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Forums > Social Chat > Surely other people get this too....

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Kenshin


member
Location: UK

Total posts: 26
Posted:Someone please tell me I'm not the only person in the world who trips over his tongue whenever he tries to talk to someone he likes, or just completely fails to talk to them at all. It seems that that's always the way it happens, and I'm getting pretty damn sick of it.

Someone's having a bonfire party on the 1st of November, so I'll test out the powers of fire for getting members of the opposite sex to notice you then... Here's hoping.

*Kenshin/Rob*


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Mot


addict
Location: Netherlands

Total posts: 666
Posted:yup I think every one has that or....

Thinking that you've just come up with a really funny comment, blurting it out and realising that it was just plain ignorant

Life can so turn around and kick you in the nuts sometimes


Come forth and thou shalt win enternal happiness. but he came fifth so he won an electric toatser.

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Narr


Narr

(*) (*) .. for the gnor ;)
Location: sitting on the step

Total posts: 2568
Posted:well at least you try talking to them...i cant seem to get anything to come out my mouth, except dribble..which isnt so attractive

she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*

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Necrus


Necrus

member
Location: Greece/Athens

Total posts: 113
Posted:Surely you re not the only one living this out. . . it's certainly annoying that feeling of wanting to say something(smth good!)when talking(or trying to talk)to somebody you like,for both sexes for sure.
Next time you encounter this sight of yours,try to be cool and most of all be yourself!!!
Do your best in this party and may the force be with you !
Farewell thee and keep thou self on fire


Metal Rulezzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!!

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Dom
BRONZE Member since Dec 2001

Dom

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Bristol, UK

Total posts: 3009
Posted:
Yep, this is pretty common. I'm guessing either you say nothing, or you make an idiot of yourself. There's a few people here who'd atest to my patheticness.

You've got to just think "f*ck it" and go for it, guns blazing. It's better to at least try than to dwell on what might have been.


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vanize
SILVER Member since Aug 2001

vanize

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas

Total posts: 3899
Posted:And to Second what Dom said:

"It is better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't."

Not sure that is always true, but it applies in this case (I think...)


-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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Flipmodius


member
Location: Halifax, N.S

Total posts: 103
Posted:see i can't talk till spoken to.but after that it is easy. the hardest part is starting and not screwing up.don't wait for them to talk to you most the time i find that will never happen. just dive in. what is the worst that can happen. if you answer that i am sure i can give a better example from first hand experinces. thats right i am joe cool till then she sends my head a .

some will understand. -buddah

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Flipmodius


member
Location: Halifax, N.S

Total posts: 103
Posted:and after that i am

some will understand. -buddah

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:I know I'm lucky. I'm sure I can thank my circumstances growing up, but I don't have that 'stage fright' gene. I talk for a living. Unscripted, in front of some of the most critical people in the planet (teenagers)... and once you mess up a few times you realize that it's not so bad...

I also did theater in High School which really helped me, I think. I remember when I was 14 I had a stupid little part and was really nervous... to when I was 18 and was one of the leads which left me on the stage for the whole show. I also MCed talent shows (trying to entertain a theater full of drunk seniors while the bands fixed technical problems certainly was trial by fire)...

I think that translated to comfort in all speaking areas. Including with women. I'm not bragging by anymeans. I can NOT walk into a bar and pick up a woman. Nor can I 'get the digits' of a woman sitting next to me on a train.

But then I think, "Do I really want the kind of woman who would fall for me from a cheezy pick up line?" Doesn't sound like the women I'd want to date anyway. It may sound like sour grapes, but I think it's true.

If you speak from your heart, and she doesn't respond, then you probably don't want her.

The whole "Be yourself" hype does have some truth. If you are yourself, you will only find women that are right for you. It may be depressing at first... but honestly, having women flocking all around you that you have no interest in isn't fun eiher. Flattering, perhaps, but not any more satisfying in the long run.

So be yourself. And talk. And force yourself to say SOMETHING.

Oh... and one more piece of advice that I learned at the EJC 'flirting' workshop which I found valuable: If you want to keep a conversation going, avoid 'yes or no' questions. Ask questions that will allow them to talk more.... and ask follow up questions to you.

It sounds slimy to have strategies for conversation, but sometimes they work to break the ice.

If she's got a cute scarf...
"That's a nice scarf"
"Thank you"
[conversaton over]

"Hey, I like your scarf, where did you get it"
[Conversation just beginning]

Honestly, I use this strategy in non-pick up areas more often. Like when I want to chat with some of my really quiet students before class starts...

