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Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas
Member Since: 21st Aug 2001
Total posts: 3899
Posted:Ok, the rules for this thread are - no one gushes about how happy they are with their girlfriend or boyfriend or fiancee or whatever.

We are here because we are single - by choice or happenstance.

I personally am single right now for a variety of reasons, but mainly because I live in South Africa. AIDS is truely epidemic here, plus South African women have way more issues than I care to deal with with, so I just can't be bothered, thank you very much.

I sort had a long distance relationship going till about last June, but that got too... long distancy, I suppose. I still thinks she totally rocks, but I need to be closer to someone than an 8 hour (now 23 hour) plane ride away from them (plus she had no internet or phone where she used to live).

I've been pretty happy being single the last few months though, it is amazing how much simpler life is. It's been quality "me" time, and I needed the break I think.

Ok, that is my testamony... anyone else?


-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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TheSilverShadow
TheSilverShadow

Uncle Chop Chop
Location: Time is the Fire in which we b...
Member Since: 1st Aug 2003
Total posts: 213
Posted:I broke up with my girlfriend of 2 and a bit years yesterday and it fuckin sucks big time, especially since we broke up over some absolute bo*****s.

So i'll see what the single life brings. frown


"Do you know what the Phantom is??"
--------------

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Fire Bunny
Fire Bunny

veteran
Location: Now in the land of Oz
Member Since: 27th Nov 2003
Total posts: 1260
Posted:Yay!! Elanna- im so glad to no that im the only one!!! ubbtickled
i was wondering if there was something wrong with me umm

(its milly moo from the other night in the chat room by the way... do you remeber? well if you do: HIII
biggrin)
there was something that i was going to say but my father just came in and yelled at me so iv forgotten what it was.

i dont think ive every had a proper or long or serious relationship before! -had some crushes like you wouldnt belive tho.

dosnte really bother me tho


What if we think the jokes on them,
But really - the jokes on us....

and also... i wuv Rougie *snuz*

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Matthew B-M
Matthew B-M

Lemon-Aware Devilstick-wielding Operative
Location: East London Wilds
Member Since: 9th Jul 2003
Total posts: 605
Posted:Apart from this thread all happening in the hours I was asleep:

Quote:
yes you're alowed to bitch. my ex is [...] cut[ting] off chances of it happening again, cut off friendship and makes my life miserable as a hobby.



I'm sure I've said this here before, but I'll say it again, because I think it's really important. I spent my third year of University living one staircase along from my by-then ex-fiancee. Neither of us could quite let go (even when she had other boyfriends, and I could see them hanging around the court (yeah, yeah, I went to a poncy university :P ) ). It was, just about, the worst thing that could have happened, as it prevented me from being able to deal with it for years. Although it hurts now, it may be possible to restore later. Be strong through these times, because to be honest, the alternative would have been worse. Long drawn out breakups are not conducive to sanity by either party.

hug

And, just to get back on topic, "Hi, I'm Matthew, and I've been single for 2 and a half years now, I'm a bitter, twisted cynic, but poi and devil stick has made my life better". smile


Luv 'n' Lemons
purity :: clarity :: balance

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(*) (*) .. for the gnor ;)
Location: sitting on the step
Member Since: 15th Apr 2003
Total posts: 2568
Posted:well i've been single for about 3 1/2 yrs and am fine with it, of course i have moments of weakness and feel lonely but that shows im human i think biggrin like flid i would rather be with someone im totally into that just hope from one person to the next just for the sake of it. and those people aere few and far between. but i save myself a hellva lot of hassle in the process biggrin i have quite a few friends who bounce from one guy to another to another, none of htem are health relationships, they seem to feed of the angst and confusion (theres another word but i cant think of it right now!!) dont get me wrong finding someone if always fantastic but im just not willing to tie myself up with a maybe person jsut because i feel abit lonely.

she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*

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Wizz
-er-pops
Location: UK
Member Since: 19th Sep 2003
Total posts: 206
Posted:I have been single for a wee while. I have no problem with it at all. In fact I love being single. smile And I have no problems with guys, so there wont be any man bashing going on here. I am a social butterfly and am not ready to land yet. ubbrollsmile

But I will tell you what I dont like... I dont like the fact that two days ago someone who calles themselves my best friend shagged the guy I was seeing (we were not going out therefore still making me single). spank Then calls me last night as if nothing happened cause she thought I didn't know. I feel like I am living in a soap opera.

