Forums > Social Chat > i'm losing it.....any help please

Posted: 20th Oct 2003
hey big 's for you

my advice is

A)your friend - just bare with him he's in an awkward situation and by the sounds of it cares for you a huge amount, his discision seems very spur of the moment, and will probably be talking to you again in no time. if you do speak to him soon - tell hi to break it off with this girl - in my experience people who say they're going to kill themselves dont ..its a cry for help..in her case probably done out of panic, tell him to talk to her parents explain whats happend, and that he doesnt want to be with her.

B)your work thing - what are you forbidden to socialise with co worker!!?!thats just sounds completely bizarre!! as for your intership have you looked into relocating? surely thats a possibility?nobody can make you stay there. im not sure how they work but if worst comes to worse differ it for a while, work get some money together and start a new one.

she who sees from up high smiles

Patrick badger king: *they better hope there's never a jihad on stupidity*

Posted: 20th Oct 2003


that sucks about ur friends girlfriend, give him time eventually he will get sick of her bs and leave her. whatever u do dont critise the girlfriend otherwise he may get defensive on her behalf even though he knows what she is doing is wrong, if u talk about it with him ask him questions about it so that he realises how wrong it is.

well tigger im guessing that being a psychologist must be a very draining profession listening to ppls problems all day, what do u do to fill ur self will energy? i find when im feeling blue that going and yelling at a tree for a while makes me feel better that or hitting a pillow.

id suggest finding a new interest pursuing it and meet some new ppl in doing so.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?

Posted: 20th Oct 2003
I know a few peeps in your local area who are as well-adjusted as I am... find me online sometime and I can hook ya up with a few poi spinners I taught when I was visiting CU. Either that or you're welcome to join us down here in OK for a spin, it's only a day's drive

Sorry to hear about the crappiness happening, I went through some very similar horrible times myself but by focusing on something to work on I was able to get through it all. You'll get through it, you don't seem the sort that would buckle under pressure, even the intense kind

And remember, we're all here for ya

What hits the fan is not evenly distributed.

Posted: 20th Oct 2003
Hey you...
I am in a similar situation with my best friend - the girl he dates hasnt tried to kill herself, but she's really unstable and extremely dependent on him. He wants out of the relationship, but is afraid of what it will do to her.
She doesnt let him visit me up at college without her and when she comes she brings a downer on his visit so much that as much as I love him, I'd prefer that he didnt come rather than deal with her.
I understand what it's like to go through stuff like this and feel 'lost' in life, and I know you've probably heard it a million times, but all you can really do is hang in there!
Your best friend knows how much you love him and how unfair this girl is being and in time he'll figure out some way to sort his own situation out so that your friendship can go back to being awesome...
Listen to your heart, it knows that everything is gonna be okay soon!
Chin up tiger!
Rach

We all take different paths in life, but no matter which path we take, we take a little of each other everywhere...

Posted: 20th Oct 2003
What you did there was write nearly 300 words in one paragraph, which suggests one thing to the casual bystander; you feel like all your problems have merged into one insurmountable problem.

Seperate them in your head and perhaps they will be easier to deal with.

Magnus... pay it forward

Posted: 20th Oct 2003
Ditto on the all of us being here for you. If you get lonely, head on over to New York - you're welcome here any time.

As for your friend - just wait it out. He'll come to his own conclusions about the girlfriend, and since you imply that he sees the problems already, I'm sure he'll end up doing the right thing. Don't push him too hard, or it may backfire.

And I'm sorry you're having a rough time finding friends in your area. I'm in a similar position, mainly because work and school leave me with very little time to meet or get to know anyone. It's not much fun being lonely, even when other obligations keep one from thinking on it too often.

E pluribus unum, baby.

Posted: 20th Oct 2003
im sorry miss pounce thats a heap of problems you have there. just try to take things one step at a time. oh and have one of these



im gonna go email you now so we can talk trash on his nasty coo coo GF

In my hands I hold your smile and in my heart it runs so wild You are the one you are unique I'm so in love you make me weak And the reason that I feel is like a shadow from a light so if you have the chance to be with me be my shadow in the night

Posted: 20th Oct 2003

Sorry to hear of everything falling down on you.

