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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:Okay...I have to say this.

I am sooooooooooooo sick and tired of people saying "Men suck!" or "Women are aweful."

I'm sorry. It is a lame-ass statement that is a scapegoat for our reluctance to take responsibility for our own personal choices.

I have a few friends who use this as thier mantra. Two in particular are pretty much convincing a girl who was happily married that she is not any longer...and that is wrong.

One is a guy who will sit and look into my very girlie face and tell me how horrible women are and then whine about how he's still single. I wonder why. rolleyes

I've been beaten, very badly, by someone I loved very much. It wasn't his fault. I was the idiot for staying.
I've been told that "I'd be missed if I got fat." That I am "Fat, ugly and stupid."... all by men.
And you know what? Hating men got me nowhere but even more miserable with poor choices in mates.
I stayed.
I listened.
I believed.
I was the problem, not them. They were being themselves and who they were is not okay for my life. When I learned that I changed.

But being bitter and complaining about it all the time doesn't help and it sure doesn't help attract those who are loving, caring, intelligent, witty and wonderful into our lives...if anything that kind of loathing chases them right away, and they *should* run from anyone with an attitude like that. Hell, I wouldn't be with a man who thought women were all evil bitca's cause it wouldn't be worth my time to fight that mentality.

Awesome men and incredible women do exsist, and are single, and are as straight/gay as we want them to be.
But first we have to take responsibility for our own choices, quit complaining about what didn't work, learn and move on.

And worse, these people who complain incessently about it (why can't they just vent once and be done with it?) seem to bring down others around them. Wow. What a great friend a person is if s/he can't even let those around him/her be happy.

So yeah...in the end it is a matter of stopping the stupid blame game. It wouldn't be his/her fault if s/he didn't have someone around who let them be horrible to. Nope. Shut up, move on and let other people be happy.
Not all men or women are evil, and continuously saying they are only makes a person sound like a disgruntled and bitter fool.


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Mynci
BRONZE Member since Apr 2005

Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free...

Total posts: 8737
Posted:true pele, but I must admit, sometimes I find it hard to vent a whole load in 1 go without exploding.... but I agree to continue to vent anger against the opposite sex isn't healthy, Doesn't mean I can't sit back in my little male bubble and wonder about women.

A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:LOL Mynci. Isn't the point of venting to keep you from exploding? wink Wonder away. I do. I can't figure men out to save my life...and frankly, I am not sure I want to. but I wondering often.

Like, why do men look grumpy but say they are happy? I've been wondering that alot lately.

Or why, why, why do they complain about something women do, when they turn around and do it themselves? I don't get that one either.

Do men really think about nothing? I swear, I have asked guy friends who looked like they were thinking something what they were thinking and they tell me their brains are blank. Only the guys do this though. And if they really are blank, how the heck do you do that???? I definately think some soul-selling had to happen for that to occur. wink

(those were rhetorical, btw)

I'm not talking getting upset and venting.
I'm talking all of the whining that seems to occur in the world because we date a bad choice and then want the world to agree with how every single person of that gender sucks.
"He sucks because he didn't want to (insert activity here)." is not a reason to hate all men. Even "He sucks 'cause he threw me through the mirror and into a coffee table." is not a reason to blame *All* men.


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Fine_Rabid_Dog


Internet Hate Machine
Location: They seek him here, they seek ...

Total posts: 10530
Posted:To be honest, I've never said that girls are bad or whatever.

But I wouldn't argue against "men are arseholes"...


The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:I agree wholeheartedly with the point of the thread. And, it drives me kind of nuts too, altho I admit I am very much more nervous of girls than guys because I less often get along with them, statistically speaking. But altho there are trends in behavior, and different behaviors work differently with different people, its very different than saying "girls suck".

and yes, people need to learn that.

however, I cannot possibly help but take issue with part of what you said.

Written by:
I've been beaten, very badly, by someone I loved very much. It wasn't his fault. I was the idiot for staying.



Surely you realize in part you've also contradicted yourself?

But regardless, it is still his fault. You didn't beat yourself. Following the sentence itself... *he* beat *me*.

He is responsible for what he did. Yes, you should have left. Yes, after something happens once, we take on at least some of the responsibility (I can't really break through conditioning to decide how much and it is very circumstancial...) when we continue to try something. But you can't remove responsibility from someone for their actions. Especially, me thinks, in a post about taking responsibility for actions/words.

