Katinca
Katinca

See my vest.... see my vest...
Location: Adelaide - South Australia
Member Since: 9th May 2001
Total posts: 693
Posted:Hey everyone,Just wanted some cheering up. I am really sad and depressed at the moment. Home alone except for the cat, and experiancing a head space I don't particulary like.So yeah, if you know anything Funny, please go ahead, I really need some cheering up.Fear and Darkness------------------ ~*~ Katinca ~*~

Love and Light

~*~ Katinca ~*~

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Shouden-CrD
Veteran Member
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Member Since: 30th Apr 2001
Total posts: 495
Posted:60 things not to say to a naked guy:1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it's cute. 3. Who circumcised you? 4. Why don't we just cuddle? 5. You know they have surgery to fix that. 6. It's more fun to look at. 7. Make it dance. 8. You know, there's a tow er in Italy like that. 9. Can I paint a smiley face on that? 10. It looks like a night crawler. 11. Wow, and your feet are so big. 12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger. 13. It's ok, we'll work around it. 14. Is this a mild or a spicy S lim Jim? 15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh. 16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it? 17. Oh no, a flash headache. 18. (giggle and point) 19. Can I be honest with you? 20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that. 21. Let me go get my tweezers. 22. How sweet, you brought incense. 23. This explains your car. 24. You must be a growing boy. 25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow. 26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick. 27. Are you one of those pygmies? 28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow? 29. Every heard of clearasil? 30. All right, a treasure hunt! 31. I didn't know they came that small. 32. Why is God punishing you? 33. At least this won't take long. 34. I never saw one like that before. 35. What do you call this? 36. But it still works, right? 37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting. 38. It looks so unused. 39. Do you take steroids? 40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it. 41. Maybe it looks better in natural light. 42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes? 43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident. 44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt? 45. Aww, it's hiding. 46. Are you cold? 47. If you get me real drunk first. 48. Is that an optica l illusion? 49. What is that? 50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry. 51. Were you neutered? 52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents. 53. Does it come with an air pump? 54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality. 55. Where are the puppet strings? 56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun. 57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes. 58. Never mind, why bother. 59. Is that a second belly button? 60. Where's the rest of it?

-=razyRaverude=-

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Shouden-CrD
Veteran Member
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Member Since: 30th Apr 2001
Total posts: 495
Posted:another random fowarded joke email:Four women were playing golf. The first teed off and watched in horror asher ball headed directly toward a foursome of men.One of the men immediately grabbed his crotch and fell to the ground inagony.The woman rushed over to the man and began to apologize. "Please allow meto help," she begged. "I'm a professional physiotherapist, and I canquickly relieve your pain.""No, I'll be okay, just give me a minute," he said, as he rolled on theground in the fetal position, still clasping his hands over his crotch.The woman persisted and insisted she could help, so the man finally agreed.She gently took his hands away from his crotch. Then, she loosened hispants and began to gently massage his privates."Does that feel better?" she asked."It feels great," he said, "but my thumb still hurts like crazy."

-=razyRaverude=-

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phunky
old hand
Location: Edmonton, AB
Member Since: 30th Jul 2001
Total posts: 877
Posted:Something i remember reading and found funny:A group of girlfriends went on vacation and they see a five-story hotel with a sign that reads "For Women Only". Since they were without their boyfriends, they decide to go in. The Doorman, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works, "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide, since each floor has signs telling you what's inside. The only rule is, once you leave a floor, you can't return to it." The women talk it over and decide to go for it. They start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads "All the men here are horrible lovers, but they are sensitive and kind". The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor. The sign on the Second floor reads "All the men here are wonderful lovers, but they generally treat women badly". This wasn't going to do so again they head for the stairs. The friends move up to the Third floor where the sign read "All the men here are great lovers and sensitive to the needs of women." This was good but there were still two more floors... So on to the Fourth floor, the sign was perfect. "All the men here have perfect builds; are sensitive and attentive to women; are perfect lovers; they are also single, rich and straight" The women seemed pleased but they decide that they would rather see what the fifth floor has to offer before they settle for the fourth. When they reach the Fifth floor, there is only a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is simply no way to please a woman." ------------------[]Dhuong-Vu Truong==== []Dhunky ====

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pozee
old hand
Location: san diego
Member Since: 27th Jul 2001
Total posts: 886
Posted:PLEEEASE smile!!!

anyone got a light?

