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Phaerie
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Phaerie

veteran
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 1240
Posted:Ok so this is a personality test that was devised by myself and another guy at work... scarily after completing the test and analysing the scores we both came out with the same result eek very strange.... let me know what your scores are!

The personality test that never lies, has 100% accuracy, and used by psychologists and psychiatrists world wide.

1.
Do you prefer to eat vegemite
A. smeared on your left nostral
B. on the sole of your foot
C. when its been sitting on a piece of bread under mouldy washing for 2
weeks
D. off someone elses earlobe


2.
When shaving, do you:
A: Whistle along to Wagner tunes
B: Dress as a jellyfish
C: Use an angle grinder.

3.
How often do you chase a baboon down the street with a strawberry
lollipop stuck between your toes?
A. I am the lollipop
B. I am the baboon
C. no that's my neighbour
D. nothing to see here folks... No really..

4.
If you were fired, would you:
A: Read Dante's Inferno, naked.
B: Become a minute rotating prismic shape.
C: Renounce all earthly possesions for a period of five minutes.

5.
What size are you feet?
A. penguin
B. tyre
C. 13
D. pansy

6.
Goats are:
A. An ancient warrior caste descended from Etruscan potters.
B. Unrelated to desperation.
C. Probably unhappy.
D. I don't know.
E. All of the above, except B, C, and D.
F. None of the above, except A.

7.
You see your self as:
A. an amish spacecow
B. a baboon with a strawberry lollipop stuck to your toe (I THOUGHT I
TOLD YOU THAT ALREADY!!!)
C. someone with a fetish for eating hobbits
D. betty davis

8.
In social situations:
A. You generally prefer left-handedness.
B. You feel spiritually isolated when people mention camels, in any
context.
C. Gentlemen prefer blondes except . . .
D. Chaos theory seems innappropriate to mention, unless it relates to
auto-cannibalism.

9.
Your ideal job is:
A. eating radishes for the purpose of reinventing the plant
B. cowering in the corner of a room inhabited by an yet unidentified
species
C. deciding the fate of ants crossing the road
D. chewing toenails off the passerbys at an unknown destination

10.
You stray too close to a scrub turkey nest and are savagely attacked by
the beast. The Scrub Turkey succeeds in knocking you unconcsious and,
then, buries you in bracken and leaves. You narrowly escape with your life. Do you:
A. Return home to compose a three part Opera based off
the life of John Howard.
B. Submerge somewhere near the wreck of the USS Indianapolis, never to
be seen nor heard of again, except on late night Japanese game shows.
C. Consider swearing in the presence of children rude, crass and
vulgar, though sometimes necessary.
D. Acquire obscure Russian translations of A-Team novels for the
purposes of resale on the Afghani Black Market.

11.
Your favoured sleeping place:
A. inside out on a bed of nails
B. suspended in hyperspace
C. amongst a herd of wild elephants in the middle of mating season
D. inside the rotting carcus of a sloth, preferably in a subtropical
climate

12.
When confronted by uncomfortable situations you:
A. Prefer houses with North facings.
B. Bifurcate into an identical twin who resembles you in all factors
except appearance and personality.
C. Avoid all refernces to Scrub Turkeys.
D. B & C, but not B.

13.
You relate most to
A. a two nosed weeble schneeble going by the name of frank
B. stink beetles
C. George bush
D. herkemere diamonds

14.
In your view, the best form of artistic expression is:
A. The Kyoto protocol.
B. Running in the park late at night, armed with a bucher's knife
(nudity optional).
C. Watching the Tour De France while slowly willing yourself to
spiritual and emotional equanimity with all silicone based life-forms.
D. Jeffrey?

15.
When you are bored, the first thing you will do to alleviate said
boredom is:
A. eat lamb
B. write a letter to that man who ate a plane
C. create a new constitution
D. ponder why spiders don't have more eyes

16.
In your view, the best human quality is:
A. The ability to render either accurate or inaccurate replicas of
thirteenth century European woodcuts.
B. The ability to sleep without a head.
C. Not street theatre.
D. Street theatre.
E. C & E.

17.
How do you express your inner feelings?
A. mime
B. telepathically
C. with the aid of michael jackson
D. imploding

18.
In the year 2022, overpopulation reaches dangerously high levels. In your opinion:
A. The Japanese practice of referring to Blue and Green
with the same name is commendable.
B. Spontaneous Combustion is underrated.
C. The best Shakespeare adaptation is Die Hard.
D. Wind chimes should only be used in collaboration with pajamas.