Like everybody said your friend will come to his senses and get rid of his gf and start talking to you again. But don't be mean to him for making this decision. And like Narr said he prolly does care alot about you. He is just dealing with some issues of his own right now but will get back to being your friend again in no time.

As for work...Hang in there, I know you can pull through it all. How long is your internship?

Hey you are always welcome to come see us in OK!!!! Dio has some pretty kewl poi buds of his in CO you can talk with too

RISK: Do not follow the common path; Go where there is no path and leave a trail.

Posted: 20th Oct 2003
theres lots of wonderful advice already written, so ill just give you some snuggly hugz!

"Here kitty kitty...." - Schroedinger.

Posted: 20th Oct 2003
Mann, that does suck.

I agree with everyone above, specially magnus. and all i have to add is:

This is a post by tom, all spelling is deleberate
-><- Kallisti

Posted: 21st Oct 2003
Deal with it one day at a time. Every day you get through is one day more that you don't have to. And swear to yourself that this time next year you'll be laughing about it.

There is a slight possibility that I am not actually right all of the time.

Posted: 21st Oct 2003
You know, about three months ago the situation in my life was almost as bad as yours...

Try reading "to Himself" by Marcus Aurelius Antoninus... The book changed my life...

when it gets colder that -25, you don't really care

Posted: 21st Oct 2003
My advice would be to read the advice above!

Never pick up a duck in a dungeon...

Posted: 21st Oct 2003
thank you all for your responses and thanks to those of you who sent me PMs...i will get back to you, i promise. it's nice to know there's so many people out there who care who don't even know me!

well for an update, the situation with my best friend isn't really getting any better. if anything it's getting worse, but i'll spare you all the details. i finally broke down at work, and my supervisor is essentially making me take time off work (although he didn't have to twist my arm much...i need it right now to collect myself). and he's allowing me to see the psychiatrist on campus so i can get some meds. again i need it. it finally occurred to me why this particular incident has broken me down, and i realized that i just feel invisible. (i'm sharing this cause i have a feeling a lot of you have felt this at some point and can maybe point me in a good direction). i've been that super strong person my whole life and everyone just sees that person, instead of who i am now. anytime now i try to ask for help, i get "oh you've dealt with worse" "you're strong, you can handle this" "you're stronger than that" "look at what you have done so far, you should be proud. you can get through this." and all it does is dismisses and discredits how i feel, and i'm stuck there shouting "I NEED HELP!!!!" and no one listens. and the one person i thought i could turn to no matter what, the person i thought would listen when i needed it, just walked out of my life. and so i'm stuck here, in a city where i have no friends, no family, working at a job where i listen to everyone else's problems but never get a voice of my own, and I FEEL INVISIBLE . what the hell am i supposed to do when i'm actually asking for help and no one listens to me? i mean, what is it gonna take? is it gonna take me attempting to slit my wrists too before someone realizes i'm serious...cause i'm not gonna do that, i am not resorting to something that stupid. but what the hell does it take for someone to ACTUALLY LISTEN???

i'm sorry, i'm venting. but it's just so f***ing ironic that i feel like all of you actually listen, and none of you have met me. but the people in my life who are close to me ignore everything that comes out of my mouth.

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

Posted: 21st Oct 2003
Listening to other peoples problems must be so draining, if theres noone to take the pressure off you...an idea might be to go thru some sort of cleansing ritual,either thru reiki,visualisation,flower remedies etc.. just to clear away some of the negative energies that may have been unwittingly dumped on you...

Posted: 22nd Oct 2003
Hi. I have a friend in the same situation right now. It's especially hard for me to give him advice on the subject, especially now that the suicidal tendancies have come up. Ya see my brother committed suicide about two months ago, so it's still quite a touchy subject for me. But from being in that position I know what it's like to look back at all of the possibilities I had to possibly help him and yet didn't take advantage of. I understand that it isn't easy to be there all the time when things get dumped on you (ironically enough, I'm a psych major), but it is possible to seperate yourself from the problem and just be a friend. It sounds like that is exactly what he needs right now.

