Valura
Valura

Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Member Since: 25th Apr 2002
Total posts: 6391
Posted:I will pre warn you by saying that I am so angry right now about this topic that I may rant and rage a wee bit.

You have been warned.

So here I am last night **unsuspecting chicken** watching a current affair, sees a story saying how the church will be placing restrictions on the *acceptable* personal momentos/songs/attitudes to have at peoples funerals.

It was reported that any songs that are not *religious* will not be permitted to be played at the funeral.

No personal momentos will be permitted to be placed on the caskit, they perfer short eulogies, not long rambling ones, and anything personal can be done at a vigil the night before.

what the [censored]!?!?

I am so angry about this. The church dictating to people how to grieve for the loss of the loved one? who do they think they are?!

I know that due to the fact that we lost someone from our family makes this a particular issue that is close to my heart at this moment in time.
I tell ya what though, if the priest had approached us and said that our choice of music or the eulogy was inapproiate, I swear he would have recieved the tounge lashing of a lifetime.

Grieving is a personal thing and a funeral is a celebration of a persons life. Each person is individual and therefore each funeral is individual, and I am totally resisting the church trying to make us the faceless masses that need to conform to THEIR wishes.

Guess what church? THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU.

mad2 mad2 mad2

If my mate wants a six pack of beer placed on top of their casket, then they will get it there dammit. ESPICALLY if it makes people smile in remeberance.

nobody is going to tell me how to have my funeral, espically the church.
censored censored censored censored censored censored censored


TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

Delete Topic

=Flashpoint=
=Flashpoint=

Pasta of Muppets
Location: in the interwebs...
Member Since: 1st Sep 2004
Total posts: 2719
Posted:Val:

Yes.

Nuff said... Someone I know had "duelling banjos" as the play out in the crematorium.

Thar you go...


ohmygodlaserbeamspewpewpew!
ubbrollsmileubbrollsmileubbrollsmileubbrollsmile

Delete

flash fire
flash fire

Sporadically Prodigal
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 25th Jan 2001
Total posts: 2758
Posted:Sweetness! hug I'm surprised at your outrage. Surely you've known for the longest time that the church has been dictating most aspects of its congregations lives for centuries! That's why many people actively choose to no longer be a part of that congregation and choose to respect god/life/creative force in their own personal way.

My advice - stop watching bloody current affairs programs. They poison the brain.


HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.

Delete

Hubert_Cumberdale
Hubert_Cumberdale

[psylocibin fingerbobe].
Location: London
Member Since: 11th Dec 2004
Total posts: 479
Posted:It varies from church to church, and often from clergyman to clergyman.

Most vicars or preists I have found to be very understanding on this topic - after all, like you said it's a personal occasion relevant to those who knew the deceased.

On the other hand according to some churchmen, from the religious perspective, YOU are coming to THEM for a Christian service, so why shouldn't they enforce Christian morals on their ceremony.

This is why I wouldn't want a Christian service for me. Just a straighforward gathering of family & good mates will do for me. Some uplifting smiley music to go with it too - I hate all that glumness. Jamaicans seem to know how to send someone off properly (with dancin!!! wink)


Delete

flash fire
flash fire

Sporadically Prodigal
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Member Since: 25th Jan 2001
Total posts: 2758
Posted:I've actually walked out on a funeral before. It was the xmas holidays between year 11 and year 12 at a catholic high school and one of our classmates had committed suicide. So, this priest has a church full of impressionable teenagers confused at the sudden suicide of a friend, then proceeds to preach on the evils of suicide and damnation of the soul.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I went there to remember Scott and say goodbye, not to be preached at and told that Scott's soul was forever damned because he took his own life. I can only assume that the family asked for such a sermon, as some attempt to discourage the rest of us angsty teenagers from doing something similar.

I walked out. Several of my friends came with me. We then proceeded to celebrate Scott's life in our own way.


HoP Posting Guidelines
Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?
If you can answer YES to these 4 questions then you may post a reply.

Delete

Hubert_Cumberdale
Hubert_Cumberdale

[psylocibin fingerbobe].
Location: London
Member Since: 11th Dec 2004
Total posts: 479
Posted:Good for you, I'm sure Scott would have preferred it that way.

It must have been awful, especially for family too, to hear moralising about the manner of a loved ones death in that way frown

At least you made the occasion special in your own way afterwards.


