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Forums > Social Chat > 13 Reasons To Smile
Login/Join to ParticipateBRONZE Member since Jul 2004
Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA
Total posts: 308
13 Reasons to Smile
~Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
~Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
~I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
~How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America?
~A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"
~I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
~When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
~Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able
to tell the difference.
~Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
~Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
~Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.
~Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?
~Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier !!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And I'd like to add a few of my own at the end of this...from the Madam to all of the dieters out there.
If you eat someone else's food, the calories don't count.
If you eat & no one else sees you, the calories don't count.
Never settle for normal.
Average thinking brings average results.
DEATH WILL ALWAYS BE A CELEBRATION OF CONFORMITY.
-Neil Gevisser-
SILVER Member since Jul 2001
Tantamount to fatuity
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom
Total posts: 15965
"I'll carry this....It's harder to spill a hat" - Chellybean
"...like a rabbit caught in a lighthouse?" - Chellybean
Stupid Bush. I mean...at least Miss America is for world peace... 
Ok, that's all out of my system now.
"Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."
DeleteBRONZE Member since Jul 2004
Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA
Total posts: 308
Never settle for normal.
Average thinking brings average results.
fire is the light that shines in all of us. Be sure your light shines brightly wherever you go.
DeleteBRONZE Member since Jul 2004
Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA
Total posts: 308
Madam for President? GOD NO!!!! 
Gidg runs screaming from the room [/i}
on second thought ...Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.
Gidg
BRONZE Member since Jul 2004
Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA
Total posts: 308
Never settle for normal.
Average thinking brings average results.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is NOT.
Proud member of the HoP DPS.
Sanity is a highly overrated state of mind.
I'm normal ... it's everyone else that's crazy.
Gidg
BRONZE Member since Jul 2003
Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction, Aus...
Total posts: 13215
if its broken; no calories/fat
if it doesnt fit in the jar; no calories/fat
if its for a birthday; none either
if it was made for someone else; you guessed it!
if it was a present of some description; yup! go for it!
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
SILVER Member since Nov 2003
veteran
Location: Now in the land of Oz, Austral...
Total posts: 1260
i like this thread so... what happens if you get sceard half to death twice?
and if barbie is so populer... how come you have to buy her friends?
What if we think the jokes on them,
But really - the jokes on us....
and also... i wuv Rougie *snuz*
BRONZE Member since Aug 2003
Checking who's online, watching you!
Location: somewhere, England (UK)
Total posts: 1972
you just lost the game!!!!!! !!!!!
knowledge is power, power corupts, study hard, become evil.
BRONZE Member since Jul 2004
Satisfying HOPs Lust For Fire
Location: Salem, Oregon, USA
Total posts: 308
what color does a smurf turn when you choke it?
Never settle for normal.
Average thinking brings average results.
If pro is good, and con is bad, what's the opposite of progress?
And
to the drum one, that made me laugh a lot. "Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."
Delete
You missed a calorie one though, if you're walking walking while you eat you don't gain weightOne day i'll learn to resist gravity...
DeleteGOLD Member since Aug 2004
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
Location: Staines, United Kingdom
Total posts: 4437
that all really cheered me up, just got in from work, i left my bar where i work and some guy tried to knife me! proepr panicking, lucky the boss called the police n i managed to keep him away with a pole that was near me, really got freaked out, and this thread has really cheered me up, i like the smurf one
An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind
Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife
"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian
So far so good.
"Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth."
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