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Forums > Social Discussion > judging someone by weight?

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:begin rant

Why do people in society choose to judge others by how much they weigh? I don't want this to turn into a thread about eating disorders, but on my walk home today, I received less than pleasant comments from two ladies walking by me.

Now, first off, I'm not a large person. Quite the opposite actually. I'm skinny, and there is nothing I can do about it. They made comments along the lines of me being anorexic and bolemic and why didn't I just eat? Well, how does one civilally respond to that? I've learned that just saying I do eat doesn't get my point across as they think I'm one of those girls that just picks at a salad when out on a date.

The fact is, I eat, and quite a bit. I've eaten more than the last 2 guys I've dated at most meals. I eat breakfast, lunch, dinner, and at least 3 snacks a day. My body needs the food. It lets me know if I haven't fed it enough or recent enough. I physically pass out if I don't consume enough.

It's not my fault the waistline of americans (and many other nations) are growing. Why do people like to make others they know nothing about feel bad? If there was something I could do to gain weight, trust me, I would. I've tried weight training. That gained me all of 5 pounds even when I did it for over a year (I had a class, so I had no choice but to work out 3 times a week). My body is healthy, so why?

Does it make people feel good to put others down? Do they get some instant kick from it? How do they feel an hour later? Do they even think what those types of comments can do to someone else?

Personally, I don't think I'm too skinny. I've been within 5 pounds of my current weight for over 15 years. It's obviously the weight I'm meant to be. I'm very happy with that.

rant over

ok, thanks for listening. I apparently needed to get that off my chest. biggrin

now off to find some cheese and crackers


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Posted:hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug

Unfortunately, no dieting can change the percentage of fat in some people's heads! wink


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Spanner
BRONZE Member since Feb 2003

Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere...

Total posts: 2790
Posted:I've had the same comments about anoxeria made about me, despite the fact that my weight has never been dangerously low. I also reserved the right to take offence to that, because they weren't constructive or out of concern at all - the people who made them were usually those who wouldn't think twice about making the same kinds of comments about those with greater weight.

Written by: spritie

Personally, I don't think I'm too skinny. I've been within 5 pounds of my current weight for over 15 years. It's obviously the weight I'm meant to be. I'm very happy with that.



Having had a quick look at your photo gallery, my opinion's exactly the same. You're slim but well proportioned and quite a picture of health. hug


"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

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Gnarly Cranium
SILVER Member since Feb 2005

Gnarly Cranium

member
Location: San Francisco

Total posts: 186
Posted:In general, folks do not understand how the body works. Staying active and eating a lot gives a person a HIGH metabolism. You are one such person. It is a very GOOD thing. If you want to gain any weight, continue working out and make sure to get tons of protein (like 2x the usually recommended daily amount or more) in your diet so you can put on some muscle. Your body cannot manufacture protein on its own, it has to get it from your diet, and you need a lot (minimum 5 ounces or so) just to maintain the muscle you have, and plenty extra for repairing it when working out and building more.

The people who gripe at you for being too thin are just jealously wishing they had such a metabolism themselves. Most folks don't comprehend the fact that when someone eats too little it actually slows your metabolism down as your body tries to become more economical, thinking it's in the middle of a famine. So perceptions tend to be all backwards.

American culture especially is full of all sorts of sick misconceptions... not to mention this bizarre competitive meanness that everything in our media and the general populace hammers into people all the time. We don't live in cooperative, caring communities. Emotional fulfillment and growth is actively shunned and mocked, leaviing the general populace disgruntled and incapable of dealing with their own lives, miserable and not knowing why, and in many cases the ONLY source of fun or satisfaction that these people understand is putting others down. They will take any opportunity they can get to devalue what others have and they don't. It's really sad. Don't take it personally, they really don't know what they're doing.


"Ours is not to question The Head; it is enough to revel in the ubiquitous inanity of The Head, the unwanted proximity of The Head, the unrelenting HellPresence of The Head, indeed the very UNYIELDING IRRELEVANCE of The Head!" --Revelation X

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Valura
SILVER Member since Apr 2002

Valura

Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia

Total posts: 6391
Posted:I think you look fantastic. You are NOT anywhere near anorexic, and people dont even realise that their comments hurt so much. Keep your head held high and next time you walk past these women, shake your ass and tell them that they are jealous.

TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

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KaelGotRice
GOLD Member since Jul 2003

KaelGotRice

Basu gasu bakuhatsu - because sometimes buses explode
Location: Angel's Landing, USA

Total posts: 1584
Posted:Most other americans are fat, except for me.

People think I'm anorexic, but I'm actually just hypoglycemic.


To do: More Firedrums 08 video?
Wildfire/US East coast fire footage
LA/EDC glow/fire footage
Fresno fire

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ubbrollsmile.gif" alt="" />

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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 4145
Posted:Maybe they were just very self-conscious about themselves and not intelligent enough to realise ranting about other people won't make them feel much better smile

I've had people made comments about my weight for the past 10 years, and none of them really had much to say except for "you're fat". Usually it comes from very small and skinny guys who'd actually NEED an anorexic dwarf-woman to make them appear manly and muscular, or girls that defined themselves by their looks and therefore had to make sure everyone thought they were the better-/healthier-/more attractive-looking. Of course it's still annoying, but it usually happens when people are not happy about something and don't find a better way to vent it, so pity them and move on wink


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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Medusa
BRONZE Member since Nov 2003

Medusa

veteran
Location: 8 days at Cloudbreak, 6 in Per...

Total posts: 1433
Posted:I know how you feel I had the same problem and I get it at work nearly every week.

I got so sick of one lady saying it that I looked her straight in the face and dared her to say it again, when she asked why, I told her "so that I can record it and put in an official complaint against you for spreading rumours".

Needless to say she hasn't said anything since.

I can't help it if my metabolism is fast...I eat and I eat plenty but no matter how much I eat I just can't put on weight.

Why can't people learn to except people for who they are on the inside not what we look like on the outside....


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Stone
GOLD Member since Jun 2001

Stream Entrant
Location: Melbourne

Total posts: 2830
Posted:Perhaps they are just envious of someone with a fast metabolism.

Next time pull out a chocolate bar and start munching.

smile


If we as members of the human race practice meditation, we can transcend our fear, despair, and forgetfulness. Meditation is not an escape. It is the courage to look at reality with mindfulness and concentration. Thich Nhat Hanh

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ImmortalAngel
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

Scientist!
Location: Waterloo, Ontario, Canada

Total posts: 578
Posted:Stupid people are just to common in this day and age. Stupid of course meant to mean insensitve and ignorant.

I am a fairly skinny guy. I'm just under 6 feet tall, and my natural weight is around 130ish. I'm not bone skinny, but I don't have alot of meat on my arms. I do martial arts 4-5 times a week and am fairly strong for my age/size/weight.
I have a bad memory though and sometimes I can and have gone 2-3 days with out eating anything substantial (only things like a small bag of chips or something), and my weight will stay the same. On the other side, I can eat 4 full sized meals a day and not gain a pound.
It took me 4 months of not working out and eating incredibly high fat foods (think italian deli and bakery for every meal) for me to even gain 10 lbs.

I get alot of "Dude you're so small!" and "Man are you like anorexic?" or "Dude you're like a stick!". -.- People are stupid sometimes, it's when you have good friends who don't care anything about physical image and love you despite that, that everything is good and ok biggrin

My suggestion; go get some friends to stroke your ego, and all will feel better...either that or a nice hot bath and choclate pudding and a good book and some candles...*drool*


Educate your self in the Hazards of Fire Breathing <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> STAY SAFE! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/hug.gif" alt="" />

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SpitFire
GOLD Member since Dec 2002

Mand's Girl....and The Not So Shy One
Location: Calgary, Alberta Canada

Total posts: 2723
Posted:Haa haa...would be perfect, but spritie doesn't like chocolate.

Odd bird, that spritie!

Seriously, though, sprites, they were jealous. If you don't know them, then shrug off their comments. They are petty and feel the need to put others down to make themselves feel good.


Solitude sometimes speaks to you, and you should listen.

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Eera
BRONZE Member since May 2003

old hand
Location: In a test pit, Mackay

Total posts: 1107
Posted:I have to put my hand in the air and admit to privately judging people on all manner of things from their weight to their shoes to the magazine they read. Not to people I know though, only strangers. It's kind of interesting to compare your first impression with what you come to know about a person further down the line.

People you know won't judge you for anything other than what you are. And if people who you don't know do, then to hell with them.