Yes, stopping the blame game. And moving past things is better than not. And x y z may have affected him. But you can't remove responsibility from someone either. Thats as bad as blaming them in its own way.


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:I find it interesting what happens once one gender is removed from the equation.

-What does a lesbian bring on a second date?
-A moving truck

-What does a gay man bring on a second date?
-What's a second date?

It wouldn't be a funny joke if there weren't a grain of truth to it, yanno. I believe that we are inherently different. And that, perhaps, is where the friction begins.


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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mcp
PLATINUM Member since May 2003

mcp

Flying Water Muppet
Location: Edin-borrow.

Total posts: 5276
Posted:what did the lesbian vampire say to her lover?

"See you next month."


"the now legendary" - Kaskade
"the still legendary" - Kaskade

I spunked in my friend's aquarium and the fish ate it. I love all fish. Especially the pink ones. They are my bitches. - Anon.

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linden rathen
GOLD Member since Mar 2005

linden rathen

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London, UK

Total posts: 6942
Posted:mcp thats still a nasty joke tongue



Written by: Pele
I have asked guy friends who looked like they were thinking something what they were thinking and they tell me their brains are blank





no women do it too - the amount of times ive asked a girl "wotcha thinking" and they oh nothing ... but when blokes do it they're probably mentally undressing someone wink



as far as im concerened you get blokes who are a-holes and women



live with it and find someone better,



and Doc i think your right but id say the friction arrises from not recognising the differences

...



my personal pet hate other than people who lump the opposite sex together and blaim them all is people who refuse to accept that there are things that one sex ***tends*** to be better at than the other. eg men are stronger in general, nothing wrong with it - its just how the sexes are programmed ....



anyway thats offtopic so ill shut it


back

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:Written by: linden rathen

no women do it too - the amount of times ive asked a girl "wotcha thinking" and they oh nothing ... but when blokes do it they're probably mentally undressing someone wink

as far as im concerened you get blokes who are a-holes and women

live with it and find someone better,

and Doc i think your right but id say the friction arrises from not recognising the differences
...

my personal pet hate other than people who lump the opposite sex together and blaim them all is people who refuse to accept that there are things that one sex ***tends*** to be better at than the other. eg men are stronger in general, nothing wrong with it - its just how the sexes are programmed ....

anyway thats offtopic so ill shut it




Oooooh that is a pet peeve of mine too!!! I love the differences, and celebrate them, and totally use it to my advantage ("Can you lift this for me because I simply can't get it?" I could, but it makes him feel more manly and me not have to strain over it! wink )

I have to say that I used to say the "Oh nothing." before and was lieing through my teeth. Usually what I am thinking when I say that is something he wouldn't want to hear, or something that would be concidered very naughty and would embarass the hell out of me. I got caught on it once though, so I now opt for the "Pleading the 5th.", "I'd rather not say." or "Don't ask what you do not want an answer to." options. They are more honest and make me feel better about saying it. smile


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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QuadDamage


QuadDamage

member
Location: Norwich

Total posts: 130
Posted:Men suck!

Women are awful!

People are lame!

Ok, that may have been an overgeneralisation...




Slightly off topic- is something sexism if it there is some truth behind it?
e.g. is it sexist to say women are generally better at multitasking?


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Icer
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

Icer

just a shadow of my former self...
Location: Christchurch

Total posts: 205
Posted:i think pele is right, its not so much the failure to recognise the gender differences, but a failure to deal with them properly. although you first need to recognise them...so that the first hurdle, then the second is dealing with them.
there is some truth to women are more about commit than men (hence the truth behind Docs jokes). these are ofcourse generalisations, also related to the generalisation of women want that 'special someone', while men want as much as they can get. thats explained rather simply by evo- eggs are expensive, sperm is cheap. its all about maximising reproductive effectiveness.

i think the 'thinking bout nothing' line is just an excuse to not say what you were thinking about. it might be naughty, mean, inappropriate or whatever, and you just want to think talk about it.

and whats with women talking so much? tongue


It took a while, but once their numbers dropped from 50 down to 8, the other dwarves started to suspect Hungry.