19.
If you were aware the world was going to end in 2 hours you would:
A. turn into a turtle
B. create a highly accurate yet completely stupid personality test for
the next inhabitants to ponder
C. dig a hole to sit in with the dimensions of 1m in diameter and 47cm
deep
D. poke yourself with a drawing pin

20.
Walt Disney is thawed out of hibernation and asks you to sum up all
major events and inventions in three words since he was frozen. You say:
A. Very interesting cutlery.
B. Dwarves still legal.
C. The Horror . . . The (Horror).
D. Too few words.
E. Some of the above.



*************SCORING******************

For questions that have a 1 in the number (1, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19) and for question 20
A= 72
B= 1
C= 43
D= 23
E= BONUS QUESTION... You choose
from one of the above


Ok. So, questions from 2-8 (but only with even numbers) are scored:
A.2
B. 20
C. 40
D. 13
E & others -47.

odd #s from 3-9.
A. 1
B. 3
C. 1
D. 48
E or more 1.

**************RESULTS*******************
For scores of -73 to 0
Vrast o shnib vay hun fulton dristo. Hisky polo jun fin hud, jukis seri
frajin istun fay. Nuno hugry wil to do kilundki ruson vinna frydo kolde
quint to bobo dul.
*NB. If you are unable to understand this then you were not completely
honest, as this is not your correct personality test. Please take test
again and be true to yourself in order to find your true self.

For 1-403:
You are generally considered affable and friendly in social situations.
You believe strongly in capital punishment and think that anyone who
disagrees with Highway tolls should be deported. When confronted with
unpleasant situations, you generally prefer to watch the Ten
Commandments to atone for your sins.

For 404-406:
You prefer the company of rodents. You would prefer to eat mouldy bread
than to look someone in the eye. In high stress situations you are
unable to sit down, preferring to stand on one leg while placing your
little finger in your right nostral. Others see you as a flute. If asked
your definition of happy, your reply will always be "in a blow up pool
with cabana"

For 407-507:
If is your favourite Rudyard Kipling poem, though you believe 'White
Man's Burden' is of deeper moral commendability. Living on the streets
were tough, but you wouldn't know, because you never did. Your deepest
personal ambition is have Venus brought closer to the Earth's orbit.
Others see you as forthright, straight-forward, and vaguely angular.
You have no interest in the metaphysical history of islands.

For 508-798:
Does the word cheese ring a bell?? How about chasing unsuspecting cats
down dark alleys? You should try not to eat too many jelly babies, they
really do add to that sensitive waist line of yours. Choose your life
partner well or you will end up shelling peas for the rest of your life.
The way for you to express yourself is to talk to llamas in a crowded
paddock

For 799:
You are a truly unique person. As a young child you used to dream of
solving the all the worlds problems, unfortunately you soon lost
interest. Instead, you have devoted all your private thoughts to the
abstract contemplation of parking meters. Though you wouldn't call
yourself close-minded, you certainly don't believe people who cannot
speak Dutch deserve to live. Other people generally like your company,
except when you're around.

For 800-892:
You have an affinity for the name Yentil. You are gentle in nature, if
not a little mental. Your destined job is development governmental
departmental dental rental. In all other aspects of your life there are
two words that you really need to take note of, they are excitation and
amputation.

For 893-923:
Giraffes provide a curious, some might even say sexual, fascination for
you. The elderly despise you. You are often gripped with feverish
dreams of running in the awful twilight of an unforgiving Nile moon, at
one moment chasing, and then being chased by dark and abysal gods whom
mankind had long forgotten. Your deepest ambition is to direct a stage
version of the A-Team, except starring David Hasselhoff in the role of
Hannibal. You usually prefer talk show hosts to stitching your feet
together, though not always.

For 924-999:
It would be wise for you never to open your mouth and speak again. If
you are to do so it is entirely probable you will turn into a half eaten
turkey sandwich, only to be consumed by an angry elephant. Other advice
that you should take in your stride is that people really don't like to
be pushed over in the bog of eternal stench, its a hard thing to come
to terms with, but not all people like to smell like you do.

