Forums > Social Chat > Love hurts, i lost mine, need help

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Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
Just recently, a month ago to be exact, i love the love of my life, he told me he didnt love me anymore. I love this person, i would die for him. And now hes gone. A few days after he broke up with me, i found out he had cheated on me, in the snow with a fmaily friend the weekend before we broke up. I went back to him and told him i love him still and i forgave him for cheating on me and i asked him to come back to me. He didnt. A while later i tried slitting my wrists, it didnt work, and this was befor ei found out he had started dating this girl he had cheated on me with.
I saw her for the first time the toher day and i swear to god she is one of the prettiest girls i ahve ever seen in my life - she has long brown hair, perfect figure, weighs about 3 kilos lol. She older than him to, she turns 18 the day befor i turn 16 and he just turned 16 in June. In a way i hope she hurts him and he realises what hes done. But i just want him to be happy, but i want him back so badly.
Hes in new Zealand now so i cant talk to him. Myf riends are bailing out on me and someone told me the only reason the group was being nice to me was because i was going out with Dean (the love of my life) and now they dont have to because weve broken up. Ive lost 15 kilos snce we broke up and ive developed Bulimia, my martial arts which i love and adore had diminished, i'm too weak to do it now and even my poi have turned against me (they almost broke my nose)

I'm not doing this for attention, my friends think i am, but really i just need to know tif someone else has gone through the same thing as me, so if you have anything nasty to say, please keep it to yourself because i dont need it right now. So if you have been through something similar please reply and tell me, its good to know i'm not alone.
Luv Liv

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
Two months ago now. the 17th was ssupposed to be our 1 year. I saw him on that day and he just didnt give a (censored) The really sad bit about this is that its all happened before but with friends. Ive lost the person i truly love and now, every second of my day is plagued with thoughts of suicide and what i eat. They're putting me in a program for my bulimia/anorexia and these stupid psychiatrists are trying to help but they just make it so much worse. My formal is in a week and i ahev to go and see Dean with his new girlfriend. Dean an i were supposed to get "Best couple" (prom king and queen) but now i have to watch someone else get is as he sits there with his perfect girlfriend...I cant go back to school because hes in my class and its so hard to scream and cry and throw something at the wall or at the nasty teachers head. Has anyone ever had that feeling where you just fele like you have to lead this boring, terrible sad life and it lasts so long, all you can see is just a big, black, sad hole that you have to struggle through until the precious day comes and you finally die. I would be dead by now, but i dont have a gun, my toaster cord is too short, and if i jump off a building theres a chance that i'll survive.
I know this is just so selfish but i cant help feeling this way, i know there are so many people out there so much worse off than me, and theres not alot i can do for them so i focus on myself...and i cant get away from it...
I cant even hug my mum anymore because she wont stop asking questions like when i trow up and how often i cut myself, i knwo she cares but it doesnt help me.
People now ask why so many kids wnat to kill themselves and i cant give you an answer for theirs, i can only give you mine. Life is not worth living if i have to keep being so sad.
Liv...

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



CantusSILVER Member
Tantamount to fatuity
15,967 posts
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom


Posted:
Here i've got you this

*pushes a badly wrapped polar bear cub into the room*

cheer up. plenty more stuff in the wotsit and all that.

Meh


Pyro_TechCrazy Nutter stuck in Farmidale...
264 posts
Location: Newcastle, Australia


Posted:
Hey georgous girl....-
You are obviously a wonderful person with a beautiful heart - you took the time to post a reply to the post about my mate Teddy and that means the world to me, so you must have a kind heart and a beautiful spirit...

When you are feeling the worst, things always seem like they are absolutely going to kill you, drive you insane or both. But, things do improve and whilst it doesnt look that way at the moment, or help that a stranger is telling you that it will, it really does get better!
Since I started Uni (four years ago), 13 of the people from my grade in high school have died, three from my university residential college have died, as well as two family members. My house has been broken into, I've been beaten up twice in pub fights that had nothing to do with me, had a close male friend behave like boys who are your mates should never ever behave to a female friend and been in two car accidents caused by other people.... I honestly didnt know how it could have gotten any worse at that point! I felt absolutely hopeless.
Two weeks ago, my family was up at my house for my graduation and I decided that I had had enough, that I was sick of pretending that I was fine when I wasnt - just to keep my family and friends from worrying.
I got a little tipsy and blurted out that I was suicidal and had had enough of the [censored] things that we happening to me. Even though I wish I hadnt said it now, I still realise that it was good that I did.
My mum and family think they're helping, but they really arent all that much at the moment - but I know that they're there for me when and if I need them. Always a comforting thought even if they arent being useful at the moment!