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linden rathen
GOLD Member since Mar 2005

linden rathen

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London, UK

Total posts: 6942
Posted:yes becasue sexism is discriminating agasint one or the other sex for something

it just isnt always wrong to discriminate

eg if your looknig for an archer as much as you may want to be fair your not likely to hire a blind person


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Sethis
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:Hey Linden, so why are the best knife throwers etc performing with blindfolds on? tongue

Most of the people I know complain about the opposite sex for about 3 days after they break up, then they move on. I don't see the harm. However if it's a long term thing then that might be bad.

I agree with Kyrian about the whole hitting thing. Well said.

And I propose another reason for the "Nothing..." phenomenon:

I'm thinking about something too complex. If my sister asked me what I was thinking, then I don't think she would enjoy a 15 minute discourse about Existentialism. Therefore I just say "Nothing..." and return to my musings.


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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linden rathen
GOLD Member since Mar 2005

linden rathen

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London, UK

Total posts: 6942
Posted:lol at the too complex

i find its jst too random

i end up thinking about one thing and start thinking bout something completly differnt


... wonders how many people that confused

i think the complaining about the other sex is natural
a bit like if you have a fall out with a m8 you spend a few days b!tching about them then get back together and laugh about it

its jst a way of venting - which most people cant do well


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Icer
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

Icer

just a shadow of my former self...
Location: Christchurch

Total posts: 205
Posted:"is it sexist to say women are generally better at multitasking?"
i dont think it is if you just make that generalisation, but if you then go up to a guy and say 'you cant multitask, becasue your guy', then it is.

discrimation =To make distinctions on the basis of class or category without regard to individual merit.

discrimantion, for me, has never been about making distinctions, but about ignoring the individual merits of what ever it is your judging. thats why, jobs allocated on 'race' not on the actual merits of the applicants, is for me, discrimination. im not making any judgements on whether discrimnination is wrong or right in this example though.

i think you can judge the blind archer fairly in their own individual merits and say 'no, sorry, your not really what were looking for'.


It took a while, but once their numbers dropped from 50 down to 8, the other dwarves started to suspect Hungry.

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TheBovrilMonkey
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

TheBovrilMonkey

Liquid Cow
Location: High Wycombe, England

Total posts: 2629
Posted:Written by: Pele

Do men really think about nothing? I swear, I have asked guy friends who looked like they were thinking something what they were thinking and they tell me their brains are blank.




It's just easier to say 'nothing' than try to explain that we were thinking of zombies or monkeys or robots. Or zombie monkey robots wink tongue


But there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:I always feel guilty when people ask to help with my bags and stuff, even when i'd rather not lug my 60 pound pack around. Cause a lot of time people are just offering to be nice... but i once had someone helping me with a suitcase for a few hours and he actually mentioned it made him happy cause he felt useful....

so now i'm confused by my roll as a "strong girl" tongue


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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linden rathen
GOLD Member since Mar 2005

linden rathen

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London, UK

Total posts: 6942
Posted:i always think of discrimation as jst the differences between too things. and yes maybe my example was wrong perhaps a better one may be that people who are black should be given certain medicine as it works better with their specific race. anyway thats offtopic again

Kyrain if people offer help its not normally because of being a woman - or not for the classic reasons anyway - its either a way of hitting on you or jst being nice. i dont think many people have the 'weak woman' view any more

i think people jst tend to lash out at things that are differnt when they're upset so the opposite sex is a good target. if something makes you uncomfortable or you dont understand it its always an easy target


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Sethis
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:Written by: linden rathen

I think people jst tend to lash out at things that are differnt when they're upset so the opposite sex is a good target. if something makes you uncomfortable or you dont understand it its always an easy target



Well Said smile

However if I'm with a girl carrying bags, then I'll always offer to help, because it's the right thing to do. Simple.


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 4145
Posted:I take the "strong girl" role like this:

I'm alright carrying heavy stuff if I have to, but if someone offers to help they can smile

It's not what you do every day, it's what you can do if you have to. Therefore, I'm fine with guys playing the strong man, as long as they can be gentle or show feelings when the situation demands it. And I don't mind being helped with stuff I don't much like doing, like carrying heavy things, as long as I know that if there's no helpful guy around I'll still get my bag to the airport, or I'll still get my IKEA wardrobe up.


