasnt australian owned, built, manufactured, sold, cleaned and scrapped. it sucks.

yes, this is supposed to be a serious discussion, and im being nothing but a smartass at the moment, but thats me. prolly half the reason i got bullied at school.

anyway, the question i was raising was not so much why people hate people, but why you might hate someone, say at work, or at school, or at wherever.


"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

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nearly_all_gone
SILVER Member since Aug 2004

nearly_all_gone

Pooh-Bah
Location: Southampton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1626
Posted:I think the two are linked though. I think that most balanced, straight-up people don't hate anyone, because I think hate comes from insecurities. And I'll admit there are a few people in this world who I blind hate. I don't think the problem's with them (although they do have their own problems) but within me. I think you will grow to hate someone who makes you insecure or plays (preys) upon one of your insecurities to the extent at which you don't feel you can be around them any more.

I think that's my idea of everyday hatred. I think there are other kinds which are never usually reached.. like when someone murders or rapes someone you love. I would have an exceptional hatred of that person.


What a wonderful miracle if only we could look through each other's eyes for an instant.
Thoreau

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MiG
GOLD Member since Apr 2004

MiG

Self-Flagellation Expert
Location: Bogged at CG, Australia

Total posts: 3415
Posted:ahh. i always used to love asking people 'what is it in you that makes you feel that you need to better your own opinion of yourself by attempting to lower my own opinion of me?'. which would usually lead to me being hit by a bloke with a confused expression.

"beg beg grovel beg grovel"
"master"
--FSA

"There was an arse there, i couldn't help myself"
--Rougie

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Stone
GOLD Member since Jun 2001

Stream Entrant
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 2830
Posted:MiG, I think its a bit more complicated than some cheesy TV ads wink Have a look at the link.

I agree with, and think that, in many situations, the hate can be traced to insecurity.

nearly_all_gone , I would suggest that if there are a few people in this world who you hate blindly, that the problem may be with them. Dont blame your self. Like you say I think you will grow to hate someone who makes you insecure or plays (preys) upon one of your insecurities to the extent at which you don't feel you can be around them any more.

MiG, if you are into asking people what is it in you that makes you feel that you need to better your own opinion of yourself by attempting to lower my own opinion of me and are tired of getting punched up. The try reading the Celestine Philosophy by James Redfield. Yeah, the book is a bit of a miss-mash of ideas, but it does have a few thoughts on why and how other people steal your energy etc.


smile


If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Thich Nhat Hanh

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