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Icarus
GOLD Member since Sep 2003

member


Total posts: 165
Posted:Been in one for a while now. Feels much more normal then I thought... certainly all the advantages and disadvantages I am sure you can imagine. I value the opinions/friendships on here, so thought I would share for a few reasons...

I just read an old post about a relationship i was in and found it interesting to have it documented/remember it being theraputic

it is good to get it out there... think outside the square and all that...

Wondering if how common it is?

advise... opinions... viewpoints are invited. I have started telling friends etc and will probably tell my parents soon... you is all my guinea pigs (albiet open-minded ones)

Soooo... background? They have been together a long time... since they were teenagers. It is my first time in a relationship >1 person. Loving a lot of it. The openness... constantly pushing boundaries, playing with expectations, nothing is taboo and there is enphasis on supporting individual evolution... its an amazingly beautiful, trusting, intense partnership.

Not all roses, of course. Some issues with me not sharing as much as I might in a one-on-one. They live together, and are almost one in my head sometimes... which is weird. Very individual, different souls, but I am in a relationship with one organism, if that makes sense.

Realised that I am holding something back because I don't feel like I am the top priority in there lives (they are each others)... so am (until recently, unconciously) unwilling to open everything to them. Until I realised I was doing this, I didn't think I needed to be 'top priority' in anyones life. I still think it is ego-fed and am working through this. I have so much in this situation... have come closer to saying that 'l' word to these two souls then I have to any individual. Making me re-examine everything and almost press a 'reset' on everything I had come to expect/believe was important in relationships... ask myself how much of what I was looking for was conditioned by what others were after/thought they were after and do some searchin on what is important to me.

Or I could just be rebelling and trying not to turn into my parents... this has also occured to me laugh3

So... hit me, if you like, with your opinions, experiences, thoughts, questions...

'eaps of love
x


... simplify ...

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:OK, if I might ask, what sex are all of you? And what gender?

-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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bender
GOLD Member since Nov 2001

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 6979
Posted:too much for my brain - brave of u to do it mate.

Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

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willworkforfoodjnr
SILVER Member since Aug 2007

willworkforfoodjnr

Hunting robot foxes
Location: Huddersfield, West Yorkshire

Total posts: 1046
Posted:A bit more background on the specifics of your situation (how long have you known them, the sexes of everyone involved, each persons previous orientation, how this situation came to be) would definitely be useful. But I'm pretty sure that one thing you can be certain of is that you'll learn a lot about yourself through this experience.

Good on you for not being afraid to get yourself into a situation that must have been scary at first!


Working hard to be a wandering hippie layabout. Ten years down, five to go!

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bender
GOLD Member since Nov 2001

still can't believe it's not butter
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 6979
Posted:dooooood! Icarus is already sharing much more than i ever would on a public forum

Laugh Often, Smile Much, Post lolcats Always

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natasqi


natasqi

addict
Location: Perth

Total posts: 489
Posted:Sounds awesome! Very socially challenging of you!

I think most people are way too conditioned to even contemplate it. Now how to convince my partner...


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Icarus
GOLD Member since Sep 2003

member


Total posts: 165
Posted:Grrr... just did a quick reply but it all disapeared!? Will try to repeat.

I love your question doc... gigglin at it since it is somethin we spend a lot of time discussing...
two chick-chickens and a rooster. I sometimes balk at putting the sex thing out there because it is such a cliche that it sometimes turns into an assumption of some prolonged male fantasy which we (the women) just submit to... yeah, right smile

Gender is more fluid and something I think all three of us enjoy playing with. In fact our interest in genderplay/f*** might be one of the reasons it works... balances... but in day-to-day the chickens generally stay chickens and the rooster stays that way.

Bender, you are right. It can be hard. It can involve a lot of sensitivity and balance. Particularely at the beginning I was constantly worried about everyone elses jealousies/issues/motivations. It can be exhausting to make sure no one ever feels left out.

It is easier now. We trust each other. You begin something like this not sure about motives and I would imagine they felt the same way. I imagine for them it would have been worse... they had much more to lose.

And we talk now. If one of us feels left out/feels like alone time... we are all pretty good at speaking up... trusting that we will be okay...

We have no rules. No boundaries. It is committed in the sense we expect it to be long-term and it is sexually committed within the relationship. Beyond that... anything goes... anything is possible and supported. There is no ownership over each others time/bodies/minds.

I don't know if it could have worked if there were rules. Not in this... not for me.

And I guess i should also say that in the beginning it was important that each 'pair' within the three had time alone... that was particularly important to me... coming into the situation meant I often felt like I was 'public speaking'... now anything goes but at first I found it much easier to 'find my voice' one-on-one.