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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Mynci
BRONZE Member since Apr 2005

Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free...

Total posts: 8737
Posted:I've siad it before all men are w**kers or liers..... (think about it wink)

and the nothing issue.... I can completely empty my mind so maybe they tell the truth, other times I say "nothing" because what i'm thinking may embarrass me, other times I don't actually know what i'm thinking.


A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

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linden rathen
GOLD Member since Mar 2005

linden rathen

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London, UK

Total posts: 6942
Posted:Written by: mycni
I've said it before all men are w**kers or liers.....


ubblol too true - though normally its both ubbangel


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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:You don't know what you're thinking? How does that work?

Is that a male thing? wink tongue


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Doc Lightning
GOLD Member since May 2001

Doc Lightning

HOP Mad Doctor
Location: San Francisco, CA, USA

Total posts: 13920
Posted:I don't trust anything that bleeds for three-four days and doesn't die.



*flee*


-Mike )'(
Certified Mad Doctor and HoP High Priest of Nutella

"A buckuht 'n a hooze!" -Valura

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NYC


NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA

Total posts: 9232
Posted:One day I'll start a thread on this, I know I've said it before... but a buddy of mine once said "People periodically suck."

And it something I think we all forget sometimes. When we get upset that, in a particular situation, someone is being sucky... we blame the situation, or generalize about the people, when in actuality, people just periodically suck. It's not an attack on us in particular.

Your car is gonna get dinged, your stuff might get stolen, some guy in a bar might say something ignorant, your artwork might get burned down prematurely (maybe that's just a burningman thing)... but you shouldn't take it personally.

Because people periodically suck.


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:I think, NYC, thats very well said.

People have different periods of sucking tho, some suck frequently for short periods of time, some suck infrequently for months.....


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Mot


addict
Location: Netherlands

Total posts: 666
Posted:Written by: Pele

I am sooooooooooooo sick and tired of people saying "Men suck!" or "Women are aweful."



It's a black fly in your chardoney smile

Surely context can count for something? I mean behind the context buffer you've just said it too. And you've generalsied all the people who have ever said it, into a group that you're sick and tired of. A cool condractiony type first post for a thread.

I'm staying on the side of men sucking and awful women, cause some of them do and some of them are. But luckily theres just enough genuine peeps out there to make it interesting.

P.S. Mind you the only thing ironic about that song is it's title, it should have been called "annoying" smile


Come forth and thou shalt win enternal happiness. but he came fifth so he won an electric toatser.

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linden rathen
GOLD Member since Mar 2005

linden rathen

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London, UK

Total posts: 6942
Posted:Kyrain - on your last post i will not comment

*repeats to self i will not comment* wink

i think everyone has days when they just want to make someone hurt - im ashamed to say i do

normally its the day you wake up tierd, people makin silly comments that hurt and generally life is bad - then you lash out and sadly you feel better. and if your nice you go and say sorry smile


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Sethis
BRONZE Member since Mar 2017

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:Sam, I gotta disagree with you there. I have those types of days as well, but I internalise all of it. I don't talk to anyone, avoid people and generally camp in my room until I feel a bit better, whether that is an hour or a day later. It's too easy to do something you'll regret if you're in a bad mood. I've had a 2 year friendship break down because someone was out of sorts that one day and made a comment they shouldn't have. I'm not saying that you should hide away, just that you should be careful.

I also, refuse to comment.

*Flees before the urge to play with innuendo becomes overpowering*

ubbangel


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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linden rathen
GOLD Member since Mar 2005

linden rathen

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: London, UK

Total posts: 6942
Posted:lol i knwo what you mean ross - some days though you have to go out - normally i find someone i know and snap at them just rant with them

my point was though that there are days when you go out and you want to lash out.. try as you might eventaully you have to go out on one of these days and you may get the wrong person

as for people blamking bad relationships on the other sex in general its rubbish
sometimes no matter how much you love someone you just cant stay together and not annoy each other


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Kyrian


Dreamer
Location: York, England

Total posts: 4308
Posted:wow... i totally missed what everyone was getting at with my post until sethis spelled it f*cking out for me.....

... that really wasn't intentional....


Keep your dream alive
Dreamin is still how the strong survive

Shalom VeAhavah

New Hampshire has a point....

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Page: 12

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