tainted
tainted

addict
Location: London
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2004
Total posts: 422
Posted:I sometimes do the odd shift at a 24hr garage, and im used to dealing with people who have drank too much or are pilling ect.... but theres this woman whos started to come in more often (i think mainly because the shop door is open all the time unlike other 24hr shops in belfast where you are served through a hatch). Anyway shes one of the city centres regular alcoholics and before i felt lots of sympathy for her and other people in her situation (speaking as someone who has a history of alcoholism in the family i know how it can take control over someones life) but after 10hrs of watching her trying to swipe things from the shelfs and harassing the other cutomers not too mention her drunken babbling (even when she went around the back and pooed then came in covered in the stuff and i had to get her stuff to clean her with off the shelf) i still felt sympathy for her, but when the morning staff came in she became violent towards them when they tried to get her too leave and the police came and moved her i thought about it on the way home. I thought to myself "what kind of life is that?" and in the end i thought to myself i dont have any sympathy for her, more pity . Then i felt like i was a nasty person as she seems to have had a hard life and the police were saying shes been in and out of rehab for the last 20yrs and just doesnt want to beat the booze.
This post is pretty pointless, im just home and cant sleep cos ive been thinking about it. I dont know why but this has seemed to have effected me quite strongly and i just was wondering has anyone else felt like this towards someone.

On a differnt note nightshifts suck frown hug


There are no stupid questions, only stupid answers...

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GothFrogette
GothFrogette

grumpy poorly froggy
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 10th Oct 2004
Total posts: 3999
Posted:my next door neighbour is like that too, and it is hard. he has lost his job, wife and son over it, has been in hospital that many times they now tend to refuse to treat him. he has even been on the special medication where if he has any alchohol even aftershave in his system he would be really ill. so he stopped taking the med and is now back on the drink. he pee's outside his door making the entry and my garden smell and has even peed out of his bedroom window!!!

i know what you mean and its not being nasty at all. i find it hard to decide how i feel about it. he is a really nice guy and will do anything for anyone if he can but just can not face life without drink. it is really sad that people get like this and for what ever reason. in the case of my neighbour he has lost everything to drink adn i can hardly blame him for not wanting to stick to the drink as apposed to facing the reality of how much he has lost.

saying all this and it still pains me to hear the drunken shouts of a man in pain and not being able to do anything about it. frown




on another note yes night shifts do suck *Used to be a radio opperator for a taxi firm* hug


Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows

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Birgit
Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh
Member Since: 27th Jan 2005
Total posts: 4145
Posted:Someone I care about a lot is an alcoholic, and it hurts me every time to look at them and think what their life could have been like instead.

I think it's important to remember that most of them didn't just start drinking because they had nothing better to do, but because there are other problems, some of them reaching far in the past, and some of them psychological but not strong enough to be noticed by those arround them, that it "helps" them with in the beginning. And even if you go on therapy for alcohol, the underlying problem is still there.

It also helps to remember that, while giving up smoking is more and more encouraged in society, even though there are millions of alcoholics in countries like the UK and Germany, there are still ads for alcohol, you can get it nearly everywhere, and it's now the only drug that consumption of is allowed in pubs. Weird, isn't it?

Sure, most people can deal with alcohol (though some people may have a different opinion on that one), but given the large number of people that can't you'd think there was more of a public interest. I guess it's because people think "passive drinking" doesn't exist, but ask children of violent alcoholics that, or the innocent guy that got beaten up at a pub because some drunk idiot didn't like his face, or the girl that gets raped by drunks, or the victim of drunk car accidents. Or the relatives who have to watch their family break apart because 1 person's addicted...


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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Mr Majestik
Mr Majestik

coming to a country near you
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear
Member Since: 9th Mar 2004
Total posts: 4693
Posted: Written by: Birgit


Sure, most people can deal with alcohol (though some people may have a different opinion on that one),



ubblol vomitting, slurred speach, physical imparedness. good way to deal with alcohol....... umm

the three scourges: alcohol gambling and ciggarettes


"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley

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Birgit
Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh
Member Since: 27th Jan 2005
Total posts: 4145
Posted:I mean deal with as in not fxck up their lives because of it... I think you may have figured that but I'll just make it clear (knowing HoP...)