Oooh I am glad that I got that out. I think I may still be a little mad and ubbcrying, so sorry for my rant.


Poi... it's an obsession.

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telic
I don't want a title.

Member Since: 26th Jun 2003
Total posts: 940
Posted:Quote:
Quote:

I foresee a future as an eccentric cat lady.



Regyt, that made me howl laughing! My friends have been saying for years that I'm gonna end up and eccentric old lady in a house covered in ivy, surrounded by cats, and all the neighbourhood kids will dare each other to knock at my door and run away!! ubblol

I've been single for about 2 and a half years now. I spent all of my twenties in a serious relationship that didn't work out, obviously, but I can seriously say that the past couple of years have been the best years of my life.

I've never had more passion for life, I've done more, and achieved more as an 'I' than I ever did as a "we", and to tell the truth I wouldn't have it any other way. That's not saying I wouldn't ever get involved again, if it happens it happens, but I'm not out there searching or waiting.

I find that other people have more of a problem with it though. There are a lot of people I used to mix with who are all either married with kids or living together, who I just don't see any more. If I'm invited to dinner or to a party, they always seem to over-emphasize in a patronising sort of way that I can "bring along a friend, if I'm not seeing anyone". It's like they have a problem with me turning up alone, even though I don't.

I really love my life right now ubblove



Well, after the kids run screaming out of my basement, I'll be sure to send them over to visit yours! ::pictures neighborhood kids hitching across the pond to see ALL the scary old cat ladies:: ubblol

Interesting that you say you achieve more as a single person. I feel much the same way. I'm not sure whether that's necessarily true, though, or whether it means that I need a different sort of relationship from the ones I've had. Something more relaxed, maybe.

A lot of my friends are just starting to get married or into very serious relationships nowadays. Mostly, this is all right, and they still interact as individuals, but a few have become part-of-a-couple. I can no longer play with them alone. (This is mostly unrelated, I suppose... even if I were seeing someone, I'd want to play with these people alone, and would be irritated by the inability to do so.)


E pluribus unum, baby.

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Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas
Member Since: 21st Aug 2001
Total posts: 3899
Posted:Quote:
I feel like I am living in a soap opera.



Ooo... I hate that!!! mad

That's part of the reason I won't date Afrikaans women - they love to make a drama out of seeing a guy. Actually, they make drama out of everything. Actually, now that I think about it, so do the Afrikaans guys. I guess if they all enjoy it, more power to them, but leave me out of it!


-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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pounce
pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...
Member Since: 10th Jan 2003
Total posts: 9831
Posted:Quote:
Interesting that you say you achieve more as a single person. I feel much the same way. I'm not sure whether that's necessarily true, though, or whether it means that I need a different sort of relationship from the ones I've had. Something more relaxed, maybe.



this intrigues me. i can't say that i've accomplished more or less being single versus being with someone. i think it all depends. i have never let anyone change my drive to accomplish what i wanted. and in actuality, the stress of grad school started to bring me down, and if it weren't for my fiance emotionally supporting me and pushing me, i probably wouldn't have done as well as i did. but my lack of desire had nothing to do with him. in that particular moment of my life, i needed the support of someone close to me, and not the support of friends or family, because i don't think they could have been there for me in the way he was.

i don't know, i'm really conflicted on this, because i can see your guys' points, but at the same time i wonder if it's true or just an inner drive that we give up when we're with someone (i.e. it's more based on us that them). i dunno. i do know that all my life i've been pushing myself and been independent. and i was pretty much single up until this last relationship. and i know that no matter how much i accomplished, and how far i pushed myself, i knew that in the end, it didn't matter if i didn't have someone to share it with. it's like a christmas carol, how scrooge saves and saves his money, but in the end, he realized it doesn't matter how much wealth you have unless you are surrounded by people you love. now i'm not saying it needs to be a lover, but for me, i need to be part of a community, to have people who genuinely care for me and love and i feel the same back. and the best and easiest way for me to feel that is through a lover, though it is not essential. a lot of you know how depressed i got a lil while back, and it was mainly because i don't have a community here that i'm part of, and i don't have people close to me to talk to. and to be honest, that's a big reason i spend so much time on here, because i feel a part of this community.

argh. i have so many thoughts running through my head, i can't sort them all out. perhaps i'll write more later. gotta go run a group now rolleyes


I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

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Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas
Member Since: 21st Aug 2001
Total posts: 3899
Posted:Well, as for getting thru grad school, I basically had to kill relationships to manage to get thru it. The only girlfriend I managed to keep for eny length of time while I was in grad school was in grad school herself, and even that blew up in the end .