It also bears mentioning that I find it difficult to 'speak for them'. While many of the things we have discussed... they have the right to put it in their own words/change their minds etc. So I can give you my opinion on stuff... but it is part of the whole mind-frame of this relationship to not assume, i guess. Ooooh! This paragraph so sounds like lawyer speak!

willworkforfoodjnr
I have known them for about a year now... actually met on a similar forum and sent emails for a long time which gradually built in intensity. Physically... about six months. Its been a pretty intense year... much communication and growth squeezed into that time. It was actually an amazing way to meet someone... particularly when we were contemplating an 'unusual situation'. Allows you to get lots of stuff on the table. We did send several jokes about being huge hairy men with macaroni stuck in our chest hair... and then it was such a relief that we were all normal-lookin that all the other initial-attraction issues took care of themselves smile

Previous oriantation. I would say we were all bi/bicurious/ambi.... choose the label that means the least to you, please?! And then assume it means nothing. I am reluctant to speak for t'other two, but my orientation has never been boxed...

Gigglin at the use of 'useful'.

Now... go forth and 'make use' of this information! smile

Seriously... thankyou for your understanding and curiousity.

x


... simplify ...

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Icarus
GOLD Member since Sep 2003

member


Total posts: 165
Posted:If it helps, let him/her know I highly recommend it wink
good luuuuuuckk!
x


... simplify ...

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Jareth
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

Jareth

Fire Arts Dabbler
Location: Netherlands, Brabant, Uden

Total posts: 37
Posted:First of all, I think its brave of you to speak this. But you've gotten that comment already and I don't want to press the issue too much.

I think it's great that you can be in a relationship like the one you discribe. I think you really do learn a lot about yourself that way, and in expecting a long term situation I make up from your words that you know it can work out.

Personaly, I don't know if I could be in a similar situation. The thought of it brings up mixed feelings. On the one hand, I would like the experience. On the other, I don't know if I could handle the situation.

I wish you lots of love, and hope my words hold some value to you.


Real name: Sjors
Gender: Male
Age: Almost 22
Location: Uden, the Netherlands (when not on the road)
Disciplines: (Fire)Poi, Firebreathing, Diabolo
Learning: Staff

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Icarus
GOLD Member since Sep 2003

member


Total posts: 165
Posted:They do.
And thank you... blessings, buddy
x


... simplify ...

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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:Hey Icarus, forgive me that I'm still confused about the constellation (ffm, mmf, mmm or fff) but in the end it doesn't matter really.

Any relationship lives from sharing, honesty and being open to each other, shared interests and activities. There are some traditional reasons, why it usually is a fm, one-on-one relationship, but this is meaningless when it comes to the individual approach.

My advice: enjoy. May it be for life or just a phase, simply enjoy it as much as you can and as long as it lasts. Don't listen to discouragement and that sorts, there is usually a lot of negativity (and projection) involved.

Therefore not sure how open I would treat this to my family, or conservative people. After all it's nobodies business and I don't feel that I got something to prove or rebel against. If I would feel the need to prove or rebel, I would review my motifs being in this relationship, because (to me) one has nothing to do with the other).

Again: enjoy it as much as you can, as long as it lasts - maybe it's forever, who knows?

grouphug


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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willworkforfoodjnr
SILVER Member since Aug 2007

willworkforfoodjnr

Hunting robot foxes
Location: Huddersfield, West Yorkshire

Total posts: 1046
Posted:It really sounds like you have put a lot of thought and effort into this and that is really what matters here. In knowing yourself you know that your situation works. Keep listening to your inner voice and keep keeping it separate from your inner ego and you can't go wrong.

Good luck and good love mate grin


Working hard to be a wandering hippie layabout. Ten years down, five to go!

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natasqi


natasqi

addict
Location: Perth

Total posts: 489
Posted:Quote:I sometimes balk at putting the sex thing out there because it is such a cliche that it sometimes turns into an assumption of some prolonged male fantasy which we (the women) just submit to... yeah, right smile

Yeah, I dislike this too. I always called myself pansexual because I just refuse boxes, but practically I have always played straight.

I don't like the assumption that a GGB treesome is always male initiated and is male-orientated. I have lots of things on my sexual to-do list, and i'm really glad to hear that this kind of relationship does work!


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FireTom


Stargazer


Total posts: 6650
Posted:"pansexual" umm The symbol alone seems complicated enough.... wink

Are we caught up in clichs...? Who claims that GGB scenarios are just male initiated/ orientated - I'd even say vice versa.


the best smiles are the ones you lead to wink

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