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_Aime_SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,172 posts
Location: Hastings, United Kingdom


Posted:
Ok following today's talk by some nurse at school today I think this subject deserved a thread.
The amount of sex ed at my school (or rather the lack of it) really does worry me. I started a thread a while back concerning the numerous amount of pregnant girls at my school and I can't stop thinking that perhaps the proper sex education, these situations could have been avoided.
Today all the year 11 girls were hushed into the hall and this woman with a slideshow presentation began to tell us all about the wonder that is - periods. Sorry to be frank but, 2 years too late love.
I mean this was *really* basic stuff, the kind of info you get when you first join year 7, and yes its important to know but what, we're all 15 comming up 16 now. Surely its basic knowledge by now.
Surely this time would have been better spent talking about contreception? or STD's? or what emotional and/or physical ties come along with sex?
The talk only slightly broke the surface on the symptons of STD's and then quickly moved back onto telling us what tampons were. And we even got our own little 'goodie bag' at the end of the talk *rolls eyes*
We've had one lesson where we got to put a condom on a test tube, but no talk involved. The embarresed teacher buried her head in a book for most of the lesson.
And surely we're old enough to have mixed sex ,sex ed. classes now? nor have we even has a male teacher for one of these classes. and might I add that we havn't even touched on homosexuality or gay sex.
I think that most of britain (most not all) has a problem with sex education, and that most of these horrid situations that people wished they'd never gotten themself's into (pregnacy, STD's) could've been avoided with the right education.

Feel free to comment, state opinions and/or hurl rotten tomatoes at me smile

Aimz xx

MatchInnuendo Officer Extraordinaire
105 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland


Posted:
I'm very grateful that my parents (well my Mom) gave me the facts in a fairly straightforward way, without any fluffing around the subject, birds and bees, storks etc. I guess its a hard thing for parents to talk to their kids about, but I also think that its something that has to be done. I mean, you spend years shouting at kids for crossing the road without looking, trying to drink bleach and fall out of trees, but then a lot of parents don't really cover the equally risky business of sex, STD's, pregnancy etc.

Oh, and the other thing I had was my Mom gave me a book about all this stuff, it was one of the Usbourne guides (which was kinda weird as it was in the same format as their other books on Birds, Animals, etc smile ) It was in fact this one:
Usbourne Guide - Understanding the Facts of Life

and contained information on puberty, sexual relationships (straight and gay), pregnancy and babies and STD's all done in a very informative way, and aimed at kids. I would haertily recommend it to anyone who is looking for this kind of information.

(and no, i don't work for Usbourne biggrin)

But definitely, the way forward is honesty, openness and starting early. Because in most cases, the playground rumour mill will have already beaten you to it (even if the facts are completely wrong). And in a strange way, having a 10 year old fully clued up on the practicalities of sex makes for interesting playground conversations, like the time I stopped my friends long-winded 'explanation' of what sex was with 'No, what actually happens is...' Best way to really shock your fellow classmates ubblol

YARR! Thats replaced the whale in my nightmares!


BurningByronmember
340 posts
Location: Australia


Posted:
I finally found the time to write up a heap of stuff I talk to young guys about, in the sessions I mentioned above. Most of this stuff is off topic as the majority of the info we present is based on STDs, contraception and doctors. Never the less I still feel a lot of these topics below are very important. (The sessions I've done with a group of girls or a group of girls and guys, go through a different set issues to the ones mentioned bellow).



Written by:

"I give them some advice about girls like how their minds can work in relation to sex"




Most girls perceive sex in a very different way to guys.

Some important things to remember are

Typically a girl does not want to be seen as the pursuer of a sexual experience. They also dont want to feel pressured into a sexual experience.

The first issue can be dealt with by being a trustworthy and supportive boyfriend. If they truly trust you and feel safe with you (not in the protective sense but in the sense that they feel you wont judge them when they say/do something outside the norm), they will generally take more of a risk, initiate more sexual experiences where otherwise they would have been too afraid to do so.