For 1000-1086:
It has often been said that 'man is not an island'. This is true of
you, though it wasn't always. You were once a Pacific Island, though it
is unlikely you remember this fully. Some time, more than five minutes
ago, you metamorphosed into a human being with a deep-seated fear of
comic books based off the life of Charlie Chaplin. You consider oblong
shapes your kindred spirit, though you are unsure why. At parties,
people generally stay away from for fear they may become a migrating
flock of pelicans. Your perfect match is a man or a woman who is still
breathing.

For 1089-1111:
No matter what anyone else says, chopsticks are not to be used as a form
of communication. Yes it makes sense to you, but to all others you are
the fruitloop at the party who everyone avoids like the plague. On a
brighter note, apart from the chopstick fascination you are highly
attractive and most people and animals find you irresistable, you play
your cards right (leave those chopsticks at home!) and you will be
dining with a bald eagle (not to give anything about your future away by
any means!). Make sure you leave the light on when you go to bed, or you
may wake with an unpleasant surprise.

For 1112-1144:
Your name is Stephen Allistair Chalmers III. You either know this and
are using an assumed name, or you have merely forgotten your identity.
You are wanted for war crimes in Serbia, Afghanistan and Hervey Bay.
Dinner tables seem to possess a strange knowledge of your inner soul.
You grew up in the slums of some unknown city and have, consequently,
developed an addiction to Charles Dickens novels. You have a sense of
loathing for all living creatures but are generally friendly unless you
encounter people.


Only when you close your eyes can you really see...

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MasterOfDreams
BRONZE Member since Sep 2005

MasterOfDreams

member
Location: London, United Kingdom

Total posts: 57
Posted:What did u get then?

Dance like no one is watching, Sing like no one is listening, live your life the way that you see fit

Delete

Firetramp


Firetramp

old hand
Location: Binstead, Isle of Wight

Total posts: 896
Posted:Wow, that is sooo right. (Scored 434)

Ask a question and be a fool for a minute...don't ask and be a fool your whole life.

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blu_valley
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

blu_valley

fluffy mess
Location: Brighton, United Kingdom

Total posts: 197
Posted:I got distracted and confused so I gave myself 11500000 points

Verdict:I found this highly amusing but am all too often distracted by shiny things


"I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.." - Oriah Mountain Dreamer

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boopoi
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

boopoi

Member
Location: , United Kingdom

Total posts: 99
Posted:Sorry I don't have time to do your test coz the worl is gonna end in eproximately 21 hour 58 seconds and I can't find my drawing pin... arrrghhhh... where did I put it? Where did I put it?

Always remember... one MUST protect thy bread....

Delete

boopoi
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

boopoi

Member
Location: , United Kingdom

Total posts: 99
Posted:Sorry I don't have time to do your test coz the world is gonna end in eproximately 2 hours & 58 seconds and I can't find my drawing pin... arrrghhhh... where did I put it? Where did I put it?

Always remember... one MUST protect thy bread....

Delete

VampyricAcid
SILVER Member since Jun 2005

VampyricAcid

veteran
Location: My House, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1286
Posted:1028
yay my idea partner is a man or a woman who is still breathing!!!!

For 1000-1086:
It has often been said that 'man is not an island'. This is true of
you, though it wasn't always. You were once a Pacific Island, though it
is unlikely you remember this fully. Some time, more than five minutes
ago, you metamorphosed into a human being with a deep-seated fear of
comic books based off the life of Charlie Chaplin. You consider oblong
shapes your kindred spirit, though you are unsure why. At parties,
people generally stay away from for fear they may become a migrating
flock of pelicans. Your perfect match is a man or a woman who is still
breathing.


Proudly Owned By The BMVC

Are You Sniffing My Mitten?

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thegreatBJ


Woman! Not gay Man!
Location: Hull...ish

Total posts: 332
Posted:i had a strange feeling that i'd get to the end of this test and ther'd be a note saying......

you dont score anything but wasnt that fun!

would have been a good ending


I AM NOT A GAY MAN!

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VampyricAcid
SILVER Member since Jun 2005

VampyricAcid

veteran
Location: My House, United Kingdom

Total posts: 1286
Posted:i was expecting 1-10000000 you are the same as everyone else and as different as you can be

Proudly Owned By The BMVC

Are You Sniffing My Mitten?

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Phaerie
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Phaerie

veteran
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 1240
Posted:but where is the fun in not having individualised scores???
ubblol


i scored 503, which is scary cause the guy who wrote it with me got within the same score bracket, as did another guy who sits with us.... so the first 3 people to do it all scored the same eek
good for a laugh if nothing else :P


Only when you close your eyes can you really see...