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Shouden-CrD
Veteran Member
Location: Tampa, FL, USA
Member Since: 30th Apr 2001
Total posts: 495
Posted:http://www.guilds.com/Kitty.jpg^^
Check that out. :P------------------ [PLUR]-=Crazy Raver Dude=-


-=razyRaverude=-

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Ade
Are we there yet?
Location: australia
Member Since: 14th Mar 2001
Total posts: 1897
Posted:Oooooh, what luxury to have the house to yourself!
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Turn up your stereo damn loud with some funky tunes and get up and groove your fear away. Grab a rock, project all your fear into that rock, then throw it as far away, with as much force as you can - see your fear go with it.(now - is the above suggestion for real, or a joke Katinca? - you decide - no phoning a friend either!!)And now for my joke of the moment:Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear. The others raise their eyebrows. "I'm getting a Fax," he explains.ade


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Cassandra
Cassandra

Froggie ... Ribbit !!!
Location: Back in Paris... for now !
Member Since: 8th Jun 2001
Total posts: 4224
Posted:Hey sweet one, you're probably feeling better now (damn this jetlag, I'm always late... !!!)but here is something that makes me laugh ...much lovetons of smilesShine onCassandra> A transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the> Royal College of Psychiatry: > "Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline: > If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. > If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you. > If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6. > If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on> the > line so we can trace your call. > If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to> the > mother ship. > If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will> tell > you which number to press. > If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you> press, no-one will answer. > If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969. > If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until> a representative comes on the line. > If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone,> date of > birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name. > If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully> press 000. > If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep> or > before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep. > If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. > If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. > If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. > If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. > If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are> too busy to talk to you."

"I want brown bread... no, that is diesel oil..."
"So I was raised in Europe, where History comes from ..."
"NON !!! La Plume de mon oncle n est pas Bingibangibungi !!!"

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NYC
NYC

NYC
Location: NYC, NY, USA
Member Since: 26th Aug 2001
Total posts: 9232
Posted:I know the feeling K, I've had my blue days recently as well. My best advise is to make plans to have fun. This way you'll have something to look forward to. "Always plan your social events first."www.theonion.com always strokes my cynical sense of humor in just the right way. It's not for everyone though...Don't fear the darkness. It just make the fire stand out more.
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Well, shall we go?
Yes, let's go.
[They do not move.]

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Bendy
member
Location: Adelaide, SA, Australia
Member Since: 29th Aug 2001
Total posts: 750
Posted:There is a very cute chicken game here if you have shockwave. It's a feelgood game in which you get to save baby chicks from hitting the ground too hard!http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/games/chicken.htmI like to cook when sad.946 chili recipes can be found here:http://www.recipesource.com/soups/chili/indexall.html

Courage is the man who can stop after only one peanut

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audax
audax

freelance bum
Location: Upstairs
Member Since: 3rd Sep 2001
Total posts: 286
Posted:"Work like you don't need the money, Dance like noone is watching, and love like you've never been hurt"Or move to Australia
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------------------Your parents were wrongFire is good Play with fire


UYI wink OLDSKOOL

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Marlboro
member
Location: St.Annes, Lancashire, England
Member Since: 28th Jun 2001
Total posts: 180
Posted:KatGet yo funky self smiling!!Here's more junk to make you smile:TEN BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that timemanagement course you sent me to."8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got herejust in time!"7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement andenvisioning a new paradigm."6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work- relatedstress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice yoga?"4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to ourbiggest problem."3. "The coffee machine is broken..."2. "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot..."And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...1. " .....Amen."Personally the last one is a favourite!!
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------------------"To seek the perfection of the warrior's spirit is the only task worthy of our temporariness, and our manhood" Carlos Castenada


We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold.

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