As for her, well if she's threatening suicide there is something wrong. Some people do use this as a bargaining chip, and if that's the case, then she should be made to understand how incredibly immoral and unfair that is. However if her threats come from some real emotional issues, she needs to see a therapist immediatly. And not some guy who's just going to prescribe her drugs to deal with her emotions, but someone who can get to the root of the problem, as treating the symptoms and not the problem will get her no where, and WILL make her more unstable. Your friend, if he truly wants to leave her, needs to make that clear to her. If he is really worried about the outcome of that, then he needs to inform someone close to her who WILL be there for her once he is gone, such as a parent or close friend, and that person must be made an active participant in her treatment. I know that is a tall order, but if she is really disturbed, you have to remember that she is sick. Is she in school? Often there is free psychiatric help from universities for such situations.

As for yourself, I'm right there with you. In the past two months my life has undergone a complete reexamination and I'm not sure I can be the strong quiet type anymore either. It sounds like you are bottling up your emotions when people tell you to be strong. Might I recomend against this? Even if it takes just asking someone to listen, or taking advantage of possible therapy opportunities, you need to vent more often it sounds like. I know how hard it is to work full time and go to school full time and still have to deal with incredibly painfull things like this. You probably feel way overburdened at the moment. It sounds like a break is exactly what you need. Especially when you lack a support group in your current surroundings.

If nothing else, PM me or IM me (I8Beef) if you would like to talk sometime. I also find that breathing/meditation helps me a lot (especially when done outdoors) when I need to ground myself. With such a heavy burden, you may find that your best friend is yourself through such exercises, and it may ease your mind to be able to sit down and just do nothing for an hour a day.

Posted: 6th Nov 2003
i'm having better days, thanks to the help of friends, my therapist, and zoloft.

but today was just one of those days i just wish i had someone to hug

I was always scared with my mother's obsession with the good scissors. It made me wonder if there were evil scissors lurking in the house somewhere.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

**giggles**

AnonymousPLATINUM Member

Posted: 6th Nov 2003

Posted: 6th Nov 2003

when it gets colder that -25, you don't really care

Posted: 6th Nov 2003

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Posted: 6th Nov 2003

Is it the Truth?
Is it Fair to all concerned?
Will it build Goodwill and Better Friendships?
Will it be Beneficial to all concerned?

Im in a lonely battle with the world with a fish to match the chip on my shoulder. Gnu in Binnu in a cnu

Posted: 6th Nov 2003
hunny, you play with fire, and NOW you say you've lost it?

im so sorry babas that this sh*it is happening to you, but life is a bitch. Like Job says (dont worry im ot about to get all religious on you):

if we can accept the good things from GOD, then we should be able to accept the bad things too.

you just gotta wait for your next karma high to come along.

im the mean time

D.B.
X x X x X

Ship off the starboard! sound general quarters! noise and light discipline! man the cannons! GET ME THE RUM!

Master of the Free Hug Program

Posted: 6th Nov 2003
Hey I hope everything is improving for you, I have been in what I believe was a similar state of mind myself but everyones experience differs so whether this may be of use to you I cannot say, but if I never offer it you won't have the chance to try it so here it is.

What you are going through at the moment is normal for someone starting out in a new job in a new city a long way from friends and family, I've been through the same myself in a new country straight out of uni. It is hard no questions asked. The crap happening with your friend, and the nonsocial work rules are shitty circumstances. Don't panic, don't stop living.

Since then I have found a few ways to improve my view when I'm angry, pissed off, depressed or generally unhappy about something. And if you've got a few days leave some of these may give you something to do with your time. They may even be helpful.

I try(often though not always successfully) to change how I am thinking, thats right you can change how you think. To me it sounds like you may be asking yourself questions in inneficient ways(if you just asked yourself what the f%$k is he on about it proves you ask questions) e.g. a depressed/negative person may say 'I can't do this because', hence they find a reason not to do something, if you rephrase that statement as 'I can do that if' you start a much different course of events.

Perhaps next time you feel your thoughts taking off in a direction you don't like write some of them down, and replace some of the words. e.g. can't with can if, problem with challenge, you'll get the hang of it pretty quick.

