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Forums > Social Chat > Getting married! Good idea or bad idea?

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:Is getting wed a wonderful show of affection or just a waste of time?

plaese, your thoughts........


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screech


screech

circling on the edge of madness
Location: away with the faeries

Total posts: 889
Posted:i really don't know i got engaged once and that turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes i ever made it'd take someone really special to make me think about it again i always thought someday i'd like to but now i'm not so sure it can get really messy if things don't work out. i mean who needs a peice of paper to prove that they love someone and want to spend the rest of their life with them.

finland finland finland
the country where i want to be
pony trekking or camping
or just watching tv

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thelost
SILVER Member since Aug 2005

thelost

mmm...i feel all warm and fuzzy... 'no dude, that's your hair on fire'
Location: Birmingham

Total posts: 355
Posted:Written by: LilMissSmartyPants
There is not a doubt in my mind about us getting hitched.



Well then spank and good luck! clap

Just invite all HoPpers to the wedding tongue

*imagine the horror on the parents' faces as 20,000+ random spinners turn up *


It's better to burn out than to fade away

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raa raa


member
Location: brighton

Total posts: 9
Posted:i Divorce is something you will have to consider ONLY when the love of the relationship is lost, (not before). You should not look at it as a security, because marriage is a LIFE commitment.

If you have cold feet which many people do, then try and understand the feelings you are having. Are they just nerves? Or is there something there that you are not being totally honest about?

It is easy to forget certain issues when you know they may cause difficulty to the relationship if voiced. Just be honest with your self first then you know you can be honest with him.

Do you want to raise a family with him? For me that is the ultimate commitment and then marriage would follow after, but that is just me.

I think it is great that you have found love, good luck to ya


no body loves me every body hates me
because i eat worms

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Sethis
BRONZE Member since May 2005

Sethis

Pooh-Bah
Location: York University

Total posts: 1762
Posted:thelost_seraph: ROFLMAO... 20,000 people doing FIRE... Now that's something I want to see before I die biggrin

Hope you're having fun! hug


After much consideration, I find that the view is worth the asphyxiation.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I may disagree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

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BansheeCat
BRONZE Member since Jul 2005

veteran
Location: lost

Total posts: 1247
Posted:Just remember that the ceremony itself, and the vows you say, can have a profound transformational power. It can be a beautiful event, gathering friends and family and community around you as you state your intentions, and join together. In many ceremonies, the aspect of having them there is a way in which they witness your committment, share your happiness, and offer you their expereince and support in maintaining it( both energetically, and practically, with gifts...) . You formally become part of a greater community, a family that extends and radiates into the past and the future. Celebration of love and life.

It is a ritual that serves a high purpose, even though now is often degraded and no longer approached with consiousness. But, if you want, you can bring magic into it by focussing on the ritual of marriage, its meaning, and its purpose for both you as a couple, and the community. All the symbols within it also serve a purpose. You can subsitute your own,there is no formula needed, but it is worth acknowledging that these things are happenning.

Some people think you can take vows, and then just get a divorce when you want out. I dont think it is so easy. be careful. Consider that what you are saying, and what you are creating, in a true wedding ceremony, goes far far beyond that.... so if you chose to do it, you can bring these elements into play in a way that has significance for you and your partner. Chose symbols and words and location that has meaning for you and your future together. Be conscious of the power generated at that moment, it can be intense, and if you use it well, posatively change the nature of your relationship.

Pele earlier mentionned questions to ask yourself before taking the committment, and I think they are brilliant. Beyond that, I would make sure you and your partner have more than just love, but also share an understanding of what * exactly* marriage means to each person, and what hopes and expectations there are within that. Really talk about all aspects of it. Love is only the beginning...

best wishes!


"God *was* my co-pilot, but then we crashed, and I had to eat him..."

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Mynci
BRONZE Member since Apr 2005

Mynci

Macaque of all trades
Location: wombling free...