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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Mr Majestik
Mr Majestik

coming to a country near you
Location: home of the tiney toothy bear
Member Since: 9th Mar 2004
Total posts: 4693
Posted:i got it wink. a few years ago i did an essay on gambling and addiction. opened my eyes.



still, its questionable whether alcohol should have to be 'handled' at all.


"but have you considered there is more to life than your eyelids?"

jointly owned by Fire_Spinning_Angel and Blu_Valley

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Birgit
Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh
Member Since: 27th Jan 2005
Total posts: 4145
Posted:do you mean should people use it at all?

or use it more than once in a dose they know is too much for them? (the once being the inevitable once that shows them how much is too much, and how "too much" feels?)

See, I think alcohol does so much damage (thinking of unwanted pregnancies and that too) that I don't understand how it's so tolerated to be absolutely p!ssed... It's considered good and strong to stop smoking, but still kind of weak to not drink.


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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tainted
tainted

addict
Location: London
Member Since: 22nd Oct 2004
Total posts: 422
Posted:thanks for actully posting in this thread (i never really start threads), but i never really thought about the fact that if they gave up the drink they would have to face reality therefore drinking is better and easier.
Although i dontthink all people who hasa drink problem deserve the same consideration infact my uncle has been an alcoholic for as long as i can rem, and he is just nasty and evil....he did dry up for a year and was still as nasty and evil as ever so i dont really believe that it changes personality.

And i do think that taken in moderation its ok, but maybe not if you have an addictive personality, my friends slag me off all the time for being an alcoholic (jokenly) even though i only really get drunk once a month cos i dont have time....im more of a smoker (yes i started again- but the clot has gone-ok i know smoking could set off a wee timebomb in my chest but Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)

smile


There are no stupid questions, only stupid answers...

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bellsspinning
member
Location: nsw camden
Member Since: 25th Nov 2005
Total posts: 79
Posted:i dont feel sympathetic towards achoholics or drug abusers i dont know if that sounds mean at all but i believe that people have two choices when confronted with a short of trauma 1 to block it out with some form of drug and dwell on the situation and feel sorry for yourself 2 be stronge minded look into a form of spiritual healing or councelling and beat it with a form of support
people who are achoholics or drug users and use it in a way to escape reality are taking the so called "easy way out"


look inside yourself for YOUR answers

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Birgit
Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh
Member Since: 27th Jan 2005
Total posts: 4145
Posted:and you're taking the easy way of dealing with something you don't understand, to just say "they could've been strong minded instead". shrug

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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GothFrogette
GothFrogette

grumpy poorly froggy
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 10th Oct 2004
Total posts: 3999
Posted: Written by: bellsspinning


..... two choices when confronted with a short of trauma
1 to block it out with some form of drug and dwell on the situation and feel sorry for yourself
2 be stronge minded look into a form of spiritual healing or councelling and beat it with a form of support
people who are achoholics or drug users and use it in a way to escape reality are taking the so called "easy way out"



and what haapens if its not as easy as that? it sounds great in theory doesn't it that alchohoilics and drug adicts have a choice to be like this, to obviousley have no support there in the first p[lace for this to happen, or even notice how bad the situation has got. unfortuently most people do not chose how their body and mind reacts to outside influences whether it be an instant traumatic event or years of emotional problems. not only have you got each persons individual biology to take into consideration but also their up bringing. if they have not been validated for example they may not know how to express their feelings, or even think they don't have a right to be feeling like this, so to say that a person has a choice just shows ignorance. if only life was as clear cut as that.


Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows

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TinklePants
TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2005
Total posts: 4217
Posted:I lived with an alcoholic for three years. It was more an addiction to socialising/getting out of the house we lived with his elderly Dad, who would always moan at him for going out. Funny thing was, he wouldnt go and get our own place as he "didn't want to leave his dad alone". When I moved in, three months after we got together, it was obvious that I was his dad's carer - he was going senile before my eyes poor sod, and I tried to tell the ex and his family subtly that he'd be better off in a home, especially as I had a baby a year later, but they use their Dad for money - the ex's sister would only visit when they wanted something).

My ex eventually got a job (he'd been on welfare for years) yet 80% of his paycheck went on drink. I tried to tell him to save money he could drink in the house - even his dad saw it was a fair compromise, but he didnt want to as he couldnt stand his Dad!