To clarify how you can help make a girl feel safer around you try the following things

1. Do not betray her trust. If you say youll keep a secret, keep it.

2. Do not judge what she says or does. No-one is perfect.

3. Validate who she is.

4. If you say you will come through with something, do it.

5. Stay balanced and calm when dealing with conflicts with her or infront of her.

6. Really listen to what she has to say.

7. Learn to listen with your whole being. I know this sounds corny but girls can tell the difference. To do this, try being totally aware of what she is saying AND aware of your presence at the same time (only these two things). If you do not know what being aware of your presence / being aware of your whole being is all about, it is the same as being aware of all the general sensations throughout your body.

Some people may read this and say sounds like you gotta be pussy whipped! BUT you still have to stand up for behaviour which is not acceptable to you. It is no use winning her trust and losing her respect by taking abuse from her. You dont have to take crap from a girl just so she doesnt feel judged by you, BUT you dont have to attack her back either. Gently and calmly stating your boundaries and how you feel without attacking her (verbally or physically) goes a long way to resolving conflicts and creating a greater level of trust in the relationship.



They also dont want to feel pressured into a sexual experience.

The second issue must be dealt with carefully. No does mean no. Under no circumstance does it mean yes. Rape is seriously not cool. Ask any man who has had to endure BIG BOB, their well hung cell mate. A guy putting consistent pressure on a girl to have sexual experiences with him IS NOT A TURN ON. A guy who is enjoys intimacy with his girlfriend and who doesnt mind a sexual relationship that develops slowly IS A BIG TURN ON. Funnily enough, the second guy is the one that gets laid much quicker. The first guy is lucky if he ever gets laid. This is why pressuring girls for sex is self defeating.



This then leads on to
Written by:

how not to get accused of rape




If you take the above advice there shouldnt ever be grounds to be accused of rape BUT it is always better to get verbal consent plus it shows that you care about where she is at when you ask her are you sure you feel ok with this?

Now for a situation I found myself in about 3 years ago.

I applied ALL the above things when entering into relationships with girls including the relationship I entered with a Christian girl a bit over 3 years ago. I knew she was semi no sex before marriage type of person, so I made it clear to her that I was fine with that. She totally trusted me and let go of many of her inhibitions because of how safe she felt with me. I knew she was not nearly as experienced as I was so I didnt push any sexual levels with her past where she would go with me (wouldnt go bellow the her belt till she had with me etc). It comes to the point where she really wants to have sex and she initiates it, I ask at least half a dozen times whether she is ok with it. Afterwards I say the stupidest most insensitive thing I have ever said to a girl EVER. so what does it feel like to not be a virgin, ok I know Im an idiot, it was very late at night and my brain fell out my nose. Either way she goes silent, I ask what it wrong, she says nothing, I sense she doesnt feel comfortable next to me, she sits on the other side of the room, wont come back to bed to sleep, wont talk to me, I sleep for a bit, wake up and she is still sitting there, by this time Ive sussed out that she feels I somehow manipulated her into having sex with me. I then present to her my perspective of exactly what happened over the entire night and ask her what her perspective was. She starts crying and I ask her if she felt that I pressured her into having sex. She says yes. I then ask her if remembers [.censored] (I stated how she initiated sex with me). She says yes. At this point it occurred to me that her reaction was due to her guilt as a Christian having sex before marriage and was triggered by my insensitivity. I made it clear to her that I was very sorry if she felt pressured into sleeping with me and that I had no intention of putting any pressure on her at all, infact quite the opposite was my intentions. Things started to resolve themselves after that.

The point of this story is that even if you do all the right things, you can still find yourself in a situation where you have just slept with a girl who is emotionally and mentally unstable who possibly feels you may have raped her. Be aware of this and thus be extra aware of where your girlfriends emotions are at.