There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.

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ben-ja-men
GOLD Member since Jun 2003

ben-ja-men

just lost .... evil init
Location: Adelaide

Total posts: 2474
Posted:i had a look in your gallery, u look trim taught and terriffic id take their comment as a compliment that came out wrong smile

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?

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Gnor
BRONZE Member since Mar 2003

Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth

Total posts: 5814
Posted:I see someone and sometimes think in my head..man your thin. After having kids and becoming a classic pear shape for me I think its a pure jealousy thought, so I agree with all above. I went from very slender do nothing eat everything to huge with all the kids.

Genetics play such a role in our bodies as well as what we eat/do. Our society dictates what we should look like and pressures those not in the current figure shape. These people probably dont really understand anorexia and buliemia anyways.

If you are comfortable in the way you look feel, which is what comes across, spread that comfort rather than upseting these people with no understanding and poor self image. I agree with Bens comment that its almost a badly worded compliment.


Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

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Konsti


Konsti

lovable smart-ass
Location: vineyards, Vienna, Austria

Total posts: 785
Posted:spritie
if someone says anything to you again, you should start yelling hysterically while clamping to their feet and begging for food....

im sure that will take care of them and maybe score you a free meal.
wink


"is optimism in austria just a lack of information?"
-Alfred Dorfer

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vanize
SILVER Member since Aug 2001

vanize

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas

Total posts: 3899
Posted:excellent idea Konsti.

High metabolisms cost a lot of money to maintain - so a free meal is always welcome.

I'm one of the few people I know that can out-eat Spritie BTW (and I have to fight to maintain weight too).


-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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_Clare_
BRONZE Member since Oct 2002

_Clare_

Still wiggling
Location: Belfast

Total posts: 5967
Posted:I agree... it's a terrible thing when people are attacked about their size. And it's part of a totally skewed modern mentality about what people are supposed to look like.

If you're too big, you must be lazy and stupid, if you're too small, you must have 'personal issues'.

Of course, this venom applies on the other side too. How many of you posting on this thread have looked at a fat person who says they have thyroid problems and said (even in your head) 'yeah, right, you just eat too much'.

Because it's exactly the same thing you're protesting against here.

I think it's time people stopped listening to what's coming out of Hollywood and the US image of 'celebrity' (and it is a particularly US thing... European celebrities really don't HAVE to look like that) and what is the 'body beautiful'... and start accepting people for what they are.


Getting to the other side smile

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:Thanks everyone. hug

These two ladies are some I've never seen before, so I can be fairly certain I won't come in contact with them again. I've walked the same route home for over 2 years, and never seen them, so the chances are good.

Spanner, thanks. I ought to look in the gallery more often to find out what people really look like. I've had you pegged for being a skinny guy for about a year. redface Instead, you are an attractive female. Sorry about that.

Medusa, kudos to you for standing up to your coworker. That takes guts.

Stone, if I liked chocolate, you can bet I'd do that. Somehow, I don't think the granola bar I carry in my purse would have the same effect. ubblol

eera, luckily everyone I interact with (both friends and co-workers) know I eat a bunch. In fact, it's actually a joke at the office because all the higher ups have seen me eat on business trips, and they are just baffled that I can consume so much (and so often). I've got one higher up that can survive on just a bowl of soup a day. I'd be dead if I did that.

Konsti, that sounds like a fine, fine solution. You think they'd feed me anything I liked?

A badly worded compliment? huh, that thought hadn't crossed my mind before. Does snickering after saying something also imply it might still be a compliment?

Firepoise, I actually have said thyroid problem, so I should technically be fat. Thus, I know it isn't a necessary symptom of the disease (mine is severly underactive). So, having someone with an underactive thyroid say they are fat simply because of that is in some respects false. I wasn't fat before diagnosis, and I had been undiagnosed for probably 9 years (I most likely became that way while preggers). People with an underactive (hypothyroid) are not fat simply because of their problem.


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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 4145
Posted:Written by: spritie

People with an underactive (hypothyroid) are not fat simply because of their problem.



Some are; be happy you've been spared that! I had a friend at uni who approximately doubled her weight because of her thyroid, and I hardly ever saw her eating anything. True, she didn't do much sports, but then half of the time she was feeling so sick she hardly made it into the lectures.