It got so bad that His dad kept us in food and clothes - I rarely got 20 off my ex hubby a month - so I gave him an ultimatum - either he stopped drinking or I left. He then gave me an ultimatum - my mobile phone (which i used alot) or him. I chose the phone and I left him. He then stopped going into work as "his wife had left him!"

The father of my second child stopped drinking 3 months after we found out I was pregnant. He hasnt had a drink for 16 months now. I'm wondering why one man could do it for his child but the other couldn't. My ex husband is very selfish. He still cries into his pint of strongbow in the pub apparently. That or harrasses my sister/brother/mum when they're out. Its a sad life he lives. I dont even pity him.


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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bellsspinning
member
Location: nsw camden
Member Since: 25th Nov 2005
Total posts: 79
Posted:goth frogette im sorry but i disagree people do have choices
on what path they wish to choose yes i may be young but i have a pretty good insite to it i went through a very big emotional challenge that i started to go the wrong way teh doctor wanted me to get on medicine and so on i chose this not to be me that i would be it i may be young but i was still wise enough to no what i want and how i would be stronger at the end when i eventually got through it in every situation there is a light at the end of the tunnel you must have faith and be strong minded i still stick by my statements i made


look inside yourself for YOUR answers

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TinklePants
TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr
Member Since: 3rd Jul 2005
Total posts: 4217
Posted:bellsspinning - some people cannot change though, some people cannot be strong minded. Alcoholics who continually fall off the wagon have no self control, and are weak willed. They cannot help themselves and need tremendous support off others to get through it. And even then, they still fall back into their alcoholism. Some will even pretend that they haven't had a relapse and they continue drinking in secret. And most have been alcoholics for years, so its out of habit too.

People may have choices, but some do not have a will strong enough to make the choice to quit their habit.


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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GothFrogette
GothFrogette

grumpy poorly froggy
Location: Nuneaton
Member Since: 10th Oct 2004
Total posts: 3999
Posted:you don't need to appologise for disagreeing with me every one on this plantet can have their own opinion, but you can not judge others on what you have been able to do.
Being Wise and knowing what you want isn't the same thing.
but you have to try and understand that people are different and what you were able to do some may not. its not through choice its juts part of who they are


Life's too short to worry about where you put your marshmallows

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Birgit
Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh
Member Since: 27th Jan 2005
Total posts: 4145
Posted:Bells, I'm sure SOME people could stop drinking if they set their minds to it.



What about those with underlying psychological problems that go undetected and only get noticed once the addiction is found out? If you're an adult, noone can force you to get yourself sorted out, and if you convince yourself you're fine, that's it.



What about those with a genetic disposition to being an alcoholic (yes they do exist)?



What about those who don't have any support?



You can hardly go out in most countries without people drinking. You can't watch tv without alcohol ads, or beers sponsoring sports shows, etc. Often if you're an alcoholic you're faced with social isolation, or going out and "being strong" all the time when you're out with friends, and I can see how that temptation gets really bad. Unfortunately that one sip will make all your abstinence efforts useless.



I'm not making excuses for all alcoholics, but there are some who just can't be strong enough on their own account, and maybe with a bit more experience and knowing a wider range of people you'll realise that not all of them fit into "normal" thinking patterns.



Most importantly, alcoholism is an illness. It doesn't go away, even if the person who drinks is dry at the moment. Would you say that you have no sympathy for anorexic and bulimic people because "all they have to do is eat more and stop throwing up"?


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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bellsspinning
member
Location: nsw camden
Member Since: 25th Nov 2005
Total posts: 79
Posted:i understand that it is an illness and i can understand that in some occassions there is no support system for them to fall back on but the way i feel is that im not sympathetic towards people with these illnesses.
if i was to choose the path of drugs (pot) which i started to take if i was an adict and was using it and was feeling sorry for myself i wouldnt want anyone to be sympathetic towards me.if i was choosing this way to deal with it (wrong or right way) then that was my way to cope weather others told me i should or shouldnt no one can help them unless they want help which is my main reason behind why i dont feel sympathetic.i would feel sympathetic during the time they were trying to help themselves and i would try help as well as it would be a very hard thing to do so thats what im saying


look inside yourself for YOUR answers

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