I mean no offence to anyone who has had a genuine experience of rape or sexual assault, I have many friends who have been raped and some who have been gang raped as well as experiences I have had myself which I will not go into, but I understand how hard it is for a rape victim to stand up infront of a court and be called a liar and worse. I do not mean to invalidate what they have gone through with my little story.





Written by:

self esteem issues relating to sexual acceptance




This is a great topic which I have put a lot of effort into in my life. Sexual acceptance or lack there of, can be a huge issue for a lot of young people. When I was in high school, my happiness was directly related to how many girls I had chasing me. ubblove I felt great when I had lots and lots of attention from certain girls but as soon as it disappeared so did my self esteem. frown Uncoupling extrinsic sexual acceptance and you own self esteem can be a very difficult task but an extremely rewarding one. It has taken me two years of consciously choosing not sleeping with girls and not striving to have that constant sexual acceptance around me to really grasp full control of my own happiness. Do not get into the habit of needing to impress all of the people around you, it can be a very hard habit to break. A psychologist once told me:

self esteem as society knows it, is nothing but a joke. Having your own happiness based on the occurrence of external events is crazy. These events could be maybe a certain person liking you, maybe success in a job or course you are in, maybe the complexion of your skin. They all have one thing in common they can/are controlled by forces outside of your own conscious self. Seek to base your contentment within your own control. Find the genuine you and begin to build on it into a person you love. Let this be the basis of your contentment not whether a certain someone wants to roll around naked with you!

That was one clued in psychologist! cool



Doctor confidentiality laws are a little different relative to what country youre in. Currently in Australia I think little Howard is trying to change the laws so parents can access their childrens medical records up to a higher age, I think they are trying to put it up to 16yrs??? I think this will be very destructive for many young lives if it gets through. Ask your doctor what laws they are legally bound to follow before you tell them anything you dont want anyone else to know. They will not break these laws otherwise they will get seriously in trouble with the big Medicine people (potentially losing there right to practice medicine) and be potentially sued by their patient.



Other handy hints guys should know:

-Be gentle, so many girls have told me about guys have just not been gentle enough or have out rightly hurt them without knowing.

-Dont rush things, even though you might be able to go from ho hum shrug to YEEHA biggrin in 15seconds, most girls take a fair while longer to warm up take your time.

-There is such a thing called lubricant, its fantastic stuff!! Ummmm how do I put this delicately NEVER start slopping lube onto little jimmy before you put a condom on, lube on the inside of the condom means it can easily slip off mid ride! You would be very surprised how many kids get this wrong when we sit down and practice putting condoms on banana penises!!! Lube goes on after the condoms on. YAY LUBE FIGHT!!!!!!! ubbloco



I really enjoyed writing all this up, but now I have to get some sleep!

I know this only address some of the main issues I mentioned but feel free to pose any more questions or PM me if there is anything you want clarified!



Caio



.

HOW TO FLY 101:
step 1. Throw your self at the ground.
step 2. Miss.


KaelGotRiceGOLD Member
Basu gasu bakuhatsu - because sometimes buses explode
1,584 posts
Location: Angel's Landing, USA


Posted:
Unfortunately in the US just about all of our sex ed comes mainly though file share programs, videos, and google...

To do: More Firedrums 08 video?
Wildfire/US East coast fire footage
LA/EDC glow/fire footage
Fresno fire

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ubbrollsmile.gif" alt="" />


meepSILVER Member
....
344 posts
Location: Midlands - nr cov, United Kingdom


Posted:
Hehe, that was cool to read byron smile

"But what would you do with a brain if you had one?"

Dorothy Gale


caz86Twister Fire Starter ridin on a tratter
156 posts
Location: Bristol/Exeter UK


Posted:
Yey I can do photos now! Ta C@ntus.

Here's the condomerie from Amsterdam, it's a shop that sells novelty condoms to promote AIDS awareness.

Non-Https Image Link

And here's what we bought ubbloco

Non-Https Image Link

I'm thinking of opening one in England in the hope that it will make some people think twice about STDs and such.