I know how you must have felt to get to the point that you had to 'let it all out' in the post you wrote - I, and a lot of us around you, have been at that point.
We are all here for you for advice, a whinge, or a virtual shoulder to cry on....
Love Rach

We all take different paths in life, but no matter which path we take, we take a little of each other everywhere...


Psycho_lemmingSILVER Member
Running hippy spinning lemming
15 posts
Location: Scotland


Posted:
hug hug hug
:iwannahugyoumorethanicanposthugsonhere:

Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering...


Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
Thanks for all your support (and the cuddly polar bear in the wrapping!) it really means alot because right now, i'm not really getting it from my friends at school. But is good to know that i can come home and find people that do care on HoP, even if they're thousands of miles away from me, its just good to know.
*hugs the Polar bear, Rach, Cantus and Lemming*

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



CantusSILVER Member
Tantamount to fatuity
15,967 posts
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom


Posted:
*hugs lemming* oops wishful thinking biggrin

*hugs Sakura*

Meh


CantusSILVER Member
Tantamount to fatuity
15,967 posts
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom


Posted:
I've found a really cool pearl of wisdom that i think is appropriate. this was sent to me by a very wise science teacher (that we all know and adore)



Written by: NYsomeone



'Everything ends OK. If it isn't OK, it isn't the end"
.






i like that. I was going to put it in my sig. but i went for random sillyness instead.



I thought you might like it anyhoo...

Meh


Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
I like it, thanks, its nice like the polar bear picture, the hug and the polar bear cub with bad wrapping!!!

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



CantusSILVER Member
Tantamount to fatuity
15,967 posts
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom


Posted:
ok i'll stop trying to cheer you up now.

Seriously boys are crap.

I know. I'm a boy and i'm crap!!!

Meh


ZimBRONZE Member
Former Raver Invader... Not sure what i am now...
284 posts
Location: Southern California, USA


Posted:
yeah, i gotta agree with cantus. boys are really crap. As a boy, and as crap, and as someone who has been suicidal for similar reasons... it's a shitty place to be, and the only way out is within yourself.

only about a year ago it seemed every day of my life was a void of depression and hatred moving in slow motion as to force me to cherish every moment of that tormented haze. I dunno man, a friend of mine saved me, he's 3 years older and started kickin it with me every day, and showing my pain was like showing weakness which was something he looked down upon. So when i was with him i hid it and was able to start up a social life again.. and the pain started to go away when we were chillin. Then when he wasn't hangin out with me the pain would come back, but it seemed like it was clearer having only but a moment to live without it, and i saw it for what it was. Eventually, i saw the pointlessness of it and that i was doing it to myself... and i overcame it and in the end destroyed it.

I wish i could be around there to help you in the same way *hugsss* smile

back then my favorite song was "all along the watchtower" by jimi hendrix, just causa the first line:

"There must be some kinda way outta here
said the joker to the thief
there's too much confusion
i can't get no relief
businessmen they drink my wine
plowmen dig my earth
none will level on the line
nobody of it is worth

no reason to get excited
the thief he kindly spoke
there are many here among us
who feel that life is but a joke
but you and i we've been through that
and this is not our fate
so let us not talk falsely now
the hour's getting late"

good luck gettin outta there, if there's anything i can do to help let me know, and listen to cantus, boys are crap!

much love smile

Clean for 6 months and counting... ah yeah, that's nice.


Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
Thanks, Hendrix...is there anything he cant do? Stairway was my fave for a while. music temporarily takes away the pain but after one year of usong it every day, my discman just died. frown R.I.P.
Thanks for the help and hugs

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



CantusSILVER Member
Tantamount to fatuity
15,967 posts
Location: Down the road, United Kingdom


Posted:
Written by: Sakura_moon


Thanks, Hendrix...is there anything he cant do?





stay alive past the age of 27....

Meh


Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
Yeah okay that was unfortunate

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
LESS SUICIDAL TODAY!!!!!!! smile

I'm actually smiling...shock horror gasp!

Smiling cos

a) i'm not at school in the rain

b) Some incredibly wonderful person sent me a pm last night and knows EXACTLY how i feel....

c) People pm me anyway, really nice people so i must mean something?!

d) i'm being auctioned off in the female HoP auction lol

e) I'm writing a letter to Kit

f) I have V

....yay



And i'm fully away Stairway was done by Zepplin, i was just pointing out they're in the same kind of genre
EDITED_BY: Sakura_moon (1098920581)

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
Back to feeling crappy again.
Formal is tonight, ive looked the prettiest i ever have in my entire life, but even a stranger came up to me and said "you look sad, even though you're smiling, your eyes dont look happy" in a poets terms, my eyes are "cold and lifeless, with no feeling other than an eternal remorse"
Hmm, reminds me - i've been writing alot of poetry lately, if you would like to read it, please pm and tell me...
Liv (who currently looks scarily like Audrey Hepburn with glazed eyes)

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



ZimBRONZE Member
Former Raver Invader... Not sure what i am now...
284 posts
Location: Southern California, USA


Posted:
Written by: Cantus


Written by: Sakura_moon


Thanks, Hendrix...is there anything he cant do?





stay alive past the age of 27....




hahahahahahaaa.... that's golden

Clean for 6 months and counting... ah yeah, that's nice.


Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
Dean;s gone and done it now.
He called me stupid, with no personality, crazy to think it would last and a ppathetic human being.... frown:(:(:(

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



SCRUBSerm....can you smell parafin or is it me?
146 posts

Posted:
hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug hug

Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
thanks....i jsut tried burning all of the letter and photos....but they wouldnt burn...lighter = no, fuel and lighter = no...FLAME THROWER and they still wouldnt burn..maybe its a sign i'm not ready?

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



UCOFSILVER Member
15,417 posts
Location: South Wales


Posted:
Tried napalm?

smile

Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
not yet...
sorry if i sem attention seeking (which is one of the things he caleld me) i just needed to share...please dont reply if you dont feel pity for me at all...i dont want to be known as an attention seeker...

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
And he said he had more fun with the girl that he broke up with me for - than he ever did with me!
*breaks out into hideous sobs*

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



BirgitBRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)


Posted:
don't burn the pics while you're angry... just throw them out when you can look at them without getting a reaction like a racing heart or wanting to cry!

Well, maybe he does have more fun with her, but that just means you weren't right for each other! The next boy you'll find will probably make you much happier than the old one did, but you need more time to get over him than he does. I know this is all just empty phrases to you now, but in a year or so you'll be reading back on your old threads and thinking that he wasn't worth all the tears hug

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half


Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
yeah...he broke up with her - told me hes too young to keep a relationship...
GOOD, i hope he never finds anyone again hes a cheating a**hole....

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



PyroWillGOLD Member
HoP's Barman. Trapped aged 6 months
4,437 posts
Location: Staines, United Kingdom


Posted:
aww hun frown we are all here for you hug PM me smile

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind

Give a man a fish and he'll eat 4 a day hit a man with a brick and you can have all his fish and his wife

"Will's to pretty for prison" - Simian


strooSILVER Member
trusty sidekick to superman
799 posts
Location: oxford, england, uk


Posted:
dont feel bad about wanting to talk about it hun! I wouldnt shut up when I split with my ex. Talking helps, let it all out hug

Livin' on dreams and custard creams


HavokistBRONZE Member

2,530 posts
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom


Posted:
hug

don't worry about it too much, Miss Sakura, karma will get round to him.

i know this sounds slightly poetic and in some ways strange/ironic, but no guy is worth your tears, and the one that is won't make you cry hug

We are the music makers, We are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams;
We are the movers and shakers of the world for ever, it seems.


PrayerFireAngelBRONZE Member
member
30 posts
Location: Merced, Ca, USA


Posted:
Sorry it took me so long to get here. Take all the time you need to vent. My husband left me for a prostitute over 2 years ago. We didn't even make it to our first wedding anniversary. I ended up in therapy for a year, did a lot of journal writing & burnt his pictures and letters as well. I also took a pillow and hit the wall while screaming/cussing at the top of my lungs until I dropped to the floor from exhaustion. He also had the nerve to write me a wedding anniversary letter saying how happy he was with the whore he is with. I took the letter and burnt it on the BBQ. I opened the door one night thinking a friend of mine was at the door and it was my husband. I went off on him for an hour. He still walks by my work. Going to therapy and writing in my journal helped a lot. Their would be times I would be walking over a bridge with the bike path below wishing he was riding on his bike so I could drop a boulder on his head.ubbtickled My prayers are with you. angel2

May All Your Prayers Be Heard...


Sakura_MoonHop's Kitten Jester.
1,803 posts
Location: Wonderland igloo, Vic, Australia


Posted:
Aww hug i know the boulder feeling. I'm sorry that happened, thats rough. Well, if hes happy with her then he obviously doesnt deserve you, you're too good for him. HAHA i hope she gives him crabs....
I'm a little spiteful this morning...
Nice point havokist, i think i heard ti somewhere a long time ago, but it helps!
hug to all, and much tissue box wasting

.:Pink Exocutioner:.

I am Jack's Raging Bile Duct...

Loving you from the deepest part of my loins.



HavokistBRONZE Member

2,530 posts
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom


Posted:
and if all else fails go watch some foamy at www.illwillpress.com/vault.html tongue

We are the music makers, We are the dreamers of dreams,
Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams;
World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams;
We are the movers and shakers of the world for ever, it seems.


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