"How was your weekend?" will 100% of the time with a really quiet kid solicit "fine"...

"What did you do this weekend" usually gets the kid who's voice I'd never heard to chat... then, later in the class, when it comes to "how many protons are in Argon"... lo and behold the hand goes up.

God this post was long. Sorry. As you can see... I'm a talker.


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Eera


old hand
Location: In a test pit, Mackay

Total posts: 1107
Posted:Another good tip is to try and think of five questions you'd like to be asked ("can I sit on your face for a while" unfortunately does not count) and then ask them. And don't try too hard, it'll come.

There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.

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Kenshin


member
Location: UK

Total posts: 26
Posted:Thanks for all the sympathy, peeps. Means a lot to me . This is the advice that I need to take on board, and never do ^_^ I just have that "stage fright gene" (Thanks for the phrase, NYC), and hate it utterly. Actually that's a lie... I don't really have the stage fright gene when I'm talking to a group of people.. just when I want to talk to someone I really like when there's too many damn people around.

Vanize, that is my new favourite quote in the world . I'd rather regret blurting out compliments and getting rejected than never talking to the girl. I've been the non-talky route before and it just kills you. Anyhow, I'll be happy for a few days, since I just got my first university offer today ^_^ Hooray for the university of Hull!


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Mr Hands


member
Location: Cardiffy, Londony places

Total posts: 64
Posted:Hey you've got it lucky, by the time I'm talking to anyone who I'm remotely interested in I'm already thinkeing about what is likely to be said when it all goes sour... I also find more fruitful relationships with people who I've been friends with first, kind of a growing thing. The biggest problem I have with this (and I have it right now) is that they sometimes go and get found by shallow smooth talkers who don't happen to be you. On another note, you'd be surprised how much a complete stranger will let you get away with if you say craziness to them. I mean its quite easy to know when someone is taking a genuine interest in talking to you and when they're just passing the time of day, so I guess the lessson would be: don't be a chaser, be a getter... if there are such things and stuff and such... Don't worry about what you say, thats there job, worry about what they say, don't get interested in a psychopath, its not a nice expierence...

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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane

Total posts: 3044
Posted:you could just go for the quiet and mysterious persona..... apparently some are attracted to that sort of person...

"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:you're a step beyond me! i dont even talk to people i find attactive! im far too shy!

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Charles
BRONZE Member since Jun 2001

Charles

Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
Location: Auckland

Total posts: 3989
Posted:I hve no problem talking to people I like...what I used to do though, which I even did with my beautiful wife when i first met her, was be such a nice charming NAG that they end up being friends before you get ask them out, by which time it takes a lot of extra effort ot get out of the 'friend' pidgeon hole and back into the other one!

(I know i know friends first is good, but not when they go out with someone else while you are still working up to ask them).

Interesting to note, I've had no problems at all asking out people I was sexually attracted to, but the ones who you though might be a life partner, that's a whole different story...


HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

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Djnn


member
Location: flames of the netherlands

Total posts: 79
Posted:just talk to the fire
she hot
and she'll never turn you down
for a good spin around the block


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The_Pirate_Dyke_Boy


The_Pirate_Dyke_Boy

HOP Lord of the Pirate Admiralty
Location: Canterbury, UK

Total posts: 1079
Posted:just gotta jabber at them o-largely-pole'd one.
smile at yourself before you walk over also helps, dunno why. Just grin from ear to ear, roll your shouders and the "what the ****"

DONT say to ur self "you can do this..." for me its like shooting your foot.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS EMBARESMENT TO A LOGICAL MIND, which you hav my seriously shlik samurai friend.

GO GET LAID!


D.B.
X x X x X

Ship off the starboard! sound general quarters! noise and light discipline! man the cannons! GET ME THE RUM!

Master of the Free Hug Program

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Fitria


member
Location: Australia

Total posts: 97
Posted:I have a similar problem...I speak a couple of different languages...whenever I see someone I like and try to talk to them I end up speaking the wrong language and looking like the complete moron that I am!!!

Hehe...it is very embarressing.



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telic


I don't want a title.


Total posts: 940
Posted:But Fitria, foreign languages are generally considered sexy.

More generally... just try to remember that if saying whatever pops into your head doesn't work, it's probably best that you not end up with the person. Better to hook up with someone who enjoys those weird ramblings that pop out instinctively. So, relax. ^^


E pluribus unum, baby.