And after all you've been saying about you eating much and being thin, and people judging you for it, now you go and make generalisations about people! rolleyes


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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ben-ja-men
GOLD Member since Jun 2003

ben-ja-men

just lost .... evil init
Location: Adelaide

Total posts: 2474
Posted:Written by: spritie

A badly worded compliment? huh, that thought hadn't crossed my mind before. Does snickering after saying something also imply it might still be a compliment?




i think the snicker after the comment probably more likely implys them crying on the inside from self loathing


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:Sorry, Birgit, I wasn't making generalizations. I'm well educated on the disease as I'll have it for the rest of my life (since mine is an auto-immune disorder). People are not overweight simply because of their thyroid. That is a fact. There are other mitigating factors (genetics and symptoms are some of them) that play into it that all rolled together can cause them to gain weight. However, since this problem is not seen in each and every person with an underactive thyroid, it can not be the sole cause of weight gain. Yes, it can "help" someone to gain weight, but it isn't mandatory. That's all I was trying to say.



What actually bugs me the most is the people that whine about their weight on a constant, consistent basis, but yet the choose to do nothing about it. If there is something you don't like about yourself, I'd think you want to learn to improve it. At least I do when I notice such a thing.



I've never personally made a comment to an overweight or underweight person about the way they look. I have, however, helped several overweight individuals devise a plan to help them shed some of their extra pounds or to be able to just move around better. Eating smaller portions - which can be done simply by putting your food on a smaller plate so that it looks like you are still filling your plate, and walking a mile a day are some easy ways to start. You'd be amazed at how much better your body feels just after that small amount of movement when you are used to none. Exercising does not have to mean running 30 minutes a day. It has been shown that walking can be just as beneficial, and it's usually much easier on your joints.


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polythene


veteran
Location: London/ Surrey

Total posts: 1359
Posted:I have high metabolism too... Set myself a target weight, reached it, am sustaining it, so I tend not to get comments about being too skinny anymore, but I do get comments when people see what I eat. I've learned not to care... I'll eat what I want, when I want and not let anyone put me off. (...and always buy trousers with a size to spare so I can eat more doughnuts smile)

The optimist claims that we are living in the best of all possible worlds.
The pessimist fears this is true.

Always make time to play in the snow.

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:Good for you, polythene. I, too, have developed that attitude when people actually see me eat. They make comments (mostly amazement) and I just let them slide because, dammit, I'm hungry and I'm gonna eat until I no longer feel that way. biggrin

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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 4145
Posted:Spritie, I wasn't accusing you of making comments on fat (or skinny) people, hope you didn't get that impression!

I just meant that in some cases, getting a thyroid disorder IS the thing that makes them gain weight, especially if they don't have your metabolism and have had to fight with their weight before getting the disorder! So while it may not be the only reason they're fat, it may well be the one thing that made them. In most medical books you'll find "weight loss" for thyroid hyperfunction and the opposite for hypofunction, so there must be something to it...

I've been diagnosed with Hashimoto (another one of those thyroid autoimmune thingies) a few years ago by a not very good doctor. Luckily it turned out about 1 1/2 years later that I didn't have it after all, after the old doctor had retired and the new one actually took my "I'm taking everything you prescribe but it makes me feel worse" more seriously than the previous one.

When I thought I had Hashimoto, I did go on a few forums and found that lots of people did gain weight. Of course, some of them may have just let themselves go, I don't doubt that! I didn't stay on there for long, because most people WERE the whining sort you mentioned, and since I've learned to live with being chronically ill since I was 2 years old, I really can't stand people that never stop complaining. You'll find that I'm not moaning about my weight lots (and when I do it's mostly pretty obvious that I'm actually laughing at myself), and people usually think I appear quite self-confident. I'll think about the smaller plate idea though, this sounds like a cunning plan smile


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:Thanks for the clarification, Birgit. I do agree with all that you have said.

I'm amazed that you found a doc that disagnosed you wrongly. In most instances, you hear of people with all the classic symptoms, but docs refusing to disgnose them. Not the other way around. Lucky for you that you don't actually have Hashi's. I wish I didn't at times. Funny thing though, the only way I can tell my meds are at too high of a dose is when I actually need to eat a full meal every 2 hours instead of just a protein snack. That's when I go bitching to my doc.