-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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Supafly
TNT
Location: Charlotte, NC
Member Since: 27th Apr 2001
Total posts: 173
Posted:I agree, grad school can be hard enough without trying to maintain a relationship. Kudos to those couples that have managed to pull it off. I even had a long distance relationship where I didn't have to invest all that much time but it still ended anyway due to the strains of obtaining a graduate degree. Maybe some people aren't as good as focusing their time and attention on more than one large issue at once.

Fear the evil monkey!

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pounce
pounce

All the neurotic makings of America's lesser known sweetheart
Location: body in Las Vegas, heart all a...
Member Since: 10th Jan 2003
Total posts: 9831
Posted:well i suppose in all fairness, most of my relationships (friendships included) were pretty much killed too cause of grad school. the few that i hung on to were at the expense of school. i chose to slack every so often just so i could maintain my sanity. and in the end, the hell of grad school did end up killing my relationship with my fiance. perhaps that's why i'm so bitter about my career :-\

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

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telic
I don't want a title.

Member Since: 26th Jun 2003
Total posts: 940
Posted:Here's to hoping my friends will be there waiting for me, once I graduate and resurface. I know a few are on my permanent safe list, at least. ubblove

E pluribus unum, baby.

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Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas
Member Since: 21st Aug 2001
Total posts: 3899
Posted:ok, here is a perfect example of why I don't date south african women:



a little background first - this girl here was after me a couple weeks ago. I gave her a fair chance, but she lied about certian things and made everything we did together into this big drama saga. she had supposedly broken up with her boyfriend (of a month and a half) earlier that week, but I found out from other people that she hadn't which got me into all sorts of hot water since this town is far to small for everyone to not find out about what everyone else's business is (not that I care all that much since I'm leaving this place forever in about 3 weeks).



Anyway, tonight at friggin 1 am she knocks on my door and is crying because she has gotten into a fight with her boyfriend and she wound up attacking him and trying to bite his finger off. And since she had just given up her dorm room two days ago and moved into his place and subsequently kicked out, she was now obviously looking for not only a place to sleep, but a place to actually live - my place.



Ok, I'm sorry, but I'm not letting a 20 year old psycho-virgin, who makes a soap opera even out of something as minor as going to class, move into my place while I'm trying get my crap together to move out of the country! And she gets upset at me for saying I don't think it is a such a great idea!

mad



I swear!



whew.... just had to get that off my chest.



goodnight!


-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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OrangeBobo
OrangeBobo

veteran
Location: Guelph, ON, Canada
Member Since: 21st Nov 2003
Total posts: 1389
Posted:Wowo.... I like my life....? O.o'

Yes yes, it is fine! I don't have time for relatioships like this! Pah >.<

The only fear that I have, is that I won't develop the ability to deal in a relationship like that. O.o' Sounds odd, I know, but I guess I'm just not ready for something like that...

Vanize, mate, SOAP OPERAS ARE BAD! Waste of time, money, and energy! Get out ASAP!!! tongue

~ Bobo


wie weit, wie weit noch?
fragst mich, wo wir gewesen sind...
du fehlst hier

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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:Quote:

But I will tell you what I dont like... I dont like the fact that two days ago someone who calles themselves my best friend shagged the guy I was seeing (we were not going out therefore still making me single). spank Then calls me last night as if nothing happened cause she thought I didn't know. I feel like I am living in a soap opera.

Oooh I am glad that I got that out. I think I may still be a little mad and ubbcrying, so sorry for my rant.



rant as much as you want cos right now i wouldnt put it past my "best friend" to do that, only with the guy im still in love with (although doing it to the guy u were seeing is worse). its so low when people who are supposed to be friends do that. and calleing as if nothings happened!!!!! "she thought i didnt know" and hiding it from you! no doubt she's prolly now wondering why ur so angry with her! so people really need to wonder why they are friends!