Total posts: 8737
Posted:You got engaged screech!!! crikey. Well I for One wouldn't mind marriage but would have to be with the right person and it would be after knowing them a long time AND knowing I could live with them for a few years.
I HATE to break a promise. If I make one and am capable of keeping it then I will, It's part of who I am, I couldn't make a vow I didn't believe with my whole heart I could keep.


A couple of balls short of a full cascade... or maybe a few cards short of a deck... we'll see how this all fans out.

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blahh


blahh

newbie
Location: Sydney

Total posts: 4
Posted:i say go for it.

i got married last year about 3 weeks before my 22nd birthday. as usual i had all kinds of horrible thoughts, being that both my parents and my husbands parents went though a bad break up while we were kids. And of course i had lot's of people tell me "your too young"
The whole trip to the wedding i was numb with "what if's" and "maybe their right's" going through my head but as soon as i saw my husband-to-be standing waiting for me, all bad thoughts melted away, i knew deep down that this felt right.

So now 10 months later i'm blissfuly happy being married to my one and only.

I don't think weddings are a waist of time. It's a celebation of your love for each other so why not share it with the special people in your lives.

I hope it all gose to plan. Good luck


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Ade
SILVER Member since Mar 2001

Are we there yet?
Location: australia

Total posts: 1897
Posted:Written by: LilMissSmartyPants

Is getting wed a wonderful show of affection or just a waste of time?

plaese, your thoughts........



I've been with my partner for 15 years and have absolutely no intention of getting married.

Don't see the point...

ubblove


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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:Oh my god - Marie you're diction has improved the past week!
Still, you spell easy words wrong, but well impressed with the word repremand!

You been taking lessons? ubblol

and if you hadn't mentioned that you were joking, I'd have done it for you hug

She's not mean really - she just likes glassing people with full glasses of milkshake (also another joke) biggrin


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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squarexbear
SILVER Member since Apr 2005

squarexbear

....of doom!
Location: Hastings, UK

Total posts: 585
Posted:i'm pretty keen on the whole idea.

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:Well, that censored broke my engagement ring last night because I lied to him. He found out (from a stupid, loud mouth cow) that our dog got picked up by the dog catcher and I got her out, but conveiniently forgot to tell him.
Was I wrong? Well frankly, NO!
He has joked in the past that if she was picked up, he would leave her there. They put the animals down if they aren't claimed within a week.
He was going to replace my ring a while back. What a good excuse for trashing the one I had without looking like a censored !
We are freinds now. ALL BETTER clap clap ubblove kiss


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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:i before e except after c.... the exception is science lol

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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Cantus
SILVER Member since Jul 2001

Cantus

Tantamount to fatuity
Location: Down the road

Total posts: 15965
Posted:Written by: LilMissSmartyPants

JUST TO CLARIFY, Mentioning divorce WAS A JOKE.:





Don't worry about it. Happens to me all the time. A throw away quip here or jolly jape there and people start getting all over excited and calling for seconds, going out to buy pistols, asking moat monsters to eat me....


It's got to the stage where i've had to change my member status to help folks along wink

Tis the nature of HoP that some mugwump will blow everything out of all proportion and all ever after will follow suit.

Count yourself lucky that people are actually reading all the posts in your thread. Mostly they never seem to bother.....


Just for the record by the way, twas a muchly crap joke. Could've been much funnier tongue


"I'll carry this....It's harder to spill a hat" - Chellybean
"...like a rabbit caught in a lighthouse?" - Chellybean

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jinvincible
GOLD Member since Nov 2004

jinvincible

king of the hedgehogs
Location: Madtown

Total posts: 125
Posted:Marriage can be a wonderful thing, or it can be a complete mistake... it is an official sanctioning of a relationship, but it says nothing about the relationship itself. In my experience, what you get out of a marriage depends on what you put in. Getting hitched doesn't automatically make a relationship better, any more than having a driver's license makes you a good driver (other than you actually have to pass a test to drive - no such thing for relationships...) Having said that, it sounds like it's the right thing to do for you.

