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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Well, the Boards went OK, I think.

So after Boards I went to the hospital to visit my father, who has been in, but who I was unable to visit because of my studies. When I got there, I examined him. I opened his eyes to look for anything. His pupils were constricted and he wasn't looking anywhere. He was essentially in a coma with the respirator in his mouth.

His pneumonia wasn't improving, his mental status was...well, he was unconscious and even as they decreased the sedatives, he didn't seem to be improving.

So my mother and sister approached me and asked me to consent to following his Living Will, which was to stop support if he became vegetative like that. I agreed that it was time to pull the plug.

I held his hand as they removed the ventilator. Other than a little cough (which they told me was a reflex), he didn't respond, but I sobbed and I never cry. The doctor didn't know what to say. It's the hardest thing I have ever done or ever hope to do. I can't even describe the desperate horror that I felt while they were extubating him. I felt like I was killing him, my own father! But I grew up a lot in those few moments.

That feeling has passed once I saw him later that evening, all meds removed but a morphine drip, and breathing quietly (not even snoring).

He died the next morning with all of us by his side at 9:09 AM. He was 81.

Hell of a way to finish Boards, huh?

I'm doing well today. The family is on edge and there have been some snaps, but all in all, I have had a wonderful day.

I think I caught my father's spirit yesterday afternoon after he died. I saw him walk into my room, aged about 25, dressed in his Navy uniform, and grinning at me. I've been grinning ever since, even when I cry.

Love you all,


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Kittytheravequeen
member
Location: down the bottom of the garden,...
Member Since: 8th Oct 2002
Total posts: 285
Posted:oh my gosh mike im so sorry, i dont even know you but thats one of the saddst things ive heard, you were very brave following your dads wishes

i'll draw you a picture ill draw it with a twist ill draw it with a razorblade ill draw it on my wrist and if i do it right a red fountain will appear washing away my sorrow washing away my fear

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bender
still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Member Since: 14th Nov 2001
Total posts: 6979
Posted:wow dude, that's astoundingly rough.
my thoughts qare wif you, matey.


Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Well, I have the speech written for his funeral. It's a funny speech with a few anecdotes about happy times we had together. It ends with a note about how he didn't want me to be sad when he died.

I'm finishing by saying that we aren't mourning his death because he died peacefully in bed with his family around him. Instead, we are mourning for a future in which our lives will no longer feel his touch. You feel sadness when someone who has touched your life in a positive way dies.

So I hope that people will be sad when I die, just how I'm sad that my father is dead.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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poiaholic22
member

Member Since: 22nd Dec 2002
Total posts: 531
Posted:"Even in the greatest darkness light can still shine, for the strength and will of the heart shall always endure"

My condolences to you and your family.Though you may be encumbered by grief at this tough time always cherish all the things that made him such an important person in your life.



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Kali
member
Location: Berlin, Germany
Member Since: 29th Apr 2002
Total posts: 577
Posted:Mike, I know you'll live through this with all the grace and beauty that you handle everything in life. Nonetheless, I wanted to offer you all the support and hugs that you need.


Beauty is the conscious sum of all our perversions.-Salvador DaliHope without action is hopeless.

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:The funeral was today. My speech went over beautifully. I was a bit upset because the Navy went first (my dad was a Retired Officer) and they played Taps and presented my mother with a flag. I choked up in the service and I had three minutes to pull myself back together and dry my eyes, but I made it and people were talking about my speech all afternoon.

But my family went into this nuclear meltdown because my mom went psycho in the middle of the wake.

I have never eaten so much FOOD! I won't eat for a week!

It's funny, with all these people all over the place who I'd never meet introducing themselves to me and offering condolences, and all the small talk and the party atmosphere to the whole thing (I saw oooold friends that I hadn't seen in YEARS...I had fun!). But oh my lord am I tired. This is supposed to comfort you, but it's such a stress!

Tonight, I took a few "inebriants" and sat down to watch Star Wars II. I'm on vacation for the next days before school starts.

My dad is dead. Long live Dad!

[ 25. June 2003, 14:56: Message edited by: /Lightning\ ]


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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Charles
Charles

Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
Location: Auckland
Member Since: 27th Jun 2001
Total posts: 3989
Posted:Mike...Words don't really cut it at this stage aye? Good to see you have the right attitude about it.

My dad died in a car crash when i was 14, so I know some of what its like, but there;s no way anyone but you will know how you feel except you.

Thinking of you.


HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

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Nephtys
Nephtys

resident fridge magnet
Location: Utrecht, The Netherlands
Member Since: 3rd Oct 2002
Total posts: 835
Posted:Take care Mike

Charlotte


everyone's unique except me

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dirty beaner
member
Location: US
Member Since: 23rd Apr 2003
Total posts: 26
Posted:hey mike. sorry to hear about your father. I know there isn't anything much people can say or do to make you feel better. I lost my dad when i was 10 (about 7 years ago)... so all i can say to you is hang in there.. be stong.. and take care of your mom and sister(just like i had to)

i am the gin of gunga din. went to a show with-a gunga din... so early in the morning.

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Narr
Narr

(*) (*) .. for the gnor ;)
Location: sitting on the step
Member Since: 15th Apr 2003
Total posts: 2568
Posted:mike my heart and biggest tightest huggs go out to you
at the moment i am going through a similar experience, my gran is very ill and theres nothing else the doctors can do, so its all a case of waiting which is very hard and emotionally exhusting. but i found this the other day flicking through books in the library, and insead of crying it warmed me and made me smile, hope it does the same for you

Life Unbroken by Harry Scott-Holland

Death is nothing at all...
I have only slipped away into the next room,
I am I and you are you...
Whatever we were to eachother, that we are still.
Why should i be out of mind because i am out of sight?,
I am waiting for you for an interval,
somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well.



she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*

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Dr.NoodleHead
member
Location: The Giant Mushroom
Member Since: 22nd Mar 2001
Total posts: 170
Posted:Mike, you have a truly noble spirit. I hope I can find the same strength and compassion that you've shown when the time comes for my folks to go.

Massive hugz


Fish are just like trees except they move and they're invisible

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Doc Lightning
Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA
Member Since: 28th May 2001
Total posts: 13920
Posted:Gosh...it's been over a year now.

In that year, I've seen so many things. I've seen babies born and I've seen families sit by their dying fathers, grandfathers, and husbands, just as we sat by ours. I've seen the heights of exultation and the depths of despair.

I've learned so much and yet I have so much to learn. I've experienced heartbreak and hope, anguish and joy.

But I am still moving forward, with my head held high, a spring in my step, and every day, a new appreciation for life. The future is bright!

Life is sweet. ubblove


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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meep
....
Location: Midlands - nr cov
Member Since: 23rd Jul 2004
Total posts: 344
Posted:The future is orange? *smiles*

It's great that you're moving forwards. It sounds like you've had a lot to deal with this past year or so, and you *have* dealt with it.

Go Mike! beerchug


"But what would you do with a brain if you had one?"

Dorothy Gale

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