• All Purchases made this month instantly go into the draw to win a USD $ 100.00 credit to your HoP account.
 

Forums > Social Chat > help needed life too complicated.

Login/Join to Participate

Thistle


Thistle

old hand
Location: Nottingham UK

Total posts: 950
Posted:I am having a really hard time atm. I have upset someone who used to be really close to me and she is spreading really nasty rumours about me. All my old friends are hearing them and believing it and no one seems to want to listen to me defend myself. i am torn over what to do about things. The girl spreading the rumours believes them to be true and won't listen to my side of the story and everytime i try to talk to someone it is like banging my head against a brick wall.The thing is over the past year i've become more distant from this group as I've moved on in my life, getting into performing, travelling to parties/raves and meeting more like minded people, and i'm wondering if this is one of those things that happens for a *reason*. Is it showing me that it's time to move on completely (i wanna drive round europe this summer with my performing buddies)? I have changed massively in my opinions of late (about the state of the planet/society and rejecting capitalism etc....)also my lifestyle is changing along with that. My boyfriend says i've done nothing wrong and it is because i am changing and I cannot live in two worlds so it's time to move on. I keep thinkin that if ppl dont want to hear my side of things then they aren't worth having as friends, but it is scary to think it may all go wrong and i'll have no safety net to fall back on. Its all keeping me awake at night and occupying my mind constantly.Any helpful advice would be gratefully recieved. thanx, Confused Firepixie.

Are we nearly there yet?

Delete Topic

ykaterina
BRONZE Member since Jan 2001

member
Location: east randolph, VT USA

Total posts: 107
Posted:you seem to have all the answers already - and in these sorts of things i have to always say follow your heart. take some time and meditate - focus for a short time inward, and make very certain that the bad things they are saying are not in any way rooted in some truth that you need to fix. don't pass up the opportunity to do some self-examination and make sure that you are where you want to be. but once that's done, and you prolly already know the results, then you need to follow your heart. they are likely saying these things because they don't understand the changes in you, and unless there's some reason to try and convince them to share your beliefs, you should just go - find people who already do, or who are mature enough to enjoy your company while disagreeing with some of your opinions. over the course of our lives, our friends will surely change...this may be one of those times for you.
Non-Https Image Link


Delete

adamrice


adamrice

poo-bah
Location: Austin TX USA

Total posts: 1015
Posted:I for one don't believe *anything* happens for a reason. Everything just happens. It is up to us to put events in context and learn from them what we can.That said, I think Ykat's exactly right. You already know the answers to your questions. Moving on isn't easy, but sometimes it's necessary.Hang in there.

Laugh while you can, monkey-boy

Delete

Iandd


member
Location: Edinburgh, UK

Total posts: 39
Posted:lose yourself in the fire, meditate with flame, emptying your mind, detach the connections between your conscious and twirling and your thoughts will drain away to leave you with a clear, uncluttered mind to carry on life, regarding events not as problems or threats but as things that happen. So it goes.

soup!

Delete

Kat
BRONZE Member since Dec 2000

Kat

Pooh-Bah
Location: London

Total posts: 2211
Posted:The question is...Are you more worried about losing the safety net of friendship or losing your friends? If it's the former, move on - it's time for you to find new friends as you are clinging to the familiarity of an old friendship even though it sounds that you don't have much in common anymore. If it's the latter, then you should still move on and make new friends - but let your old friends know that you still care for them, and that you hope that the anger in your friendship will be resolved over time.Close friendships are like any other relationship, whether with family or a partner and are all tested at times. It would be nice if we could all get in brilliantly with friends all the time, but friendship has to be worked at and isn't always fun.Take a breather and step back from the situation.If it doesn't work out then you can at least be sure that you did your best to make the friendship work out."I do not want a friend Who smiles when I smile Who weeps when I weep For my shadow in the pool Can do better than that." -ConfuciousKat ------------------"London is a city coming down from its trip and there's going to be a lot of refugees" - Danny,Withnail & I

Come faeries, take me out of this dull world, for I would ride with you upon the wind and dance upon the mountains like a flame.

- W B Yeats

Delete

Posted:My girlfriend has been through a similar thing with her friends...some of them thought she was a bitch cuz she didnt hang out with them as much, but really it was cuz she wasnt interested in sitting around drinking and taking speed all the time....Sometimes a group of friends will stay the same, and sometimes you will change without them. when this happens either your friends will be cool with your change, and accept you for who you (now) are, or they will get shitty, cuz all of a sudden their friend no longer fits their expectations...I also have been through the changes you are describing...for me its been Trance music which lead to fire twirling and the rejection of the dominant capitalist ethic...And now I'm ditching my job and going on a world fire twirling / trance expedition. I say if your friends arent even prepared to listen to your side, get rid of em. there are obviously deeper mistrust issues at stake here.-----Make sure you keep in contact with us HOPers, cuz we could meet up with you when your touring! (we will also be backpacking across Europe in the summer).remember, there is always a ubiquitous life waiting if you feel like returning from the fringe
Non-Https Image Link
Rockon sis,Josh


Delete

Frenzie
BRONZE Member since Jan 2001

member
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia

Total posts: 515
Posted:I have had a similar situation to Josh's gf, i just dont wanna sit round drinking and basically dont have much in common anymore with my old friends, i hate the idea of losing them as for a part of my life me and my best friend were as one. But now we find it hard to find things in common. I know i get things like "its cause she lives with her bf" and blah bl;ah blah, but i know i have changed a lot and have different interests now, including spending an enormous amount of time with my fire buddies whom ive found a great deal in common and really enjoy their company.Its jhard to take knowing that people are talking about you behind your back and wont listen when you try to explain, i think i have given up letting it upset me (took me quite a long time to come to terms with) and im moving on in the direction that i want, not that the rest of the group is going in.....

- Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the milk crate -

Delete

Thistle


Thistle

old hand
Location: Nottingham UK

Total posts: 950
Posted:Thankyou all. You have helped me to feel better about the whole situation. You are right that i already have the answers, but sometimes i'm not that confident in my own judgement and find it incredibly hard to make a decision (darn Libran scales weighing everything up).Hope to bump into some of you in europe this summer. Anyone going to the Technival @ Prague?

Are we nearly there yet?

Delete