• All Purchases made this month instantly go into the draw to win a USD $ 200.00 credit to your HoP account.
 

Forums > Social Chat > warning... weird relationship occurrence No 2

Login/Join to Participate

s-p-l-a-t
member
Location: Brisbane, Qld, Australia
Member Since: 8th Mar 2001
Total posts: 383
Posted:Hiyas again,

I know I wrote a little while ago about my mate who was sick of hearing his g/fs mates talking about her past b/f. He got over that... took my advice (well... also you guys' advice.. fully accepted her past and just kinda swallowed his anxiety). For a while anyway.

But last night, he went to check his e-mail ... and he was flicking through windows in Hotmail (a bunch were open) when he found a letter his g/f's ex had written. Just dribble he reckoned, but it was signed love, blahblah (ex's name).

So he shrugs, thinking the ex is a poor man to still be hung up over her, is about to close the hotmail window when he catches a glimpse at his g/fs reply, which is a love heart then his g/fs name.

So he freaked! And rang me at about 12 am to express his concerns.

Guess I couldn't comfort him this time? I think its a bit too weird... poor bugger...

Whatr you guys reckon? He doesn't wanna confront her with it, cos she'd go off for him even reading her e-mail (however accidental it actually was..) ..

*sighs*...


The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.- B.B.King


flash fire
flash fire

Sporadically Prodigal
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 25th Jan 2001
Total posts: 2758
Posted:hmmmm, poor bugger.

IMHO the best and only approach, irrespective of the seemingly negative consequences (ie getting busted for reading her emails), is honest confrontation.

Life is just too quick and precious to waste time toying with emotional bullsh!t. If the poor lad is doing himself a disservice by being in that relationship, shouldn't he know that for his sake?

Confront the girl.... Honest relationships should have nothing to hide, and if her conscience is clear, then the principle matter of him seeing her email really shouldn't be an issue.


HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.


Flynt
Flynt

Intrepid Penguin

Member Since: 12th May 2002
Total posts: 5635
Posted:Question:

Have you ever written a letter to a friend and signed it Love suchnsuch? i do it all the time! some people just do that! take out your old birthday cards and have a look through, how many of em say, Love Aunty jack, or whatever...

i commonly when writing letters (snail mail) will draw a heart then write my name, its easier...

so ask your mate, if his girlfriend signs all her letters Love (her name), and maybe he'll see its not an affection thing so much as a habit `


Currently on the right side up of the world.


flash fire
flash fire

Sporadically Prodigal
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 25th Jan 2001
Total posts: 2758
Posted:Too right Flynt! Besides, just because a person no longer has romatic feelings towards an ex, doesn't mean that they have wiped all care and affection from their heart.

One of my personal issues in my relationship at the moment is that my bf still holds his ex as a dear and loved friend. Drives my territorial self crazy, but you can't share years with a person then just rinse it all away...


HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.


Rozi
100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 11th Jan 2002
Total posts: 2996
Posted:Agreed. I have fought really hard through a hell of a lot of misunderstandings so that I can continue to have a good relationship with my ex. I will always make it clear to everyone, including him, that I will always care about him deeply. I have an incredibly strong friendship with him.

Most of my friendships involve a hug & a touch on the arm, & a smile. Even when it is in writing.


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...


s-p-l-a-t
member
Location: Brisbane, Qld, Australia
Member Since: 8th Mar 2001
Total posts: 383
Posted:Thanks guys... after msging my mate.. discovered she's not the kinda chick to sign her letters with hearts etc... she's kind of blokey guy (e.g. beers with the guys etc... )

But its a good point about the affection and caring of an ex that she still obviously has. Drives my mate (also very territorial) crazy as well... he's just had some bad experiences (lots of cheating on him..he's too nice)

But hey flash.. how do you deal with the issue? Just kinda ignore it or something?

He's definitely considering ending their relationship though.. his hearts in a fragile status and he just doesn't need the complication of worrying about it anymore, which I guess I can understand in a way.

He's also a little sick of wandering into to ask his girly a question only to see her quickly clicking screen windows away, as though she's got something to hide...

hmm... my dear old mate may be a paranoid android but he's a sweety and deserves better I'm thinking.


The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.- B.B.King


flash fire
flash fire

Sporadically Prodigal
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 25th Jan 2001
Total posts: 2758
Posted:"Never unnderestimate the power of denial" (plastic bag guy inn American Beauty)

To be honest splat, I don't deal with it well at all. I'm not secure enough in the relationship at this stage to just deal with it! I've asked my bf to please not mention her name around me.... sad but true... flash is the jealous type!

I think if i met the girl, it probably wouldn't be so bad, but cos she's an unknown entity to me, my imagination has taken hold. *creates image of tall sex goddess with pert breasts and glowing smile, with a wit and intelligence to match* bitch!


HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.


Flynt
Flynt

Intrepid Penguin

Member Since: 12th May 2002
Total posts: 5635
Posted:Yet Flash honey, he's with YOU now....... doesnt that tell you something? If she was so wonderful marvellous (perky) why isnt he stll with her??

Lucky lucky him to be with a wonderful girly like you! and dont you forget that either!!

Splat, sounds like your friend is going to need to confront his girlfriend face on. Particularaly about the closing screens issue. Thats more of a worry in my mind, then signing off an email with the word love.....


Currently on the right side up of the world.


Rozi
100 characters max...
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 11th Jan 2002
Total posts: 2996
Posted:Only one way to deal with paranoia, confront the issue head on. Ask the question, ask the girl, do you still care for him and in what way. The response that would reassure me would be:

"Of course I still care about him. We had that many years together, he is a really good mate. But I am with you because I choose to be and love to be".

Anything less straightforward would freak me out totally.

But maybe he should ask the question of himself, why does he distrust her so much? Is it his projection? Is it her? Will he ever be happy like this?


It was a day for screaming at inanimate objects.

What this calls for is a special mix of psychology and extreme violence...


s-p-l-a-t
member
Location: Brisbane, Qld, Australia
Member Since: 8th Mar 2001
Total posts: 383
Posted:hmmm.. guess I also am somewhat of a jealous-type-girl too... which is why this freaks me out a little (cos if I was in his position I'd maybe be doing a similar thing) ...

It only really ever sprung up when my parents divorced a few years ago... made me go nothing's sacred...I mean, someone can cheat on you for 10 years after 20 years of marriage and the only reason my mother found out was cos she decided to be snoopy one day.

But anyway, he's confronted her before about her relationship with her ex.. and got a similar answer to what Rozi mentioned "I still care about her of course but I'm with you now, I want you.."

Thing is... this girl doesn't even sign her letters with a heart for my friend...so I guess ultimatley his decision is probably going to be not to buy what she tells him. A little sad.. but she knew he was fragile when she started going out with him.. oh... *sighs somemore*...

Thanks again though, all of you.. its so nice to hear varied insight into a situation that's populated by me, my best mate and our occasional freaky states of mind


The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.- B.B.King



Similar Topics

Using the keywords [warning weird relationship occurrence 2] we found the following similar topics.
1. Learn > Juggling > 2 Club Manipulation > 2 petal 3D 2 *help/resource
2. Learn > Nunchaku > Double nunchaku > 2 as 1 entrance and exit. *help/resource ways to get into manipulating 2 pairs of nunchaku connected as if...
3. Learn > Juggling > 2 Club Manipulation > 2 petal 3D *help/resource
4. Learn > Juggling > 2 Club Manipulation > 2 petal with expention *help/resource
5. Learn > Juggling > 2 Club Manipulation > 2 petal in spin *help/resource

     Show more..