Caz


lunerniamember
110 posts

Posted:
this topic really annoys me!!!! grrrr and stuff..

iam a sex adviser in milton keynes (uk) i got to schools teaching sex ed, i alson help run a drop in clinic where people can pick up free condoms etc..
it bugs me so much how little we are aloud to talk about! we have only just been aloud to use pictures of people with STD/STIs!

sex ed in the uk is really really lame! on the other hand if anyone has any sex ed questions feel free to pm me as i am a fully trained sexual adviser!

lunernia xx

MatchInnuendo Officer Extraordinaire
105 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland


Posted:
Out of interest, there was an article in the paper the other day about the Government's plans for sex education, and there was a survey of parents with children in the 8-16yr age group.

more than 85% of parents thought that there should be more/better sex education in schools.

Less than 50% of parents thought that there should be clinics etc available for people under 16 to get condoms/sexual health advice/pregnancy tests.

Which made me think that people are more than happy to have their children told about the theory of it all, but not willing to face up to the fact that their child might actually get involved in sexual relationships at a young age, and need help and support about these issues. I think this probably sums up how most parents feel about all these issues (sex, alcohol, drugs, bullying, depression) - that its something that its fine for their children to know the theory about, but not that it is something they will ever get involved in.

Well, thats my 2 cents worth... smile

YARR! Thats replaced the whale in my nightmares!


DominoSILVER Member
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK


Posted:
Written by: lunernia

it bugs me so much how little we are aloud to talk about!




What aren't you allowed to talk about?

Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.


BurningByronmember
340 posts
Location: Australia


Posted:
YAY!!!! I've been selected to travel around rural towns in WA teaching teenagers about sex!!! We spend a full week just going from school to school running the Dr Yes sessions I posted about earlier!

HOW TO FLY 101:
step 1. Throw your self at the ground.
step 2. Miss.


CharlesBRONZE Member
Corporate Circus Arts Entertainer
3,989 posts
Location: Auckland, New Zealand


Posted:
If you think the sex-ed in the UK is bad, try going to India or the Middle East.

I'm not saying that improvements aren't a good thing, but don't forget that having something is a lot better than most of the world's nothing...

HoP Posting Guidelines
* Is it the Truth?
* Is it Fair to all concerned?
* Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
* Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?


DominoSILVER Member
UnNatural Scientist - Currently working on a Breville-legged monkey
757 posts
Location: Bath Uni or Shrewsbury, UK


Posted:
I can't remeber where, but somewhere in the UK schoolgirls as young as 15 are being sent "coded text message" (that's SMS) to remind them to take the Pill (this is by nurses or something, as I said my details aree patchy). People have objected to this claiming that it is encouraging underage sex. Personally I think these people have missed the point. These girls have volenteered for this, they weren't encouraged to get out there and have sex, they were encouraged to use the pill. Thing is, the "coded messages" take the form of "Phone Alex" or "Walk the dog" so they could actually be used to remind you of any regular activity.

Just thought you might like to hear

Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand and I can beat the world into submission.


_Aime_SILVER Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
4,172 posts
Location: Hastings, United Kingdom


Posted:
whoo yeh! the battle is won!!!!
It citezenship class today were talking about law and government *yawn* so the conversation moves onto sex education. Long story short we convinced the teacher into doing sex education, after we told him we hadn't had a 'proper' sex ed class in over 4 years.
So as of next week wednesday periods 5 and 6 are devoted to sex education biggrin:D:D

Tao StarPooh-Bah
1,662 posts
Location: Bristol


Posted:
citizenship? pah!

don't they realise that while we have a monarchy we are SUBJECTS!!!! if they want me to behave nicely and vote labour(just kidding...) they have to abolish the monarchy first. I want to actaully BE a citizen before i'm going to behave like one.

I had a dream that my friend had a
strong-bad pop up book,
it was the book of my dreams.


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