Delete

Cantus
Cantus

Tantamount to fatuity
Location: Down the road
Member Since: 30th Jul 2001
Total posts: 15965
Posted:My grandmother's funeral is tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it.

Not solely because of the sorrow aspect which obviously is a huge part, but also because certain people made it clear at the last family funeral i attended (just 5 short weeks ago) that my presence was barely tolerated and made me feel extremely uncomfortable.


It seems my ways of dealing with grief (such as celebrating the life of the deceased and smiling at happy memories, or making light of the situation) are not the norm and are almost violently frowned upon.

seems to me to be sad state of affairs when some people aren't allowed to express themselves in the was they see fit.


Although more and more at the moment i'm beginning to realise that I'm alone in thinking like this frown


"I'll carry this....It's harder to spill a hat" - Chellybean
"...like a rabbit caught in a lighthouse?" - Chellybean

Delete

gita
gita

.:*distracted by shiny things*:.
Location: brizvegas
Member Since: 13th Oct 2003
Total posts: 3776
Posted:i think it must vary between churches...i've been to too many funerals recently and there were lots of personal touches!

in high school this girl that everyone loved, died suddenly of a brain anuerysm (spelling?). and her funeral was actually called a 'celebration of life'. there was music & balloons & the family asked people not to wear black. this girl loved every other colour, so we all wore colourful clothes. it was amazing.

and nanna's funeral we actually took stuff up to the casket, explained what it was, and put it on top! we even had photos on a powerpoint slideshow!

funerals are too personal to put restrictions on!! i think laughing at funerals is good too! it lifts the mood, and gives the tissues a little break! we had a family joke in my nan's eulogy - and only immediate family got it. actually we had that at nanna's too!! ubblol

hug for cantus! hope it goes as ok as it can for you tomorrow! if not - you could always have your own goodbye - complete with laughs and silliness and happy memories!!


do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good to eat!

if at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished!

smile! grin it confuses people!

Delete

Gnor
Gnor

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Perth
Member Since: 31st Mar 2003
Total posts: 5814
Posted:If the family choose to have a priest, especially a priest that they have only met to organise the service its likely you will not get what you want. A celebant is usually more flexible. Our friends service was an armed medieval escort of the funeral car and a sword arch as the SES carried the casket in. A celebant and a druid ran the service from memory and it was a reflection of 3 major parts of a very private mans life. His mum called it "the secret life of Nick".
His friends from the group we shared with him and his family had a wake at our place that for many of us was the farewell and as we threw rosemary on the fire we each spoke of what Nick meant to us.


Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

Delete

Hubert_Cumberdale
Hubert_Cumberdale

[psylocibin fingerbobe].
Location: London
Member Since: 11th Dec 2004
Total posts: 479
Posted:Best of luck for tomorrow, Cantus frown

I hope it goes Ok for you & your family.


Delete

=Flashpoint=
=Flashpoint=

Pasta of Muppets
Location: in the interwebs...
Member Since: 1st Sep 2004
Total posts: 2719
Posted:Cantus:
There are many people in the world who share your views. When my Mum died it was so sudden, so the shock factor kinda outweighed the celebration. But we give thanks for having had my Mum, and we laugh about how good her cooking was. She made all 3 of us guys (Dad, my Brother and me) good cooks by proxy, and she taught us her life's work. That cake I made was sorta her recipie, and I modded it a bit, in her best traditions. I cant pick up a pan now without thinking of her, and grinning about how she told me how to make stuff "No! Youre going to burn it! I dont want to eat charcoal and sludge"

Stay cool dude, and celebrate the gift we have been loaned.


ohmygodlaserbeamspewpewpew!
ubbrollsmileubbrollsmileubbrollsmileubbrollsmile

Delete

NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:OOPS! I really need to stop skimming. I totally read Valura's post wrong twice. My condolances on your recent loss.



**



The ONLY thing is... and I think people forget this... sometimes people only go to church for funerals and weddings. If you're an active member of the church, it means you're buying into all of their rules and can help them make policy and such. If you're not an active member of the church, then why would you want to have the funeral there in the first place?



I've seen too many times people lying and cheating so they can get into church funerals and weddings even though they rarely go to church.



If you're regularly attending church, it probably means you've already bought into what they're selling, which includes strict guidelines over what can and can't be played. And actually, I agree with their right to do that as a church should be more important than any of it's partitioners.