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Elanna
Elanna

Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.
Location: NJ or DE, USA
Member Since: 25th Aug 2003
Total posts: 2293
Posted:Quote:
Yay!! Elanna- im so glad to no that im the only one!!! ubbtickled
i was wondering if there was something wrong with me umm


nope, not the only one. got several friends like us too. we should start a club! biggrin

Quote:
(its milly moo from the other night in the chat room by the way... do you remeber? well if you do: HIII
biggrin)
i dont think ive every had a proper or long or serious relationship before! -had some crushes like you wouldnt belive tho.


yep! remember you! how could i forget? biggrin
i know i've never had a proper/long/serious relationship before either...s'not that unusual....
oh dear...the crushes... *flashback* eek ubblol


Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

Pies Jesu Domine *whack*
Dona eis requiem *whack*

Come join us and chat - we're bored! irc.newnet.net #homeofpoi

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firedancingfairy
enthusiast
Location: Australia
Member Since: 23rd Aug 2003
Total posts: 201
Posted:It's even worse when a 'friend' was obviously aware of your full on romantic feelings for a person, and clearly aknowledges them... and then goes and starts seeing them and rubbing it in your face without even appologising or acting somewhat concerned for how you feel frown... then turning it all back onto you, and making you look like the baddy.

What goes around comes around, right?

peace


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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:oh she claims she's not seeing him - doesnt bloody look that way! and even if she's not.....yet......i honestly only give her time.

but yeah, she turns it all back on me and says how i should be over him blah blah blah - to me thats hardly the point. she's supposed to be the one drying my tears - not causing them! she should be helping me to get over him! spank
if it was the other way around i'd change the way i was acting!

yep, i hope she gets to know how this feels. ill admit it. im sick of being mature, i'll just be a plain bitch and say i hope she gets her just desserts! mad


i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Eera
old hand
Location: In a test pit, Mackay
Member Since: 29th May 2003
Total posts: 1107
Posted:Single pretty much through a combination of apathy and selfishness: I can't be bothered going through all that rigmorale of having to date, talk on the phone, wonder why they haven't called blah blah blah. Seeing how some of my friends turn into Bitch Queens from Hell when they haven't got a man it seems that some of them should be forced at gun point to try it for a while, just to see that they won't explode or turn bright green or whatever if they go for more than a month without a date. I don't think my life is any better or worse for being single, it's just my life

Plus I tend to attract geeks. No thanks.


There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.

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Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas
Member Since: 21st Aug 2001
Total posts: 3899
Posted:Quote:
Plus I tend to attract geeks. No thanks.



eek spank

Hey! The best people I know are geeks - at heart anyway.



Burningman is full of geeks.



I'm a geek.



...guess we can't date... tongue



anyway, perhaps that problem of yours has to do with the fact that you are an engineer (geek!) and want to pencil comics (geek!). you sound like a geek magnet in an all geek enviroment to me.


-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas
Member Since: 21st Aug 2001
Total posts: 3899
Posted:Quote:
Plus I tend to attract geeks.



I tend to attract vegitarians, even though I am a confirmed carnivore


-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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(*) (*) .. for the gnor ;)
Location: sitting on the step
Member Since: 15th Apr 2003
Total posts: 2568
Posted:and eera.. didnt you work/live in portsmouth (i may have the wrong person!:rolleyes: ) thats the hardest damn place on earth to find even a semi human!! ubblol

she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*

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Rouge Dragon
Rouge Dragon

Insert Champagne Here
Location: without class distinction
Member Since: 21st Jul 2003
Total posts: 13215
Posted:i think i attract people who live in a different town! which is hard when u have no transport of ur own!

i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey

Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...

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Faberg
veteran
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Member Since: 26th Aug 2003
Total posts: 1459
Posted:Quote:
Quote:
Interesting that you say you achieve more as a single person. I feel much the same way. I'm not sure whether that's necessarily true, though, or whether it means that I need a different sort of relationship from the ones I've had. Something more relaxed, maybe.



this intrigues me. i can't say that i've accomplished more or less being single versus being with someone. i think it all depends. i have never let anyone change my drive to accomplish what i wanted. and in actuality, the stress of grad school started to bring me down, and if it weren't for my fiance emotionally supporting me and pushing me, i probably wouldn't have done as well as i did. but my lack of desire had nothing to do with him. in that particular moment of my life, i needed the support of someone close to me, and not the support of friends or family, because i don't think they could have been there for me in the way he was.

i don't know, i'm really conflicted on this, because i can see your guys' points, but at the same time i wonder if it's true or just an inner drive that we give up when we're with someone (i.e. it's more based on us that them).



