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Forums > Social Chat > Handling homophobia in society

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Mand
SILVER Member since Oct 2003

Mand

Keeper of the Spitfire
Location: Calgary Canada

Total posts: 2317
Posted:This isnt another thread about the rights and wrongs of homophobia. Somehow I dont think the mods would be too happy with me for that. wink

This is a thread about how to face societys perception with regards to homosexuals.
I guess Im looking for people advise on how to handle things, and to hear the experiences of others.

Last night just wont leave me alone.
Spitfire and I went to ikea, to get stuff for our room. We were having fun, wandering through and deciding everything we wanted in our house when we get our own place. It really brought home the fact that Kim and I will eventually have our own place to live together. That reminded me how happy I am, and how lucky I am, and we were both walking along with big smiles on our faces. biggrin
We werent obviously being a couple- we werent holding hands, didnt have our arms round each other, or anything like that. We dont particularly do that in public- not in Texas anyway!
So we were walking along, and had a group of black women and kids behind us. We barely noticed them until we heard the comment
You come here, and you run into all the goddam lesbians!

Kim stopped.
I stopped, turned around, and glared straight at the woman behind me who had made the comment.
She stuck her head down, and they walked off.

I have a very fiery temper. I can control it quite well, but it was hard not to say some derogatory comment to this woman, especially as the abuse was coming from someone in another minority group.
Now, its quite easy to recognize the fact that Kim and I are lesbians. We do look like the stereotypes, and both have short spiky hair. So we understand that this isnt going to be a one off incident.

So does anyone have any advice on how to handle situations like this?
I dont want to just pretend I havent heard them, as this kind of gives off the image that its ok to give homosexual people this kind of abuse. But on the other hand, I dont want to get into a full blown argument (or worse) over it.
Im just confused as to what to do. confused frown


Lets steal a spaceship and head for the sun, and shoot the stars with a lemonade ray gun.

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SpitFire
GOLD Member since Dec 2002

Mand's Girl....and The Not So Shy One
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada

Total posts: 2723
Posted:awww, thanks Staelyn. hug

I've been lucky not to have faced violent or scary situations, but I've had friends who weren't so lucky.
There are times when you have a choice and can walk away, or kill them with courtesy, as Xopher said....then there are times when you can't walk away....can't do much of anything, and it's times like these that are scary. I think survival instinct kicks in then...


Solitude sometimes speaks to you, and you should listen.

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Xopher (aka Mr. Clean)


enthusiast
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA

Total posts: 456
Posted:If you can't kill them with courtesy, just kill them.

Er, I mean, respond with the minimal amount of force needed to get out of danger, of course. If it's a choice between your health and safety and theirs, yours wins, but this is rarely the case IME.


"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations

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SpitFire
GOLD Member since Dec 2002

Mand's Girl....and The Not So Shy One
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada

Total posts: 2723
Posted:Indeed, Xopher. Wise words.

Solitude sometimes speaks to you, and you should listen.

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weeleigh


weeleigh

look a rainbow!
Location: Waterford, CT

Total posts: 237
Posted:Yeah, I have to say, I haven't really been in any scary situations either. Even bringing her to both of my proms, noone said anything. Well, not that I could hear, which means that if they said anything which I couldn't hear, they're just spineless and need to sound cool in front of their friends. But even then, it doesn't matter, because we had a great time (in all there were 5 gay couples there, i think) and looked awesome. *wishes she had uploaded a picture on her computer*

"Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."

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Xopher (aka Mr. Clean)


enthusiast
Location: Hoboken, New Jersey, USA

Total posts: 456
Posted:Times sure have changed since I was in HS. The prom? HAH! If anyone had suspected that two girls or two boys were "more than friends," they would have been beaten in the hallways. They certainly wouldn't have been permitted to attend Prom as a couple. Probably their parents would have sent one of them to military school.

It wasn't 'til several years after I graduated that Aaron Fricke successfully sued to bring his BF to the prom. He claimed later that guys were dancing with guys and girls with girls all night.


"If you didn't like something the first time, the cud won't be any good either." --Elsie the Cow, Ruminations

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SpitFire
GOLD Member since Dec 2002

Mand's Girl....and The Not So Shy One
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada

Total posts: 2723
Posted:No kidding! Mind you, I didn't come out until after high school...though I probably would have come out sooner if the atmosphere would have been more like it is today.

As it was, I came out at 21....it took a while for me to accept it within myself. I thought about it in high school, but wasn't enough of my own person to really think it through, and figure out that part of me.

Things ARE different now. Better in some ways, not in others. Though...that Gay marriage is even being discussed in the political forum is a VERY good thing. It's out for public debate...while it may take time, change will happen.

This is where I'd say patience is a virtue, but I just want to find the putz who came up with that cliche and throttle him. Patience? What Patience.

wink


Solitude sometimes speaks to you, and you should listen.

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weeleigh


weeleigh

look a rainbow!
Location: Waterford, CT

Total posts: 237
Posted:Yeah, I guess things have changed, but that's also not true everywhere. My school is pretty ok about stuff like that. We do still have a few censored who try to act all tough. Actually, we had a kid who tried to beat up one of my friends cause he was skipping down the hallway. Now, this kid isn't even gay, the other kid just had to act like he was a "real" man. Stupid stuff like that.

But actually, my best friend and I both came out around the same time (which we both found really weird, cause we'd both been keeping it from the other one cause we weren't sure how they'd feel about it). And once we did, we had all sorts of people either come out to us, or just come up to talk to us about how they weren't sure and all sorts of stuff like that. It was kinda weird, it was like we'd opened the door. They didn't necessarily tell anyone except us, but it was like we'd made it ok to think about it.

I dunno... it was just kinda cool to feel like we made some sort of difference, even if it was just helping a dozen people figure out how they really felt, whether they decided that they were or weren't.

We also had a lot of people come up and tell us that they were really happy for us, and they thought that it was great that we weren't afraid of just being ourselves and all that.


"Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."

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