Ash Blackstarmember
177 posts
Location: San Antonio, Texas, USA

Warning, I am about to go on a rant, with a little bit of despairing.

I have the absolute worst luck with guys. My first, and so far only boyfriend, was a guy I met on AOL. He turned out to be scumbucket.

The next guy I had an interest in, seemed to show an interest in me, but then when comparing things to chocolate said of my brother "Maxim Tasty, Tasty Chocolate"

The latest guy that I am interested in, got a girlfriend. He stopped emailing me, broke several promises, and even though they have broken up, he still won't email me, unless I send him sixteen emails at a time, and then he replies with these short terse letters that hold nothing of friendship, or even tolerance in them. I've only sent him the sixteen emails at one time because I really really needed to talk to him, and then when I reply to his reply, he doesn't even bother to answer my question.

To top it all off, about six months ago he asked me if I had a good reason not to date him. I was hoping he would ask me out, so I said no, I didn't have a good reason, and then he goes and gets this new girlfriend of his.

I don't know what to do. Every guy but the latest has turned out to be a scuzbucket, and now I'm starting to rethink my earlier oppinion of him. Its really starting to get to me when a bunch of ten year olds look at me like some sort of freak because I've never been kissed, never been on a date, nevee had a real boyfriend (The one doesn't really count, I never actually met him face to face), and never had sex. What the HELL is a ten year old looking at me like that for about the sex thing.

I don't get why guys only thionk of me as a potential sex toy, a little sister, or some kind of weird freak. Its so frustrating.
Last night I ended up in tears because of this. Its drivin up the wall, and I'm sick of it.

Please forgive my ranting, its just so annoying and frustrating to be the only seventeen year old I know that has never been kissed or had a boyfriend.


Ash Blackstar

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, But Whips and Chains excite me"
"Only way to deal with Drama, heavy weaponry and a strong does of grow the Hell up"

"I reject your reality and substitute my own" Adam Savage - Mythbusters

FireMikeZLaguna dude
1,438 posts
Location: Laguna, California, US

MSN News today Halloween Thursday Oct 31, 2002

Why is she dating Mr. Mean?

By MP Dunleavey

Dear MP,

I need your help. I have been dating this guy for year, and he is starting to become very mean. He is hanging out with a girl who broke us up in the past, and still wants to date him! He won't tell her to get lost. It hurts. I love him, but should I let him go?

Dear Ms. In Love,

I can't tell you how many letters I get like yours. Do these complaints sound familiar?

1. My boyfriend of five months says he really loves me, but he says he doesn't want to answer to anyone. He stands me up all the time, makes plans and then doesn't show up, and doesn't even call to cancel."

2. I am in a two-year relationship and I wonder if it's healthy. He is often rude and implies that I am stupid. There are plenty of times though, when he is very sweet and loving."

And I get many, many more that revolve around the same "he hurts me, but I love him" theme.

Your first step: Stop telling yourself you love him.

I was listening to a friend of mine recently as she spelled out all the lowdown, inconsiderate, selfish things her boyfriend had done lately, like blowing off their dates or going on a business trip which he "forgot" to tell her about. She didn't try to excuse or rationalize his bad behavior, which we all do sometimes, ("Oh, he's tired." "He didn't mean it to sound that way.") Instead, she said, "But I love him and I know he loves me. So we'll figure it out." As though a) that made sense and b) that made it all better.

At first I wanted to scream and bang my head on the table. But then it struck me that I was witnessing a phenomenon that affects many women, when we inadvertently use that big word, LOVE, as the instrument of our denial.

Not that love doesn't have problems, or require faith and persistence to work out those problems. And not to say that people in love are never mean to each other (ha!). But when the lack of consideration or the rudeness or, yes, the meanness is a recurring event, you have to stop and ask: What are the feelings at work here?

You acknowledge that your boyfriend is being mean lately. You go on to describe (convincingly, I might add) just how mean he is. But then you try to gloss over that by saying "…but I love him." Do you? Or do you just feel a tumult of feelings -- attachment, fury, betrayal, yearning -- that stir up so much heat that you don't know what else to call it but love?

Too many of us use the word love when we shouldn't. Not that you aren't feeling something powerful -- just don't call it love. Love implies not only devotion and loyalty, but also a deep and abiding mutual respect. Maybe the trouble starts when we go into love-conquers-all mode. As though love should be enough to right the wrongs, if we just hang in there. Or maybe it starts when we try to sweep a partner's bad behavior under the big, fluffy rug of love, instead of standing up for ourselves.

You don't need my advice. You know what's going on, and I think you know damn well what to do. Your boyfriend is being mean to you. He is. Tell him so, and tell him he can't treat you that way. If Mr. Messin' Around doesn't grasp the error of his ways, along with the fact that you deserve to be cherished instead of taken for granted, hand him his car keys and tell him to get lost.

molten cheers,

~ FireMike (personal messages welcome, no promo spam, please!)
Laguna, California, US

queen of wandsmember
127 posts
Location: Melbourne

Cool Ash!

Here, have a tim tam!


I'm not vegetarian, but currently I'm off my chops!

