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Forums > Social Chat > Fat men can't draw apples.

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Page: 12
andythepoi


andythepoi

addict
Location: manchester, uk

Total posts: 508
Posted:Make up a ridiculously untrue fact that SOUNDS like it could be real!

Due to several synapses in the cerebral cortex snapping when a human male exceeds 17 stone, fat men find it physically impossible to draw apples


It's smashing to be back x

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Lupo


member
Location: Utrecht

Total posts: 64
Posted:Young americain making ironic fun while talking to some weird old guy in a hostel in utrecht, netherlands:



weird old guy (drunken): "you know son, it's unbelievable. here in the netherlands i can drink soo much beer and i dont feel it at all, while, back home in canadia, i'm drunken after just one bottle. isn't that crazy?"



young american (trying not to laugh): "yeah, yeah, i know, i read about that. in fact, it's because we're under sea level here."



weird old guy (drunken): "whoa, that's strange, because, like an hour ago, in a bar, some netherlandish guy told me exactly the same!? said something about the sea level. crazy!"



young american (trying not to laugh): "yeah, yeah - for example: me, i'm like i'm able to drink five liters of beer here without getting drunken at all. seems to be something with the blood pressure..."

and on and on.



believe me - for a second (ok, for a minute) that really made sense to me, it sounded so logic... ...(maybe because of the all the beer before biggrin)

EDITED_BY: Lupo (1147195644)


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jaero
SILVER Member since Jun 2004

jaero

your new best enemy
Location: over the river, through the wo...

Total posts: 246
Posted:you know, if you don't eat the crust on your bread, it's physically impossible to whistle. proven by the Lisbonne accademy of Effdupchit.

I'll get there too late if I shorten my stride, I'll get there too soon if I find me a ride, I'll never move forward if I try to hide this path that I've troden one step at a time.

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jo_rhymes
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

jo_rhymes

Momma Bear
Location: Telford, Shrops

Total posts: 4525
Posted:everyone's nipples are 9 inches apart. It's a fact.

Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.

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Sym
BRONZE Member since Sep 2004

Sym

Geek-enviro-hippy priest
Location: Diss, Norfolk

Total posts: 1858
Posted:Mine are over 100 miles apart from yours....

There's too many home fires burning and not enough trees

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Igirisujin
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

Igirisujin

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Preston

Total posts: 2666
Posted:Due to the magnetic field surrounding the earth, it is impossible for a woman to get pregnant while standing ontop of a buiscuit tin

Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

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polarity
SILVER Member since May 2005

polarity

veteran
Location: on the wrong planet

Total posts: 1228
Posted:What if you have 3 nipples? biggrin

You aren't thinking or really existing unless you're willing to risk even your own sanity in the judgment of your existence.

Green peppers, lime pickle and whole-grain mustard = best sandwich filling.

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jaero
SILVER Member since Jun 2004

jaero

your new best enemy
Location: over the river, through the wo...

Total posts: 246
Posted:apparently they're 9 inches apart from something...

I'll get there too late if I shorten my stride, I'll get there too soon if I find me a ride, I'll never move forward if I try to hide this path that I've troden one step at a time.

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polarity
SILVER Member since May 2005

polarity

veteran
Location: on the wrong planet

Total posts: 1228
Posted:I'd think there are reasons besides the earth's magnetic field, as to why women can't get pregnant while standing on top of a biscuit tin. Falling off being the obvious one, and looking pretty stupid being another. There may be guys with a 'woman standing on a biscuit tin' fetish however.

You aren't thinking or really existing unless you're willing to risk even your own sanity in the judgment of your existence.

Green peppers, lime pickle and whole-grain mustard = best sandwich filling.

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polythene


veteran
Location: London/ Surrey

Total posts: 1359
Posted:Equilateral triangle formation!

The optimist claims that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.
The pessimist fears this is true.

Always make time to play in the snow.

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Igirisujin
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

Igirisujin

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Preston

Total posts: 2666
Posted: Written by: polarity


I'd think there are reasons besides the earth's magnetic field, as to why women can't get pregnant while standing on top of a biscuit tin. Falling off being the obvious one, and looking pretty stupid being another. There may be guys with a 'woman standing on a biscuit tin' fetish however.



No its been scientificly proven by the London School of Echonomics, buiscuit tins block the earths magnetic field and cause the negitivly charged sperm too spin continuously stopping them from reaching the posativly charged egg.

ubblol


Chief adviser to the Pharaoh, in one very snazzy mutli-coloured coat

'Time goes by so slowly for those who wait...' - Whatever Happend To Baby Madonna?

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Dut
SILVER Member since Mar 2002

lurker
Location: Nashville, TN

Total posts: 380
Posted:my all time fave -- being a little more international than the average southern american you guys might actually get this one:

"you know if you get drunk in the southern hemisphere the room spins in the opposite direction?"

(never been lucky enough to test this one tho...)


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TheBovrilMonkey
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

TheBovrilMonkey

Liquid Cow
Location: High Wycombe, England

Total posts: 2629
Posted:There was some discussion on saturday (in the pub because the Clapham meet was rained on lots) as to wether you'd be able to antispin a room if you were drunk enough smile

But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.

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FoxInDocs
SILVER Member since Jul 2005

FoxInDocs

Pooh-Bah
Location: Adelaide, SA

Total posts: 1848
Posted: Written by: jaero


you know, if you don't eat the crust on your bread, it's physically impossible to whistle. proven by the Lisbonne accademy of Effdupchit.



oi, i don't eat bread crust and i can't whistle... but i have curly hair... so that crapp about crust making your hair curly isn't true.