If you find a particularly bad question or phrase you ask yourself either on a regular basis or that starts an upsetting train of thought rephrase it in the best way you can think of and write that new question out 10 times.

If this works for you initially but then you fall back into the old thought pattern(this will happen), do the excercise again, once a month, twice a day, however often you need to, it gets less and less.

You actually choose what you think at any given moment, its based on what you've learnt over the last X amount of years, but it is your choice, choose nice words to describe yourself, choose effective and successful words to describe how you feel and behave. It sounds crazy but it does work.

The way we carry ourselves actually impacts on the chemical things happening in our body, so try this one when ever you remember it, walk like your favourite sports start, superhero, actor. Pretend you have a superheros cape on, do it for as long as you can, sounds crazy but it will have a massive impact on how you think while you are doing it, if it works for you do it as often as you think of it.

A lot of poor, sick, malnourished peopl in the third world manage to be incredibly happy, and from the ones I've been fortunate enough to speak to their secret seems two fold, they believe the purpose of life is to be happy so they be happy. And they are incredibly grateful for what they have, their health, the food they have, family, the things they know and can learn, the tourists who buy thier wares, the weather that grows their crops etc etc. Right now you probably have a lot to be grateful for, spend a few minutes thinking about those things, you health, a roof over your head, a job even if it gives you the shits, 15 strangers that took the time to offer advice etc etc. If it works for a one armed 70 year old man in a rice paddy in Sumatra it can work for you.


I also find that drawing a 'mind map' of my life on a piece of paper is always a good challenge(you need a big bit of paper so tape some together) put you in the middle, then 3 lines to aspects of your life, then up to 3 lines to more detail in each area,

the first 3 might be work, social, and home, at each point write a word or two, no more about that piece of your life.

this might help with what another reply said about clumping things together, e.g. work is work, but there are several big aspects, within each there are several smaller aspects and so on but fundamentally it all boils down to work.

When I get stressed its generally because I'm thinking of one big thing in terms of all its parts, instead of the one thing they comprise.


Another idea is to think 'if my situation was exactly how I wanted it what would it be like', then I immediately begin something to get things how I want them, It might be as simple as doing the dishes, or pulling on my running shoes, or doing my washing. It might be calling these fire crew about hooking up. It might be packing your bags and heading home who knows.

It also sounds like you live alone, is share accomodation a future option?

Where do you go on your weekends, to get away from things, can you get to a beach or a big park? Maybee theres a twirling thing happening.

With the work thing thats a hard one, it sounds like a long talk with your boss is already in the pipeline, maybee start thinking about individual things that need to be discussed and write them down. Think of ways to broach each topic, and try not to leave each topic till your confortable with the resolution, or at least its been tabled as something to discuss in greater detail later.

Do you have a hobbie that you can get into, e.g. tennis, soccer, latin dancing, twriling, theatre, or is there something you've always wanted to try but never found the time, now might be a good time to find a club and start, if your on a campus there should be a clubs and societies building, or theres always the phonebook.

With your friend they're in a prickly situation themselves, its hard but you have to be patient, is there anyone else you can talk to a brother, sister, mum, dad, aunt, school mate.

Right now I think you definately need to relax I find walking a great way to relax near water if possible, don't skip meals, eat lots of fruit and veg, try and get early nights, keep your physical energy up and it will speed the recover of your mental and emotional energy.

I didn't intend to write a 3000 word essay but I seem to have created one, if you've read the lot I hope theres something in it that will help you find your own better way of thinking about things.

Posted: 6th Nov 2003
Just don't become one of those who people who maintains a lifestyle that makes them miserable, just because it's familiar, or because of some perceived obligation to no one in particular. From the sound of it, your only responsibility is to yourself. If you don't like where you are, and you don't see it getting any better, and you are simply devoid of hope -- leave. There's no reason to stay. Get the hell out of there and go do something else with your life, because the world is literally your oyster.

P.S. You've probably already got plenty of people to talk to, but I'm totally into existential angst, so here's my IM info anyway: 9dcf@qlink.queensu.ca/1020645/emptynamespace.

Posted: 6th Nov 2003

Your life is ending one minute at a time...
So live it.