SmallBoy - xCarpal \'Tunnel
2,737 posts
Location: London

Get y'all vibrators for your birthdays if u want -

At least the only problems they'll give u is running out of batteries, ( and not making the coffee, not working for a living, not being able to put up a shelf, not considering your feelings, forgetting your anniversaries, not being able to give you a hug etc etc... - lol)

Small Lardy Person In Disguise

Ash Blackstarmember
177 posts
Location: San Antonio, Texas, USA

You guys are so wonderful. Life is so much better. I just got an email from my best friend, who happens to also know the latest interest. According to her, I'm not the only one that us asking her about him. According to her, he's pushing his friends away, hanging out with some really unsavory characters, arguing with his mom (Which until he got his girlfriend he hadn't done), calling certain other friends of mine bad things with no apparent reason, and acting really coldly towards both herself and me. I've decided that he is not worth my time, or emotional breakdown, and I'm not going to worry about him anymore. I won't email him unless he emails me first, and I will not talk to him unless he approaches me. Thank you so much for your wonderful insights and excellent advice. My world view is much clearer now.
My eternal thanks, and Love to all

By the way, what do ya'll think of my new signature?


Ash Blackstar

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, But Whips and Chains excite me"
"Only way to deal with Drama, heavy weaponry and a strong does of grow the Hell up"

"I reject your reality and substitute my own" Adam Savage - Mythbusters

queen of wandsmember
127 posts
Location: Melbourne

Quite sexy!

Good on you ashia, lose the zero and get urself a hero!

I'm not vegetarian, but currently I'm off my chops!

tjoniBRONZE Member
116 posts
Location: Freemantle, Western Australia

Ashia hon, if I were into girls I'm sure I'd love to be on the other end of your whip!!...but as I'm not I'll just give you big ies and wish you well!! Please don't rush into anything with anyone just because you think at a certain age you should have done certain things. I played up when I was very young because I thought it was cool and I totally lost my self respect. If anyone bugs you because your still 'pure', they're probably just jealous that they've messed up and you haven't. Remember, you will only ever have one first kiss, and you will remember it for the rest of your life. Make it worth remembering.XXOO

I'm out of my mind...but you can leave a message

If you remain calm while all around you is collapsing...possibly you are missing something

107 posts
Location: San Antonio, TX

i love a girl who can knife fight. my new bro in here, trintek, does too - all his crew do, absolutely including women, in San Antonio TX, and are very cool -- though also hotheaded & really do get into scrapes.
hey man, i resemble that remark Think of it this way, I gave up on trying to change for people, trying to mold myself into what they wanted. In the process i ended up totally disillusioned with people in general, and with relationships specifically. It was the best thing that could've happened to me.

Starting logging back onto the comp and just looking for some people to chill with and go clubbing with, etc.. that led me to dez and michael.. Michael is cool as hell, he's a kid stuck in a 21 yr old body, real sweetheart... and dez.. well, dez and i are now happily married so, sometimes the best thing to do is just to stop chasing and stop looking..

Be yourself, never chase after anyone, they should be the ones to chase after you I ended up becoming pretty good friends with dez , that turned into a relationship thats lasted her longer than most, and now... well, i'm happy, she's happy, would be nice to see her a lil more often though need to rebuild that motorcycle sometime...

If you want to meet some new people sometime, get in touch with me. SOA practices all the time, Heirophant has practices whenever i can get everyone together. The rest of the time I am usually hanging with the guys from fangs etc or nephilim netwerk, so... i can most likely get you in with a group that you'll at least enjoy, and maybe meet a new interest through

We bleed the same blood, We cry the same tears, We have the same fears, We pass the same years, We see the same stars, Under the same skies, We pass the same time, We all live and die

89 posts
Location: Guelph, Ontario, Camerica

love is not the only goal in life.
you don't need to meet someone.

you shouldn't waste so much time on the matter. if something happens, it was meant to. if it doesn't, then it doesn't. there are many better ways to spend yer time.

i'm 17 and i've done the whole dating, sleeping with and everything else, bit. and you know what i came out of it with? experience. and not just sexual and relationship. but it was all a learning experience.
and what i've learned is that it's a waste of time. so what if you're alone? is it the end of the world? *checks* nope

i don't date by choice. there's just so much in life i wanna do. not to mention each day.
dating is unnecessary drama

but, that's just me. (and i wish everyone else)
if yer gonna still do it, don't rush it.
and go for girls... they're nicer, softer, more caring and considerate...all round better i'd say
*sigh* i miss girls


1 post

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4 posts

Thank you for sharing!

gaetangenesseSILVER Member
1 post
Location: Canada

This was posted 18 years ago.... Anyway, I felt the same way for years. My main focus was chasing after girls in life and it never worked out until I moved to Toronto and it did. There was a mess up with cultural differences because I came from Montreal. I'm not sure how it happened but it didn't feel right. I am 35 years old and still looking because those experiences where not good. So I guess I can't say that I'm a virgin anymore but the whole thing was traumatic. I felt that I was doing it with the wrong person at the wrong time like a prostitute where my feelings were not envolved. Anyway my therapist as well as words of wisdom told me to stop being so desperate. So now I focus on what I decide and is accessible for me to do without chasing. Also we are only here for a limited time and relationships and pleasures don't last.


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