My real point is: "Why would you have a funeral at a church who's policies you don't believe in anyway?" I think it's hypocritical to only believe in God in death and when you want a pretty place to get married. You can always find a funeral parlor that would allow any sorts of festivities or celebration, or have a private ceremony at a home.



I certainly don't want to have my funeral in a church as I'm not religious. I don't believe in many of the ideals of the church in life, so why would I want to support them in my death? Frankly, I'd be happy being rolled in a rug and thrown off the Brooklyn Bridge. Or burried in a shallow grave in Jersey next to Jimmy Hoffa. As long as I was 98 years old at the time. wink

EDITED_BY: NYC (1106267801)


Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

Delete

spritie
spritie

Pooh-Bah
Location: Galveston, TX
Member Since: 9th Sep 2001
Total posts: 2014
Posted:NYC, I feel exactly the same way. Thank you for expressing those thoughts much better than I was capable of when I tried yesterday (i opted not to post it)

Delete

Valura
Valura

Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Member Since: 25th Apr 2002
Total posts: 6391
Posted:Nyc, Spritie, and flash... I agree with you100 percent. I personally wouldnt have a funeral in a church, because it goes against everything I stand for, The reason why Im so het up about it is becasue a couple of weeks ago when Natasha died (arsns sister) we had to have the service in a church as it was her in laws wishes.
As these rules are being passed very shortly we were lucky that we were aloud to have the type of service that Nat would have wanted, yet whats going to happen to the people who have a service AFTER the rules are bought in... I think Im just raging against the church trying to control everything, and a lot of the time a persons wishes arnt followed through after death and people who would want a private funeral get their servcie forced into the church because of the social notion that its the *right thing to do*
Natasha didnt like church. She wouldnt have wanted the servcie in a church... but ya know it ended up being the wishes of her husband and in laws that were followed.

Cantus,. Im sos orry to hear that your nan passed sweetheart, I have sent you an angel to hold your hand today...
hug hug hug


TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

Delete

Skulduggery
Skulduggery

Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
Location: Wales
Member Since: 12th Aug 2004
Total posts: 8428
Posted:Valura, this is obviously a painful subject for you at the moment. You have wounds that still need to heal. hug

I see it like this.... If you have really strong wishes about what happens to your body after you die you must make a Will stating exactly what you wish to happen. You must make it known to all your loved ones that this Will exists. If you really want your wishes to take place you have to sort it out whilst you are alive. There is only one sure thing in life and that is, you will die. Making a Last Will and testament is not going to make this happen any sooner and it is not going to bring gloom and doom into your life. You can make it as simple as you like, but remember to keep it up dated. Don't think of it as wishing your life away, but more of taking care of those you love even after you are gone. If you die intestate (i.e. having not made a Will) it can get very complicated for those left behind.

I personally don't want a church funeral. Just dig me a hole in a forest and plant a tree on top of me. You can't get better company to leave your body with than a tree!

I will say one thing about making a Will that gives instructions on what to do with your bodily remain. You won't be there and your loved ones will be in pain. Don't ask them to do things that will make the pain of losing you worse. Intricate instructions and wishes may seem fine now whilst you are alive and well but to a person in mourning just getting up in the morning and facing the day without you could be a mammoth task let alone arranging a complicated funeral.

The Church, I think, has a right to make rules on how it conducts its services. They do it for all their ceremonies, not just funerals. Most religions have rules and regulations about what you can and can't do when someone dies. Its part of the structure of their worship.

To all those grieving right now hug Take care of yourselves and those around you.

Sorry if this rambled on and on.... maybe I shouldn't have written this..... I don't know.


Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!

Delete

Faberg
veteran
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Member Since: 26th Aug 2003
Total posts: 1459
Posted:my ex's granddad had Ravel's Bolero played at his funeral, in an RC church in the Netherlands

the choice of music shocked the majority of the congregation, half of them told us afterwards that they had trouble trying to block out the mental image of Bo Derek in a wet t-shirt running up the beach ubblol

hug to valura, arsn & cantus


My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely smile

Delete

dromepixie
dromepixie

veteran
Location: Florida
Member Since: 20th May 2002
Total posts: 1463
Posted:Written by: flash fire

My advice - stop watching bloody current affairs programs. They poison the brain.



ditto
WISE WORDS!!!!
TV POISON
SOUL ROTTING STUFF
HORID
AVOID WHEN POSSIBLE!