When I said I've achieved more as a single person, I guess I just feel that I've accomplished more in the last couple of years as opposed to when I was with my ex.

I've completely changed careers, moved to another country, then moved home to Ireland again after being away for 9 years, bought my own home, went on holidays alone (hell, it takes quite a bit of balls to dine out alone as a single woman - you'd be surprised at some of the looks/comments you receive eek)

10 years with someone is a loooonnnnggg time and it takes a lot of courage to face everything in life again as an "I" and not a "we", even though I was the one to end the relationship. I don't mean to insinuate that anyone elses (shorter) relationships are any less important than mine, but when you spend almost all of your adult life with someone (from aged 20 til 30) it's a different ball game. I guess I get a greater sense of achievement from everything I've accomplished in the past couple of years as an individual, as it's all be down to me, with no help from anyone else.

Just proud of what I've done, that's all. wink

There are a couple of people I know in similar situations to mine who jumped straight into the arms of the next guy/girl to come along, just because they don't know how to be / or don't want to be single.

Single rocks !! biggrin


My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely smile

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telic
I don't want a title.

Member Since: 26th Jun 2003
Total posts: 940
Posted:Quote:
Plus I tend to attract geeks. No thanks.



eek Send them my way!


E pluribus unum, baby.

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Lost_kause
member
Location: England (N.E. lincs)
Member Since: 15th Aug 2003
Total posts: 14
Posted:am single and hav been for a while but no matter to me wot is the point of ralationships when u always never get along with the person i would like to find a lass who is interested in the things i am poi, bas guitar contact juggling etc


but i guess there is no perfect lass out there for me but never mind im fine and dandy being single i suppose it has it advatages that rule coz there is no commitment and theres no why didnt u meet me and so n so forth


[_ [] 5 t K @ (_) s E

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Matthew B-M
Matthew B-M

Lemon-Aware Devilstick-wielding Operative
Location: East London Wilds
Member Since: 9th Jul 2003
Total posts: 605
Posted:Quote:
Plus I tend to attract geeks. No thanks.



And just what's wrong with geeks? eek


Luv 'n' Lemons
purity :: clarity :: balance

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Pheonnexx
member
Location: Plymouth, UK
Member Since: 2nd Dec 2003
Total posts: 89
Posted:I attract geeks but thats because i am more likely to talk to them and for some reason all the geeky kinda boys i know seem to think i am cool which is a nice status to have among a group of people. peace

Burn !

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Carpal \'Tunnel
Location: Austin, Texas
Member Since: 21st Aug 2001
Total posts: 3899
Posted:Quote:
all the geeky kinda boys i know seem to think i am cool which is a nice status to have among a group of people



especially with geeks... it's pretty bad if a bunch of geeks think you are a geek! eek


-v-

Wiederstand ist Zwecklos!

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Arakrys
member
Location: Wageningen, NL
Member Since: 9th Jun 2003
Total posts: 34
Posted:Single for two years now. I think I am an expert in staying single. In the odd case that I have a steady g.f., I never really go for it and sooner or later that's killing a relation.

My newest trick, after the guitartrick um..... well... failed (~ploing!~), is the poi but nobody warned me that they mostly attract 9 year olds. tongue cool tongue rolleyes tongue

Being single too long is no fun and makes me feel rejected, bad, a loser. What saves me is a girl I met ten years ago who then proposed to have an 'open relation'. At first I did not believe in it but with her it works! Well we just meet like one week a year, but the fact that that is a possibility gives my anxious mind a rest. And when one of us has a steady friend, that's fine, then we just "behave". No jealousy. I think it's super! Maybe the 1200 km distance between us make it easier, I couldn't stand to live in the same corridor and see other blokes stay with her.

This does not work for or with everybody though. Around Christmas I will see another girl (oooooh! Arakrys!), a few hundred km the other way, and she verbally agrees with the same arrangement but she's swapping between being close and distant to me. I hope we can work on that. To others she pretends nothing is happening between us. And she keeps mentioning some mysterious entity by name of The Rules.

But in the end I am still dreaming of a princess on a white bakfiets.


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