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Fitria


member
Location: Australia

Total posts: 97
Posted:quote:Originally posted by regyt:
But Fitria, foreign languages are generally considered sexy.
I would say that too but I speak Arabic and Indonesian...trust me they are so far from romantic it is not funny....

(No offence to anyone of Arabic or Indonesia descent!!!)

If only I could speak French or Spanish *sigh*


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SlightlySinged
GOLD Member since Jun 2003

member
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 82
Posted:I don't have much trouble speaking with girls and I'm STILL not getting laid by anyone I'm attracted to. I'm about ready to give the whole damn thing up. Well, almost. If only I was gay - life would be so much simpler grrr... Speaking with girls is one thing, but there seems to be this whole rule set that they follow instinctively, to the point that none of my female friends can fully articulate what they actually are. A couple of my friends who are gay ask and get asked for sex, and they usually get it. It's the life-partner side that's harder in the gay world, though... My 2 cents

I do poi nearly every day. But it's not like I'm addicted or anything. I mean, sure, I am always conscious of exactly where my poi are at all times, but I'm not obsessed. um.. Anyone have the number for Poi-ers Anon?

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Kenshin


member
Location: UK

Total posts: 26
Posted:quote:Originally posted by regyt:
More generally... just try to remember that if saying whatever pops into your head doesn't work, it's probably best that you not end up with the person. Better to hook up with someone who enjoys those weird ramblings that pop out instinctively. So, relax. ^^ Aha, but I am ze king of weird ramblings ^_^

And... interesting perspective, SlightlySinged...


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ben-ja-men
GOLD Member since Jun 2003

ben-ja-men

just lost .... evil init
Location: Adelaide

Total posts: 2474
Posted:quote: A couple of my friends who are gay ask and get asked for sex, and they usually get it. thats cos they understand how the male mind work, having to try and figure out the female mind ...... that makes astrophysics look like finger painting

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?

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kristiboy
SILVER Member since Aug 2002

member
Location: Christchurch

Total posts: 23
Posted:The key is to not take yourself seriously...if stupid inane dribble comes out of your gob...then be honest about it. Laugh and tell them that they are the reason your talking complete and utter s**t. They will probably like your honesty and at the very least be flattered.

If you talk you can sing. If you walk you can dance.

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bender
GOLD Member since Nov 2001

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 6979
Posted:plz don't place too much need on scoring. some of the happiest moments in life are the ones free of pleasing anyone - even yourself. well, that's what i fink at least..

Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

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Forau


member
Location: EIndhoven, Holland

Total posts: 81
Posted:Hey! I know your problem, but it takes a while before it changes.

Personally I was a bit of a wallflower too, never really talked to someone "of the other sexes" and in a group not really talking with the rest.

But **** that!
You are interesting, you do fire arts! FIRE ARTS!
The most dangerous(that's what they'll think) possible form of entertainment possible.
You rock!

Just try to keep in mind that you are interesting, you are cool and people love to talk to you, the only thing you need to do is talk back to them. Just do small talk.
Talk about things that are of their interest, look interested.

Because, when they do the talking you don't have to talk, and they love an interested listening man. Just don't act like you want to get in their pants. Act like a good (girl)friend, and when they start to like you you can go further.


But for now on, know you are interesting, sexy, have a huge dick(even if you don't have one), and above all are the most interesting person in the room.
And smile, smile a lot even if there is nothing to smile to(no it does not look stupid).

Go! You are the man.
Maybe not all of my tips are usefull, but keep in mind that you must love your self a lot to love an other.


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Dentrassi
GOLD Member since Apr 2003

Dentrassi

ZORT!
Location: Brisbane

Total posts: 3044
Posted:fire stuff does attract people - even when just talking about it....

introduce it subtly like "when i was coming back from fire twirling the other night...." [then moving on to the humour witty story you have up your sleeve]

the only other solution is to talk to people you dont like.


"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

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Flipmodius


member
Location: Halifax, N.S

Total posts: 103
Posted:when buddah was told that no one would understand something that couldn't be said. he replied and i quote"some will understand" what this ment is that not every one would understand him. but those who did were what made him happy. so rember this no matter what the situation when it involves others "some will understand" when you find those that do understand they will mean the world to you. I hope you "understand" what iam trying to get across.

some will understand. -buddah

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