Delete

why
BRONZE Member since Mar 2004

not _Y_
Location: Scotland

Total posts: 720
Posted:373

For 1-403:
You are generally considered affable and friendly in social situations.
You believe strongly in capital punishment and think that anyone who
disagrees with Highway tolls should be deported. When confronted with
unpleasant situations, you generally prefer to watch the Ten
Commandments to atone for your sins.


You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?" George Bernard Shaw

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Phaerie
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Phaerie

veteran
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 1240
Posted:oh, and just for the record... in question 10... the guy getting attacked by a scrub turkey, being covered in braken and twigs and leaves... he actually did die. actually happened to someone... just for your own interests sake

Only when you close your eyes can you really see...

Delete

boopoi
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

boopoi

Member
Location: , United Kingdom

Total posts: 99
Posted:This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time. I don't how your brains came up with such randomness! I've been laughing so much a little bit of wee came out.

We are gonna post this to one of our friends but not say who it's from. If that's ok? Or is it copy right!?!


Always remember... one MUST protect thy bread....

Delete

Phaerie
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Phaerie

veteran
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 1240
Posted:Written by: boopoi

I've been laughing so much a little bit of wee came out.




ubblol that is hilarious!
yeah, you can send it to someone if you want... the more silliness in the world the better i say!


Only when you close your eyes can you really see...

Delete

Sakura_Moon


Sakura_Moon

Hop's Kitten Jester.
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Austral...

Total posts: 1803
Posted:O.o
it confused the hell out of me.
Amusing none the less


.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.


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Phaerie
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Phaerie

veteran
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 1240
Posted:confused you ubblol how could it do anything BUT confuse you wink

Only when you close your eyes can you really see...

Delete

Posted:For 508-798:
Does the word cheese ring a bell?? How about chasing unsuspecting cats
down dark alleys? You should try not to eat too many jelly babies, they
really do add to that sensitive waist line of yours. Choose your life
partner well or you will end up shelling peas for the rest of your life.
The way for you to express yourself is to talk to llamas in a crowded
paddock


i got 529. TINA....COME GET SOME FOOD!


Delete

Valura
SILVER Member since Apr 2002

Valura

Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 6391
Posted:thats a crack up phaerie... you must have been uber bored at work! smile

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

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Mynci
BRONZE Member since Apr 2005

Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free..., United Kingd...

Total posts: 8737
Posted:Hmmm This fell sort at the first hurdle.... I don't like vegimite or marmite or bovril, If I want beef flavour...I drink gravy biggrin

A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

Delete

LiL Turkey!


LiL Turkey!

enthusiast
Location: Stoke

Total posts: 209
Posted:hehehe 427

lol how long did it take you to make?


If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you! wink

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Phaerie
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Phaerie

veteran
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 1240
Posted:umm... all up about 4 days of 5 hour shifts emailing eachother when we were between calls etc...
sad huh!

but it DID entertain us for a week, that i am grateful for smile AND it is making other people smile... that means its all worth it!


Only when you close your eyes can you really see...

Delete

Blayzen Butterfly
GOLD Member since Mar 2005

member
Location: Melbourne, VIC, Australia

Total posts: 62
Posted:I got 483.

I think this should now be instatuted as the worlds standarised test.

LOL


"You dozed, and watched the night revealing
The thousand sordid images
Of which your soul was constituted"

Delete

Phaerie
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Phaerie

veteran
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 1240
Posted:*laffs* suits me :P

Only when you close your eyes can you really see...

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Noddy


Noddy

Toe Poking Bad Boy
Location: Lake District UK

Total posts: 2865
Posted:i got lost by the 3rd question

Remember.........YOU LOSE!!!

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Phaerie
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Phaerie

veteran
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 1240
Posted:but but but... thats the joy of it!

Only when you close your eyes can you really see...

Delete

Mynci
BRONZE Member since Apr 2005

Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free..., United Kingd...

Total posts: 8737
Posted:but baboons are cute. why not chase someone from dorset?

A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

Delete

Phaerie
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Phaerie

veteran
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Total posts: 1240
Posted:but but but... i didnt say that they werent?

why not from dorset?? because if they were to chase someone from dorset then there is every possibility that they would trip over on an ant farm, go head first into a pumpkin patch and transform into a potato... we cant have that now can we!


Only when you close your eyes can you really see...

Delete


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