Pele
Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA
Member Since: 15th Dec 2000
Total posts: 6193
Posted:Yesterday, over a sad circumstance, a friend from years ago reconnected with me.

This is someone whom I used to be very close to, and we drifted apart.

Now...have you ever been friends with someone who simply does not progress in their life? Literally, nothing ever changes? The complaints are always the same, the joys are very limited and they make no attempt at progress? Yet, they are content to simply maintain and not be proactive in their own lives to make them better. A person who is perfectly okay with riding along on someone else's coat tail?

This is that person.
I've always loved this person however the pressure of "carrying" her was waaaaaay too much for me.

I was contacted for a specific reason after years, not to reconnect or anything but of course...catching up happens.

And in the time we have not spoken I have really worked hard in my life to be successful and happy.
So she proceeded to say a number of things in an attempt to make me feel guilty for being successful and happy, without her in my life and moreso because she is not. She even went so far as to say that I didn't really deserve the happiness I get from my son because he was an "accident".

WTF?!?!?

Are some people simply incapable of being happy? A friend is doing a paper on it believing that it is literally a psychosis that some people are incapable of it.

And I refuse to feel guilty for enjoying the benefits of all I worked for.
I am hurt that someone would want that of me, but not enough for it to carry over...just enough for me to vent.

So...thanks for letting me. wink


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Rozi
100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 11th Jan 2002
Total posts: 2996
Posted:smile

Not much to say, babe, cos you seem to be in a pretty mature headspace about it. You are understanding that what she is saying is not the truth, and may be motivated by other things entirely.

You are coming here to vent, and then will happily go on with your life. hug

Good on you.


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...

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Prometheus
Prometheus

Diamond In The Rough
Location: Richmond, Virginia
Member Since: 30th Jun 2002
Total posts: 459
Posted:Everyone has the capacity for happiness. Not everyone knows the path to achieving it.

I've known people who think the way to happiness is through attention and sympathy, and so they put Eeyore to shame with all their lamenting and misery and complaining and stagnation. They are reliant on others for their emotional well-being. Often this doomed premise is coupled with the lack of creativity or imagination, such that they don't envision a better future for themselves.

Give them a polite amount of sympathy, but no more. And DO NOT allow them to send you on a guilt trip.


Dance like it hurts; Love like you need money; Work like someone is watching.

Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you DO criticize them, you are a mile away, and you have their shoes.

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted: Written by: Pele


Are some people simply incapable of being happy?



Not only is the answer "Yes"... but the answer is "Yes, and that's why we need to be careful about whom we give permission to affect our lives."


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Kyrian
Dreamer
Location: York, England
Member Since: 15th Mar 2002
Total posts: 4308
Posted: Written by: NYC


 Written by: Pele


Are some people simply incapable of being happy?



Not only is the answer "Yes"... but the answer is "Yes, and that's why we need to be careful about whom we give permission to affect our lives."



A-censored-men.

I think I've learned this lesson very harshly recently. And I still havn't learned it perfectly. But. Its a good lesson!


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Stone
Stream Entrant
Location: Melbourne
Member Since: 13th Jun 2001
Total posts: 2830
Posted:LIke Prometheus said:

Everyone has the capacity for happiness. Not everyone knows the path to achieving it.


What's your path?


If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Thich Nhat Hanh

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Pele
Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA
Member Since: 15th Dec 2000
Total posts: 6193
Posted:Right now Stone, I think avoiding people like that is a large part of my path.
I am not sure what else though.


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Eera
old hand
Location: In a test pit, Mackay
Member Since: 29th May 2003
Total posts: 1107
Posted:My best friend for eight years was exactly like that. Everything was about him, I was only there to nod my head and say how great he was, my ambitions meant nothing and he took every opportunity to tell my why I couldn't do the things I wanted.

I cut him out of my life 4 years ago. I wonder what he's up to and if he's happy, but I don't want the constant negativity and I wonder why I put up with it for so long.

I read an artical on the "toxic friend"; someone who saps your energy rather than being good to be with, which sums him up exactly.

Cutting them out of your life is the best thing you can do, it hurts at the time but the alternative is interminable put-downs and stress. We all know what makes us happy and this sure as hell ain't it.


There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.

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wonderloey
wonderloey

enthusiast
Location: Melbourne - home of pirates
Member Since: 21st Feb 2006
Total posts: 255
Posted:I used to have a couple of friends like that, that stripped the joy out of all my happiness because they couldn't get beyond their own heads enough to share it. You can only do so much for people and then you have to let go.

Sounds Darwinian, but I honestly believe that you need to surround yourself with people that will give you the same level of support you will give them. You shouldn't feel guilty over cutting ties with people that don't meet that criteria. You are choosing to spend time with them. You only have time in this life to spend with so many people. Make those connections with the best people you can and the rest looks after itself.

Just because someone is unhappy doesn't mean they have to poison your life in the process. One of my best mates is one of the most desparately depressed people I know, but she has given me so much love and support over the years that I would never think about cutting the connection. She may not have found happiness and success, but she is happy for others when they do. And I know that this warmhearted generosity will one day come back, and she will find her way through.


"You've gone from Loey the Wonder Lesbian to everyone wondering if you are a lesbian." - Shadowman

Yesterday is yesterday. If we try to recapture it, we will only lose tomorrow.

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