"i am exotic, and must keep my arms down" - Rougie

"i don't understand what penises have to do with getting married" - Foxie

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Point_Blank
GOLD Member since Feb 2005

Point_Blank

Sneaking
Location: Free falling through time

Total posts: 1207
Posted:If you hit your head on a heated towel rail, you have a higher chance of losing your short term memory.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Owned by clarence_quack

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Tabt


Tabt

I Doubt, Therefore I Might Be
Location: Horsham

Total posts: 1007
Posted:hmmm. let me think...

*after an afernoon at the pub:*

polly: how do they make cling film?

me: well, its actually just glass that they slice really thinly.

*another evening at a hall party.*

louise: there was this fox, that was walking around my garden. as soon as it walked right into the middle it just dropped dead. was well freaky.

*much drinking later.*

me: did you know that for some reason a fox cant walk into the centre of a garden. their hearts just stop. its some strange phenomenon to do with fence posts and house foundations.

louise: OH MY GOD!!!! thats so strange, the exact thing happened to me!! there must be some episode of the x-files on that! WAAAY FREAKY!!!

Don't knit a pair of socks for your boyfriend or he'll walk away from you.

no knitting ladies!!!


Owner of Dragosani's right side.

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Mr Majestik
SILVER Member since Mar 2004

Mr Majestik

coming to a country near you
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear

Total posts: 4693
Posted:due to the resuce of the beaconsfield miners in Tasmania, Australia. the news conglomerates have unanomously agreed that there are no more news storys worthy of reporting in the world and as a result there will be no news publications in any form from this day forth.

"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley

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DenGad
GOLD Member since Jun 2005

member
Location: Copenhagen, DK

Total posts: 45
Posted:Experiencing the room spinning when too drunk is actually an alcohol-induced sensitivity to the coriolis force in your balance nerve.
This is why the room spins in the opposite direction when getting too drunk on the opposite hemisphere.


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DenGad
GOLD Member since Jun 2005

member
Location: Copenhagen, DK

Total posts: 45
Posted:The hamster's inclination to run inside a hamster-wheel is a heredatory reaction coming from generations of being a slave-species to the beavers.
Beavers being dam builders as well as lazy, would utilize the work of hamsters to move especially large hollow logs from the slopes to the water, by forcing large quantities of hamsters to run inside the logs.
The tendency is oberserved in other smaller rodents as well, mice being an obvious example, although it is apparent that lemmings has never been highly trainable by the beavers.

So next time you see a beaver and think it looks cute and cuddly, remember that their dams are constructed by exploiting the lesser rodents.


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shoshanah
SILVER Member since Nov 2005

shoshanah

enthusiast
Location: london

Total posts: 232
Posted:if you get drunk and the room spins and you then spin in the opposite direction when you stop and sit down the spinning will have stopped due to your mined not being able to spin in two directions at once

life is what you make it and what you want it to be

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:The "fully sick"-ness of a guy's car is directly inverse proportional to the size of his package.

wait....that one is actually TRUE!

ubblol


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Larry
SILVER Member since Oct 2005

Larry

Electro Ponce!
Location: Hull!

Total posts: 383
Posted:Dogs can't look up!

What're you looking at?
I assume you're being rhetorical?
What're you callin' me!?

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Ry
GOLD Member since Feb 2005

Ry

Gromit's Humble Squire
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 4496
Posted:Tim Tams have 11 biscuits in the packet so that it can't ever be divided equally. The ensuing 'who gets the final biscuit discussion' is a marketing ploy to get Tim Tams deeper into the subconscious of the average person.

If Tim Tams came in a non-prime number, after everyone has say, 4 biscuits each, there are no more chocolate biscuits to discuss, therefore conversation switches to someting else, shortening the Tim Tam experience, reducing sales etc.


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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:"Gaydar" is really just your sense of smell.
Oh no wait... that one is true!


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Pen Draven


Pen Draven

Unofficial Lord Of Confusion And Pirate Extrodinaire
Location: Nuneaton

Total posts: 1363
Posted:Left Handed people can't rub their stomach and pat their head's because the part of the brain that handles that bit of co-ordination is on the left side of the brain whereas lefties mainly use the right side of the brain.

Hehe sounds good to me and as a leftie who can't do the tummy rub/head pat without getting things confused is also my excuse wink


Some men see things and say why....

I Dream of things that never were and say Why Not....?

Oh No I'm going to get Shot Alive if he finds out - DA wink

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L0s3r_r@v3r
SILVER Member since May 2005

L0s3r_r@v3r

enthusiast
Location: Swansea, Ma (US)

Total posts: 274
Posted: Written by: Rouge Dragon


The "fully sick"-ness of a guy's car is directly inverse proportional to the size of his package.

wait....that one is actually TRUE!

ubblol



BWWWWAAHAHAHAHA!! sooooo true! ^o^!


You know what I'm thinking about right now? That's right, Tacos!

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Pogo69
SILVER Member since Apr 2006

Pogo69

there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
Location: limbo

Total posts: 3764
Posted:just checking... does that mean it's a good thing that my car (10 year old, beat up pajero) is a heap of @#%*...? cool

--pogo (pat) [forever and always]

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Rouge Dragon
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003

Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction

Total posts: 13215
Posted:You tell us wink

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Pogo69
SILVER Member since Apr 2006

Pogo69

there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
Location: limbo

Total posts: 3764
Posted:average car for an average... me thinks... wink

--pogo (pat) [forever and always]

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ezz
BRONZE Member since Oct 2004

ezz

moo..
Location: melbourne, australia

Total posts: 1899
Posted:10 year old pajero..oooo that sounds like my car but mine doesn't have all those symbols. wink

hug me!

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Pogo69
SILVER Member since Apr 2006

Pogo69

there's no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness
Location: limbo

Total posts: 3764
Posted:those symbols are probably scribble marks from the kids... lil buggas...

--pogo (pat) [forever and always]

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Page: 12

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