The plate thing has certainly helped a few people. It's actually something I've done my whole life. Since I'm on the small side, I've always used salad plates for my dinner (or soup like bowls for rice or pasta dishes) instead of the full sized dinner plates. If my body needs seconds, so be it.


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Birgit
BRONZE Member since Jan 2005

Birgit

had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
Location: Edinburgh

Total posts: 4145
Posted:Yes, I've heard lots of those stories, too! The fact that most people get really worried about feeling bad and not knowing why makes lots of doctors put them into the psychosomatic corner...

My friend's wife has recently been diagnosed, too, and now they know why she's been trying to get pregnant for years and it didn't work. God only knows how many times she went to the doctors because of that and of feeling tired and cold a lot! I hope they'll get it under control so things work out for them.

I went to the doc because my heart had been racing for a few days every now and then, so he thought it might be Hashimoto. Then he sent me to ultrasound, and that guy thought it might just be hormones from the pill, but apparently he saw something in the ultrasound that made him change his mind.
So I got higher and higher doses of thyroid hormones until one day, after my final exams, that and the stress and the insulin I have to inject for being a diabetic apparently worked nicely together and I collapsed in the middle of a supermarket! It wasn't like usual hypoglycemia that you can feel coming, either... so I went back to the other doc and after that to lots of other people, too, to have brainscans (cause they thought it might be the control of the thyroid that might be f***ed up. nice pictures though!!), have my heart checked out and everything, and apparently I'm fine. I never heard anything again about what the ultrasound guy had seen in his pictures though my doctor said he'd get back to him and ask, so I figure since he never mentioned anything that's where the problem really was! But it was VERY annoying to be worried about all the Hashimoto stuff and to take medicines for over a year that were totally unnecessary and actually made me feel worse frown


"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half

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Spanner
BRONZE Member since Feb 2003

Spanner

remembers when it was all fields round here
Location: in the works... somewhere...

Total posts: 2790
Posted:Written by: spritie

Spanner, thanks. I ought to look in the gallery more often to find out what people really look like. I've had you pegged for being a skinny guy for about a year. redface Instead, you are an attractive female. Sorry about that.




Oh, that's a recent upload. And you're not the first to think I'm male, no worries ubblol

I'd be interested to know why you thought I was a skinny one though, just out of curiosity and as we're on that kind of subject smile


"I thought you are man, but
you are nice woman.

yay,

:R"

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spritie
SILVER Member since Sep 2001

spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX

Total posts: 2014
Posted:maybe it had to do with your avatar? I thought/ think you are tall too. Or maybe that's because I associate a span as being long and rather thin.

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Adya Miriyana
GOLD Member since Feb 2005

Adya Miriyana

*slou?
Location: Adelaide

Total posts: 6554
Posted:I too am skinny for my age, and amount I eat. I've had girls at work calling me a bitch just because of the size I naturally am.

usually, I just shrug it off, and figure they're jealous or something. but when you stop to think about it, its aggravating that someone would personally attack you just because of the way you look or size you are [whether being small or large].

i think these days, people derive too much enjoyment out of putting down others. its sad that the world seems to be heading that way so quickly...


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KaelGotRice
GOLD Member since Jul 2003

KaelGotRice

Basu gasu bakuhatsu - because sometimes buses explode
Location: Angel's Landing, USA

Total posts: 1584
Posted:5 foot 8 inches and 105 pounds. go me.

Hmm, I'm hungry...


To do: More Firedrums 08 video?
Wildfire/US East coast fire footage
LA/EDC glow/fire footage
Fresno fire

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ubbrollsmile.gif" alt="" />

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_Aime_
SILVER Member since Jan 2004

_Aime_

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hastings

Total posts: 4172
Posted:im a curvy lady biggrin

Size 16, big boobs and bum. And honeslty I can't remember the last hateful comment I had since before..primary school?

I don't eat constantly like some people assume, i eat relitivly ok, not nearly good enough but what 16 yr old does?

I walk 3 miles 5 days a week to and from school. kickboxing twice and week, and atm im dancing 3-4 times a week aswell. I just keep my hips biggrin they don't go, but im not really bothered about it either

I thinks its about how confident your are within yourslef as to how people treat you

as for strangers who give you comments, they prolly have a big wart somewhere so just ignore them smile

EDITED_BY: *Aime* (1109844909)


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