Yellow and blue make green.

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Pele
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Pele

the henna lady
Location: WNY, USA

Total posts: 6193
Posted:Glad people are finding the questions helpful. I did wink

Written by: Sethis

Written by: Pele

4. If, gods forbid, something were to happen to all your money or to him where he couldn't be a lover anymore...would you still be there with him?




So the loss of the Female's money and the Male's sexual prowess are considered equal? ubblol ubblol

Please clarify ubbangel



"Your" money meaning the joint account, and since I was speaking with a girl I refered to "him" in the latter part, however, feel free to insert "her" there as well.

Point is...

If all the money was gone, if one of you was taken with a long term illness or in a physically vegitative but cognitive state, could you handle being with that person still?

Silly! lol


Pele
Higher, higher burning fire...making music like a choir
"Oooh look! A pub!" -exclaimed after recovering from a stupid fall
"And for the decadence of art, nothing beats a roaring fire." -TMK

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Superman
BRONZE Member since Mar 2001

Superman

member
Location: Houston, Texas

Total posts: 829
Posted:that all depends...i am a perfect example of a good idea at the time and now it hindsight it was a very bad idea. you want to know all about it drop me an email and ill let you know what i learned the hard way

Supes'


Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear.


- Mark Twain

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:Marie don't do it, he treats you like S**t!

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:I really wish i was dead today

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:hug like i said - kick him out ffs!
stop trying to make it work if he's being an arse!


Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:He'll take everything sept the curtains, my blanket, babies cot and my portable telly. I feel so depressed i want to curl up and die frown frown frown
EDITED_BY: LilMissSmartyPants (1126350703)


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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:i really hate to say i told u so.... hug

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:Why does he always manage to make an argument my fault by saying "Sorry, my fault yet again as f*****g always" I got a nice flat, gorgous kid, cute dog, I never go without and I don't get pasted in to the wall so why do I hate my life?

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:stop trying to kid yourself hun

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:I should just save the baby all the friction and get out of their lives for good. PERMINANTLY delete myself ubbcrying
It's not the first time I've wanted to do it and it won't be the last if he keeps on telling me to grow up when I say I feel depressed or cry.


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Superman
BRONZE Member since Mar 2001

Superman

member
Location: Houston, Texas

Total posts: 829
Posted:they say you have to work at a marraige..i guess that is a little bit true, but only afteryou have been together for a very long time. if you ever find yourself wondering why you love someone...then there is a problem.

Supes'


Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear--not absence of fear.


- Mark Twain

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:I don't know whats wrong with me! It's been weired since the boy was born. Am I selfish bitch by wanting out or does him braking 4 engagment rings mean it's reasonable to have serious doubts? He wont keep a large anount of tablets in the house because I have tryed to do myself in. He can be so wonderful but then I say or do somthing to annoy him.(I swear to god it's not intentional. I don't know whats happend till it's too late)
I want to drop off the face of the earth whenever I upset him. I'm so lost


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polythene


veteran
Location: London/ Surrey

Total posts: 1359
Posted:Since the boy was born? Hm, have you seen anyone about the possibility of post natal depression? Just to try and cover all the bases hug

The optimist claims that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.
The pessimist fears this is true.

Always make time to play in the snow.

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:It was like it before I got pregnant but not as bad. My bf doesn't believe that depression exists.

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TinklePants
GOLD Member since Jul 2005

TinklePants

Clique Infiltrator, Cunning Linguist and Master Debator
Location: Edinburgh burgh burrrrrr

Total posts: 4217
Posted:well he's a prick, he always has been, i'm just glad u've actually realised it!

Always use "so's your face" and "only on Tuesdays" in as many conversations possible

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LMSP
BRONZE Member since Aug 2005

LMSP

veteran


Total posts: 1588
Posted:SEE! hes being all nice to me again now. No wonder I'm so f****d up!

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