WISE WORDS

HUGS biggrin


JUGGLEwithyourmind!

Delete

dromepixie
dromepixie

veteran
Location: Florida
Member Since: 20th May 2002
Total posts: 1463
Posted:Written by: B-Skulduggery

I personally don't want a church funeral. Just dig me a hole in a forest and plant a tree on top of me. You can't get better company to leave your body with than a tree!



I think this thread is both beautiful and painful to read. I have been frequenting cementaries lately... I have a facination with peoples concept of death and our human habit to put organic bodies within relatively inorganic or slowly decomposing matter... Whilst taking up vast ammounts of space...
I believe these issues are caused generally by religion and the arrogant wish to keep the dead instead of letting them rest in their rightful place.

I selected this quote as less than fourteen hours ago a person I was chatting to suggested that instead of putting our dead in boxes we do exactly what this quote suggests.

PLANT A TREE

WHAT A CONCEPT!

At least in London the graveyards would be an amazing place where we could visit loved ones in a 'wild' setting...

And to think that after the years you can see the memory of your loved on grow so to speak. Into something beautiful like nature... WOW celebrating the leaving of one entity by planting another... I think that pretty beautiful and deep!

I am actually almost in tears... well I am... This thread has touched me in a way I cannot describe. I dont understand why people cannot just let souls RIP like we know they should...

I thinks its absurd that the 'Church' has to tell people how to grieve... I guess its a new level of control... Dont let them keep you under control.

I read a grave recently that had a beautiful poem on it... The idea being:
Please do not come to grieve for me
I am not here
I did not die...

I will update it soon with the exact text found on the grave.


biggrin

For all those who have loved and lost the memories are the true aspects to keep. The beauty of life is what we must celebrate, the amazing ability to even have the experience of being here! Not the pain associated with death. Death is but a rebirth and we WILL all die after all its the only thing in life thats for sure!

Dont let the church affect you! You have free mind feel free to celebrate someones life instead of being disturbed by their death. Its your choice and you can do it all in your mind. Others too weak to see the significance of these imposed conditions will have to live their own truth. There is nothing we can do except maintain our true beliefs close to our hearts. Something which I'm sure most people do.

In fact death is probably one of the most refreshing experiences any of us could ever have. Death and rebirth..... LIFE, no???

huggles hug and respect to those who have lost,
my thoughts are with you
k kiss


JUGGLEwithyourmind!

Delete

JauntyJames
JauntyJames

Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Hampshire College, MA, USA
Member Since: 22nd Dec 2004
Total posts: 3533
Posted:is "highway to hell" religious?

-James

"How do you know if you're happy or sad without a mask? Or angry? Or ready for dessert?"

Delete

dromepixie
dromepixie

veteran
Location: Florida
Member Since: 20th May 2002
Total posts: 1463
Posted:Thats so deep in so few words! Amazing!

JUGGLEwithyourmind!

Delete

roarfire
roarfire

comfortably numb
Location: The countryside
Member Since: 8th Jul 2004
Total posts: 2676
Posted:I've been lucky enough, that I'm nearly 18, and I have not yet been to a funeral.

Hopefully those restrictions are just a phase...I'm sure they'll get plently of angry comments and they will take back what they said.


.All things are beautiful if we take the time to look.

Delete

Valura
Valura

Mumma Hen
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Member Since: 25th Apr 2002
Total posts: 6391
Posted:Written by:
is "highway to hell" religious?



AHAHAHA!!!!

*Smirks at church*


TAJ "boat mummy." VALURA "yes sweetie you went on a boat, was daddy there with you?" TAJ "no, but monkey on boat" VALURA "well then sweetie, Daddy WAS there with you"

Delete

gita
gita

.:*distracted by shiny things*:.
Location: brizvegas
Member Since: 13th Oct 2003
Total posts: 3776
Posted:ubblol

do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good to eat!

if at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished!

smile! grin it confuses people!

Delete


Similar Topics

Using the keywords [funeral* church] we found the following similar topics.
1. Forums > Funerals and the church [22 replies]
2. Forums > Funeral song [26 replies]
3. Forums > Calling all London peeps - Church (not to pray) [7 replies]
4. Forums > CULT LIKE CHURCH [13 replies]
5. Forums > Church Street Fair

     Show more..